Message Boards

Topic : 03/14 Mr. Wrong

Number of Replies: 264
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, January 12, 2007, 02:25:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/18/07) Criminals, deadbeats and bad boys -- most women run from these types of men, but some say Mr. Wrong is the right guy for them. Kelly says her daughter, Heather, married Mr. Wrong, and the price she paid was losing her children. Kelly says Heather's husband, Earl, is an unfit father and can't provide for the family. Heather, 25, says she stands by her 41-year-old husband and wants her parents to stop sabotaging her marriage. Are Heather and Earl really unfit parents, or does Earl deserve a second chance? Then, Sarah, 29, says she's been married to three men in prison, and her current husband is serving a life sentence for murder. Even more shocking, she often takes her two young daughters to visit their step-dad behind bars, and she says they love to see him. Why is Sarah drawn to this type of man? Sarah's mom weighs in on her daughter's love life. And, a woman who gave up nearly 20 years of her life for a man in jail has an important message for Sarah. Will Sarah feel differently after meeting Darlene? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

More March 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

January 17, 2007, 11:07 am CST

I know what parents are talking about

I was married to the man that said he would be the provider but it turned out i was the one doing all the providing.  So yes i do know what heathers parents are talking about. no Earl does not deserve a nother chance no matter how bad he wants it I would not do it. I gave my ex three or four chances, and all it did was end up in devorice. Heather needs to move on she has already lost her kids because of him what else does she want to lose because of him.



A exwife that knows
 
January 17, 2007, 2:19 pm CST

dontdatehimgirl.com

So much of what I said (and what other have said) in the dontdatehimgirl.com post can be applied here.

 

As a man myself, I am disgusted when certain men behave in the ways shown on this show, and in the ways that you posters have described.

 

People often ask why there are so few good men. I think alot of women look to the "bad boys" to provide a sense of excitement. I think some women look at the "bad boy" as a challenge and think they can change him. Some women think, foolishly, "yeah, he treated those other girls like crap, but I won't let him do that to me.", which makes no sense and is illogical in many ways. And sadly, alot of women deserve to be treated like crap, when that just isn't the case.

 

Then you factor in the fact that it;s just harder to be a "good guy". Women tend to misjudge "good" as "wimpy". I am a good guy. I would spend my last dollar on you, I would stay up all night tutoring you for a test when I have work the next day, I treat you like a lady, but I would also tell you you are wrong when I believe you are, and will stand up for myself if anyone gets out of line with me. To me, those are two key elements of the "good guy", along with being a provider, a supporter, a protector and great with kids. Women just tend see those qualities as negative for some reason, and that just makes it harder and harder for men to be "good" when "bad boys" are routinely rewarded for bad behaviour. Unfortunately, I know of a few guys who didn't have any luck with women when they behaved like gentlemen, yet when they gave up and started acting like a-holes, they had more women then they could handle.

 

And let's not forget the true a-holes, the guys that deliberately seek out women with low self-esteem, and make the woman feel good with attention and compliments and gifts, only to tear them down further than they have ever been before.

 
January 17, 2007, 2:34 pm CST

01/18 Mr. Wrong

Quote From: timmbbo

So much of what I said (and what other have said) in the dontdatehimgirl.com post can be applied here.

 

As a man myself, I am disgusted when certain men behave in the ways shown on this show, and in the ways that you posters have described.

 

People often ask why there are so few good men. I think alot of women look to the "bad boys" to provide a sense of excitement. I think some women look at the "bad boy" as a challenge and think they can change him. Some women think, foolishly, "yeah, he treated those other girls like crap, but I won't let him do that to me.", which makes no sense and is illogical in many ways. And sadly, alot of women deserve to be treated like crap, when that just isn't the case.

 

Then you factor in the fact that it;s just harder to be a "good guy". Women tend to misjudge "good" as "wimpy". I am a good guy. I would spend my last dollar on you, I would stay up all night tutoring you for a test when I have work the next day, I treat you like a lady, but I would also tell you you are wrong when I believe you are, and will stand up for myself if anyone gets out of line with me. To me, those are two key elements of the "good guy", along with being a provider, a supporter, a protector and great with kids. Women just tend see those qualities as negative for some reason, and that just makes it harder and harder for men to be "good" when "bad boys" are routinely rewarded for bad behaviour. Unfortunately, I know of a few guys who didn't have any luck with women when they behaved like gentlemen, yet when they gave up and started acting like a-holes, they had more women then they could handle.

 

And let's not forget the true a-holes, the guys that deliberately seek out women with low self-esteem, and make the woman feel good with attention and compliments and gifts, only to tear them down further than they have ever been before.

alot of women deserve to be treated like crap, when that just isn't the case.

 

That should read "alot of women think they deserve to be treated like crap, when that just isn't the case."

 
January 17, 2007, 4:52 pm CST

01/18 Mr. Wrong

I have dated a number of "Mr. Wrongs" and married one who I thought could change and had changed. I'm recognizing now that the pattern I established of hooking up with the wrong men has to do with my own insecurities and feelings that no one else will have me.  However, as much as I may have allowed myself to be emotionally and/or physically abused, when a child became involved, the situation changed, and the child came first. When my daughter's security and safety was compromised I left. I would never chose a man over my daughter. Now as she is getting older, I realize that it is important for me to set a positive example for her or she will repeat the same patterns as I, so I need to break my cycle of choosing the wrong men and if I get into another relationship, it needs to be positive.
 
January 17, 2007, 7:36 pm CST

01/18 Mr. Wrong

Quote From: mls1222

Hi Sarah;

 

I'm in the 20 year club myself.  I know exactly what you are talking about.  There are good men in prison, but they put up a hell of a wall to the free world and try and stay tough.  I've seen men like your husband and mine with kids and it is really amazing.  I've seen hardened criminals sit on the ground and play blocks with little ones, riding the see-saw, etc... (when the guards allowed it) and they are putty in the kids hands.  You sound like you have your head on pretty straight and as long as you keep your eyes open and it's working for you, don't let anyone put you down for it.  YOU are the one that has to keep you happy.  I remember the high I felt after a good visit and the anticipation for the next visit...roller coaster ride, definitely.  I saw a movie once where a grandma described living life either on a carousel or roller coaster taking chances...she preferred the roller coaster!  I've come to the conclusion that all the good men are either gay, married (or both), or in prison.  A lot of them are in there for stupid decisions and non-violent crimes.  Tell your husband to keep his head up and that he is a lucky man to have a woman like you supporting him.  Good luck.

 

Mary

Im glad someone understands. My husband is so good to my babies. My kids love and adore him too. They dont seem to notice that hes in prison or is covered in tattoos. They see all of the good in him, thats how I know hes good. Besides, no one will ever understand the love we share unless theyve been in those shoes. Ive been criticized about what if my kids grow up to do the same thing...heres the answer: If they find happiness with a man behind walls, then Ill be happy for them. Id rather my kids date a man locked up than someone who might possibly abuse them.  Hopefully once evryone sees the show, theyll see my children excited about visiting daddy and how they act with him. It is very beautiful ;-) I stand proud to be married to him regardless of where he resides. We may never be able to be together out here, but I stay loyal to him (which I think is  a great example for my kids). My kids dont have to see mommy and daddy fighting, stressed, etc. All they endure is the sight of love between two people. Thanks for your understanding and support...
 
January 17, 2007, 7:48 pm CST

I wonder...

Is it possible that sometimes women are attracted to, or marry, men in prison because the men may be more dependent on them than a man on the outside would be? After all, she always knows exactly where he is. She is more in control of the situation than he is. In a way their time together is more quality than quantity. I would guess the times they are apart could be more fantasy than any thing else.
 
January 17, 2007, 11:21 pm CST

wrong guy

that is my dad earl and he was never there from me  and now that i look back i know my dad never took care of me when my parents were together and dr. phil i really do not feel sorry from earl because he lies to much.....i am tired of it.....so he doesn't desve a 2 change.....because of what he did too his other family!!!!!!!!!!!  
 
January 18, 2007, 2:02 am CST

Most Important Question goes Unasked

Dr. Phil forgot to ask the most important question of the father who's child was severely burn; where was he when his 4 YEAR OLD child was playing with lighter fluid???  Why was the child not being appropriately supervised?  More importantly, why was the child playing with lighter fluid in the first place?  How did the child gain access to it?!?  It makes me absolutely sick that the father and mother took NO responsiblity for their child, most of all that they fail to understand what they did wrong in the first place.  They should be ashamed of themselves!!!!!
 
January 18, 2007, 2:41 am CST

Society's Slippery Slope

Great, can't wait for another show about women putting what's best for their children LAST. I am tired of dumb, selfish, desperate, irresponsible "adults" (I use the term loosely) and I am tired of hearing about children being harmed when it can be avoided.

 

No desire to watch this show today! Apparently we haven't come a long way, Baby...very sad.

 
January 18, 2007, 2:49 am CST

Sad, Sad women!

Quote From: mls1222

Hi Sarah;

 

I'm in the 20 year club myself.  I know exactly what you are talking about.  There are good men in prison, but they put up a hell of a wall to the free world and try and stay tough.  I've seen men like your husband and mine with kids and it is really amazing.  I've seen hardened criminals sit on the ground and play blocks with little ones, riding the see-saw, etc... (when the guards allowed it) and they are putty in the kids hands.  You sound like you have your head on pretty straight and as long as you keep your eyes open and it's working for you, don't let anyone put you down for it.  YOU are the one that has to keep you happy.  I remember the high I felt after a good visit and the anticipation for the next visit...roller coaster ride, definitely.  I saw a movie once where a grandma described living life either on a carousel or roller coaster taking chances...she preferred the roller coaster!  I've come to the conclusion that all the good men are either gay, married (or both), or in prison.  A lot of them are in there for stupid decisions and non-violent crimes.  Tell your husband to keep his head up and that he is a lucky man to have a woman like you supporting him.  Good luck.

 

Mary

As a felony parole officer for three years (with a too large caseload), I always had a couple of women on my caseload who were "dating" men behind bars. What was SO typical was what happened to them when these guys got out of prison....they usually stole their car and/or money (after sex) and they ALWAYS dumped them.

 

Women "dating" men behind bars is a fantasy! These men are captive audiences for lonely women. These women also have some power in their lives they normally don't have...they know where the men are all the time, these men can't sleep w/ other women, these men tell them what they want to hear and say ALL the right things. They make these women feel special, loved and safe.

 

The fantasy ends when these "men" (I use the term loosely) are released from prison. They now are free to run, reoffend and get money and sex from ANY women they choose (who will lower themselves....and sadly, there are plenty).

 

ANY woman who would even WANT to hook up with a loser behind prison has little self respect. Women who aspire to be with a convicted criminal are sad, lonely people w/ low self esteems. And women who involve their children in these escapades are SELFISH, PATHETIC excuses for mothers!

 

Yep, when I grow up I'm going to date a convicted criminal behind bars! To you see how SAD that sounds!!!!!

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Next | Last