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Topic : 01/19 Young Moms Ask the Experts

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Created on : Friday, January 12, 2007, 02:26:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Young moms have a million questions about their little ones, from, “How do I stop the temper tantrums?” to “What do I do if my child just won’t eat?” Dr. Phil enlists the help of a family of experts in the field of pediatrics: Dr. William Sears and sons, Dr. James Sears, and Dr. Robert Sears. Collectively they’ve written 50 books that cover anything and everything a mom or dad could ever want to know. Together they field questions from young mothers. First, Angela says her 3-year-old daughter, Ellie, has been a screamer since the day she was born. Could Ellie’s temperament be the result of Angela’s feelings toward her at birth? Then, Robert and Wendy argue over what to do with their baby’s night crying. Robert claims Wendy runs to their 4 ½-month-old son, Ethan, at every whimper, sigh and cry. Wendy says Robert just doesn’t get it -- and why would he? She says he just sleeps right through it. Plus, Lisa says she’s terrified of germs and takes every precaution to keep her kids from getting sick. Her husband, Michael, says “Enough already!” Who’s right? Learn the answers to these and other parenting dilemmas and share your own concerns here.

For more information, visit http://www.askdrsears.com.

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January 15, 2007, 6:13 am CST

Milk & Lactose

Quote From: jettin

I am a twenty year old mom of a beautiful 4 month old. It seems that she has always had problems since she was born. Here bowels are all messed up. She screams in pain for at least 5 minutes just to have a bowel movement. Her doctor keeps telling us that it is a form of colic. I think otherwise. She refuses to sleep in her own bed, or in the room by herself. She has to sleep with me with my hand on her chest the whole night or she gets all fussy wakes up and cries until I move her. She cant sleep in a room without noise. There has to be the humidifier going and the stereo before she even thinks about going to bed for even a nap. And one last thing...I have started her on rice cereal as of two and a half weeks ago. She seemed to do really good on it but now she can only have a certain amount because it hurts her tummy and goes into the problem with her bowels. What can I do?
I've been thinking about your problem and have you tried goat's milk?  Sometimes the baby has a Lactose intolerance and can't digest cow's milk.  Maybe she needs another couple of months of breastfeeding/goat's milk before you introduce solid foods.  Many pediatricians want you to wait until 6 months before you introduce solid foods.  I'd probably get nutrition advice from another pediatrician.  A lot of times it's the food they eat that causes problems.
 
January 15, 2007, 10:08 am CST

01/19 Young Moms Ask the Experts

Quote From: gwarrior6

I've been thinking about your problem and have you tried goat's milk?  Sometimes the baby has a Lactose intolerance and can't digest cow's milk.  Maybe she needs another couple of months of breastfeeding/goat's milk before you introduce solid foods.  Many pediatricians want you to wait until 6 months before you introduce solid foods.  I'd probably get nutrition advice from another pediatrician.  A lot of times it's the food they eat that causes problems.
I agree...I would step back from the solids too....My daughter was 7 months old before I put her on rice cereal and other solids...I've never been one to rush those kinds of things...
 
January 15, 2007, 3:19 pm CST

01/19 Young Moms Ask the Experts

Quote From: lawren2

I have a two year old wonderful , smart , little girl. My problem is at bedtime. We have a well established routine,which was completly needed before my littlest was born,he is now 4 months old. We expected some trouble with her adjusting to him being born but she goes over the top at times. At bedtime she does well about 80% of the time, the other 20% is her crying and throwing up, we don't let her cry until she throws up she just starts to scream and cry really hard and before you can try to control it she throws up everywhere. I have taken her to her doctor who says its not a physical problem but an emotional one mainly because of her new little brother. It's really hard to deal with , she gets a lot af attention all the time, I mean I don't try to over do it,but I know she needs reassurance. This vomiting has me really worried though, her doctor said she would grow out of this phase but I was wondering if anyone else has or has had the same problem?

Just a thought, but since it's only ( I know, I know those are the rough times we remember so well)20% of the time, might there be something even a little "Off" at those times ?  Some children NEED routine, and God help you if you mess even a tiny bit with it.

It might help if you haven't tried it, to have only one parent involved with bedtime, and the other one spending time with the baby, that worked for me, my daughter did the same thing, belive me, I was so happy when TWO YEARS OLD went away, my husband looked after our son, who was a baby at the time, and bedtime became Mommy time for my daughter.

Maybe just trying to rehash those nights ( yeah I know you'd rather forget) an seeing if there was maybe something different. 

 
January 15, 2007, 4:04 pm CST

01/19 Young Moms Ask the Experts

Quote From: lawren2

I have a two year old wonderful , smart , little girl. My problem is at bedtime. We have a well established routine,which was completly needed before my littlest was born,he is now 4 months old. We expected some trouble with her adjusting to him being born but she goes over the top at times. At bedtime she does well about 80% of the time, the other 20% is her crying and throwing up, we don't let her cry until she throws up she just starts to scream and cry really hard and before you can try to control it she throws up everywhere. I have taken her to her doctor who says its not a physical problem but an emotional one mainly because of her new little brother. It's really hard to deal with , she gets a lot af attention all the time, I mean I don't try to over do it,but I know she needs reassurance. This vomiting has me really worried though, her doctor said she would grow out of this phase but I was wondering if anyone else has or has had the same problem?
Well, I am going to be unpopular I know...but I have a very bright, healthy and happy 2 and a half year old girl. She is very bonded to me and my husband and my parents and her uncles...she's emotionally healthy and happy.

And yes we (eeek!!!) used the Ferber method to help her sleep. It is the ONLY thing that has worked for us. And because of it she is now a good sleeper, wakes up happy, goes to bed with out crying. (No damage here in case of anti-Ferber personnel...LOL)

It's not easy, you have to let your baby cry. And my daughter did throw up a few times because of how upset she got, but it worked.
 
January 15, 2007, 9:13 pm CST

I had to resort to that too...

Quote From: purplepenny

Well, I am going to be unpopular I know...but I have a very bright, healthy and happy 2 and a half year old girl. She is very bonded to me and my husband and my parents and her uncles...she's emotionally healthy and happy.

And yes we (eeek!!!) used the Ferber method to help her sleep. It is the ONLY thing that has worked for us. And because of it she is now a good sleeper, wakes up happy, goes to bed with out crying. (No damage here in case of anti-Ferber personnel...LOL)

It's not easy, you have to let your baby cry. And my daughter did throw up a few times because of how upset she got, but it worked.
...especially since I ended up seperated from my husband for four months. It was one thing when we were in an apartment and my husband was there to bounce her to sleep (he'd sit on an exercise ball and bounce with her) but then I moved in with my sister because we had some financial problems. My daughter was about six months and I had to learn to let her cry to sleep. If I didn't, I got nothing done and I barely slept. It was hard and for awhile she really fought it but she learned and now she sleeps great, for the most part. She's almost 13 months old. She will cry for a little bit because she doesn't want to go to bed but she falls asleep in minutes. She will fight a little harder on weekends when her dad's home (he works during the evening hours) because she knows he doesn't like to hear her cry but she's outgrown bouncing and she will not nurse to sleep. She climbs all over me instead (not to mention, she rarely stays on one side to nurse anymore). This is the best way for us. Other parents might do things differently like co-sleep which I do think the Sears are for. I could not do that. I do not sleep well; it takes a lot for me to sleep and once I do sleep, it can be easy for me to wake up. I also have bad nightmares here and there so co-sleeping is not an option. When she was a baby, her dad slept in the same room because if she woke him up, he could go right back to sleep. I could not, especially not in those first few weeks after she was born. Now, she has her own room and that works out very well and it's nice to sleep with my husband again during the weekends. She's never thrown up though so I'm fortunate in that. However, I do have a friend of mine who's son is just a few days younger than my daughter and he doesn't sleep more than 3 hours at a time. She's tried Ferber too but he gets so upset he throws up so she doesn't feel comfortable doing that. She's tried pretty much everything but nothing keeps him asleep so she's horribly sleep deprived.
 
January 15, 2007, 10:29 pm CST

01/19 Young Moms Ask the Experts

Quote From: neenawhite

...especially since I ended up seperated from my husband for four months. It was one thing when we were in an apartment and my husband was there to bounce her to sleep (he'd sit on an exercise ball and bounce with her) but then I moved in with my sister because we had some financial problems. My daughter was about six months and I had to learn to let her cry to sleep. If I didn't, I got nothing done and I barely slept. It was hard and for awhile she really fought it but she learned and now she sleeps great, for the most part. She's almost 13 months old. She will cry for a little bit because she doesn't want to go to bed but she falls asleep in minutes. She will fight a little harder on weekends when her dad's home (he works during the evening hours) because she knows he doesn't like to hear her cry but she's outgrown bouncing and she will not nurse to sleep. She climbs all over me instead (not to mention, she rarely stays on one side to nurse anymore). This is the best way for us. Other parents might do things differently like co-sleep which I do think the Sears are for. I could not do that. I do not sleep well; it takes a lot for me to sleep and once I do sleep, it can be easy for me to wake up. I also have bad nightmares here and there so co-sleeping is not an option. When she was a baby, her dad slept in the same room because if she woke him up, he could go right back to sleep. I could not, especially not in those first few weeks after she was born. Now, she has her own room and that works out very well and it's nice to sleep with my husband again during the weekends. She's never thrown up though so I'm fortunate in that. However, I do have a friend of mine who's son is just a few days younger than my daughter and he doesn't sleep more than 3 hours at a time. She's tried Ferber too but he gets so upset he throws up so she doesn't feel comfortable doing that. She's tried pretty much everything but nothing keeps him asleep so she's horribly sleep deprived.
Motherhood is not easy huh? LOL...Let me tell you though, each day is better than the last, at least for me it is.

I feel sorry for your friend, because I know how she feels! Ferber is not easy...but in the end her and I are so much happier...so chipper in the morning instead of us both being cranky and tired.
 
January 16, 2007, 11:38 am CST

Sounds to me like...

Quote From: kimberlyd4105

hi, well im an older mom but i have teenagers and young kids, id like to ask the experts how do i retrain my daughter to use the bathroom instead of her underwear. she even sees a therapist for this. she was trained at 2.5 but now refuses to use the bathroom for a bowel movement and would rather just walk around in it, nothing has worked. i know that some kids regress when a sibling comes along but he will be 2 in march so i dont think thats the problem anymore. im at my wits end with this. she soiled 3 new pair of underwear today, we have put her in pull ups but they are to expensive. we have done what the therapist suggested and not a darn thing is working. so if any experts have any ideas let me know.. ive done the charts, rewards etc.... thanks .............kim

Stool Toileting Refusal.

 

My oldest son had this.  It's when they use the potty perfectly for peeing, but won't poop on it.

 

My son became so impacted that he would "leak" and his underwear was always soiled.  I had to take him to the ped who put him a strict regiment of enema's and stool softeners.  We had weekly checks.  Once the enemas and stool softeners had my son cleaned out his diet was high in fiber.

 

It took about 2-3 months for him to be OK.  He still tends to hold his bowel movements in, but he is much better.

 
January 16, 2007, 11:42 am CST

01/19 Young Moms Ask the Experts

Quote From: jettin

I am a twenty year old mom of a beautiful 4 month old. It seems that she has always had problems since she was born. Here bowels are all messed up. She screams in pain for at least 5 minutes just to have a bowel movement. Her doctor keeps telling us that it is a form of colic. I think otherwise. She refuses to sleep in her own bed, or in the room by herself. She has to sleep with me with my hand on her chest the whole night or she gets all fussy wakes up and cries until I move her. She cant sleep in a room without noise. There has to be the humidifier going and the stereo before she even thinks about going to bed for even a nap. And one last thing...I have started her on rice cereal as of two and a half weeks ago. She seemed to do really good on it but now she can only have a certain amount because it hurts her tummy and goes into the problem with her bowels. What can I do?

My oldest son had problems like this (he was breast-fed exclusely for his first 6 mos. and then I had to supplement with formula. That's when the problems started...until I put him on Carnation Good Start which was more easily digetsed.. you may want to try this.

 
January 16, 2007, 12:35 pm CST

Also...

Quote From: jettin

I am a twenty year old mom of a beautiful 4 month old. It seems that she has always had problems since she was born. Here bowels are all messed up. She screams in pain for at least 5 minutes just to have a bowel movement. Her doctor keeps telling us that it is a form of colic. I think otherwise. She refuses to sleep in her own bed, or in the room by herself. She has to sleep with me with my hand on her chest the whole night or she gets all fussy wakes up and cries until I move her. She cant sleep in a room without noise. There has to be the humidifier going and the stereo before she even thinks about going to bed for even a nap. And one last thing...I have started her on rice cereal as of two and a half weeks ago. She seemed to do really good on it but now she can only have a certain amount because it hurts her tummy and goes into the problem with her bowels. What can I do?
In addition to goat's milk, you could try Soy milk formulas and use Lactase drops to help with the Lactose intolerance, which causes the gassy colic.
 
January 16, 2007, 4:31 pm CST

I'm not an expert but experienced.

Quote From: teigan

I have been married for almost 6 years but my husband and I are having a problem. I did one of dr. phil's relastionship tests and my result was "EMOTIONAL DIVORCE" which I would say is right. I have tried so many things, I've taken advice from friends and family and have tried doing the stuff in dr phil's books but nothing seems to be working and I really need to talk to someone.

As I said my husband and I have been married for almost 6 years but we've been together for 12. The problem I think we are having is if something I have done bothers him he will not say anything or try and discuss it but instead he will sulk. He will not speak to me at all (this can go on from 2 weeks to much longer, at the moment the record is 12 weeks) If I ask him what's wrong he becomes more cold towards me. He becomes rude, abrupt has no repesct for me , puts me down when people are around especially his family and all of this happens in front of our 5 year old son. everytime this happens when he does finally decide he wants to talk he tells me what's his problem the last time it was I need to be more organised, coz he hated coming from work to hear our son nag or cry he was hungry because the food wasn't ready. Ever since that discussion he has never come home (not even once) to find that happen coz I have changed for him and our family and make sure the food is cooked before i pick our son up from school. And everytime we have a discussion whatever problem he has with me hardly ever comes up because I do my best to change my bad habits to make him and my son happy, but every single time I ask him to come straight to me if he has a problem because I can not handle the silent treatment from him and I  don't  think my son deserves to live in those conditions as I am afraid he will become that way when he grows up and I am afraid he will disrespect me and women in general because I know my son love me but I also know he tries to plaese his father because he doesn't get the attention he should from him. How can I get through to my husband I see the same thing with his parents and just can't stand to think that, that is our life toghether. I just need someone to talk to or if you've been the same situation and can offer some help then please reply my message.

I know how it feels to be ignored and to have your husband sulk rather than just say what's on his mind. I am glad to say that our marriage is way better than it used to be. There was a time when I seriously considered divorce. I am glad that I stuck it out and quit trying to change my husband. I started changing me instead. It wasn't easy and things got worse before they got better. Having a fulfilling marriage is not for the faint hearted. It takes a lot of work and it is painful at times but the rewards are worth the effort if you hang in there and make a commitment to becoming a better person yourself. You have to learn to swallow your pride.

 

 As far as worrying about the impact on your son, I think our overreacting to what's going on can be far worse than what is actually happening at times. Kids are pretty smart. As they get older they see what's going on. Your job is to be a good example for your son regardless of what your husband does. I know that is easier said than done, but it can be done. One of the biggest things I had to learn to do was emotionally separate myself from my husband. When I say that, I don't mean I stopped loving him. I just quit letting him determine my worth and value and whether I would have a good day or not. My happiness would no longer be dependent on him. I learned to not take his short comings personal. He's just a fallible man as all people are.

 

It is never easy when your husband is being rude and inconsiderate but the truth is that is not a reflection on you as a person. It shows a lack of character on his part, and vice versa. Sometimes we aren't exactly being the noblest of wives in the world. That's our fault; not theirs. Sometimes we just have to be patient and hope for the best. Pray a lot and let God change them in His sweet time. In the meantime we can enjoy our own relationship with God and let Him do His beautiful transformig work in our lives. Perhaps it will inspire our husbands to postive change when they see us becoming a better wife, mother and friend. I wish you well and would love to talk further if I can be of help.

 

Proverbs 14:1

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

 
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