Quote From: witcha2well I know U might think down of me but .here is the story in a nut shell.
I got on a dateing site and I meet this guy he is good looking and is very smart with computers even got a degree . his wife is not in the united states and he told her after about 1yr and a half that he was seeing someone else . See what pushed him to tell her is he was online and he kept closeing windows realy quick and one day I seen he was talking to a lady so I was reading what they wrote and he was telling this lady things about his self and he told me he was not talking to her with intentions with getting with her cause she was in another country . Well I asked him why he was still lieing to people about me and told him he either wants me or he don't but I was hurt he was lieing to his co workers about me.well he finally did tell them about me .then he said he had to go to his uncle's cause his uncle wanted to talk to him and thats when he said he was going to tell him about me which I learned later on he did'nt so I guess thats why now his uncle wants to chat with him. He is not happy with my kids he like's my 8yr old but he don't like the other one's. He talks to them about lieing but he lied to freinds and family for quit some time .someone we know set him up and talk to him online and he talked back to this lady and said things and did say he wanted to meet her.well when he told me about it he did tell the truth but now I have to wonder if he still is or whats realy going on .
could U go into more detail on what U would do
This guy doesn't seem to be wholly commited to you. You deserve better. I have been through just about everything there is to go through with the man I love. And Trust me, plenty of people have told me to leave him, plenty of times. So I understand if you decide not to. What you have to do is take a long hard look at what you want for yourself and your kids. Here is what I did.
Make a list of all of the things about this guy that are wonderful. All of the things that you love about him. It can be as simple as the way he makes you laugh. That you both like the same foods. Whatever it is, put it on paper. Then make a list of everything that drives you nuts about him. Remember this is a serious look. The only person you are cheating will be yourself if you are not honest. Be sure to include the fact that he is keeping you a secret, and how he is clearly interested in seeking relationships with other women. Then compare the two lists. This might help you in and of itself to decide weather to stay or go. The next step is to take a look at weather you want your children to be exposed to this person any longer. This is not all about just you any more. Your kids are involved. It is your job to make sure that they are safe and protected from bad influences as best you can. So break down your list and made two more lists including the good and bad things that affect your kids in all of this.
It is realistic to think that your kids are acting out because they have good reason not to like the relationship you are in. I don't know how he treats them. But you could take a look at exactly how they are treated, both directly and indirectly by him. It is very likely that you have been blinding yourself to what they have been going through, and that they have been acting out because of this. It is also very possible that they just have issues with him treating you so poorly. Kids love their moms very much. And they see more than you would like to know. They can hear it in your voice when you are hurting, depressed, and angery. And they are aware of what it is that is causing you to feel this way. They are probably hurting and angery as well over some of the same things.
I went through the steps that I am suggesting to you. I ultimately ended up staying with the man I love, but made some serious changes in our relationship. I no longer would subject my kids to his negativity and bad behavior. When he would start behaving badly, I would pack them up and go home. My man has problems with chemical dependency, and I would never allow him around them if he was under the influence in any way. Now this seems obvious to have done all along, but for the first 4 years of our relationship I didn't think that way. I thought that my oldest son was not being affected by all of the things that were tearing me apart. But he was. And When my youngest son was born, I made the lists, and made significant changes to my life. Now we all live together, happy, healthy, and chemical free. But he wanted to be with only me, and I with only him. Two things that were a huge deciding factor for me.
The choice is yours. I am not telling you to leave him per say. I am telling you that it is ok if you decide to leave him, and it is ok if you decide to stay. But you need to take a searching and fearless look at how healthy the relationship is the way it is, and weather that is really what you want for you or your kids.
