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Topic : 06/20 Snobs and Egomaniacs

Number of Replies: 103
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Created on : Friday, January 19, 2007, 01:21:55 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/23/07) Do you know people whose egos are off the charts? Dr. Phil’s guests take self-love to the extreme. Renee believes that she’s right all the time and even brags that her friends worship her. Her fiancé, Chuck, says Renee is confused because he’s the one who excels at everything. The couple says their ego wars are all fun and games, so why were the police recently at their house? Then, Desiree says her husband-to-be, Anthony, thinks he’s God’s gift to women. She says he won’t go to the gas station without putting on cologne, tells his family he’s “sexy as hell,” and he even puts on stripteases … for himself! Anthony says he’s not conceited; he just has really high self-esteem. Is Anthony’s big head going to cause big problems in his relationship? Plus, don’t miss the hidden camera experiment that Dr. Phil conducts on his audience. Do you know a snob? Tell us!

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January 21, 2007, 4:01 pm CST

01/23 Snobs and Egomaniacs

Quote From: uglysean

Now here's an interesting concept. It was never clear whether a person has self-esteem or an ego.  Either way, because I'm depressed most of the time (I take antidepressants daily) I would love to have the confidence in myself that people like Renee or Anthony possess.

It's easy, I suppose when you have the money Dr. Phil has, or the looks that Robin has - ego? I first thought that of Dr. Phil until I realized - the dude knows what he's talking about. Me? I'm a dope. Serously, some of us would love to be an egomaniac for a day. Maybe it isn't all that bad!

 

The difference being,

The person with self esteems understands that they are NOT the only person in even their lives that matter, the person with the EGO THINKS they are all that matters in peoples lives.

The person with self esteem knows how to get to where they want without harming others at the same time NOT ALLOWING others to step all over them, the egomaniac couldn't CARE LESS who he/she hurts, because we have to remember its all about them.

The person with self esteem can take a cashier's job, with an eye to the future and a smile on their face, and realize that there's no shame in any honest work, the egomaniac wouldn't drem of taking that job, they think they DESERVE to start at the top.

You are not a DOPE, too hard on yourself, yes.

If you are taking anti depressants and still experiencing bad symptoms, maybe you need your meds adjusted, are you in counselling as well ?  If not, maybe you could consider it, depression can be controlled quite well these days, you just have to find the right combination of meds and counselling to feel better, keeping in mind there are no quick fixes for this condition, but there is hope, been there done that.

Would you really want to be that person that few can actually tolerate, or a good person who feels good regardless ?  Food for thought

 
January 21, 2007, 5:50 pm CST

01/23 Snobs and Egomaniacs

At least, that's what a good therapist friend told me.  She said that *both* problems are caused by LOW self-esteem.  Which makes sense.  Any sane, rational person knows that we all have worth as individuals.  But INsecure people feel so worthless inside that they OVERcompensate by either acting like they are above everyone else "Over-Inflated", or feeling like everyone else is above them "Under-Inflated".

The "cure" for either is to heal enough to be able to  *really* love yourself just the way you are AND to allow other people to feel that way about themselves while also loving the good (that may be seriously buried) in them, too.

The "easiest" place to start this is in the family, with parents who put their children's real "needs" ahead of the parents' "wants".  Even if it means putting off the new home or new car for another year or so in order for *both* parents to be not only physically home for the kiddies, but *emotionally* present for them as well.  Which is sadly, tragically, *not* the norm in America anymore.  Instead, parents push their kids into one activity after another, keeping everyone so busy "doing" that they have hardly any time just "being".  As a wise person said, we are human *beings*, not human *doings* ... and our lives will be so much better when we can live, really live, in the moment, instead of darting from one distraction to the next.

Ego problems are, imho, at the root of EVERYthing that is wrong with our society and our world.  Therefore imho it is paramount that we both address them and stop pretending that they are anything other than the *VERY SERIOUS* problems that they truly are.
 
January 21, 2007, 6:18 pm CST

what would you do.....

My sister-in-law is the biggest bragger and most masterful manipulator I have ever encountered.  Material possessions are her driving force. She sends out 3-page newsletters with pictures of all the highlights and acquisitions in her life, with subtle references to how her warm-climate state is oh-so superior to our chillier climate up north. She is a salesperson- dyes her hair blonde, had breast implants and now wears all these low-cut tops with a big bow right in-between her boobs like the ribbon on a package.   She is the baby and her parents spoiled her since day one.  She has manipulated her elderly parents into giving her large amount of cash to buy a house, then sends e-mails with 70 pictures of the house-to-be to my husband.  She has my husband convinced that her lifestyle, car, state, and life in general is superior and now my husband wants to move to her state,  is interviewing for jobs there and expects to get one soon.   Her parents and my husband think this behavior is OK.   I find her manipulative ways too much to handle, and personally fluctuate between pity, amusement and anger.  To keep my marriage intact I will have to move away from my only son and only grandson, the driving forces in MY life.  How do I manage to survive this one? 

 
January 21, 2007, 6:29 pm CST

01/23 Snobs and Egomaniacs

Quote From: queenvaron

You really think this guy is a snob huh? You haven't seen anything until you look at my husband. He is not only a snob that looks down on everyone, but he is also a master mainpulator and would have you believe that he is the savior of the world. He is what I call Mr. Big Cadillac Man Manipulator. He is very immature and plays with his toys, big or small. I had to sell off his tremendous G.I. Joe collection because he said f I lost the car that I lost him. He has done immeasurable things to not only me, but to other people. He tells lies about me to other people and states that I make him feel like a hillbilly. It was my trucker's hands that supported us most of our marriage. Yet he lets people know that I am a phramaceuticul representative that works for Eli Lilly making a six figure income. He tells people lies. When I had to work at Wal-Mart for a time people asked him if I was his wife working at Wal-Mart and he told them no that I was his wife's sister. Before we were married one of the stipulations that I had was that he had to have Jesus Christ as his Savior. He said he did and then I found out after we were married that he had lied to me. The Master Manipulator is what I call him and I would like to see you try that one on for size. There is so much more to the story than this, but that is another cookie for another day. Every day is a struggle for me. I take one day at a time. Can you imagine having to go to the bathroom in a bucket because you are trying to save a few dollars on sewage, or that you don't have money for Monstat 1-Day treatent for your yeast infections because Magic Cards are too important to your husband? You cannot begin to imagine my world. Be happy the guy is only conceited and nothing more. If he is more than that he will deny you the very freedom you have so he can satisfy his material wants (not needs).

So why isn't he buying his own Magic Cards ?  And as for going to the bathroom in a bucket, well not even when I'm camping.

I'm curious, why do you allow him do DENY YOU FREEDOM ? Did he buy you from your father (thought those days were long over) and now you are a piece of property to cater to him ?

Okay you wanted him to have Jesus as his savior, did he prove it to you, or did you just take him at his word ?

I'm just curious as to why any woman would subject herself to such treatment,look back before marriage, I'm sure that now the red flags are glaringly obvious, it's obvious by your post you have become bitter, and angry then instead of getting old before your time, DO SOMETHING about it, you control your own destiny as long as you don't give it over to others

 

 
January 21, 2007, 6:36 pm CST

01/23 Snobs and Egomaniacs

Quote From: survivin99

My sister-in-law is the biggest bragger and most masterful manipulator I have ever encountered.  Material possessions are her driving force. She sends out 3-page newsletters with pictures of all the highlights and acquisitions in her life, with subtle references to how her warm-climate state is oh-so superior to our chillier climate up north. She is a salesperson- dyes her hair blonde, had breast implants and now wears all these low-cut tops with a big bow right in-between her boobs like the ribbon on a package.   She is the baby and her parents spoiled her since day one.  She has manipulated her elderly parents into giving her large amount of cash to buy a house, then sends e-mails with 70 pictures of the house-to-be to my husband.  She has my husband convinced that her lifestyle, car, state, and life in general is superior and now my husband wants to move to her state,  is interviewing for jobs there and expects to get one soon.   Her parents and my husband think this behavior is OK.   I find her manipulative ways too much to handle, and personally fluctuate between pity, amusement and anger.  To keep my marriage intact I will have to move away from my only son and only grandson, the driving forces in MY life.  How do I manage to survive this one? 

You poor woman, that's tough.

Sounds like your SIL and husband BOTH have some real issues that need to be addressed.

Your SIL is a spoiled brat ? But the sad thing about people like that is they will never find real happiness, that's why they feel the need to try and make everyone else look and feel bad about themselves, your husband is giving into that BIG TIME by even considering to move, have you talked to him about it, I mean a real heart to heart, maybe he feels like he's failed you because he can't give you what she has ( men can be strange that way, sorry guys).

As for her parents, that's their choice but sadly when they're gone, their poor Baby Girl will have to learn to look after herself, and that will be her wake up call.

But you ned to talk to him, and the reality is, he still may not have her lifestyle when you move, if anything it might get worse, don't just follow3 him blindly across the country, you have a life too.

 
January 21, 2007, 6:51 pm CST

01/23 Snobs and Egomaniacs

Quote From: uglysean

Now here's an interesting concept. It was never clear whether a person has self-esteem or an ego.  Either way, because I'm depressed most of the time (I take antidepressants daily) I would love to have the confidence in myself that people like Renee or Anthony possess.

It's easy, I suppose when you have the money Dr. Phil has, or the looks that Robin has - ego? I first thought that of Dr. Phil until I realized - the dude knows what he's talking about. Me? I'm a dope. Serously, some of us would love to be an egomaniac for a day. Maybe it isn't all that bad!

 

You're not a dope and you sure don't want what Renee and Anthony have. What do they have really? People generally don't like to be are people like that...not unless they have hope of getting something from them. Do you like being around a snob?

You can't make people like you but you can work on liking and accepting your self. People who are comfortable w/ themselves are generally liked.

I'm not rich, I'm a mom w / a minivan but I like myself ok and I like to learn and interact w/ others and people like me.. for me...probably because I'm usually honest and open and what you see is what you get, so I have that air about me..total strangers strike up conversations with me out of the blue (in check out lines etc.) people can be facinating...and I wouldn't  trade that kinda thing for the world.

So, what do those snobby people have?  Possesions don't visit you when you're sick and neither do fairweather friends

 

Blessings, Faery

 
January 21, 2007, 8:19 pm CST

Baby Steps

Quote From: survivin99

My sister-in-law is the biggest bragger and most masterful manipulator I have ever encountered.  Material possessions are her driving force. She sends out 3-page newsletters with pictures of all the highlights and acquisitions in her life, with subtle references to how her warm-climate state is oh-so superior to our chillier climate up north. She is a salesperson- dyes her hair blonde, had breast implants and now wears all these low-cut tops with a big bow right in-between her boobs like the ribbon on a package.   She is the baby and her parents spoiled her since day one.  She has manipulated her elderly parents into giving her large amount of cash to buy a house, then sends e-mails with 70 pictures of the house-to-be to my husband.  She has my husband convinced that her lifestyle, car, state, and life in general is superior and now my husband wants to move to her state,  is interviewing for jobs there and expects to get one soon.   Her parents and my husband think this behavior is OK.   I find her manipulative ways too much to handle, and personally fluctuate between pity, amusement and anger.  To keep my marriage intact I will have to move away from my only son and only grandson, the driving forces in MY life.  How do I manage to survive this one? 

Where can you being to steer things back away from the trauma-drama queen and into reality ... gently, since your hubby is sadly convinced that her con-job is "reality".  Where can you begin to make your marriage 50-50 (your input should totally be equal to his; his wanting to move no matter how you feel is grossly unfair).... and do this without upsetting the apple cart in the process?

The blonde has found a way to get to your hubby ... what might you do to help make him more immune to her games, her smoke and mirrors?

She is seriously insecure (or she wouldn't have to keep bragging and boasting so much).  Is there anything about her you can honestly compliment her on?  Find her strengths and point those out to your hubby so he knows you are seeing both the positives and negatives about her.  Maybe when he sees you are being fair about her, maybe he will admit to whatever insecurities he has that are making him putty in her hands right now.  Like, a mid-life crisis on his part?  So, maybe ask him what his back-up plans are in case this move goes sour.  Maybe say how sad you feel at the thought of leaving your entire lives behind, esp your children and grandchildren ... ask how he plans on staying "really" connected with them and all your great friends you'll be leaving behind. 

Help him see that this move is NOT the Perfect Remedy to All That Ails Him like he thinks it is ... but very very gently so that you don't wound him as you lovingly open his eyes to reality?

FWIW...

 
January 22, 2007, 5:51 am CST

01/23 Snobs and Egomaniacs

Quote From: wavdancr

Where can you being to steer things back away from the trauma-drama queen and into reality ... gently, since your hubby is sadly convinced that her con-job is "reality".  Where can you begin to make your marriage 50-50 (your input should totally be equal to his; his wanting to move no matter how you feel is grossly unfair).... and do this without upsetting the apple cart in the process?

The blonde has found a way to get to your hubby ... what might you do to help make him more immune to her games, her smoke and mirrors?

She is seriously insecure (or she wouldn't have to keep bragging and boasting so much).  Is there anything about her you can honestly compliment her on?  Find her strengths and point those out to your hubby so he knows you are seeing both the positives and negatives about her.  Maybe when he sees you are being fair about her, maybe he will admit to whatever insecurities he has that are making him putty in her hands right now.  Like, a mid-life crisis on his part?  So, maybe ask him what his back-up plans are in case this move goes sour.  Maybe say how sad you feel at the thought of leaving your entire lives behind, esp your children and grandchildren ... ask how he plans on staying "really" connected with them and all your great friends you'll be leaving behind. 

Help him see that this move is NOT the Perfect Remedy to All That Ails Him like he thinks it is ... but very very gently so that you don't wound him as you lovingly open his eyes to reality?

FWIW...

Very interesting perspectives!  Sometimes it's hard to be objective about ourselves.  Your last line really hit home with me. Thanks!
 
January 22, 2007, 5:59 am CST

01/23 Snobs and Egomaniacs

Quote From: ceildh1

You poor woman, that's tough.

Sounds like your SIL and husband BOTH have some real issues that need to be addressed.

Your SIL is a spoiled brat ? But the sad thing about people like that is they will never find real happiness, that's why they feel the need to try and make everyone else look and feel bad about themselves, your husband is giving into that BIG TIME by even considering to move, have you talked to him about it, I mean a real heart to heart, maybe he feels like he's failed you because he can't give you what she has ( men can be strange that way, sorry guys).

As for her parents, that's their choice but sadly when they're gone, their poor Baby Girl will have to learn to look after herself, and that will be her wake up call.

But you ned to talk to him, and the reality is, he still may not have her lifestyle when you move, if anything it might get worse, don't just follow3 him blindly across the country, you have a life too.

There hasn't been a lot of clear thinking in his family for a long time.  Thank you for your input - we are going to have the talk tonight.  Both of us need to make peace with the larger issue of leaving our grown child and grandchild behind. 
 
January 22, 2007, 6:45 am CST

Are you crazy?

Quote From: queenvaron

You really think this guy is a snob huh? You haven't seen anything until you look at my husband. He is not only a snob that looks down on everyone, but he is also a master mainpulator and would have you believe that he is the savior of the world. He is what I call Mr. Big Cadillac Man Manipulator. He is very immature and plays with his toys, big or small. I had to sell off his tremendous G.I. Joe collection because he said f I lost the car that I lost him. He has done immeasurable things to not only me, but to other people. He tells lies about me to other people and states that I make him feel like a hillbilly. It was my trucker's hands that supported us most of our marriage. Yet he lets people know that I am a phramaceuticul representative that works for Eli Lilly making a six figure income. He tells people lies. When I had to work at Wal-Mart for a time people asked him if I was his wife working at Wal-Mart and he told them no that I was his wife's sister. Before we were married one of the stipulations that I had was that he had to have Jesus Christ as his Savior. He said he did and then I found out after we were married that he had lied to me. The Master Manipulator is what I call him and I would like to see you try that one on for size. There is so much more to the story than this, but that is another cookie for another day. Every day is a struggle for me. I take one day at a time. Can you imagine having to go to the bathroom in a bucket because you are trying to save a few dollars on sewage, or that you don't have money for Monstat 1-Day treatent for your yeast infections because Magic Cards are too important to your husband? You cannot begin to imagine my world. Be happy the guy is only conceited and nothing more. If he is more than that he will deny you the very freedom you have so he can satisfy his material wants (not needs).
Why in the world do you stay with this low-life?  Living on the street would be a better choice!  I do not understand why women subject themselves to years of this kind of life.  I would rather be miserable and dirt-floor poor forever than live this kind of life.  Get a backbone and leave his sorry butt....today!
 
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