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Topic : 06/27 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Number of Replies: 169
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Created on : Friday, January 19, 2007, 01:23:14 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/24/07) Do you find yourself wondering where your relationship with your child went wrong? You say it’s your child. Your child says it’s you. Who’s to blame? Dr. Phil uncovers where the problem lies in these families. Penny says her life is in shambles because her 17-year-old son, Jason, is extremely threatening and violent. Jason says his mother is a lazy alcoholic, and all he has ever wanted was to feel loved by her. Penny’s sister, Jackie, says Penny has a drinking problem and wants the mother and son to get help before they kill each other. Then, Kim has three sons –- 14, 2 and 15 months -- but says she loves her middle son, Cullen, the most. She has pictures of him all over her house, but not her other two sons. She takes Cullen to bed with her at night, while the baby cries himself to sleep in his own room, and she buys Cullen new clothes, while her youngest gets hand-me-downs. Her oldest son says he has felt neglected his whole life and is worried the baby will feel that way too. Kim’s friend, Starlette, says Kim’s baby has even started calling her Mama. What’s behind Kim’s favoritism, and why does she feel justified? Share your thoughts here.

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January 25, 2007, 11:06 am CST

mom favoring the middle child

That woman who picked her middle child really made me sad. She reminds me a lot of my mom...she and my dad are married but the situation was similar. My mom treats my brother like he's an only child. Too bad for me that I'm his older sister.  My mom shows favoritism with money most of the time-I realized a few years ago that while it hurts he gets 'stuff' or mom's credit card number or more holiday gifts what really hurts is that my mom doesn't care enough to try to make it fair.

I get "stuff" when my dad points out how unfair it is or my dad is bothered enough to try to fix it. You can't "fix" helping one kid move, paying the desposit on the apartment, buying textbooks, getting a new computer and groceries after taking him for visits to the school...and sending the other kid 200$ that didn't cover the moving expenses. The examples could go on. The real problem isn't that mom pays for his cell phone bill [she paid both of ours in undergrad]-the problem is they have a family share plan just for the 2 of them. The money issues hurt my bank account but I can tell you that I talked to my mom 6 times between Feb and December last year and all those times I called. That hurts way more. I just gave up trying to force it. 

I've gotten to a point where I just don't go home except to see my friends or my dad (who's not perfect but at least he notices when he hasn't called me for a few weeks).  My mom hadn't seen me for a year when I came home for Christmas. My brother's plane was delayed [how nice that he gets free tickets whenever he wants] so my mom spent 3 days obssessing about his presents and his special meal. I don't even think she noticed I left the day after Christmas.

That mom is in for a rude awakening when that 14 year old is a legal adult. I can call a few of my friends' moms 'mom' and they do all the 'mom stuff' like talking to me, giving me advice and checking up on me.  Someday that mom is going to realize her kid only comes home for Christmas and she's not going to see her grandkids very often.  The baby already calls someone else mom, yo have to wonder why she doesn't care.

 

I know that was a bit long but that episode really bothered me.

 
January 25, 2007, 12:38 pm CST

What?

I have to wonder if these people have any common sence at all?  Drunks raising kids, Mothers obsessing over one child and ignoring the other... no wonder we can look at the kids on the school grounds and say What????   and no one bothers to do anything?   The whole thing boils down to respect...both ways to and from.... oh my gosh, I am glad I am done with raising kids... what a sad state of affairs our children are in.....  I am willing to bet that none of these people on last nights show has any kind of relationship with GOD... that certainly is the missing link. 

 

 
January 25, 2007, 3:35 pm CST

hello

Quote From: powers009

What about her fathers side of the family? Were they fast developers? Also I think a lot of children these days are developing faster. Some seem to believe it is because of the increased use of steroids in meats. I would take her to the doctor and have him check her out thoroughly first to rule out the possibility of anything wrong.
ok thank you ill check it out
 
January 25, 2007, 4:08 pm CST

01/24 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Penny definitely needs some serious help! How can you talk about your child like she did. The nerve! She is a drunk and she is an unfit mother. I think that Jason moving out will actually be good for him.

 

I couldn't believe what I was hearing when Kim told her story. How can you devote more attention, love and care for one child. She is going to end up causing more problems down the road for her youngest child and she has already given uncertainty to her oldest. This woman needs help!

 
January 25, 2007, 5:45 pm CST

hey

Quote From: powers009

What about her fathers side of the family? Were they fast developers? Also I think a lot of children these days are developing faster. Some seem to believe it is because of the increased use of steroids in meats. I would take her to the doctor and have him check her out thoroughly first to rule out the possibility of anything wrong.
As far as the show today=thur 1/25 is concerned i dont teach my daughter to swear but she has done it in past.  Im guessing she got it from school.  MY bf doesnt use language like that around her.  Out of anger she might of heard it froim either of us here and there  but not very often at ALL!!  She's said the F word , A word and h word from time to time in past and i used to make her drink sometihng terrible bc of it like i.e. tobasco sauce or somethng real sour or tart tasting to curb the bad language.  It worked but few months later she did it again like the sauces werent makeing any affect on her anymore.  She even used the B word on a friend of her out of anger.  These kids now a days i tell you.  *rolling eyes.  NOw i start taking away priveledges she would normally have on reg basis if i catch her swearing.  Im kinda hesitant to do this if she says something out of anger though.  Lot of people do that.. Waht u think??  I warned her not to say things like this at school or she be severely punished thru school and me.  Couple weeks ago her friend and her friends' mother told me while my daughtaer was over there for sleeep over that she swore here and there and didnt think much of it.  When my daughter found out i knew she was shocked and her tv priveledges were taken away instantly for month.  She pissed off bout that.  Anyway should i punish her for swearing out of anger too or not??  Plus she hates to be treated like baby sometimes.  When here and there we eat something messy like spaghetti for example she has to wear a bib.  She thinks im treating her younger than she is.  SHe now 6.  i got tired of putting clothes on her she would mess up and im not doing laundry all the time.  So if she not going to wear bib she just go shirtless when eating messy food items.    My bf has  big problem w/ that, especially if we have people over.  He said that ISNT right.  He said she a girl not a boy.  Keep a shirt on her all times!  He claimed were not white trash.  Of course i dont do that in public.  SHe has no prob w/ it.  But boy he does.  He cringes everytime i say im making certain things that could be messy.  He doenst want to look at his daughater w/ out shirt on.  I dont blame him but its not like she a teen yet or anything.  He said it dont matter  =take charge of her and make her do things even though she dont like it.  He said im the boss..Thats tru i just dont want her to dislike me or even hate me for any reasaon AT ALL!!   I would hate it if she thought bout me like that.  Should i curb her swearing out of anger or let that part of it go..  i got conflicting opinions from family.  They say as long as she dont swear just to be doin it and doesnt do it in person it ok.  Who knows ?? any ideas ??
 
January 25, 2007, 6:46 pm CST

hey

Quote From: jsg262003

ok thank you ill check it out
weird to ask u this but she kinda subconscious bout her chest.  I told u bout this the other day and u responded. TY.  Should i always make sure she wearing 2 shirts all the time, especially in summer or wat?  LOL Do they even make bras for girls that age??  Remember she NOT over weidht  she 4 .5 ft tall 64lbs.  She 6.  Any tips, suggestions, ideas?? let me know, ty..
 
January 25, 2007, 7:07 pm CST

hello

Quote From: rarah01

I am shocked & dismayed at the audacity of the women on your show today.  Neither should even use the term "mom" to describe themselves.  The first mom is a complete alcoholic & it is sad that she keeps blaming her son for all of her problems.  That poor child was practically in tears when he said his mom had told him she didn't want him around.  I could never imagine my mom saying that to me.  She had at least 2(by her own admission) garbage bags of empty alcohol bottles under bed. 2! She should be so ashamed of herself, it would take years for me to accumulate 1 bag, let alone 2!  That child's problems started at home & they started with her. If she drinks to escape her son, then she needs to find a new outlet for her stress.  Exercise, volunteer at a hospital, etc...  She is full of excuses but she needs to remember the old adage, when you point your finger at someone 3 fingers are pointing back at YOU!

On to the 2nd mom on your show.  She needs to stop using that child to fill the void in her heart for his father.  He is a child! She is alienating the other 2 children and they will hate her & their brother as they grow older.  Why would you want to put that into your family?  My mom made sure that all 4 of my brothers & sisters got along.  She always told us that we will only have each other as we grow older & need to take care of our parents. I can remember one incident when we were out shopping and the clerk said "so you're out with your daughter today?" and my mom replied "well at least my favorite one".  I couldn't believe it! I thought "Wow, i'm mom's favorite!" But I loved my siblings so much that I decided I would never tell them.  Then years later I heard her say something similar to my younger sister and I realized that throughout our lives she made sure that each one of us felt that we were the favorite and that we were special in our own way.  My respect for her grew a lot that day and hasn't stopped in the 10 years since.  I'm 28 now & I know that when I have kids of my own I will make sure they know they are all my favorites!

As far as the show today=thur 1/25 is concerned i dont teach my daughter to swear but she has done it in past.  Im guessing she got it from school.  MY bf doesnt use language like that around her.  Out of anger she might of heard it froim either of us here and there  but not very often at ALL!!  She's said the F word , A word and h word from time to time in past and i used to make her drink sometihng terrible bc of it like i.e. tobasco sauce or somethng real sour or tart tasting to curb the bad language.  It worked but few months later she did it again like the sauces werent makeing any affect on her anymore.  She even used the B word on a friend of her out of anger.  These kids now a days i tell you.  *rolling eyes.  NOw i start taking away priveledges she would normally have on reg basis if i catch her swearing.  Im kinda hesitant to do this if she says something out of anger though.  Lot of people do that.. Waht u think??  I warned her not to say things like this at school or she be severely punished thru school and me.  Couple weeks ago her friend and her friends' mother told me while my daughtaer was over there for sleeep over that she swore here and there and didnt think much of it.  When my daughter found out i knew she was shocked and her tv priveledges were taken away instantly for month.  She pissed off bout that.  Anyway should i punish her for swearing out of anger too or not??  Plus she hates to be treated like baby sometimes.  When here and there we eat something messy like spaghetti for example she has to wear a bib.  She thinks im treating her younger than she is.  SHe now 6.  i got tired of putting clothes on her she would mess up and im not doing laundry all the time.  So if she not going to wear bib she just go shirtless when eating messy food items.    My bf has  big problem w/ that, especially if we have people over.  He said that ISNT right.  He said she a girl not a boy.  Keep a shirt on her all times!  He claimed were not white trash.  Of course i dont do that in public.  SHe has no prob w/ it.  But boy he does.  He cringes everytime i say im making certain things that could be messy.  He doenst want to look at his daughater w/ out shirt on.  I dont blame him but its not like she a teen yet or anything.  He said it dont matter  =take charge of her and make her do things even though she dont like it.  He said im the boss..Thats tru i just dont want her to dislike me or even hate me for any reasaon AT ALL!!   I would hate it if she thought bout me like that.  Should i curb her swearing out of anger or let that part of it go..  i got conflicting opinions from family.  They say as long as she dont swear just to be doin it and doesnt do it in person it ok.  Who knows ?? any ideas ??
 
January 25, 2007, 7:24 pm CST

hey can u help me out plz?

Quote From: powers009

What about her fathers side of the family? Were they fast developers? Also I think a lot of children these days are developing faster. Some seem to believe it is because of the increased use of steroids in meats. I would take her to the doctor and have him check her out thoroughly first to rule out the possibility of anything wrong.
weird to ask u this but she kinda subconscious bout her chest.  I told u bout this the other day and u responded. TY.  Should i always make sure she wearing 2 shirts all the time, especially in summer or wat?  LOL Do they even make bras for girls that age??  Remember she NOT over weidht  she 4 .5 ft tall 64lbs.  She 6.  Any tips, suggestions, ideas?? let me know, ty..
 
January 25, 2007, 7:30 pm CST

hey

Quote From: powers009

What about her fathers side of the family? Were they fast developers? Also I think a lot of children these days are developing faster. Some seem to believe it is because of the increased use of steroids in meats. I would take her to the doctor and have him check her out thoroughly first to rule out the possibility of anything wrong.
weird to ask u this but she kinda subconscious bout her chest.  I told u bout this the other day and u responded. TY.  Should i always make sure she wearing 2 shirts all the time, especially in summer or wat?  LOL Do they even make bras for girls that age??  Remember she NOT over weidht  she 4 .5 ft tall 64lbs.  She 6.  Any tips, suggestions, ideas?? let me know, ty..
 
January 26, 2007, 7:17 am CST

Training Bras

Quote From: jsg262003

weird to ask u this but she kinda subconscious bout her chest.  I told u bout this the other day and u responded. TY.  Should i always make sure she wearing 2 shirts all the time, especially in summer or wat?  LOL Do they even make bras for girls that age??  Remember she NOT over weidht  she 4 .5 ft tall 64lbs.  She 6.  Any tips, suggestions, ideas?? let me know, ty..

At 6 y/o, 4'6" and 64#, she sounds almost as big as my 11 y/o (granted, mine is small for her age). She & I picked out training bras a while back "just in case" she felt it necessary. Try the "girls 7-16" department at a mid-range department store, they should be in with the underwear.

 

If your daughter is feeling self-conscious at 6, she may well take to the training bras as sufficient cover. However, something seems quite amiss, on the basis of your sequence of posts. I believe other posters have mentioned this as well.

 
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