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Topic : 06/27 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Number of Replies: 169
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Created on : Friday, January 19, 2007, 01:23:14 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/24/07) Do you find yourself wondering where your relationship with your child went wrong? You say it’s your child. Your child says it’s you. Who’s to blame? Dr. Phil uncovers where the problem lies in these families. Penny says her life is in shambles because her 17-year-old son, Jason, is extremely threatening and violent. Jason says his mother is a lazy alcoholic, and all he has ever wanted was to feel loved by her. Penny’s sister, Jackie, says Penny has a drinking problem and wants the mother and son to get help before they kill each other. Then, Kim has three sons –- 14, 2 and 15 months -- but says she loves her middle son, Cullen, the most. She has pictures of him all over her house, but not her other two sons. She takes Cullen to bed with her at night, while the baby cries himself to sleep in his own room, and she buys Cullen new clothes, while her youngest gets hand-me-downs. Her oldest son says he has felt neglected his whole life and is worried the baby will feel that way too. Kim’s friend, Starlette, says Kim’s baby has even started calling her Mama. What’s behind Kim’s favoritism, and why does she feel justified? Share your thoughts here.

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June 25, 2007, 4:23 pm CDT

06/27 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Quote From: llprine

I have a 17 year old son that is breaking my heart.  He is full blown defiant, comes and goes as he pleases and I haven't got the strength emotionally to stand up to him.  His dad is the alcoholic and friends say he lashes out at me to vent his anger.  But I don't feel any better.  I wish I could just run away but that's not going to help anybody. And, I would feel like I'm abandoning my son maybe when he needs me the most.  The alcohol has destroyed my whole family.   Penny, as the alcoholic, can't see what the alcohol is doing; it's the nature of the disease.  hopefully, she'll get the wake-up call before it's too late.
 You said, " I haven't got the strength emotionally to stand up to him. "

Hence lies some of the problem.  You have got to find the strength so you can help your son.  Have you tried Alanon... it is free and they have many people in the same situation and can offer you support and guidance.  You can't help him or yourself until you get some positive support.  You deserve to be happy and have what you need to help yourself and your family.  I hape you find that strength.  Good luck
 
June 25, 2007, 11:17 pm CDT

I have a problem child but its not because of me.

 I understand where parents say they dont have enough strength,  my step son (my son to me just not biologically)  has adhd/odd and bi polar...I have changed myself totally..the counselor said for me to spend more time with him so i started spending more time and yet he still is very hateful to me, he hits and kicks me and calls me very bad words just because he cant do what he wants to do.  Many times i wanted to just take my 2 yr old and leave but i love my hubby too much and yes i love my son no matter how he hurts me or breaks my heart i'll always love him.. his real mom was the type of mom who litterally didnt care  she would hit him for no reason and then when he was bad she wouldnt do anything about it... he was a very wild child when me and his dad first got together, now he is somewhat better than he used to be conserning the wildness but the anger is still there..he wont act up with men , he just takes his anger out on kids that are smaller than him and women... I pray everyday that something will happen that will make him change his attitude towards women...he seems to think that he should be able to verbally and physically be mean to me and yet i "have" to do what he wants or else.  He is on meds and i am trying to find a good counselor to work with us all not just on his side but for the family...  my daughter is 2 yrs old and has to watch her older brother do these things... she is the oppisite from him,  very sweet, and loving towards everyone...i dont play favorites or atleast i try not to but it is easier to do more things and have more fun with a kid who doesnt show hatefulness,  we dont drink or do drugs yet we have a lot of problems with our son..he is 9 yrs old who acts like he is a teen already. Anyways i dont mean to take up too much time, i just wanted to say its not always the parent that is the problem,  look how each kid is different, so to judge all parents of problem kids isn't right or fair , i know because i am doing the best i can to raise him up in a loving environment but i wont and shouldn't have to put up with his behavior, i can understand the mother's side because i to have a child who acts out not only verbally but the last few weeks has acted out very physically towards me and his sister, now i have to be extra protective when he is in the same room as his little sister because it dont take long before his mood changes from happy to angry in a heartbeat, just telling him he cant watch tv til everything is done like his room will make him fly off the handle or when we catch him in a lie ( he seems to want to lie on a everyday basis... alright ...i guess i better go...it just seem like everyone is totally against the mother before hearing all the facts...sometimes when he does the hateful acts of hitting or verbally i too want time away just to myself or even just to relax with our daughter but only because of how he wants to treat me...i dont think anyone deserves to be treated bad including parents and no one should judge us just because of our kids. Alright well enough for now..sorry that its soo long... reply if want  to..bye bye
                                                                  Jen from Texas
 
June 25, 2007, 11:33 pm CDT

hmm.. ok now as far as kim i dont know what to think

 ok i just read about the one who  really does favortism and her youngest one is so little , babies need that bond with their mothers especially when they are babies otherwise they can grow up and have the problems my son has when it comes to his biological mother  besides babies cant fend for themselves so no wonder everyone puts judgement on this one atleast.  I have a lot of chronic illness , so i wont be having anymore kids ..besides i knew it would be too hard..i didnt want my daughter to feel the way my son did when she was born...i think it would break my heart way to much to have one of my kids calling someone else mommy, i have to correct my niece all the time because she likes to call me mommy (her mommy wasnt there for her  during her whole life and she sees how i treat my kids and yearns for that) but i know it isnt right so i tell her no i am your aunt.... kids no matter how they act need to know they are loved and precious (no matter how hard it is to say it due to their actions).  I know God doesnt give you too much you can't handle thats why i think God must have alot of faith in me when it comes to everything i have to go thru on an everyday basis  with all of my chronic pain and very exhaustion plus taking care of 2 kids in which one has alot of mental  problems and anger issues... alright well again i close this for now, it is late...bye bye for now
                                                             Jen from Texas
 
June 27, 2007, 4:24 am CDT

Well, it seems that his BIO mother MAY have had a hand in helping him be the way he is.

Quote From: franknjenj3326

 I understand where parents say they dont have enough strength,  my step son (my son to me just not biologically)  has adhd/odd and bi polar...I have changed myself totally..the counselor said for me to spend more time with him so i started spending more time and yet he still is very hateful to me, he hits and kicks me and calls me very bad words just because he cant do what he wants to do.  Many times i wanted to just take my 2 yr old and leave but i love my hubby too much and yes i love my son no matter how he hurts me or breaks my heart i'll always love him.. his real mom was the type of mom who litterally didnt care  she would hit him for no reason and then when he was bad she wouldnt do anything about it... he was a very wild child when me and his dad first got together, now he is somewhat better than he used to be conserning the wildness but the anger is still there..he wont act up with men , he just takes his anger out on kids that are smaller than him and women... I pray everyday that something will happen that will make him change his attitude towards women...he seems to think that he should be able to verbally and physically be mean to me and yet i "have" to do what he wants or else.  He is on meds and i am trying to find a good counselor to work with us all not just on his side but for the family...  my daughter is 2 yrs old and has to watch her older brother do these things... she is the oppisite from him,  very sweet, and loving towards everyone...i dont play favorites or atleast i try not to but it is easier to do more things and have more fun with a kid who doesnt show hatefulness,  we dont drink or do drugs yet we have a lot of problems with our son..he is 9 yrs old who acts like he is a teen already. Anyways i dont mean to take up too much time, i just wanted to say its not always the parent that is the problem,  look how each kid is different, so to judge all parents of problem kids isn't right or fair , i know because i am doing the best i can to raise him up in a loving environment but i wont and shouldn't have to put up with his behavior, i can understand the mother's side because i to have a child who acts out not only verbally but the last few weeks has acted out very physically towards me and his sister, now i have to be extra protective when he is in the same room as his little sister because it dont take long before his mood changes from happy to angry in a heartbeat, just telling him he cant watch tv til everything is done like his room will make him fly off the handle or when we catch him in a lie ( he seems to want to lie on a everyday basis... alright ...i guess i better go...it just seem like everyone is totally against the mother before hearing all the facts...sometimes when he does the hateful acts of hitting or verbally i too want time away just to myself or even just to relax with our daughter but only because of how he wants to treat me...i dont think anyone deserves to be treated bad including parents and no one should judge us just because of our kids. Alright well enough for now..sorry that its soo long... reply if want  to..bye bye
                                                                  Jen from Texas
I believe you. It sounds like you're trying to do the best you can. I hope ya'll can get a handle on things. And although it doesn't help to blame the parent, it sounds like his mother didn't help things very much. And in the case of the boy on this show, his mother contributed a lot to the problem.Especially since your step-son is only 9(in my thinking the younger they are maybe it's easier to get a hold of them) I hope you find something or someone who can help him. Maybe you could see if a show is planned for this in the future and try to get picked for it. I can't think of the Dr.'s name who is on the show a lot concerning behavior problems, but wouldn't it be great if he could help your son? But don't give up on what you're trying to do. And, be safe.
 
June 27, 2007, 2:46 pm CDT

Giant red flags

Quote From: caladora

Your boyfriend spends a lot of time alone with your daughter? You have only known this man for a couple of months and you already feel comfortable enough to leave her alone with him? Have you thought of the idea that he may be grooming your child for abuse? There seems to be some red flags here. 

 

I suggest you not allow this man to be alone with your daughter until you get to know him better.

good grief, a few months into this relationship, he takes off with your daughter AND has the nerve to tell you to wash your hands?  Try this....tell him your hands are clean enough, there will be no more alone time with your daughter and see how long he sticks around.  Don't take it personally no matter what happens, but be very happy if he vanishes.....something ain't right.  Love, Luanne
 
June 27, 2007, 3:22 pm CDT

makes me mad

DR.PHIL

 

Watching your show PROBLEM PARENTS OR PROBLEM CHILD really made me angry. How can a mother not treat there children the same but yet set in front of millions of people and say she love's them. I feel for the kids that are not getting the attention they deserve.

 

I in my own opinion believe that your guest will continue to play favorites because it's been this way to long and lost the trust of a least  her oldest son that I dought she will ever be able to regain.

                       TODDS

I

 

 

 

 

 
June 27, 2007, 3:36 pm CDT

SICKENING

Kim is a HORRIBLE mother!!! I'd like to use language here but i know it won't be accepted.
 
June 27, 2007, 3:36 pm CDT

problem parent-problem child

 

In the defense of children,  Newt Gingrich had the right idea-  we need to build orphanages in this country!!

 

In this wonderful, child-caring, society-who has been there for these kids?!  Now, multiply these few children by millions, that's how many children there are living in the good-old  USA with no adult in their environment who will stand up and say to mothers and fathers alike-no more.

 

I don't watch this show very much-it really makes me sick- so many adult "victims"- i mean, lets get real, going on national television to deal with problems?  give me a break- that is the very apex of lunacy.

 

It would appear, from watching all the tv shows about parent/child, problem child etc. problems that the  number of parents willing  to do the  job is a very tiny, and distinct minority.  I am heartsick at the number of  children, suffering silently in this country, knowing  full-well  there are adults around who  know- and who do nothing.

 

It's outrageous, I know, but if I  had my way (yeah, yeah, yeah- I know I  can't have my way) if  I could, I would steralize more than half the population of the country-saving alot of kids, alot of despair.

 

Just read what is written on this board-defensiveness, excuses etc- definitely a microcosim of  the society.  ARE WE EVER, AS A SOCIETY, GOING TO PUT THE NEEDS OF THE REAL VICTIMS FIRST-THE CHILDREN?

 

ps- what have you done to  help a child today?

 
June 27, 2007, 3:45 pm CDT

Playing Favorites

Let me try an d understand this. 

 

Kim, the mother forced her oldest, but minor aged child out of the house, he is on anti depressants and showing every sign of having been emotionally damaged by her neglect/abuse.  Her youngest son is freely calling another woman mom and having it reinforced by Kim with comments such as Scarlette  "take your child".  She sleeps with her middle son beause she is in love with his father who I surmise, is different from the other two childrens fathers.  (Shelby and Justice)

 

But she opens her talk with Dr. Phil by stating that she wants everyone to understand that she loves all her children!!!   I can't believe Dr. Phil allowed her to even say such rubbish. 

 

A question Dr. Phil?  How is this mothers obvious neglect/abuse of these three children any different from that of any father.  It certainly showed in your interaction with her that there is a severe difference.  I had to turn the volume up to hear you.  I swear you spoke so warmly that butter could have melted off your tongue. 

 

I believe firmly that anger begets anger.  But sometimes, and other than in your exchange with men, it has to happen.  In this matter,  I do not feel in anyway that the childrens interest were taken into account.  Maybe off camera Shelby, the child she forced out of the house, was offered the opportunites which the mother was, or maybe we have to wait for the effects of her neglect/abuse of him to start showing in his actions and then have a whole new topic.  You could call it, "Bad sons who won't take responsibility for their own behaviour". 

 

I am not sure which was more appalling.  Watching this mother talk with no emotion over the damage she has done and willingly continues to do to these children, or the obvious manner in which Dr. Phil did nothing to insure the childrens needs were place before hers.

 

My greatest respect to Scarlette who deserves the title of Mom which Justice has gien her. 

 

S.F.B.

 
June 27, 2007, 3:52 pm CDT

WHY SO SELFISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Both mother's on this show are selfish beyond words.  The alcoholic one is just pathetic.  She needs someone to raise her so she can grow up and become a mother. 

 

As for the other one who plays favorites - I am so mad I am shaking at the thought of you having three children and paying attention to only one.  As Dr. Phil says, he just feels sad.  I feel so angry that a grown woman would actually be so dysfuntional that she would play favorites.  You are such a damaged mother that I feel so bad for your kids.  You are hurting them beyond repair!  So the father of Cullen doesn't love you!  He probably figured out what a dyfunctional, decrepit human being you are!!!!!!

 

If you don't want your other children, give them away!  Stop your sick game playing with young lives THAT YOU BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD!!!!!!  I feel sick and sad and angry that there are people like you raising children to be sad, angry, neglected people.  Shame on YOU. 

 

My only hope is that the mother reads this.  And using your middle child to replace the father's love is just sickning!!!!!!!!!!!!  Get a life and give your kids a chance at something kind, loving and real.  Give your kids away so they have a chance to grow up to be functional human beings.  GET A LIFE!!!!!  Stop being so toxic and do something loving and get help!

 
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