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Topic : 06/27 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Number of Replies: 169
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Created on : Friday, January 19, 2007, 01:23:14 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/24/07) Do you find yourself wondering where your relationship with your child went wrong? You say it’s your child. Your child says it’s you. Who’s to blame? Dr. Phil uncovers where the problem lies in these families. Penny says her life is in shambles because her 17-year-old son, Jason, is extremely threatening and violent. Jason says his mother is a lazy alcoholic, and all he has ever wanted was to feel loved by her. Penny’s sister, Jackie, says Penny has a drinking problem and wants the mother and son to get help before they kill each other. Then, Kim has three sons –- 14, 2 and 15 months -- but says she loves her middle son, Cullen, the most. She has pictures of him all over her house, but not her other two sons. She takes Cullen to bed with her at night, while the baby cries himself to sleep in his own room, and she buys Cullen new clothes, while her youngest gets hand-me-downs. Her oldest son says he has felt neglected his whole life and is worried the baby will feel that way too. Kim’s friend, Starlette, says Kim’s baby has even started calling her Mama. What’s behind Kim’s favoritism, and why does she feel justified? Share your thoughts here.

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January 24, 2007, 1:54 pm CST

01/24 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Quote From: jsg262003

My boyfriend is very special to me and we been to gether few months now.  Certain things just irritate me that he does.  One of them is yes this show today was like him e.g. Danny T anner/Bob Sagat from "Full House" '88='95.  He clean freak galore.  There is a purell sanitizer botte in just about every room by the door/entrance way.  He sorta drives me up the wall w/ it all.  He constantly telling me and my daugher to wash or use purell to be free of germs.  Anyway the main problem recently is that he got  a transfer of job bout 1month ago and spending all his free time w/ my daughter and not me.  He adores her and she loves him just about from the start when we all met.  Recently, he transferred from nights to day hours.  SHe just loved him for that.  He did it bc he thought he lose us bc he didnt see much of us, especially my daughter.  (bc of her schooling)  Every time i turn around recently he'll pic her up from school and not tell me prior to i attempting to pic her up as i usually have done in past.  He's spending time w/' her or us.. I feel it out of hand.  I said someting to him few times but doesnt do nothing.  Unless she in bed shes allways w/ him, which is m,aking feel neglected.  Dont get me wrong its good they have a good relationship/bond together but i feel it overboard /overkill.  He constantly taking her places w/ out telling me first bout it so i know or can say" ya ill go too".  He gives me affection and attention but not as much as he used too b4 the job switch.  I feel/think he wants to make up for all the times he wasnt there for her i think, but not sure??? Any suggestions/comments anyone?? confused here...Andrea

Are you for real????  I don't even know you, but your situation does not sound RIGHT!!!  You really need to get with your daughter and find out what has been going on during your absence.  You say you have only been with your boyfriend for a few months and you already allow him free reign with your child?  Please don't let your love for a man, who has only been in the picture for a few months, cloud your judgment as a mother and protector of your child.  Wake up....RED FLAGS are screaming at you!!!!

 
January 24, 2007, 1:59 pm CST

Mom is hurting; let's encourage her!

Although I agree with the messages saying the kids are hurting when the mom favors one over the others, you can see how much she is hurting too. She intellectually understands what she's doing and is being open to Dr. Phil's guidance.I want to wish her the best of luck as she works to build her own confidence and self-worth, so that she can pass that on to her own children. She's like most of the rest of us moms, doing the best we can in whatever situation we're in. Good luck to her!
 
January 24, 2007, 2:12 pm CST

01/24 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

It still amazes me though I've seen it countless times in life the competitive nature of women that they're so quick to judge and throw stones at other women. I doubt that any of us are so above reproach that there isn't something in our lives that we couldn't improve up...maybe even use the help of counselors to do so. My heart ached for the little boyS as well...all 3 of them. The mother is simply substituting this child for what's missing in her life. That doesn't mean that she doesn't love her children. Lots of "loving" mothers do things that are detrimental to their child's overall health and well being. I just don't get why women are so quick to "beat up" on another woman. Sure...kids are a sensitive topic...and we all feel a tug when a child is being treated in a detrimental manner. But beating up on their mother isn't going to solve a thing. This woman needs real help, and thankfully she's got a REAL friend who is willing to help without throwing a stone. She smartly recognized a problem and a REAL way to solve it. You will never convince me that those who say "I could never/would never do that" are such an exemplary parent that there isn't one single thing they could improve upon.

Lay off already...give the mom a break...she's someone who's obviously in great pain, is likely suffering from terrible depression and needs REAL help and solutions. Not more harm from someone who's set themselves apart from/above the rest.

 
January 24, 2007, 3:18 pm CST

Mother is in denial!

I just finished watching your show today and was very angry at Jason's mother (can't remember her name). I wished I had counted when Dr. Phil asked her a direct question, she would go off to third base and not even come close in giving an answer. I don't think Jason should get any blaime for the way his actions are right now. His role model is definitely NO HELP! Any teenager given a little bit of niche to do whatever they want will definitely take it. I am happy to see Jason really wants help, but I really don't think his mother will follow through completely, hopefully for sake of Jason she will. I hope Dr. Phil will have a follow-up show on this family to see if any good results occur if they did what Dr. Phil offered them.
 
January 24, 2007, 3:26 pm CST

Parental favortism

I grew up with favortism from my family and it is so distructive! I am the "oops" baby. My parents have both passed away now but my mother always treated my brother favoritively. My sister and I were second class citizens. Even though there is 15 years between my sister and I, we have a similar story to tell of our child hood. Our brother who is five years younger than my sister has a story completely different from ours! We used to talk about it and try to get him to validate our memories but it is like he grew up in a different house. My sister and I have spent many years trying to deal with the lack of affection and abuse that we endured. When our parents died my brother inherited everything! Not that either of us expected anything but at least it was something that helped validate that she and I are not crazy!
 
January 24, 2007, 3:44 pm CST

Problem parent

In watching today's show, I was really concerned for Jason.  It seemed at the show's end that everyone was taken care of except him.  There was not any mention that he was going to get counseling or assistance of any kind - the last picture of him reflected a very perplexed and sad young adult.  I respect Dr. Phil in every way and possibly help was offered to Jason post show but that info was not privy to the viewers.  I hope and pray that Jason will be looked after by a loving relative, and that he won't be left to raise himself in a "friend's" garage.  I hope there will be a followup to this show so that the viewers can rest at ease that his needs were met, as well.  I also hope that the mother will follow through with the help that has been graciously offered by Dr. Phil, as she was not very convincing - more, she was in denial for most of the show and totally dishonest with Dr. Phil and more importantly with herself! 
 
January 24, 2007, 3:49 pm CST

01/24 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Quote From: sonoma

I watched your show today and it was very good. My son went in a rehab just before Christmas. He has been sober since and we are very proud of him.  He told me a few weeks ago he is tired of his lifestyle.  He has 1 friend and the friend doesn't do drugs or drink.  I don't know if you do shows on grandparents or not cause I am not able to watch it everyday but my daughter got engaged at Christmas and he informed us the only way we are allowed  to our grandchildren is in a public place cause my son was in prison and used to do drugs. Our grandchildren are 7 years old and  months and mean alot to us. My son asked if he could watch Derek at the pinewood Derby last Saturday afternoon and he was told no. I am disappointed in my daughter.We never told our grandson in ws in prison. Kids wonder why  parents get depressed?. I told her think about it.We don't speak right now.

I WATCH YOUR SHOW TODAY AND I HAVE A SIMILAR SITUATION GOING ON IN MY HOUSE. MYSON WHO HAS A FIVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, WHO IS IN SCHOOL. HE IS ALLOWING HER TO GET AWAY WITH BAD BEHAVIOR IN SCHOOL JUST AS LONG AS SHE DOESN'T LIE ABOUT IT. WHEN IN ALL REALITY HE SHOULD STILL PUNISH BUT NOT AS SEVERE. THE PARENT ARE DIVORCED AND THE MOTHER  HAS REALLY NOTHING TO DO WITH HER EXCEPT WHEN IT IS CONVIENT FOR HER. WHEN THE CHILD ASK THE MOTHER "WHY DON'T I GET TO SEE YOU" THE MOTHER REPLY WAS IT'S YOUR DAD FAULT. THE FATHER HAS CUSTODY (PARTENTAL). THE FATHER IS A GOOD DAD BUT DOESN'T REALIZE THAT WHAT HE THINK IS GOOD IS JUST REINFORCING HER BAD BEHAVIOR. THE FATHER HAS A GIRLFRIEND WHO IS A VERY SWEET GIRL AND I LOVE HER DEARLY. SHE HAS BEEN SO MUCH HELP CALMING EACH OF THEM DOWN. MY SON AND HAD HAD A FIGHT CAUSE I WAS EXPLAINING TO HIM WHERE I BELIEVE HE WAS GOING WRONG. WELL HE TOLD ME TO BUTT OUT AND HE WAS GOING TO RAISE HIS DAUGHTER THE WAY HE SAW FIT. SO I TOLD HIM NOT TO CALL ME WHEN THE DOCTOR PUTS HER ON A NEW MED, NOR CALL ME FOR ADVISE. THE DAY WOULD COME HE WOULD UNDERSTAND WHERE I WAS COMING FROM. NOW MY SON HAS A TEMPER. HE LOSES IT WHEN IT COMES TO HIS DAUGHTER, IN FACT HE HAS ALREADY GOT HER EXSPELLED FROM SCHOOL CAUSE OF HIS OUTH.  I KNOW I DIDN'T RASIE MY CHILDREN THE RIGHT WAY.  IF ONLY DR. PHIL WAS ON TV THEN I WOULD HAVE LEARN A LONG TIME TO AGO. I HAVE CHANGED FOR THE BETTER. I DO NOT TREAT MY GRAND CHILDREN LIKE I TREATED MY CHILDREN. I TRY TO TEACH  THEM THE RIGHT WAY. I DON'T YELL ANY MORE, NOR SPANK .  AS IT STANDS RIGHT NOW ALL IT TAKES IS FOR DAD TO WALK IN THE DOOR AND SHE STARTS IN. AS WELL AS SHE HAS ADHD, ON MEDICATION, BUT CAN'T GET MY SON TO UNDERSTAND THERE NEED TO BE BOUNDRIES. AS OF NOW WE DON'T SPEAK
 
January 24, 2007, 3:52 pm CST

I was that alcohlic mother too

I was that alcoholic mother too.  That segment hit me on the head.  I did the same things she did and my son who is now 17 had to be my caretaker.  It has scarred him and I feel the guilt for that because I would make me deathly ill.  I hid the vodka bottles too everywhere and my son would look for them and they were all over the place.  I even would fight him for them.  It almost tour our family apart but my husband of 16 years stood by me.  He must have had faith in me for some reason because I would of been gone a long time ago, if I had to put up with what he did.  I tried and tried to quit drinking for years.  I think I had an intervention of a different sort.  The Lord above helped me and thats all I can say because it just happened one day.  I still take it one day at a time and I have been sober now for 3 years but I had one relapse in July and it cost me dearly with the law.  I take a new medication called Campral and it has helped tremendously.  It takes away the cravings.  Alcoholism runs straight down the line in my family.  I hope she finds the treatment because it won't stop until she is ready or hit rock bottom.  I was sick of being sick.  It is a one day at a time thing.  But I am 42 and it took a long time for me to reach that conclusion.  She has to be committed for the rest of her life.  My son is scarred because of it.  He didn't have a very good childhood, because I would be in bed for a week at a time still drinking.  I wish her all the luck in the world.  I watch the show Intervention and it gets me grounded again.  I never want to return to that place every again.  I hope she feels the sameand she's doing well.  I hope you have a update show so we can see if she is alright.  I just couldn't believe how much todays show hit home, the only thing different.  It is terrible to live that way!  I had a lot of people praying for me  and I believe that is what got me through.  I was so bad that I had to go to the hospital I don't know how many times because of the physcial toll it took on me.  Even being close to death the last time.  It is very difficult with this disease.  I hope she does well. 
 
January 24, 2007, 4:13 pm CST

Kim is full of it

She professes to love all these children when in reality she is distroying all of them! A mothers love is unconditional and having a problem pregnancy is not the reason she loves the middle child more than the other two. She's just a seIfish person that just laid down and got pregnant,or tried to hold a man with hanging a child over his head. I had two extreamly life threating pregnancies out of 4. I stayed in the hospital more than I stayed home,but I love all 4 of my children equally and my now 7 grandchildren. I have a special bond with each one of my 3 sons and my daughter. We are all very close, and it's so sad to see a mother say her middle son is her life. Maybe she needs to give the boys to someone who can love them all equally. That 14 year old is really hurt and hopefully he will never harm himself because of her neglect and stupidity. The baby is learning fast by not having anything to do with her. So Sad! She better watch out, The Lord can take them away just as he LOANED them to her.
 
January 24, 2007, 4:15 pm CST

I KNOW WHERE SHE IS COMING FROM

Quote From: mjblondie

Although I agree with the messages saying the kids are hurting when the mom favors one over the others, you can see how much she is hurting too. She intellectually understands what she's doing and is being open to Dr. Phil's guidance.I want to wish her the best of luck as she works to build her own confidence and self-worth, so that she can pass that on to her own children. She's like most of the rest of us moms, doing the best we can in whatever situation we're in. Good luck to her!
 ACCORDING TO SOME OF MY FRIENDS AND MY DAUGHTER, I HAVE FAVORED  MY SON FOR A VERY LONG TIME. I REALLY CAN'T TELL YOU WHY EXCEPT FOR HE WAS MOLESTED WHEN HE WAS 11 TO 12 YEARS OLD. I HAD THOUGHT IT WAS LEARNED BEHAVIOR FROM MY 3RD EX-HUSBAND. WELL FINALLY AFTER BEING ADMITTED TO THE STATE HOSPITAL FOR SEVERAL MONTHS.  I DID TAKE ACTION AND GOT THIS MAN BEHIND BARS, TOOK EIGHT YEARS TO DO SO BUT IT IS DONE. I HAVE GOTTEN HIM OUT OF ALOT OF TROUBLE. I HAVE EVE PAID ATTORNEY  SO HE COULD GET OUT OF TRAFFIC TICKETS AND SO HE COULD GET CUSTODY OF HIS DAUGHTER. NOW WE ARE NOT SPEAKING DUE TO I WAS TELLING HIM HE WAS ALLOWING HIS DAUGHTER TO AWAY WITH BAD BEHAVIOR IN SCHOOL, JUST AS LONG AS SHE DOESN'T LIE ABOUT IT.  THIS IS JUST REINFORCING THE BAD BEHAVIOR. HE HAS ALREADY GOT HER KICK OUT OF ONE SCHOOL CAUSE OF HIS MOUTH. I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO TURN TO. I HAD HIM AND THE FAMILY IN SEEING A LIFE COACH, BUT NOW HE OWN'T GO, CAUSE HE HEARD A RUMOR. I HAVE PROVED THAT RUMOR WRONG AND BEING FALSE. I SURE WISH DR. PHIL WOULD PUT HIM AND THE FAMILY IN THE DR. PHIL HOUSE CAUSE THEN HE WOULD UNDERSTAND WHY I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT MY GRAND DAUGHTER. ANY ADVISE FOR ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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