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Topic : 06/27 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Number of Replies: 169
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Created on : Friday, January 19, 2007, 01:23:14 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/24/07) Do you find yourself wondering where your relationship with your child went wrong? You say it’s your child. Your child says it’s you. Who’s to blame? Dr. Phil uncovers where the problem lies in these families. Penny says her life is in shambles because her 17-year-old son, Jason, is extremely threatening and violent. Jason says his mother is a lazy alcoholic, and all he has ever wanted was to feel loved by her. Penny’s sister, Jackie, says Penny has a drinking problem and wants the mother and son to get help before they kill each other. Then, Kim has three sons –- 14, 2 and 15 months -- but says she loves her middle son, Cullen, the most. She has pictures of him all over her house, but not her other two sons. She takes Cullen to bed with her at night, while the baby cries himself to sleep in his own room, and she buys Cullen new clothes, while her youngest gets hand-me-downs. Her oldest son says he has felt neglected his whole life and is worried the baby will feel that way too. Kim’s friend, Starlette, says Kim’s baby has even started calling her Mama. What’s behind Kim’s favoritism, and why does she feel justified? Share your thoughts here.

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January 22, 2007, 8:31 pm CST

God 's Gift

What is the deal with all these people that has children and when things don't go right the child is to blame... uh who's the parent?  

 

I know first hand that raising kids are hard work, I have three, well i had three but on May 26,2006 my 18 year old son was killed in a car wreck, my life has just about ended, all the fights and arguments that we has was so stupid and senseless.... you want to know what pain is have a child die.  

 

I love all three of my children the same and that hurts me so bad that my son is not here....

 

no parent has the right to blame there kids, after all you gave them life and taught them right from wrong, if  they turned out bad, then look in the mirror kids only do as the see.

 

They day you get a call from the morgue, yeah that's right the morgue, and they tell you at 3:03  today your son  (child) was involved in a single (multi- what ever) automobile accident and died at the scene... yeah over the phone, no cops no one to care about your feelings.  then will you know the PAIN OF LOSING A CHILD.... HAVING A CHILD IS A GREAT ENJOYMENT,

 

SO ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN BEFORE IT IS TO LATE

 
January 23, 2007, 6:40 am CST

01/24 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Quote From: momofwatsonx

What is the deal with all these people that has children and when things don't go right the child is to blame... uh who's the parent?  

 

I know first hand that raising kids are hard work, I have three, well i had three but on May 26,2006 my 18 year old son was killed in a car wreck, my life has just about ended, all the fights and arguments that we has was so stupid and senseless.... you want to know what pain is have a child die.  

 

I love all three of my children the same and that hurts me so bad that my son is not here....

 

no parent has the right to blame there kids, after all you gave them life and taught them right from wrong, if  they turned out bad, then look in the mirror kids only do as the see.

 

They day you get a call from the morgue, yeah that's right the morgue, and they tell you at 3:03  today your son  (child) was involved in a single (multi- what ever) automobile accident and died at the scene... yeah over the phone, no cops no one to care about your feelings.  then will you know the PAIN OF LOSING A CHILD.... HAVING A CHILD IS A GREAT ENJOYMENT,

 

SO ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN BEFORE IT IS TO LATE

Please allow me to express my condolances and sympathy to you,

Though I don't know (and hope I never know how you feel), you have made me for one see things in a different light, we do get into senseless fights with our kids sometimes, and we should tell them we love them more.

I hope that Mom who plays favorites with her kids sees your post, it might help her to see that ALL of our children should be cherished, and loved unconditionally.

Again, my heart goes out to you.

 
January 23, 2007, 1:01 pm CST

The Unwanted One

I can speak about this issue as this has happened to me. I was the unwanted child in my so called family. My so called father was an alcoholic and paid little attention to what was going on. Both of my parents kept telling me I was the accident that wasn't wanted. But it was my so called mother who was the worst for telling me that my brother and sister were her favourites and treated them so. It was my so called mother that always told me I was the stupid ass that couldn't do anything right. It was my so called mother that always told me I was the stupid ass that would never amount to anything. Sadly back in those days was before birth control. As they should never have had children. I ran at age 16 to get away from this abuse. I had very little or no contact with the so called family after that. I since heard my so called parents have passed. As of right now I have no contact at all with my siblings as they learned from my so called parents as I was only there for them to abuse which they all did.

 

Signed better off without my so called family and their abusive behaviours.

 
January 23, 2007, 1:16 pm CST

01/24 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Quote From: sandralm33

I can speak about this issue as this has happened to me. I was the unwanted child in my so called family. My so called father was an alcoholic and paid little attention to what was going on. Both of my parents kept telling me I was the accident that wasn't wanted. But it was my so called mother who was the worst for telling me that my brother and sister were her favourites and treated them so. It was my so called mother that always told me I was the stupid ass that couldn't do anything right. It was my so called mother that always told me I was the stupid ass that would never amount to anything. Sadly back in those days was before birth control. As they should never have had children. I ran at age 16 to get away from this abuse. I had very little or no contact with the so called family after that. I since heard my so called parents have passed. As of right now I have no contact at all with my siblings as they learned from my so called parents as I was only there for them to abuse which they all did.

 

Signed better off without my so called family and their abusive behaviours.

I'm sorry about what you have been through, I wqas an abused child who was told all kinds of crap and though it wasn't easy growing up, I made it and I was able to use the brain that the good Lord gave me, I left home, moved in with my grandma,got myself through high school as well as college, did very well and am happy, successful wife and mother. Those people who abiused me when i was a child, has nothing on me, for they are the ones who are not happy,t hey are the ones with no productive life, they are the  ones who are losing inthis journey called life and I am sure you can say the same thing, I learned to hang out with the positive people in lfe, to seek out my own life ambitions and tog o for my dreams, even if it meant doing it on my own, it was the best decission I ever made. If you are living a good, fullfilled life and havea  lot going for you, those othre people will eventually see that and they will be the ones crawling to you for help, don't let them get you down, live your life the way it was meant to be which is not to be exposed to abuse, good for you, for getting away.
 
January 23, 2007, 1:26 pm CST

01/24 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Quote From: momofwatsonx

What is the deal with all these people that has children and when things don't go right the child is to blame... uh who's the parent?  

 

I know first hand that raising kids are hard work, I have three, well i had three but on May 26,2006 my 18 year old son was killed in a car wreck, my life has just about ended, all the fights and arguments that we has was so stupid and senseless.... you want to know what pain is have a child die.  

 

I love all three of my children the same and that hurts me so bad that my son is not here....

 

no parent has the right to blame there kids, after all you gave them life and taught them right from wrong, if  they turned out bad, then look in the mirror kids only do as the see.

 

They day you get a call from the morgue, yeah that's right the morgue, and they tell you at 3:03  today your son  (child) was involved in a single (multi- what ever) automobile accident and died at the scene... yeah over the phone, no cops no one to care about your feelings.  then will you know the PAIN OF LOSING A CHILD.... HAVING A CHILD IS A GREAT ENJOYMENT,

 

SO ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN BEFORE IT IS TO LATE

I'm sorry about your loss, you sound like a gret mother. I don't understand why parents want to blame the kids for thier (the parents) mistakes, i think it comes down to denial and shame.  I was raised really crappy and anything that went wrong int he family, Iw as blamed for it, to this day, it is my fault that the family is split up the way it is,LOL. but I am not the one who was asked to be born into the most disfunctional family alive, I am not the one who was neglecting their children and so forth.

Now, I do realize that kids grow up and get minds of their own but yet at the same time, if parents do not start discipling and loving their child while theya re infants, the y will eventually the respect of thier children therefore, they can only blame themselves but in todays' society, there are way too many people,including parents who do not want to own up to their own mistakes and thatis very sad as wella s very damaging to their kids.

My kids are still a bit young, and they are the joy of my life and they know it, I do not hesitate to apologize to my children when I make mistakes, they have heard me and thier daddy both apologize, little things but I believe little things add up to big things. Any way, thank you for your post and do know, there are people out there who feel your pain, all of us may not have gone through what you have but seriously, any good parent should be able to feel pain when it comes to the loss of a child, any one's child, at least with me, i can sort of feel it cause I just can't imagine anything happening and honestly I have had knots in my stomach thinking about things like that. I know it isn't something we as parents like thinking about but we live in a real world where bad things happen, so I agree, we must enjoy our children and for those who do not, I say they need to have the decency to at least admit it and then get those children to a safe haven where they can be loved and respected, they deserve it.
 
January 23, 2007, 1:51 pm CST

I can't imagine

I just can not imagine such attitudes towards your own children.  It is apparent that the mother doesn't care about the other two children or she would not behave in this manner towards them.  Lord help those two children grow to know they are loved, but apparently not by the one God loaned them to. 

The mother should realize "today could be the day" she dies and what will she say upon judgement? 

 
January 23, 2007, 2:43 pm CST

The Unwanted One

Quote From: jettav

I'm sorry about what you have been through, I wqas an abused child who was told all kinds of crap and though it wasn't easy growing up, I made it and I was able to use the brain that the good Lord gave me, I left home, moved in with my grandma,got myself through high school as well as college, did very well and am happy, successful wife and mother. Those people who abiused me when i was a child, has nothing on me, for they are the ones who are not happy,t hey are the ones with no productive life, they are the  ones who are losing inthis journey called life and I am sure you can say the same thing, I learned to hang out with the positive people in lfe, to seek out my own life ambitions and tog o for my dreams, even if it meant doing it on my own, it was the best decission I ever made. If you are living a good, fullfilled life and havea  lot going for you, those othre people will eventually see that and they will be the ones crawling to you for help, don't let them get you down, live your life the way it was meant to be which is not to be exposed to abuse, good for you, for getting away.

It was a huge dysfunctional circle in my so called family. My mother's father was iligitimate which was very taboo in that time. But that was not his fault but was treated as so. He then took his anger out on my so called mother, who in turn took hers out on me.

 

As for my father's mother, she sexually abused her children which in turn caused his drinking etc I'm sure.

 

I did not have children due to health reasons. But I have no regrets that I did not have any.

 

But the way I see it. I am the better person since I did not abuse them as they did with me. And it is me that is taking therapy to try and deal with all of the issues. As for them, they have chosen to hide from all of the problems. But that is their choice and their life. And they have since learned I am not staying in their lives for them to bash down as they always did. Bottom line, it is truly sad they have decided not to better themselves.

 
January 23, 2007, 4:41 pm CST

01/24 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Quote From: sandralm33

It was a huge dysfunctional circle in my so called family. My mother's father was iligitimate which was very taboo in that time. But that was not his fault but was treated as so. He then took his anger out on my so called mother, who in turn took hers out on me.

 

As for my father's mother, she sexually abused her children which in turn caused his drinking etc I'm sure.

 

I did not have children due to health reasons. But I have no regrets that I did not have any.

 

But the way I see it. I am the better person since I did not abuse them as they did with me. And it is me that is taking therapy to try and deal with all of the issues. As for them, they have chosen to hide from all of the problems. But that is their choice and their life. And they have since learned I am not staying in their lives for them to bash down as they always did. Bottom line, it is truly sad they have decided not to better themselves.

I understand what you are saying, it has been quite a few years, but I did go to therapy as well and it did help. It is most defiently a vicious cycle and families like ours have provent hat children do live as theya re taught but yet when they reach out for help, that vicious cycle CAN be broken and many of us have broken it. It's too bad that not everyone decides or even knows how to change things, I feel sorry for members of my family, I have compassion for them for really they know no other way but until they see the issues and realize they need help and then reach out and acceeeept it, their lives right along with any one else who follows their ways will continue to go down hill. I do have children and I love them dearly, tehy are my life right along with my husband, unfortuanetly, my children do know everyone on the family and probably never will for I will not expose them to the dangers that they would face and for those who do come in contact with my children have boundaries and tehy know better then to cross them, thankfully, my children do have good role models outside of me and their daddy, I have made sure of that but as their parent, Iw ill do what I can to proect them aand teach them to respect themselves and right along with my brother who has done a good job in raising his girls, we are on the road intoa  good, decent functional family, that would be nice. :)
 
January 23, 2007, 10:44 pm CST

hey

Quote From: jettav

I understand what you are saying, it has been quite a few years, but I did go to therapy as well and it did help. It is most defiently a vicious cycle and families like ours have provent hat children do live as theya re taught but yet when they reach out for help, that vicious cycle CAN be broken and many of us have broken it. It's too bad that not everyone decides or even knows how to change things, I feel sorry for members of my family, I have compassion for them for really they know no other way but until they see the issues and realize they need help and then reach out and acceeeept it, their lives right along with any one else who follows their ways will continue to go down hill. I do have children and I love them dearly, tehy are my life right along with my husband, unfortuanetly, my children do know everyone on the family and probably never will for I will not expose them to the dangers that they would face and for those who do come in contact with my children have boundaries and tehy know better then to cross them, thankfully, my children do have good role models outside of me and their daddy, I have made sure of that but as their parent, Iw ill do what I can to proect them aand teach them to respect themselves and right along with my brother who has done a good job in raising his girls, we are on the road intoa  good, decent functional family, that would be nice. :)
My boyfriend is very special to me and we been to gether few months now.  Certain things just irritate me that he does.  One of them is yes this show today was like him e.g. Danny T anner/Bob Sagat from "Full House" '88='95.  He clean freak galore.  There is a purell sanitizer botte in just about every room by the door/entrance way.  He sorta drives me up the wall w/ it all.  He constantly telling me and my daugher to wash or use purell to be free of germs.  Anyway the main problem recently is that he got  a transfer of job bout 1month ago and spending all his free time w/ my daughter and not me.  He adores her and she loves him just about from the start when we all met.  Recently, he transferred from nights to day hours.  SHe just loved him for that.  He did it bc he thought he lose us bc he didnt see much of us, especially my daughter.  (bc of her schooling)  Every time i turn around recently he'll pic her up from school and not tell me prior to i attempting to pic her up as i usually have done in past.  He's spending time w/' her or us.. I feel it out of hand.  I said someting to him few times but doesnt do nothing.  Unless she in bed shes allways w/ him, which is m,aking feel neglected.  Dont get me wrong its good they have a good relationship/bond together but i feel it overboard /overkill.  He constantly taking her places w/ out telling me first bout it so i know or can say" ya ill go too".  He gives me affection and attention but not as much as he used too b4 the job switch.  I feel/think he wants to make up for all the times he wasnt there for her i think, but not sure??? Any suggestions/comments anyone?? confused here...Andrea
 
January 24, 2007, 3:58 am CST

Problem parent or problem child

    I truly believe that Penny should accept Dr.Phil's offer to be sent to the alcohol rehab in Texas.  Also Jason will need help in handling this situation in his life, in dealing with his anger,frustration, and feeling his mum doesn't care for him and love him.  His mum Penny, will need to get clean off the alcohol before any peace will come to the family otherwise everything will come crashing down before them all. I believe also that Jason must stop punching holes in walls of the house.  His mother  Penny might be genuinely frightened of her son's violent behaviour. Nevertheless both mother and son need individual help before healing and peace and love can be restored.  I know the turmoil that Jason is going through as my own blessed mother was an alcoholic, like Penny and i was the same age as Jason. Unfortunately my father drank as well, but not as heavy as my mother, so  us kids had some respite.  I wasn't violent though, but i ran away from home for three months, no one knew where i had gone.  It was a rather scary time and i believe my first breakdown.  I was desperate to be loved, understood, led properly and secure.  My family did fall apart when mum died at 50 because of the alcohol and high blood pressure.  What a heaven sent it would have been to have had Dr.Phil"s help at the time for our family to survive.      Maria3255   
 
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