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Topic : 08/15 Rude and Crude People

Number of Replies: 258
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, January 19, 2007, 01:28:17 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/25/07) Have you had it with a rude and crude relative or friend? Or do people incorrectly label you as one? Sisters Alex and Melissa say they can't understand why people perceive them as arrogant snobs. According to them, they are just confident models, and "Plain Janes” misinterpret their actions and are threatened by them. They say they want to change their ways, but when Dr. Phil puts them to the test, will they accept the challenge? Then, Jennifer says her husband of three years, Billy, is the crudest of them all. He wears t-shirts with obscene language, calls his wife names and teaches their kids to swear. She says his behavior has grown so bad that if he doesn’t change, she’s going to walk out the door. Why does Billy say it's all Jennifer's fault? Can Billy learn to clean up his act to save his marriage? Tell us what you think.

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January 25, 2007, 8:18 am CST

pretty alone

So what happens in 10 or 20 years when they lose their  looks?  They are isolating themselves by claiming superiority over other people.  I think that they will find themselves alone and ugly- especially since a majority of the guys I know HATE that kind of attitude. 

 

If the only reason they have friends is because they're 'on their level' of attractiveness, then they really don't HAVE a friendship.  I feel sorry for them if that's all they have going for them (no intelligence, no heart, no talent?).  All they have to contribute is a pretty face, and how long does THAT last?

 
January 25, 2007, 8:22 am CST

01/25 Rude and Crude People

I was really happy to see the transformation made in Melissa, maybe she really gets it now. Alex seems to be a follower of her sister but that makes me wonder why she didn't follow what Melissa was willing to do.I am curious to see if this attitude will continue in the long term for Melissa. She seems like a very nice girl. As a mother of a 6 th grade daughter I have had to teach her that she shouldn't have to worry about what the so-called "popular" girls think because she can be much happier being herself. Most of her peer group are more like my daughter. They now realize the self-appointed popular girls feel left out. As for the miserable dad, I felt very sad for both of them. I hope she can get a backbone and make sure this changes very soon. It makes me very fortunate that my husband is so good to us and we can always count on him to do the right thing.
 
January 25, 2007, 8:40 am CST

Superficial beauty is temporary

Quote From: mistyc

Isn't it sad that Alex and Melissa have built there whole personality around "I'm so pretty".  Looks fade, and nothing is ever guaranteed.  What would happen if one of these young ladies were in an car accident that destroyed there looks, or what if they developed breast cancer and had to have a mastectomy, would they be able to rally around and say I'm not pretty but I'm still a wonderful, productive human being or would go into the preverbally cave and hide?  What if someday the scientist that discoved the cure for AIDS or cancer, was overweight or had bucked teeth? would the world really care that they were not "beautiful"?  I have lots of self confidence but it isn't because I'm gorgeous or have a slim figure.  I am confident because I have lots of true friends, my husband and my children love me, and I am a success in my chosen profession.

Amen, sister!  I worked for several years as a nurse in a trauma/burn unit, and I saw more than my share of pretty young faces permanently altered following an accident.  The bloom fades from the rose with time, but sometimes that blossom is snapped off in an instant and it's never the same after that.  Don't think it couldn't happen to you, girls.

 

I think that a big part of the reason that people think Alex and Melissa are stuck-up is the way they present themselves.  The strutting and posing may be part of the modeling shtick, but to the rest of the world, it comes off as snooty and conceited.  Melissa, you were much more likeable in your "grubbies" with your face washed because you ditched the posing and head-cocking that make you look unapproachable.  And you didn't look all that different without your makeup, anyway!  Alex, your refusal to have your face washed speaks for itself, and probably not in a manner you would like.

 

As for the others on the show, I think Billy had a wake-up call today.  I certainly hope so, because he is only setting his children up to be ostracized and rejected, both at school and socially.  No responsible parent wants their children to hang around with other kids who are foul-mouthed and disrespectful.  So Billy, if you want your kids to be "blacklisted" by the other kids' parents, just keep doing what you are doing.  You are 34, not 14; it's time to grow up and be a man instead of Child #4 in this family.  But you can do it.  Good luck!

 
January 25, 2007, 10:13 am CST

Couldn't agree more

Quote From: catchmeifucan

  I hope you both go home and read this message board!!  I hope the CPS comes to your home and takes those precious kids aways from you both!!  As a mother you should have kicked him out LONG AGO!!  Could you be any more of an embarassment to parents all across the world...?  GET HELP........The mother sits there and crys..why are u not doing something???  GET HIM OUT.  BILLY is a complete idiot and he makes me sick.
I couldn't agree more.  Why oh why do women stay with these men??  I will never understand it.  Is their self-esteem so low that this is the only way they feel worthy?  Don't they realize how much less of a person it makes them?  That they are putting themselves down to the man's level?  That they are perpetuating his behavior in their children?  Their sons and daughters will grow up to be just like her (a doormat) and him (a real jerk).  Stop the circle and get rid of the no good bum!
 
January 25, 2007, 10:28 am CST

Boys are no better than Girls

Quote From: ksueditz

I have had run-ins w/ girls in the dressing rooms, restrooms, you name it. And I've noticed that it's usually teenagers. They have this attitude of "I own the world, and you are just living in it". Like they are owed something. I went to a Varsity basketball game last night w/ my two preteen sons, and I was being bumped and pushed over out of my seat the whole time. By teen girls who didn't even have the courtesy to say excuse me. I was however, bumped by a teen boy and he said I'm sorry. Figure that one out?!?!?

Coincidence.

 

Gender doesn't determine rudeness or politeness or crudeness, etc.

 

The teaching of the parents (and their living by example) is what determines how children/teens behave.

 

I have met rude and crude girls and boys (as a teacher of teens) and polite and respectful kids as well. Who raised them and what those parents expected of them (no, DEMANDED of them) determined how they behaved toward others.

 

Our two children (age 12 and 6) wouldn't dare be rude/crude to others. We spend MUCH time talking with our kids about how to treat people and how to have self-respect. We also do our best to be role models.

 

We are not whimpy, unassertive parents. We are assertive, independent, educated parents who follow the teachings of Christ. And when we goof, which everyone does from time-to-time, we apologize.

 
January 25, 2007, 10:33 am CST

No, you have no personality disorder :)

Quote From: gwarrior6

When someone is rude to me or someone else, I have a tendency to grow horns.  I feel the need to socially castrate them (I think it's called leveling) out of sheer boredom and to entertain myself.  I think I thrive on this.  It's like, "Who's your Daddy NOW, jerk"!   Hell hath no fury like my personality disorder...lol!  I think it revs my engine...is that normal?

I pity rude people. They can't be happy if they feel the need to be cruel to others. Yes, I'm assertive and call them on their rudeness (ex. "Why do you feel the need to be rude?, etc). The response I usually get is one of embarrasment or defensiveness. They don't know what to say (probably because they've been allowed to get away w/ it for so long).

 

One doesn't have to lower themselves to the rude person's level to make a point. I perfer to have class (not that you don't) and be very frank with them....asking them to explain themselves.

 

I have yet to have a rude person be rude to me a second time. They usually avoid me. It's great.

 

Don't let your frustration with these losers get the better of you. Getting angry and telling them off hands all the power over to them. They don't deserve that power and control.

 

God bless.

 
January 25, 2007, 12:33 pm CST

todays show

I can not stand people like those two girls,its totally ridiculous I have known people like tem make sme sick.I have laways taugt my children reguardles so fmoney or class or  who u are noone is better than any other person everyone has feelings every one makes mistakes.

that u may be in bette rplace at the time but nto better than someone even homless or prostutes everyone has issues n struggles while one might be bette roff ther enot bette rthan.

what will they do when those looks fade and honestly not to be rud ebut i dont even think there all that. And as for the husband thats abusive u treat people how to treat u he knows she tolerates it so he continues to do it.

I ave been there n i wil lnot let anyone treat me that way again and my husband is a good man he wouldnt do thta but he knows if he did id be out the door less he got help, it hurts to see women with such low self esteem.shes is responble for how the children r acting to by staying with him and allowing it to go on.

Sorry for my tyoing my hands are very painful sometimes.

anna

 
January 25, 2007, 12:46 pm CST

A Male Point of View

Quote From: jhmccormick

The show airs today and I am worried. We have been going to our counseling but I have yet to see a huge change and in some ways things have been going down hill quite quickly. I am open to any advice that anyone is willing to share. How do you get out of a situation like this???
I do not usually agree with ultimatums, but you may be forced to go that route.  If he still doesn't get it, you have to think of the kids first.  Having a father in the home is a good thing only if the person is a good father.  If he just will not follow up completely with counseling, he doesn't want to be a father very much.  What has your counselor had to say about this?  Have you been going to counseling?  If not, you should go now!  This isn't nuclear physics.  If he won't make a change that small in his behavior, you need to make a big change for yourself and your kids.
 
January 25, 2007, 12:46 pm CST

You're right

Quote From: flthomcat

I pity rude people. They can't be happy if they feel the need to be cruel to others. Yes, I'm assertive and call them on their rudeness (ex. "Why do you feel the need to be rude?, etc). The response I usually get is one of embarrasment or defensiveness. They don't know what to say (probably because they've been allowed to get away w/ it for so long).

 

One doesn't have to lower themselves to the rude person's level to make a point. I perfer to have class (not that you don't) and be very frank with them....asking them to explain themselves.

 

I have yet to have a rude person be rude to me a second time. They usually avoid me. It's great.

 

Don't let your frustration with these losers get the better of you. Getting angry and telling them off hands all the power over to them. They don't deserve that power and control.

 

God bless.

I need to count to ten or control my impulse to tell them off- that does give them power.

 

I would be embarrassed later if I exploded.  There are better ways to handle them.  Thanks for your advice.  :)

 

Have a blessed day!

 
January 25, 2007, 12:50 pm CST

todays show

all i can say is shame in mom in the show you trest people how to treat u and she shld lef tlong time ago shes just as responble for those kids enduring that. se should respect her self n kids and learn to depend on her self and get some confedence and for the girls im sorry i dont even think there all that pretty btu no exise for acting like that.i teachmy kid sur no bette rthan anyone reguardless of class or money u maybe in bette rplace at times but nto better  regaurdles sif ur homeles sor whatever every one had struggles anna
 
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