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Topic : 01/26 Bullies

Number of Replies: 388
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Created on : Friday, January 19, 2007, 01:29:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Bullying has been making front page news and causing outrage across the country. It’s a dangerous trend that has grown out of control. Dr. Phil plays a disturbing video that has been broadcast all over the Internet and news. Three high school girls brutally pummel a young girl while a video camera captures every slap, punch and horrifying kick. Steve Levy, the Suffolk County Executive, joins Dr. Phil via satellite, to discuss the vicious attack. Then, Natasha is a 15-year-old bully who admits that she has no problem pushing, hitting and cursing out any student who doesn’t do what she says. Natasha faces off with Sarah and Dory, two girls she continually taunts at school every day. Will Sarah and Dory retaliate by resorting to “mean girl” behavior, or will all three come to a compromise? And, Dr. Phil’s son, Jay, has an empowering message for the teens. Plus, the school principal and the parents of Natasha, Sarah and Dory weigh in. Have you been the victim of a bully? Share your story here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More January 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

January 21, 2007, 11:13 am CST

01/26 Bullies

Quote From: mommy96

My son has been bullied at his school since kindergarten.  I didn't realize that it was happening until he started throwing up everyday before school.  I finally sat down and asked him what was going on and he told me that several boys at school were beating him up at recess.  I decided to go to the school myself to see if I could catch the boys beating up my son.  I sat there for over an hour until the children came out for recess, no sooner did my son get on the playground the boys were running up behind him and threw him to the ground.  I looked at the supervisors on the playground to see what they were doing and every single one of them were huddled into to groups talking.  I got out of my car and ran over to assist my son, I had every intention on just taking him with me but I didn't want to get into trouble for taking my son off of the school property.  I decided to then go into the school and talk with the principal about what I had just observed on the playground.  The principal  told me and my husband that their supervisors aren't paid very well so you basically get what you pay for!   My son is now in the fifth grade and he still continues to deal with bullies on a daily basis.  My son tries to make friends with other students but they turn him down and tell him that he cannot play with them.  It is heart breaking as a parent to feel so useless in this type of situation.   We've even tried to get the superintendant to meet with us and he replied that is unusual for him to meet with parents.  I have discussed this issue with other people and they feel that I would have a strong legal case against the school but I would rather not have things go that far.  I had wrote a letter to the Dr. Phil show and was given an invitation to be on the show with my son  "Bullies Caught On Tape" but after discussing it with my husband he felt that it might alienate my son even more.  We have taken our son to counseling but that doesn't stop him from being bullied at school.  One day I asked my son to write down how he felt about school, these were his exact words:

 

It feels like that I don't want to ever go to school again.  I just want to make them take those words back.  Or I just want to go to a different school.

I have to deal with this every day of my life except for Saturday and Sunday.   With people make fun me and my friends and hurting us just feel like making them pay back.  And it frustrates me, makes me feel sad, and angry like I just want them to hurt until they can't take it anymore.

 

My heart truly breaks for my son and I'm not really sure where we go from here.......... 

I have a son in 5th grade too who has been picked on from time to time (tho' not continually thank God!) I have also "lain in wait" for the bullying to start.. I borrowed a friend's car and took another friend with me, and we waited alongside the route home from school. The bullys started picking and we leapt out , confronted them and then went to the school and threatened charges and lawsuits if it continued. I also went to the parents and told them "you'll never know when I may be around to check on my child to and from school, and next time I may have a video camera w/ me. So, you may want to make sure little darling smiles for my camera" We've never had those kind of problems since.tho' we still deal w/ teasing a bit but my son is learning how to use humor and sarcasm to deflect it...usually bullys hate to have things 'turned back" on them and will go pick on an easier target

 
January 21, 2007, 11:14 am CST

01/26 Bullies

Quote From: jade4953

Ihave found a way to divert bullying for both of my teens.  The older teen 16, has been verbally and physically abused in school.  I launched my own personal campaign by repeated calls to guidance counselors, publishing on the "reader's page" of our local newspaper and virtually becoming a public annoyance through the power of words. 

 

 When action was not taken by the principal and guidance department I went directly to the superintendent of schools and school board meetings.

 

The squeaky wheel DOES get the oil.

 

In the case of my 14 year old whose bike was the subject, we armed him with a walky talky.  He called my husband who responded in 2 minutes, found the 16 year old to be present and called 911.  The boy fled but was arrested.  I spent 4 sessions spanning 4 months in Family Court.  The result was a protective order and probation for the offending youth.

 

No problems have ensued since.   

BRAVO!...the squeaky wheel does get the oil.. I know first hand
 
January 21, 2007, 1:11 pm CST

Very Frustrated Mother ..............................

   I'm 33 years old , and have 3 beautiful kids . 2 are school age and one is still at home . My boys are 10 & 11 years old , and have had to deal with bullies for 4 long years . I've lived in the principals office , and keeping the phone hot from calling the school. I'm sick of the same song and dance , that I've recieved over the years ! We will look into it, we will make sure it's stopped and we assure you it won't happen again! ( My reaction is yeah right !) Our new School Super Attendant wouldn't return my call, instead had some unqualified person to call me and yet this person couldn't give me a straight answer to save her life ! Now , it's gotten so bad ....going on 2 years now my boys are just so tired of going to school having to deal with this day in and out ! They had to start seeing an therapist 2 to 3 times a month , and a child psychritrist 1 a month. My middle child has a high anxiety problem from this . This is ridiculous what our children have to go through on a regular basis !  I 'm sick to my stomach , because I feel like my hands are tied , no body wants to do their job here in our schools and at the school district and my kids are having to suffer because of it ! It literally breaks my heart having to drop them off at school everyday , and it angers me that the teachers don't watch these kids on the play ground , the principal want to do her job fully , and the school supper attendant want return my call , this is INJUSTICE in the HIGHEST ! 

 

I honestly think parents should pull together across the country , and help demanding changes and if they aren't met , start pulling their kids out of public schools until we can get results ! ( But I know that it won't really happen .....So, I won't hold my breathe !)

 
January 21, 2007, 2:42 pm CST

Laws

Quote From: msalway

I have a 13 yr old son that has been bullied since we have moved to this small town Wyoming.  5 months ago he was physically jumped by 2 of them and fought back, the result......a lot of bullying from police, city attorney, principal, and the superintendent.  My son was the one that was charged and the city attorney said in todays society there is no room for self defense.  This kid is still harassing my son at school.  They just look the other way.  My son is now doing 20 hrs community service for just defending himself.  He is the one that feels powerless.  They don't stop.  Then the student resource officer now bullies my son and my 15 yr old daughter.  They are guilty until proven innocent.  As a parent you need to protect your child, but when all the powers are against you, you are truly powerless.  You feel you have no where to turn.  In this small town the cliques are terrible and even we as parents that are new to this town fight the cliques, so we know how are children must feel.  When the powers that be ask themselves why there are school shootings, they need to look at what they are ignoring and pushing aside, and they are the ones truly to blame.  They make the kids feel like they have to protect themselves.
It is truly a sad society, I was one that thought oh not my kid, he can't be being bullied, and I also thought bullying was being exagerrated until now.  If anyone needs support go to bullypolice.com, that is what helped me get through all that I have.  The bullying still continues, we just have to be on alert and we are the ONLY ones that support our son.  The school and authorities are blind, and don't want to deal with it properly.

Michelle

First of all for all of those who read my posting about New Years Eve and that I almost committed suicide. I am getting help and things are looking better

Now for this issue of bullies. Right now there is a bill being proposed in the Montana State legislature to make it illegal to bully people in the work place. Lets not forget this is not just a problem that exist in our schools. Bully's exist everywhere. I have worked for a few myself. To the parents I would say get to know the law and get a pittbull of a lawyer if you can afford it. Contact your state legislature and have them put pressure on these schools. Contact your school boards and make it an issue. If your school is an elected one like some of the ones in Montana. Tell them deal with this now or face during your re-election campaign.  Make it an issue they will have to deal with.

I know what it is like to be a victum of this crime. I was bullied all through school. I will not attend my high school reunions.  I am glad your kids have you to lean on.

 
January 21, 2007, 7:33 pm CST

What Schools Aren't Doing to Stop The Bullies

  Myoldest daughter was in 2nd grade. She had never had problems. Was a great student, made grate grades and got along with every one. Then her 2nd grade year everything changed. Her grades dropped (so bad her teacher; my former 2nd grade teacher; thought she had an LD), she had a hard time making friends and thought the worst things about herself and for the first time didn't want to go to school.

  

   She had told me about a boy that was picking on her and I began to wounder if he didn't have a crush on her. Then her teacher called one day and was very worried about her and told me how this boy was targeting my child and a few others. I asked why the boy's parents hadn't been called and she told me they had but that the father didn't think there was a problem.  I asked why the principle hadn't been contacted and found out she had , but chose not to do anything about it.

The only thing that the teacher could do was keep them apart and see that all the other staff did the same thing.

 

   Some weeks passed but nothing relay changed. Then one day my daughter told me about having to square dance (a school project) and she had to dance with the bully and how her P.E. teacher told her she would have to and "It was his class and his rules and he would put who ever he wanted together."  and how that week she had been punished for the bully pushing her down on the play ground because the P.E. teacher assumed she had to have done something....after all kids just wouldn't push each other around....right.

 

   Finally I went to the school, told the P.E. teacher to keep them apart and that her teacher had a REAL REASON for keeping them that way and that if anything else ever happened that my husband and I would be up there with the police and a attorney. I then went to the principle and told her the same thing.

 

   It was no surprise that that little boy never messed with my daughter again. Her grades went up a little and she was happier to go to school. It was sad though, the school never did anything to that boy and even though he wasn't picking on my child he turned his ways to another little boy in her class. The bully still goes to that school, but my kids don't.

 

LESSON:   IF SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT AT YOUR KIDS SCHOOL AND STAFF WON'T TAKE CARE OF IT TELL THEM YOU WILL BY CALLING THE POLICE AND GETTING AN ATTORNEY!!!!!THEY WILL LISTEN THEN! 

 
January 21, 2007, 7:34 pm CST

unbelievable!

Quote From: msalway

I have a 13 yr old son that has been bullied since we have moved to this small town Wyoming.  5 months ago he was physically jumped by 2 of them and fought back, the result......a lot of bullying from police, city attorney, principal, and the superintendent.  My son was the one that was charged and the city attorney said in todays society there is no room for self defense.  This kid is still harassing my son at school.  They just look the other way.  My son is now doing 20 hrs community service for just defending himself.  He is the one that feels powerless.  They don't stop.  Then the student resource officer now bullies my son and my 15 yr old daughter.  They are guilty until proven innocent.  As a parent you need to protect your child, but when all the powers are against you, you are truly powerless.  You feel you have no where to turn.  In this small town the cliques are terrible and even we as parents that are new to this town fight the cliques, so we know how are children must feel.  When the powers that be ask themselves why there are school shootings, they need to look at what they are ignoring and pushing aside, and they are the ones truly to blame.  They make the kids feel like they have to protect themselves.
It is truly a sad society, I was one that thought oh not my kid, he can't be being bullied, and I also thought bullying was being exagerrated until now.  If anyone needs support go to bullypolice.com, that is what helped me get through all that I have.  The bullying still continues, we just have to be on alert and we are the ONLY ones that support our son.  The school and authorities are blind, and don't want to deal with it properly.

Michelle
It is your son's God-given right not to be bullied!  I'd tell your son to keep defending himself.  "No room for self defense in today's society"?!!!  That's crap!  That's UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!!!  You have a right to defend yourself no matter what- they exonerate ppl for that!  UGH!  SUE THEM, SUE THEM ALL, LET GOD SORT 'EM OUT!   Have you filed police reports on this kid?  The "resource officer" too.  Build a paper trail that you can rely on in court, get EVERYTHING in writing, and make them all pay!  How Christian did i just sound?  Well it does say not to throw your pearls to swine...so stand up for yourself and your children before it gets worse.
 
January 21, 2007, 7:44 pm CST

Stand Up For Your Son!!!

Quote From: faeryedark

I have a son in 5th grade too who has been picked on from time to time (tho' not continually thank God!) I have also "lain in wait" for the bullying to start.. I borrowed a friend's car and took another friend with me, and we waited alongside the route home from school. The bullys started picking and we leapt out , confronted them and then went to the school and threatened charges and lawsuits if it continued. I also went to the parents and told them "you'll never know when I may be around to check on my child to and from school, and next time I may have a video camera w/ me. So, you may want to make sure little darling smiles for my camera" We've never had those kind of problems since.tho' we still deal w/ teasing a bit but my son is learning how to use humor and sarcasm to deflect it...usually bullys hate to have things 'turned back" on them and will go pick on an easier target

Even though you don't want to take legal action because you dint want to be that hard, the school probably won't do anything until you do. I not only had to threaten it but I put both of my kids in private school the next year. It comes with a price, but one I gladly pay. My children are happy and when I talk I am listened too by the staff. They want to teach my kids not punch a time clock!  See if your family won't help you split the bill, mine offered. Heck if you sue ( and you have the grounds too) you may get the money to send him to a good school without worry. But no matter what you have to take a stand for your son LIKE IT OR NOT!!!
 
January 21, 2007, 9:29 pm CST

01/26 Bullies

Quote From: mommy96

My son has been bullied at his school since kindergarten.  I didn't realize that it was happening until he started throwing up everyday before school.  I finally sat down and asked him what was going on and he told me that several boys at school were beating him up at recess.  I decided to go to the school myself to see if I could catch the boys beating up my son.  I sat there for over an hour until the children came out for recess, no sooner did my son get on the playground the boys were running up behind him and threw him to the ground.  I looked at the supervisors on the playground to see what they were doing and every single one of them were huddled into to groups talking.  I got out of my car and ran over to assist my son, I had every intention on just taking him with me but I didn't want to get into trouble for taking my son off of the school property.  I decided to then go into the school and talk with the principal about what I had just observed on the playground.  The principal  told me and my husband that their supervisors aren't paid very well so you basically get what you pay for!   My son is now in the fifth grade and he still continues to deal with bullies on a daily basis.  My son tries to make friends with other students but they turn him down and tell him that he cannot play with them.  It is heart breaking as a parent to feel so useless in this type of situation.   We've even tried to get the superintendant to meet with us and he replied that is unusual for him to meet with parents.  I have discussed this issue with other people and they feel that I would have a strong legal case against the school but I would rather not have things go that far.  I had wrote a letter to the Dr. Phil show and was given an invitation to be on the show with my son  "Bullies Caught On Tape" but after discussing it with my husband he felt that it might alienate my son even more.  We have taken our son to counseling but that doesn't stop him from being bullied at school.  One day I asked my son to write down how he felt about school, these were his exact words:

 

It feels like that I don't want to ever go to school again.  I just want to make them take those words back.  Or I just want to go to a different school.

I have to deal with this every day of my life except for Saturday and Sunday.   With people make fun me and my friends and hurting us just feel like making them pay back.  And it frustrates me, makes me feel sad, and angry like I just want them to hurt until they can't take it anymore.

 

My heart truly breaks for my son and I'm not really sure where we go from here.......... 

I personally think you need to make them know you will not tolerate your son being bullied at school. You make the parents of the bully / bullies and the school know that you will not tolerate you son being treated like this.   If that means involving the court system then so be it.  Schools need to know that they will suffer the necessary consequence for ignoring the problem instead of fixing it.  The principal told you that "their supervisors aren't paid very well so you basically get what you pay for!"  That is the most ignorat excuse I've ever heard from a principal.  He was taking the easy way out and thought you would just leave it at that.  DON'T!  You push until something is done for your son. 

 

If I were you I would definitely consider self-defense classes for your son.  They teach discipline and instruct them to use it only when necessary.  I don't believe in throwing the first punch but when it is a continuous fight you need to know how to stand up for yourself.  These classes are not just for bullies at school, they are for everyone, in the event that they might be abducted or assalted.  Everyone needs to know self defense in my opinion.

 

The reason I am so passionate about this is because I was bullied emotionally back in the fifth grade (I am now 26) and it was all I could do to get through each day much less the school year.  I never understood what I did to the person because we had been friends prior to the fifth grade.  I guess he felt he needed to be "cool" in front of all of his buddies.  He chose to make fun of me because I have CP (cerebral palsy) and he knew that would hurt me the most.  He was right.  What I don't understand is why it had to be something I couldn't help.  Luckily, when my parents got involved everything stopped.  Anyway, good luck and I hope everything works out for you and your son.

 

Michelle

 
January 21, 2007, 9:40 pm CST

work place bullies

Quote From: lateblmr

 

A bully does not discontinue this behavior when they are 18 or 22.  The school yard bully continues acting out, carrying their insecurities into the workplace.  Europe has laws to protect employees from bullies in the workplace, but the U.S. does not - yet.  (Please refer to the two excellent web sites I reference at the bottom of this note.)  Their methods are tweeked a bit to fit the environment (setting people up, spreading untrue rumors, etc.), but they get the same results.  If the employer is unwilling to correct the situation, tackling the issue immediately, an employee has no protection.  Mentally healthy employees leave to find a more accepting company, draining the intelligence away from employers who allow this type of behavior to continue.  So many of us can relate, I believe this topic would make an excellent show.  Thank you.

 

http://www.prbmp.com/pagr418.htm

http://www.legalmatch.com/law-library//article/intentional-infliction-of-emotional-distress-by-employers.html

 

Victoria

Wichita, KS

You are so right in what you wrote. I have also commented on bullies in the work place.Maybe if enough of us do, this will also make the show. I was terribly abused in more than one place of work. There was no where to turn. I now just work as I want to. I no longer commit to one place for a full time position anywhere. People can really be mean. It does not help to do a good job, to be reliable, punctual, honest...nothing stops these mean people. They get to continue to have their postion, while they run other people off with their meaness.  That is the worst part. I pray for the day of final judgement  from God when they can no longer get away with that. It is all we can do because the workplace administration is not going to help.
 
January 22, 2007, 3:53 am CST

Bullies

The post from mommy96 really got to me.  I was not at all surprised that this situation went on because teachers were not supervising the playground.  I am very much against public schools for many reasons.  Bullying is a learned behavior and it is either learned in the home from one or both parents, from the babysitter (inappropriate tv shows), or video games.  It can also be learned in public schools from teachers and staff.  I understand why they don't want to take legal steps on this.  So, go and watch the playground as you did and see how many other kids are being bullied.  Do this often and keep a journal of the dates, times, who are the bullies and who are the victims and what the bullies did.  Also the names of those who were out there to supervise the playground but weren't and what they were doing as the abuses went on.  Bullying whether verbal or physical is abuse.  Then find out their names and get together with their parents, as a group, and discuss this and go as a group to the school and see the principal.  If he refuses to do anything, then go straight to the superintendents office and tell them you demand to see him.  If he refuses or tries to have you removed then again, go as a group to your daily paper office and surrounding areas and give them the story and all the details.  Name names if you must of what goes on.  But if you want your child to get an education without the bullying, then RUN don't walk to the school and withdraw him/her and RUN and enroll him/her in a private/Christian school.  You will find you once again have a happy child and he/she is getting a good education.  Don't say you can't afford it.  I was a single mother, bringing home about $60 a week, and I kept my daughter in a private Christian school.  I did not live in government subsidized housing either.  She graduated in 1998 with high honors.  Too much junk goes on in public schools and teachers/principals/superintendents do not care.  They close their eyes and turn their heads to what is going on.  They are there for the money only and to socialize with their colleagues.   So, mommy 96 (and anyone else in this situation), you have to think of the child's emotinal and physical well being first.  Follow thru on these things.  Keep us posted on how things are. 

 
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