Topic : 01/26 Bullies

I have a son in 5th grade too who has been picked on from time to time (tho' not continually thank God!) I have also "lain in wait" for the bullying to start.. I borrowed a friend's car and took another friend with me, and we waited alongside the route home from school. The bullys started picking and we leapt out , confronted them and then went to the school and threatened charges and lawsuits if it continued. I also went to the parents and told them "you'll never know when I may be around to check on my child to and from school, and next time I may have a video camera w/ me. So, you may want to make sure little darling smiles for my camera" We've never had those kind of problems since.tho' we still deal w/ teasing a bit but my son is learning how to use humor and sarcasm to deflect it...usually bullys hate to have things 'turned back" on them and will go pick on an easier target

   I'm 33 years old , and have 3 beautiful kids . 2 are school age and one is still at home . My boys are 10 & 11 years old , and have had to deal with bullies for 4 long years . I've lived in the principals office , and keeping the phone hot from calling the school. I'm sick of the same song and dance , that I've recieved over the years ! We will look into it, we will make sure it's stopped and we assure you it won't happen again! ( My reaction is yeah right !) Our new School Super Attendant wouldn't return my call, instead had some unqualified person to call me and yet this person couldn't give me a straight answer to save her life ! Now , it's gotten so bad ....going on 2 years now my boys are just so tired of going to school having to deal with this day in and out ! They had to start seeing an therapist 2 to 3 times a month , and a child psychritrist 1 a month. My middle child has a high anxiety problem from this . This is ridiculous what our children have to go through on a regular basis !  I 'm sick to my stomach , because I feel like my hands are tied , no body wants to do their job here in our schools and at the school district and my kids are having to suffer because of it ! It literally breaks my heart having to drop them off at school everyday , and it angers me that the teachers don't watch these kids on the play ground , the principal want to do her job fully , and the school supper attendant want return my call , this is INJUSTICE in the HIGHEST ! 

I honestly think parents should pull together across the country , and help demanding changes and if they aren't met , start pulling their kids out of public schools until we can get results ! ( But I know that it won't really happen .....So, I won't hold my breathe !)

First of all for all of those who read my posting about New Years Eve and that I almost committed suicide. I am getting help and things are looking better

Now for this issue of bullies. Right now there is a bill being proposed in the Montana State legislature to make it illegal to bully people in the work place. Lets not forget this is not just a problem that exist in our schools. Bully's exist everywhere. I have worked for a few myself. To the parents I would say get to know the law and get a pittbull of a lawyer if you can afford it. Contact your state legislature and have them put pressure on these schools. Contact your school boards and make it an issue. If your school is an elected one like some of the ones in Montana. Tell them deal with this now or face during your re-election campaign.  Make it an issue they will have to deal with.

I know what it is like to be a victum of this crime. I was bullied all through school. I will not attend my high school reunions.  I am glad your kids have you to lean on.

  Myoldest daughter was in 2nd grade. She had never had problems. Was a great student, made grate grades and got along with every one. Then her 2nd grade year everything changed. Her grades dropped (so bad her teacher; my former 2nd grade teacher; thought she had an LD), she had a hard time making friends and thought the worst things about herself and for the first time didn't want to go to school.

   She had told me about a boy that was picking on her and I began to wounder if he didn't have a crush on her. Then her teacher called one day and was very worried about her and told me how this boy was targeting my child and a few others. I asked why the boy's parents hadn't been called and she told me they had but that the father didn't think there was a problem.  I asked why the principle hadn't been contacted and found out she had , but chose not to do anything about it.

The only thing that the teacher could do was keep them apart and see that all the other staff did the same thing.

   Some weeks passed but nothing relay changed. Then one day my daughter told me about having to square dance (a school project) and she had to dance with the bully and how her P.E. teacher told her she would have to and "It was his class and his rules and he would put who ever he wanted together."  and how that week she had been punished for the bully pushing her down on the play ground because the P.E. teacher assumed she had to have done something....after all kids just wouldn't push each other around....right.

   Finally I went to the school, told the P.E. teacher to keep them apart and that her teacher had a REAL REASON for keeping them that way and that if anything else ever happened that my husband and I would be up there with the police and a attorney. I then went to the principle and told her the same thing.

   It was no surprise that that little boy never messed with my daughter again. Her grades went up a little and she was happier to go to school. It was sad though, the school never did anything to that boy and even though he wasn't picking on my child he turned his ways to another little boy in her class. The bully still goes to that school, but my kids don't.

LESSON:   IF SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT AT YOUR KIDS SCHOOL AND STAFF WON'T TAKE CARE OF IT TELL THEM YOU WILL BY CALLING THE POLICE AND GETTING AN ATTORNEY!!!!!THEY WILL LISTEN THEN! 

I personally think you need to make them know you will not tolerate your son being bullied at school. You make the parents of the bully / bullies and the school know that you will not tolerate you son being treated like this.   If that means involving the court system then so be it.  Schools need to know that they will suffer the necessary consequence for ignoring the problem instead of fixing it.  The principal told you that "their supervisors aren't paid very well so you basically get what you pay for!"  That is the most ignorat excuse I've ever heard from a principal.  He was taking the easy way out and thought you would just leave it at that.  DON'T!  You push until something is done for your son. 

If I were you I would definitely consider self-defense classes for your son.  They teach discipline and instruct them to use it only when necessary.  I don't believe in throwing the first punch but when it is a continuous fight you need to know how to stand up for yourself.  These classes are not just for bullies at school, they are for everyone, in the event that they might be abducted or assalted.  Everyone needs to know self defense in my opinion.

The reason I am so passionate about this is because I was bullied emotionally back in the fifth grade (I am now 26) and it was all I could do to get through each day much less the school year.  I never understood what I did to the person because we had been friends prior to the fifth grade.  I guess he felt he needed to be "cool" in front of all of his buddies.  He chose to make fun of me because I have CP (cerebral palsy) and he knew that would hurt me the most.  He was right.  What I don't understand is why it had to be something I couldn't help.  Luckily, when my parents got involved everything stopped.  Anyway, good luck and I hope everything works out for you and your son.

Michelle

The post from mommy96 really got to me.  I was not at all surprised that this situation went on because teachers were not supervising the playground.  I am very much against public schools for many reasons.  Bullying is a learned behavior and it is either learned in the home from one or both parents, from the babysitter (inappropriate tv shows), or video games.  It can also be learned in public schools from teachers and staff.  I understand why they don't want to take legal steps on this.  So, go and watch the playground as you did and see how many other kids are being bullied.  Do this often and keep a journal of the dates, times, who are the bullies and who are the victims and what the bullies did.  Also the names of those who were out there to supervise the playground but weren't and what they were doing as the abuses went on.  Bullying whether verbal or physical is abuse.  Then find out their names and get together with their parents, as a group, and discuss this and go as a group to the school and see the principal.  If he refuses to do anything, then go straight to the superintendents office and tell them you demand to see him.  If he refuses or tries to have you removed then again, go as a group to your daily paper office and surrounding areas and give them the story and all the details.  Name names if you must of what goes on.  But if you want your child to get an education without the bullying, then RUN don't walk to the school and withdraw him/her and RUN and enroll him/her in a private/Christian school.  You will find you once again have a happy child and he/she is getting a good education.  Don't say you can't afford it.  I was a single mother, bringing home about $60 a week, and I kept my daughter in a private Christian school.  I did not live in government subsidized housing either.  She graduated in 1998 with high honors.  Too much junk goes on in public schools and teachers/principals/superintendents do not care.  They close their eyes and turn their heads to what is going on.  They are there for the money only and to socialize with their colleagues.   So, mommy 96 (and anyone else in this situation), you have to think of the child's emotinal and physical well being first.  Follow thru on these things.  Keep us posted on how things are.