Topic : 01/26 Bullies

Thank you for seeing passed your situation to helping the children. I hope that they will remember your kindess in their lives. I believe that in most cases acts of kindness are passed on to others. It takes a special person to rise above their own difficulties and past to helping others and I think you should be applauded for that. When I asked if you had children it was not to say "then you have no right to talk." For different reasons many people do not have children. It took me six years and several miscarriages to have my second so I know how blessed and lucky I am to have my two. I was asking because I think too many times parents don't realize how bad bullying is and tend to think the children should work it out themselves without giving them the tools to do that. However, I don't think I, or anyone else, should be criticized for homeschooling. I think that it is a very personal decission for everyone. I know everyone can't or doesn't want to. However for those of us who choose to, we should not be accused of being part of the bullying problem because we choose to remove our children from that enviroment.

I have been a part of implementing an effective program in to several schools in my area. IT started in the u.s.a. and us canadians, LOVE IT!

You can google the info kelso's choices and get the idea of the program or order the full program online. Schools do have a budget to order anti bullying programs.

Many boards here in ontario use the program allowing each school to really make it their own.

The kids can win prizes, earn rewards, and effectively deal with small problems and big problems all the while determining the difference between the 2. It allows teachers to teach.

also, the children learn powerful lessons about dealing with the issue of bullying.

I suggest all teachers urge their principals to order this great program.

please, please, the early we start the more effective it will work by the time kids are in high school!

all part of peaceful communities!

R

I don't have children either.  I'm just curious though, if you DID have children, would your point of view be any different? 

 

Personally, I think removing the child should be the last resort.  You should talk to the bullies' parents, the teacher, the principal, even cops if need be.  If you exhaust every effort and this keeps happening (with multiple assailants) with little or no help, I think the child should get out of there ASAP.  But that's just my opinion, everyone seems to want to provoke a debate, don't get that.... Hmm....  :)

I saw the show on "Bullies",and "False Confessions" .Where do you think Police officers come from? They were bullies when they were kids,and they loved the power over people. So they got into an occupation where they can still be mean to people ,and no one will notice. No one wants to stop those "Bullies".

When I was in the tenth grade in high school three of my so called friends in the neighborhood started harrassing me. Of course my parents said ignore them and they will find someone else to pick on, but this went on for another year The Summer before my junior year on the 4th of July  the three boys were next door shooting fireworks and calling me names and shooting skyrockets at my house . My Dad asked them to stop and they were arrogant and mouthed back and stopped for a while . After my Dad went inside and a hour  or so later they started again , I went to the edge of the yard and I asked them to stop also -- the boy Matthew replied by telling me to go to Hell . Then he shot a skyrocket at my house and it landed on my Mom's roof of her new car and burned a spot on the landau roof. I picked up the skyrocket and walked over to were they were standing and I shook the skyrocket in Matthew's face and told him not to shoot anymore and he stood up to me and pushed me and said to come on -- At that point I snapped and grabbed him and proceeded to beat up Matthew and the beating was severe. That changed my life because I found I had a bad temper from that point on . But what happened after that was that Matthew's Father defended him and the other boys backed off and they quit bothering me . Matthew's Father wanted to press charges against me and My father paid for the medical bills for his injuries . The way it changed my life was when I started working for a major company in college and when I past Matthew's Father in the hallway he saw me and my name was trashed . I delt with  the problem the best way I could and continued working for the same company for 13.5 years , but a promotion into management never happened .

 

So I feel as though thru my exxperience with a bullying problem changed my life in a big way , if I can lend any views toward the subject I would be glad to share.

 

Sincerely,

Thomas

Spartanburg , S.C. 

My 14 year old daughter was also bullied so bad to the point where I had to move her to a different school. 3 times I went to the head master and assistant head master and told them about the gang of girls that seem to run the school and get away with what ever they want. Nothing was ever done about it. She was so miserable so I put her in another school. It seems to me that most bulling comes from private or  charter schools.Kid think they are better than others and their parents have the same mentality. The school just seems to think it will go away and does not want to deal with conflict. Oh no its a different story if its a son or daughter of a school teacher or board member, or high society member of the community, The something is done about it. One girl threatened to be my daughters a.. you know and another girl heard her (this is communication threat) She was expelled for 2 hours What a joke! Know one stops to realize how a child's self esteem is affected.My daughter seems to be doing better. Its a shame I had to move her to a different school, because the school didnt want to deal with the problem. Who knows who there picking on now!!

I AM A MOTHER OF 2. MY SON IS 12 AND MY DAUGHTER IS 10. MY DAUGHTER HAS NOT MISSED ANY SCHOOL SINCE SHE STARTED IN PRESCHOOL. UP UNTIL THIS YEAR. SHE IS IN 5TH GRADE AND ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE HAS COME DOWN SICK. WELL FINALLY I THOUGHT THIS WAS ODD FOR HER. SO I CONFRONTED HER ABOUT IT. SHE TOLD ME THAT THERE WERE 2 GIRLS WHO WERE CALLING HER A GEEK, AND TELLING HER SHE WAS TOO SMART. THAT THEY DIDNT' WANT TO BE HER FRIEND AND IF SHE CONTINUED TO DO SO GOOD THEN SHE WAS GOING TO GET BEAT UP. WELL I WENT TO THE SCHOOL AND TALKED TO THE PRINCIPAL, THE SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST. I HAD THEM ARRANGE FOR THE GIRLS TO TALK AND FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS REALLY GOING ON. WELL THEY FOUND OUT THESE GIRLS WERE DOING IT TO OTHERS. SO THEY DECIDED THEY WERE GOING TO HAVE A COURSE FOR THEIR CLASS ABOUT BULLYING AND THEN TALK TO ALL THE GIRLS AGAIN. WELL MY DAUGHTER CALLED ME AFTER THE MEETING(CAUSE WE WERENT' ALLOWED TO BE THERE) AND SAID WELL WE TALKED ABOUT IT AND ALL IS GOOD. I ASKED HER ON THE PHONE IF THEY TOLD HER WHAT TO SAY (THE PSYCHOLOGIST AND PRINCIPAL) I TOLD HER NOT TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I WAS ASKING HER AND SHE SAID YES. SO I STOPPED THE CONVERSATION AND TOLD HER WE WOULD TALK ABOUT IT TOGETHER. WELL THE SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST GOT ON THE PHONE WITH ME AND TOLD ME THAT THE ONLY WAS IT IS CONSIDERED BULLYING IS IF THEY ACTUALLY TOUCH MY DAUGHTER. WELL I LOOKED IT UP ON MICHIGAN.GOV AND IT SAYS RIGHT IN THERE THAT IT'S BOTH EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL BUT THE SCHOOL JUST TOLD MY DAUGHTER THAT THEY ACTUALLY HAD TO TOUCH HER FIRST. MY DAUGHTER IS AFRAID TO GO TO SCHOOL NOW. I HAVE LOOKED INTO TAKING HER OUT OF THAT SCHOOL AND JUST SWITCHING BUT IT'S NOT FAIR TO HER THIS IS HER SCHOOL TOO. MY DAUGHTER IS REALLY UPSET ABOUT THIS. THE WORSE THING ABOUT THIS STORY IS HER TEACHER RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE CLASS STARTING YELLING AT HER AND TELLING HER IT'S ALL HER FAULT THIS IS ALL GOIND ON AND TO DROP IT WHICH MADE HER CRY TOO. SO WHAT' S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THESE GIRLS AND HER ACTUAL TEACHER. PLEASE HELP WHAT DO I DO???

 

  I am so happy that this is being addressed. Bullying goes on too often. The schools act as if the parents are just blowing it out of proportion.  This is very REAL and something has to be done about it!  This cannot be swept under the rug any longer. 

 

If you are really lucky the school will lend you the cd  Izzy Kalman,

Kids are discouraged from telling adults that they are being browbeaten unless stealing or extreme physical violence is involved; telling is said to be unhelpful and even counterproductive.

 

What is extreme?  So the children that are pushed around everyday are not supposed to tell???hmm....

When we were in kindergarten, everything was great. Even through the first years of elementary school, things were okay. Then came 7th, 8th grade. By 8th grade, people would cuss at me, insult me...all because one girl didn't like me. Worst part is, I was alot into sports, so I had to deal with those people outside of school. But when we were outside school, everyone was nice. The boys I played hockey with, the girls on my soccer team. But in school, they were raelly mean, degrading. Then came highschool. We changed school, where there was 5 times the people... but some were still super mean. I didn't really have friends for a few years there. Then I met some great people. I would just hate going to my classes, with the people I used to go to elementary school with, 'cause they wuold still be tormenting me. Even a teacher did! I had him in 9th grade, and again in 12th grade. He'd pick on me, even though I was a really good student (all my grades were in the 90s!)... he'd be really mean and one day, I got up, and walked out of class. I went to the principal's office and told her that I wasn't going to go back to his class unless he stops harassing me. Took a couple of days, but eventually I went back and he stopped picking on me. WEll, he stopped talking to me altogether... which was perfect for me:)

I graduated, left for university 1000km away... then to another, about 150km from my hometown. I made friends, great friends, whom I didn't go to school with. I just let go of the past. Some "friends" from before, I just stopped talking to, didn't answer their calls, didn'T care about seeing them, after all they put me through. And strangely, when I saw people who tormented me for years, they all tried to be super nice to me, asking me where I've been, what I've done, trying to give me a hug. And my best revenge? Ignoring them totally, and continuing my way with my real friends. I made a life for myself, even after all they tried to do. Bullying is hard on kids, they need support from their parents. Sometimes, changing school is the solution, other times, it's homeschooling... therapy, anything. The one thing a child needs is support from their family. I hope all of you who have been through alot can one day do like me, and just, let it go, move on, and be a better person than the bullies will ever be. :) Good luck to you all!

I used to get bullied all the time.  My suggestion is to call the police, and file a report.  That's a threat- it's called assault if it's a threat, and battery if they touch her.  Give those little criminals a record.  Get the names of each and every bully, file the reports, and let the parents know youre doing this, because it will be real to them too.  Tell the school "psychologist" that it is a threat, and you will get the cops involved (file a grievance against her to the school board along with that teacher).  They should be held accountable for their actions.  That's ridiculous!