Topic : 01/26 Bullies

Glad you appreciated the story!! I watched their gears grind for a bit...then the lightbulb went on LOL!

 

'...great and inspiring posts," huh?  :-) :-) I'm no mental health guru, but I just plod along and contribute to the discussion where I can, i.e., the show boards if I find the topic du jour interesting, and the "Co-Parenting" and "School Issues" boards (on the main "Message Board" page, under the subheadings "Raising Kids" and "Pre-School/School-Age" respectively).

 

In case you are unaware, also under the "Pre-School/School-Age" subheading is a "regular" message board that deals with the topic of "Bullies" (I confess, I've never visited it, I just know it's there & gotten some play lately).

        Bullying was a big problem where I went to school. There was always someone being bullied somewhere over something. Those video tapes that Dr. Phil showed was nothing new to me........

         I believe that the bullying behavior first gets started at home. Its either parents bully there children. It can be brothers bully brothers, sisters bully sisters, or brothers bully sisters. This all starts at home where children develop the bullying behavior. The parents let it happened the children learn it to be Okay and then its a behavior that children just take to school with them.

    In order to fix a bully it needs to get back to where they learned the behavior. Which I think is at home because Children just don't become bully's by attending school everyday. The behavior has got to come from somewhere else...........

Hi, I totally agree with this person. If you've done everything in your power because it's your problem not your sons and nothing has succeeded from this, then you get him out. He doesn't have a choice but you do and the first decision to make is to protect him no matter what. You have to go with the facts, are the school been responsible for his well being, are you being responsible for his well being and if there are more negatives than positives then you have to make the decisions to change things to benefit him. Being tormented as a child is one of the worst things that a child can cope with in life. Some can cope more than others but they're not ment to, they haven't learnt all the skills of life yet and they are not suppose to of, that's why we're there to teach and guide them, our love is what teaches them confidence to live life for them. So if you've tried to get the school to listen, maybe tried talking to the parents of the bullies and tried at home with your own support and nothing is working, then cut him a break and change schools, doing your homework first and finding out their polocies on bullying. Kids learn first from the home, if you can own the problem and show some back bone dealing with it then that's where he'll learn pride for himself. You don't have to put up with it any longer and either does he. You're not running away, you have tried and it didn't go to your expectations so you go to plan B. Unfortunately we can't solve all the bully problems but you can save your son he should be your only concern not the kids bullying, as that is now the schools problem and who would want their child going to a school like that, they don't deserve him. Teach people to appreciate him and that he doesn't deserve any less, good luck. Lauren

You're welcome, bactphd95!!! And yes, I do enjoy your insightful postings!!  Keep 'em coming! I have visited the other boards on bullying too and haveposted a couple of times but not recently. I have also visited the workplace bullies board since I was unfortunate to once have a bullying boss.  Thank goodness that is in the distant past now, but I try to help others who are dealing with it now.  Julie

Hmm-

what bothers me is the fact that these girls who were getting bullied are hurting themselves because of the bully hurting them.

Mind I say that I am 17 years old, and we have had our school on the news twice this year.  Once for online bullying, and another just the regular gun threat in today's pubic schools.

The one girl cut herself and the other one had serious stress and worry problems. They are hurting so bad. That is seriously really really upseting.  I mean I might joke around at school TO MY FRIENDS, but I would never ever say anything that would hurt someone to there core.

Cutting is an issue that needs more attention, and let me say it isn't just am "emo" thing.  They don't like the pain.  Let's just say I speak and I know what I am talking about.

The other girl, she is so young.  How can she honestly have so much stress? I ask myself the same question.  I am stress target and worrying fanatic. I don't think we need to add to other people's worrying with our stupid and frankly- selfish words and acts.

Someone needs to stand..-

Sarah

If you answer "yes" to any of the following questions, you may be interested in reading some of my favorite reads which provide a great introduction to the subject of adult female bullying:

  

Do you feel that anything you say or do will be twisted against you?

Do you find yourself concealing thoughts and feelings to avoid horrible arguments?

Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages, alternating with periods when they act normal and loving?

Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to?

Are you accused of things you never did or said?

Does no one believe you when you explain what is going on?

 

 

 

The Psychology of Female Violence by Anna Motz

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland

 

Understanding the Borderline Mother:  Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson  

 

Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Know...by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical and sexual abuse have signposts to make their presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Just as physical and sexual abuse come in degrees of severity, emotional abuse runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

Hope it helps!

 

I found your list of questions very very interesting.  I once had the misfortune of having a boss that fit right into that category.  I left that job a long time ago, and I kmow  that this woman continued to do this to others after I left and I would bet that she  is still out there somewhere doing the same things to other people.  She just loved the power trip of "going after" people. Sick woman!

Finally, someone is paying attention to bullying!  I was the victim of bullies constantly in school, and even the guidance counselor would just say that if I just ignored them, they'd stop.  Finally the rest of the world is realizing what an utter load of manure that is!  The other one that gets me is the rhyme about "Sticks and stones may break my bones..."  I don't know about anyone else, but given the choice, I'll take the sticks and stones.  Words hurt worse.

Finally, someone is paying attention to bullying!  I was the victim of bullies constantly in school, and even the guidance counselor would just say that if I just ignored them, they'd stop.  Finally the rest of the world is realizing what an utter load of manure that is!  The other one that gets me is the rhyme about "Sticks and stones may break my bones..."  I don't know about anyone else, but given the choice, I'll take the sticks and stones.  Words hurt worse.