I agree with KEC132. If you haven't already, you need to let this guy know that you only want to be friends! You need to make it very clear also that you mean, Platonic friends, NOT friends with Benefits! You may not think you have sent mixed messages but you have. You sound like a really nice person and so I am sure you are nice and friendly to him when you see him. Talking for 2 or 3 hours in the yard? Hello? To that guy, he clearly believes there is a chance, remember most men do not believe men and women can just be friends so because you take the time to chat with him, and even went to dinner once, is a clear signal to him that he has a chance with you if he pursues it. Also you say that your neighbors are telling him to go for it, even one of your daughters. As it stands right now, in his mind, there is no reason he should stop what he is doing. As for him driving up and down your street constantly, you said that he told your neighbors, quote" I just can't get her out of my mind". Well he is obsessing over you yes, he is acting more like a lovestruck teenager than a 60 year old man. Stalker! Not yet. Not until you have made it CRYSTAL CLEAR that you are not interested, and everyone in town knows you are not interested, THEN if he continues to pursue you, or starts retaliating by abusing his position to harass your family, THEN he is a stalker, then you need to get hold of a lawyer and so on.
I am 47 and have lived alone for years after a painful divorce. I have had a male friend in my life who wanted to be more than friends. I like you was nice. I liked them as a person. I did not have many friends, period, so I liked having him as a friend. He just happened to be male. I was so not attracted to him. I had known him for years, we lived in the same small town. He became more friendly once I was single. I never thought about this because when I was married I stayed home and didn't go out and socialize at all. This guy worked 1000 miles away for most of the year ,so most of our relationship was by phone. I really enjoyed talking to him. But I would have gagged to have been intimate with him. Anyways for the first few months, we were just good friends I thought. Nothing had come up to make me think that he wanted more. He came home last summer, and I took him up to see my brother in the hospital in another town, we had to stay over at my Mothers. I started noticing then, how he seemed to be acting kinda like he was my boyfriend or something. but I ignored it. He never made any physical moves on me, if fact we did not even hug, and I always hug people I have not seen in awhile. He would occasionally say things like how he remembered when he first saw me, how he liked me then, how he always knew I was a nice person, how I had been too good for my ex, etc. Well I never gave this I thought, other than to talk about what we were like when we were in our 20's. Of course now I know he was clearly telling me he thought of me as more than a friend, even back then. Well over time, I did start to notice he sounded kinda like a boyfriend when he called me. I wondered if it was for the benefit of people in the room with him. I started thinking, "Is he pretending to people that him and I are together?" So I made it a point to start telling him EVERY TIME he phoned how we were just friends. He would always agree, and didn't seem to understand even why I was bringing it up. Finally one night I said, we are friends, good friends, but not friends with benefits, not romantic or boyfriend, girlfriend kinda thing. Well, the phone went silent. Then he wanted to know why not. He then spent the next hour trying to convince me why we should be more, and how he thought we were. I spent it trying to convince him I why we were not. The point of this for you is that apparently saying you just want to be friends is not clear enough you need to spell it out. I told a mutual friend this about a month ago, she agreed that he was acting like we were an item, even to her and her husband on the phone. She said you need to tell him, I said I have at least 10 times, she said do you want me to say something, I said yes for gods sakes , sure go for it. Sadly I have lost this person as a good friend. We talked on the phone a few more times, I kept it light, He continued to act like we were an item, stuff like, oh wait till I come home next spring, I will help you with that, I want to take you fishing, we can do this and that. He was making plans and I could see it was in a more than two good friends doing something together kind of way for him. He told me that when I started up a relationship with a guy 2 years ago, ( it only lasted 6 months) that was why he stopped calling me at that time. Our mutual friend was finally talking to him a week or so ago and told him quite frankly in no uncertain terms that I was NEVER going to like him in that way. So he now could care less about me. I called him last week as I had not heard from him in 2 weeks and I knew he had recently lost his job and was moving so I just wanted to see if he was okay and he was polite, quiet, no emotion, Sad. I never said anything, but I knew then, my friend must have been speaking to him. I hung up and said, well there's gos another friend. I really don't get how come I can't have male friends. This has happened to me twice. My girlfriends say its because I am too nice, I am single, would be a good catch , they don't see me dating, and that spending a lot of time with a guy means there is a chance. So My advice to you Miss little country is to go about letting your neighbors know that you are not interested in him that way, be firm and tell them its not funny, this really bothers you. Then you need to let him know, and stop talking so long, that was the biggest part of my problem too. Even when I would say I was not interested, by talking and talking for a couple hours, that lead him to believe I liked him. God. I did just not that way! But some guys don't get it. So please try some of these things if you need to. Let me be clear, I do not believe you can be friends with him now , he wants a romance with you, if you don't, he will feel rejected. there is no way around it I am sorry to say. Hopefully he will just stop coming around. But please, please, make sure you tell people how you feel about him, loudly. Also by trying to just stay friends and him having his illusions, you are reducing your chances of meeting someone who you do feel an attraction for, to zero. No one will be the slightest bit interested in you, they will all believe this policeman is your guy. Good Luck!
(Original Air Date: 01/29/07) Everyone wants to be loved, but what happens when being the object of someone's affection turns creepy or even fatal? Celebrities are not the only targets – stalkers can be found in any neighborhood and town. Michelle says her ex-boyfriend, Melvin, is obsessed with her, and she fears for her life. Melvin admits he constantly thinks about Michelle and can't live without her in his life, but he says he gets mixed messages from her. Find out the extremes Melvin has gone to in his relationship with Michelle, and why his actions prevented him from coming to Los Angeles for the taping of the show. And, why does Dr. Phil tell Michelle she's playing with fire? Then, Katrina has been infatuated with rap star, Jay-Z, for the last three years. She sends him 200 e-mails a day, has called him over 300 times and has even tried to befriend his best friend and sister. She is convinced that if Jay-Z met her, he would want to be with her, but is she willing to risk jail time just to get close to him? And, meet a Hollywood actress who was stalked on the big screen … and then in real life. Why does she fear her stalker may strike again? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
