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Topic : 01/30 "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"

Number of Replies: 176
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, January 26, 2007, 01:54:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests are torn apart by jealousy, lies and deceit. They say they’re at a crossroads in their relationship and are trying to decide whether to stay or cut their losses and walk out. Terry says her partner, Chris – whom she used to be married to -- is insanely jealous and constantly accuses her of cheating on him with another of her ex-husbands, Jim. Chris goes as far as marking the tires on Terry’s vehicle to see if she’s left the house to be with another man. Terry and Jim say they are business partners only and are tired of Chris spying on them outside their store. Terry says Chris’s jealous suspicions are the reason their marriage crumbled after only three months, and she’s not going through that again. So why is she still with him? Then, Amy recently discovered her husband of 16 years, Donovan, cheated on her with five other women. Now she’s torn and wondering if she can -- or should -- ever trust him again. Join the discussion.

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February 6, 2007, 12:09 am CST

is internet talking cheating?

I was wondering what people thought about this? Is your spouse talking to someone on the internet sexual cheating? I caught my husband years ago talking to women on the internet very inappropiately I found out and confronted him, of course he said well they are not from are area. Is that suppose to be ok? I dont think. So he said he would stop, well of course he did not. Then about 8 years later I found out that he is doing it again, this time talking to people that are in are area, even people that we know, he was talking them so gross. From emailing to texting to now my space. I feel that I can not trust him at all. He says that he hasnt said anything to anybody like that for 1 year. Well how do you trust someone? I told him that I wanted to look at his phone whenever I wanted. That is sometimes how I would see something cause he would still have the text mesage on there or just maybe half of the message and he deleted the other half. He lets me look at his phone now, and he took all the female people that he was chatting with on his phone all the time. But how do you know that he still isnt doing it and doing whatever on the internet. Cause I cant have any access to his sites, emails, etc. He now has a my space and set it private so that I could not look at it. I just dont understand.He is so anger at me when i want to know who he talked to or look at his phone, etc. He says I cant stand you asking me all the time. I told him that until I feel that I can trust you again I will have to do this til I can get my head back together. And I am not sure if he has ever really cheated on me physically but I feel this is cheating. One other thing is that he told someone way way younger than him that he had to see a shrink to get the feelings of being in love with her away. Which he said that was cause he thinks of her as a daughter I said wow I hope you dont tell your real daughter that cause that is really mean. I do have several emails that he has sent people of what he wanted to do with them, like basically if you were reading a porn show you would know what he was saying to them. But he says that he has never cheated on me, so he doesnt understand what the problem is. I told him it is disrespectful to his wife. But again he doesnt see that. Please help......
 
February 6, 2007, 1:05 pm CST

Life goes on

I have to say that I believe in your relationship Amy.  My husband Cheated on me a 3 times and wouldn't of told me himself just like Donovon, I had found out bits and pieces and confronted him. I never could of imagined him doing something like this to me.  We also got married when we were very young.  We have only been married for 4 years and this happened before we were  married and continued 5 months after we were married until I found out.  I was always the type of person that said "I would never stay with a person if they cheated on me, they would be out in a heartbeat!".  That was just not the case, I felt so betrayed, and hurt that my best friend could do this to me, but I new he was a good person, and like you said we had fun together.  I am so glad I decided to give him another chance!  Let me tell you I didn't think I would ever get over it, from checking his phone, e-mail, work, from not letting him go out without me, it was all worth it in the end.  I know that sounds bad, like you who would want to live that way, but thats what it took for me to finally realize that he was serious.  I felt if he could hurt me that bad he deserves to be punished, but I eventually got over it, and have forgivin him completely.  I still worry from time to time if he is out of town, but he lets me know everyday that he is devoted to me.  So when all your friends and family say leave him, nobody can know what its like to be in that situation until you have been there, I am behind you and believe that you can work it out, wtih a lot of time, patients and life goes on!
 
February 9, 2007, 6:41 pm CST

I'm Going

I can't take it anymore.  I have lived in this hell for 9 years.  The last straw was when we took in his 17 year old nephew and because I did not answer my cell phone and no one answered the home phone I was having sex with this child.  (A mentally disturbed child who had just lost his parents)  This was the last time.  He has accused me of everybody from people at church, to my coworker to workers in the house.  Once again, he made me feel like garbage by ignoring me on this New Years eve and the next day when I told him I could not live like this any longer he just look at me and said you are always talking about why don't you do something about it.  I did.  That day.  I found a law firm on New Years day and completed all of the papers the next day!  The house is going on the market and as the bible says I rather live on a rooftop than...  I'm sure God meant that for women also.  I do not think God will hold this departure against me. 
 
February 20, 2007, 12:41 pm CST

not all men cheat

Quote From: lovie37

I lived in an unfaithful marrage for 23 years.  They don't stop cheating until they can't get it up.  It never stops.  My ex even tried to suduce my sister and my cousin.  He worked his way through all my friends.  I got to a point that I couldn't have girlfriends.  Amy, Leave him!!!
not all men cheat. I have been happily married to the love of my life for 25+ years, and have NEVER cheated, and NEVER will. I listened carefully to our marriage vows and I stand with my woman through everything. I held her hand during breast cancer, support her in her career, share our lives with our 2 teenagers. It's not perfect but nothing is. It takes as shallow myopic man to cheat on his wife. I am sorry that you picked a loser Amy, but not all men are cheating assholes. I wish you the best in all of your future days, and may you find a man who truly appreciates you, for you.
 
February 20, 2007, 12:43 pm CST

to lovie

Quote From: lovie37

I lived in an unfaithful marrage for 23 years.  They don't stop cheating until they can't get it up.  It never stops.  My ex even tried to suduce my sister and my cousin.  He worked his way through all my friends.  I got to a point that I couldn't have girlfriends.  Amy, Leave him!!!
sorry, previous message to lovie
 
January 30, 2008, 7:18 pm CST

How dare you

Quote From: flthomcat

What on earth would cause you to believe your post is acceptable?

 

Let's see, you cheated, but it's ok because it's just after 15 years of marriage and he was accusing you of it even before you were actaully cheating. Hummmmmm... 

 

The odds are you had children, but I suppose that's irrelevant. How cheating and divorce affect innocent kids makes no matter....

 

You know, you may want to reconsider his "just flirting." Either people have the type of personality and lack of morals to cheat or they don't; I know of three women (former co-workers) and all had affairs with their future husbands...and all were eventually cheated on by those men...and all three are divorced. Yes, what goes around normally comes back around...and rightfully so. Consider yourself very fortunate. Yours is not the normal case (looking at the stats).

 

Is it not surprising that nowhere in your post do you find cheating immoral and bad judgement and unfair and non compassionate to your fellow sister or brother. Why is it so acceptable to cheat these days? Do we have no morals? Do we not believe in God and want to be better? Very sad...

 

I DO wish your marriage well, especially since many mistakes were apparently made in your first marriage (yes, we humans do make mistakes...I make plenty), but I also wish you wouldn't sound so proud of yourself for your past mistakes and so unashamed of the gravity of what you did. Cheating is NEVER acceptable! If I were you, I'd be embarrased of my actions until the day I died.

All I have to say is how dare you judge me until you've walked a mile or two or fifteen years in my shoes.  When I married, I took my marriage vows very seriously.  Yes...there were 4 kids from this marriage.  That's the reason I tried to make it work.  I wish the Dr. Phil Show had been around back in the 60's.  Now I understand what he means about living in a healthy home instead of a sick one.  In the sixty's you "stayed together for the kids."  That's what I was taught growing up. As I had said in another post, he was not the same man I married after returning from Vietnam.  I stayed, taking my beatings & not until I feared for my kids lives did I leave.  Not that it's any of your business, My "affair" didn't start till my ex & I had been separated for over a year.  He's the one who moved out.  Not me but we both knew it was over.  The guy I'm married to now for over 21 years & still very happy flirting or not.  We love one another unconditionally.  At the end of the day, I know he'll be here & he knows I'll be waiting.

 
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