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Topic : 01/30 "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"

Number of Replies: 176
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Created on : Friday, January 26, 2007, 01:54:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests are torn apart by jealousy, lies and deceit. They say they’re at a crossroads in their relationship and are trying to decide whether to stay or cut their losses and walk out. Terry says her partner, Chris – whom she used to be married to -- is insanely jealous and constantly accuses her of cheating on him with another of her ex-husbands, Jim. Chris goes as far as marking the tires on Terry’s vehicle to see if she’s left the house to be with another man. Terry and Jim say they are business partners only and are tired of Chris spying on them outside their store. Terry says Chris’s jealous suspicions are the reason their marriage crumbled after only three months, and she’s not going through that again. So why is she still with him? Then, Amy recently discovered her husband of 16 years, Donovan, cheated on her with five other women. Now she’s torn and wondering if she can -- or should -- ever trust him again. Join the discussion.

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January 30, 2007, 5:07 am CST

Leaving is hard to do

Life seems different for me now older, choices different ways of looking at the world the future....it use to be when I was young, thin, pretty...........actually financially in need with kids life , (more energy ) seemed easier..........today older, heavier, after cancer, more health issues kids grown out of the house............working...........but harder to leave? Stupid perhaps....knowing there are lies, gambling................a person playing out a double life....probably .......................but I stay ...financially still unstable wouldn't be able to make it on my own....but I stay.........continue to work on weight................but it is what it is...........I don't leave ..............unsure why..................seems harder to do now that I am older?

 
January 30, 2007, 5:45 am CST

Wow that is harsh

Quote From: flthomcat

What on earth would cause you to believe your post is acceptable?

 

Let's see, you cheated, but it's ok because it's just after 15 years of marriage and he was accusing you of it even before you were actaully cheating. Hummmmmm... 

 

The odds are you had children, but I suppose that's irrelevant. How cheating and divorce affect innocent kids makes no matter....

 

You know, you may want to reconsider his "just flirting." Either people have the type of personality and lack of morals to cheat or they don't; I know of three women (former co-workers) and all had affairs with their future husbands...and all were eventually cheated on by those men...and all three are divorced. Yes, what goes around normally comes back around...and rightfully so. Consider yourself very fortunate. Yours is not the normal case (looking at the stats).

 

Is it not surprising that nowhere in your post do you find cheating immoral and bad judgement and unfair and non compassionate to your fellow sister or brother. Why is it so acceptable to cheat these days? Do we have no morals? Do we not believe in God and want to be better? Very sad...

 

I DO wish your marriage well, especially since many mistakes were apparently made in your first marriage (yes, we humans do make mistakes...I make plenty), but I also wish you wouldn't sound so proud of yourself for your past mistakes and so unashamed of the gravity of what you did. Cheating is NEVER acceptable! If I were you, I'd be embarrased of my actions until the day I died.

Wow, I think that was a little harsh. You talk about believing in God but there is obviously no forgiveness in your post. Why would you get on here to attack someone for sharing their story? You don't know anything about the type of marriage she left. And you admit that you have made mistakes. Does that mean you are going to continue to be embarrassed about those until the day you die? If so maybe you should learn to forgive yourself and move on. If not then why try to make someone else be embarrassed or ashamed of something they did over 20 years ago?
 
January 30, 2007, 6:55 am CST

cheating damage

Quote From: babos114

I know we all have reasons for our choices, but I too believe that there is really no reason for cheating.  I have been on the receiving end of a cheater and know first hand the hurt and damage that it can cause.  It truly is wrong and something, I personally, will never get over.
I wish people would realize the damage they do when they go out and cheat on someone.  They can't tell the person to their face that they're doing this, and it seems pretty deceitful.  It hurts the person that they were with first, and leaves emotional scars on them for the next relationship and gives them trust issues.  Oh, and the children, where do I start?  My theory is that the best gift you can give a child is to love their father.  Our fathers are our models for God, if they leave, what does that tell you about God?   Parents are models as to how women treat men in society and conversely, how men treat women.  A family stays together, they don't go around setting up franchises....thanks for letting me vent.
 
January 30, 2007, 7:10 am CST

an ex is an ex for a reason...

 if this woman was married to this man, and they divorced..what was the reason?? i believe an ex is an ex for a reason, and people can and do change but not overnight, and it takes alot of hard work and effort, and willingness. I think this woman thought, that this time it will be different ..just as an alcoholic or addict thinks the next high will be different..and it never is, it;'s always worse..get out now, while you still have your life.
 
January 30, 2007, 7:57 am CST

More self-made VICTIMS!

Sorry, but I can't bring myself to watch another TV show on STUPIDITY!

 

Any woman (or man) who divorces a loser and then gets back with that person brought all the problems on herself and can FIX those problems by simply saying, "Asta Lavista" (or however you spell it:).

 

Wake up, People. Take control of your lives. Remove the "VICTIM" label from your foreheads (only you can!). Stop whining and get to work on YOURSELVES. Geesh...............

 
January 30, 2007, 7:58 am CST

About the show today

I would not put up with the jealousy and most of all .. the disrespect, especially to my children.  But! I will say~  it would be difficult (for any man OR woman)  to know that his or her spouse was with their ex of 30 odd years all day.  In my opinion.. it will hard to find anyone willing to put themselves out there in that situation.  I couldn't.  I wouldn't. 

The new guy is the wrong one.. but I feel Terry will be hard pressed to find a "good one" if she stays in business with her ex.  Just my opinion.

 
January 30, 2007, 8:01 am CST

Never ever a reason that's justified

Quote From: babos114

I know we all have reasons for our choices, but I too believe that there is really no reason for cheating.  I have been on the receiving end of a cheater and know first hand the hurt and damage that it can cause.  It truly is wrong and something, I personally, will never get over.

Too many of us women are all too ready to help end the marriages of OTHER WOMEN! We have no loyalty to eachother and we surely don't care how our actions harm innocent children in these families. We make exuses for our actions when there are NONE.

 

You are correct. There is NEVER an excuse for cheating...it's lying, it's disrespectful, it's immoral, it's destructive, it's unfair, it's selfish, it's cowardly, ETC ETC ETC.

 

Hopefully if you are divorced from your cheating husband, you are at a point in your life where you can stand tall and say, "Good-bye to bad rubbish...he's someone else's problem now!" May you reach that point in your life. God bless.

 
January 30, 2007, 8:02 am CST

Understanding Donovan's feelings

I can understand how Donovan feels, I had the same problem, but my husband stuck with me even though his friends and coworkers told him to leave me. I think that deep down Amy loves him or she would have already left. I feel that my problem was that my husband was verbally abusive and did not give me the attention that I needed. Not saying that is the same for them. Donovan had the same reaction I did, I don't know what in the world would posess me to cheat. My husband is great with some exceptions. Like DOnovan said you can't put yourself in their shoes, but you know it hurts them so why keep doing it? Right? My husband and I have seeked counseling and it has helped a little bit but I still don't feel I can tell him things. Like how I am feeling, I sometimes feel like I am to immature for him. Because he doesn't understand me. Does anybody have any positive advice on how to talk to my husbadnw ithout him getting mad. He does have an anger problem, he had this before we got married so it is not all my fault. Now like Donovan said I claim all the mistakes I have made there is definaltey no excuse for the horrible things I did.
 
January 30, 2007, 8:04 am CST

I agree

Quote From: althe56

there is   nothing that's   more important then  yourself your pride, your lifeand your letting   a man take you down.    stop       and  get your life together   forget about any man.

 

I think Terry has issues about "letting go".  Still involved with this disrespectful man.. and still in business with her ex. 

She needs a NEW life without  them both.  IF- thats really what she wants.  I have serious doubts.

 
January 30, 2007, 8:08 am CST

attitudes

Quote From: hzmtgirl

Wow, I think that was a little harsh. You talk about believing in God but there is obviously no forgiveness in your post. Why would you get on here to attack someone for sharing their story? You don't know anything about the type of marriage she left. And you admit that you have made mistakes. Does that mean you are going to continue to be embarrassed about those until the day you die? If so maybe you should learn to forgive yourself and move on. If not then why try to make someone else be embarrassed or ashamed of something they did over 20 years ago?
I don't think it's necessarily harsh to have high standards for herself or society.  The poster seemed to think cheating is an acceptable social practice.  It's not.  It does a significant amount of damage to the family dynamic and wastes the time of the cheatee.  I think the poster you responded to forgave the woman, but she's appalled at how glib she was about the whole thing.  Cheating is substandard, it's sneaky and debases all three involved, not to mention the children.  It's sad that people think that this is okay when they leave "Hurricane Katrina" emotional damage behind them.
 
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