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Topic : 01/30 "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"

Number of Replies: 176
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Created on : Friday, January 26, 2007, 01:54:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests are torn apart by jealousy, lies and deceit. They say they’re at a crossroads in their relationship and are trying to decide whether to stay or cut their losses and walk out. Terry says her partner, Chris – whom she used to be married to -- is insanely jealous and constantly accuses her of cheating on him with another of her ex-husbands, Jim. Chris goes as far as marking the tires on Terry’s vehicle to see if she’s left the house to be with another man. Terry and Jim say they are business partners only and are tired of Chris spying on them outside their store. Terry says Chris’s jealous suspicions are the reason their marriage crumbled after only three months, and she’s not going through that again. So why is she still with him? Then, Amy recently discovered her husband of 16 years, Donovan, cheated on her with five other women. Now she’s torn and wondering if she can -- or should -- ever trust him again. Join the discussion.

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January 30, 2007, 12:18 pm CST

Talk About Amazing!

Quote From: flthomcat

What on earth would cause you to believe your post is acceptable?

 

Let's see, you cheated, but it's ok because it's just after 15 years of marriage and he was accusing you of it even before you were actaully cheating. Hummmmmm... 

 

The odds are you had children, but I suppose that's irrelevant. How cheating and divorce affect innocent kids makes no matter....

 

You know, you may want to reconsider his "just flirting." Either people have the type of personality and lack of morals to cheat or they don't; I know of three women (former co-workers) and all had affairs with their future husbands...and all were eventually cheated on by those men...and all three are divorced. Yes, what goes around normally comes back around...and rightfully so. Consider yourself very fortunate. Yours is not the normal case (looking at the stats).

 

Is it not surprising that nowhere in your post do you find cheating immoral and bad judgement and unfair and non compassionate to your fellow sister or brother. Why is it so acceptable to cheat these days? Do we have no morals? Do we not believe in God and want to be better? Very sad...

 

I DO wish your marriage well, especially since many mistakes were apparently made in your first marriage (yes, we humans do make mistakes...I make plenty), but I also wish you wouldn't sound so proud of yourself for your past mistakes and so unashamed of the gravity of what you did. Cheating is NEVER acceptable! If I were you, I'd be embarrased of my actions until the day I died.

What makes you so bitter and full of judgment?  I am embarrassed for you.  You have better manners than this.  Why would you feel you have the right to throw stones?  I know you have your own moral code, but it really is okay for others to have theirs as well.  Please don't take such pride in berating others.  You are a fine person, but this isn't worthy of you.
 
January 30, 2007, 12:24 pm CST

I Agree

Quote From: gwarrior6

I wish people would realize the damage they do when they go out and cheat on someone.  They can't tell the person to their face that they're doing this, and it seems pretty deceitful.  It hurts the person that they were with first, and leaves emotional scars on them for the next relationship and gives them trust issues.  Oh, and the children, where do I start?  My theory is that the best gift you can give a child is to love their father.  Our fathers are our models for God, if they leave, what does that tell you about God?   Parents are models as to how women treat men in society and conversely, how men treat women.  A family stays together, they don't go around setting up franchises....thanks for letting me vent.
I agree with all you have said.  Please let me add a footnote.  As a man who has been cheated on, thank you for not making this sound like exclusively male behavior.
 
January 30, 2007, 12:27 pm CST

Take A Page From Doctor Phil

Quote From: cmv12v

My husband also cheated on me, unlike many of you it was only 1 time, but it was with someone who I considered a friend, it happened when they where both drunk, but it happened in my home, infact I was sleeping in the same house at the time.  I have made the choice to try to fix our mariage, but it is hard, there is good days and bad days and lots of doubts about trusting him again.  I would like to think I would leave him if it happened long term or more than one women but I don't know I was always one of those wifes that said if I was cheated on it would be over no matter what the reason.  How do you move on, can you move on or is it just over.  need help

Your husband really does have to be willing to be an open book to you.  If he really loves you, he will want to earn your love and trust over and over again.  If not, it's better to cut the tie.
 
January 30, 2007, 12:53 pm CST

To Amy

I lived in an unfaithful marrage for 23 years.  They don't stop cheating until they can't get it up.  It never stops.  My ex even tried to suduce my sister and my cousin.  He worked his way through all my friends.  I got to a point that I couldn't have girlfriends.  Amy, Leave him!!!
 
January 30, 2007, 12:53 pm CST

he's not worth it

amy is a young, attractive woman. why are you putting up with this guys crap?? you are too good of a person for him. you will be fine without him and you will meet someone who truly loves you and respects you. love is not cheating on someone, let alone 5 times. get on with your life and tell the cheater goodbye.
 
January 30, 2007, 1:18 pm CST

Dr. Phil, Dr. Phil, Dr. Phil, Dr. Phil, Dr.Phil

 

As far as knowing where he is?

 

Cell phone providers are required to emit a GPS beacon. 


Some people (in the technical world) have created web pages when something of great work or interest and people enjoy these things make them available for everyone to track it.

 

What this guy is going to have to commit a new cell phone where his location is known.

 

If he:

1)  "lost or /misplaced" the phone

 

2)  "The battery died.  There are chargers, both and a wall at work or in automobiles with a cigarette  adapter. And that doesn't take long to recharge.  keep a second,  charged, fully in his pocket or briefcase.

 

3) hand it off to a buddy who needed one and he didn't get it back to him.

 

4) yadda yadda yadda.

 

How many points does he have to accumulate before he's out?  One and done.  If it happens second time, it's more an a coincidence.

 

The bottom line is:  The new cell phones function like this and think of them just like someone has an ankle belt around his leg and if he moves too far away,  Beep! They've just violated their the terms of their parole have are done.  You don't want to have that but you can look at any time. you can know when and where he is.  It can be know the rules & what counts:

 

Perhaps something as open (for you) is, "If you do something which you wouldn't do if the lights were on and you know I'm standing here." That's where everyone screwed up when the issue of Clinton screwed up.  Hillary and|or the press should have put to him." We won't examine the issues of multi-person, yadda, yadda. The bottom line is she'll have to be with him and it'll be obvious with those items I've listed + anything I've overlooked.

 

Yes, I'm writing things as a male who has a technical background, but it would have been a nice contribution.

 
January 30, 2007, 1:27 pm CST

01/30 "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"

Quote From: mdrnpntr

amy is a young, attractive woman. why are you putting up with this guys crap?? you are too good of a person for him. you will be fine without him and you will meet someone who truly loves you and respects you. love is not cheating on someone, let alone 5 times. get on with your life and tell the cheater goodbye.
Yes Amy is young and attractive..she has also been married to Donovan for 18 years, she states he is her best friend and to be without him would like being without her right arm. As someone who was recently cheated on by her husband 2 1/2 years ago, (I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter at the time) I can say it is not always a "black and white" situation...and no matter what he does or says to her to make her feel demeaned, embarrassed, confused, hurt, etc, it will only be when SHE truly feels it inside her heart, mind and gut that she will be ready to leave. It may never happen, she may decide to stay and it may work out. Or it all may happen next week and she will tell him to pack his bags and go. Depsite all good intentions from friends and loved ones, SHE is the only one who can make this ultimate decision and live with it. And only when and if she is ready.
 
January 30, 2007, 1:32 pm CST

Concerned for her

I was married to a man who did many of the same things that Chris has done to Terry. It turns out that he had been cheating himself throughout our courtship and marriage. I chose to separate from him w/the hope that he would get treatment for the sexual addiction we discovered that he was struggling with. He was not able to stay committed to treatment and continued to be unfaithful. His oppressive behaviors escalated during our separation. He threatened to kill me and vowed that no other man would have me. He was in deep, deep pain and I did not know how to help him. He attempted to kill me. When he realized that he would not be successful in killing me or both of us, he committed suicide. Chris' behavior reminds me so much of my late husband's that I worry for both of them. The separation is a necessary, but very dangerous step. I pray for protection over them and hope that this leads to healing and growth instead of tragedy. Please surround these people with the love, safety and encouragement that they need to survive this.
 
January 30, 2007, 1:34 pm CST

Amy, take your time.

Quote From: lovie37

I lived in an unfaithful marrage for 23 years.  They don't stop cheating until they can't get it up.  It never stops.  My ex even tried to suduce my sister and my cousin.  He worked his way through all my friends.  I got to a point that I couldn't have girlfriends.  Amy, Leave him!!!
Amy I believe that Dr Phil had a good point when he told you that if you give Donovan another chance with you and he STILL does this again to you, then you should have absolutely no problem making the decision to divorce. Donovan may not have realized what he did to you and your families, he was caught up in the "glory" and ego trip of these other women's affections. Now that he has come face to face with the realizationof the hurt, betrayal, devastation and ultimate death of your relationship as it previously was, he would be heartless to do this again. Amy, my husband cheated on me 2 1/2 years ago while I was pregnant with our second child. He even moved in with her, leaving me and the 2 kids. He moved back and it has been up and down since then but progressing, albeit slowly. Amy, only YOU can know when it's time to make any decision and only YOU know how much you can take. He just may be able to change.Good luck, you are not alone. Really.
 
January 30, 2007, 1:49 pm CST

01/30 "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"

Amy is an awesome looking and seems to be very imotional with strong feelings. If I had a woman like her I be damned if Id let a boyish act of cheating make me stray. I wouldnt do it to her and ive never done it before. I guess I would just treat her with the utmost respect. Amy wished you lived near me I d could help you make a new life here. Leave him and start a life with the respect your deserve.
 
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