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Topic : 02/02 A Difficult Reunion – Part 2

Number of Replies: 337
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Created on : Friday, January 26, 2007, 02:00:37 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
After 20 years, Erica finally gets the chance to ask her father, Mark, all of the questions that have tormented her for years. Then Dr. Phil comes at the recovering drug-addict with some tough questions of his own. Refusing to let Mark walk away from his daughter after all she's been through, Dr. Phil goes backstage to confront him and convince this belligerent ex-convict to quell his anger and continue the conversation with his adult daughter. Sparks fly among Dr. Phil, Mark, and Erica, but when Erica's older sister, Rachel, and Aunt Denise decide they are also ready to confront Mark, this explosive emotional reunion is something you have to see to believe. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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February 2, 2007, 1:49 am CST

emotionally charged reunion

     Although the father did not say much and had to be prodded by Dr. Phil and coached to actually say specific words I found him to be a very selfish person.  I don't think he knows how to feel and I don't think he has the proper emotions or tools to change and be a good roll modal for his daughters.  He is saying what his daughter wants to hear but with knowing feeling behind it.  I saw him begin a couple of times to get  defensive with Dr. Phil and when he "stomped" of the stage I realized then he hasn't changed.  I is a dry drug addict with no intention of admitting and owning what he did to his children's mother.  I hope the daughter does not want to continue to see her dad but will find closure and peace in her heart and move on.  The sister's and aunt getting into the mix tomorrow tells me they saw an anger surface in him and they both needed to surround and protect the younger child.  He is not only a murderer but he is also a child abuser and for me he should have stayed in jail another ten years.

 
February 2, 2007, 2:00 am CST

02/02 A Difficult Reunion – Part 2

Quote From: stephani1

I don't beleive it is always a good idea to confront our past history. Some things and some people are definately better left where they belong. This girl will never truly get what she wants from her Father, no matter how well prepared. She may think this will help her but sometimes I wish we would all put a little more effort into today and planning for tommorrow. I beleive in forgiveness for your own peace of mind but this man does not deserve a daughter let alone the opportunity to make some kind of amends. There is no amount of punishment that can help bring a Mother back, and I think she should focus on honouring her Mother by making the most out of her life, rather than trying to reason with a murderer. He doesn't desrve her time, he has done nothing to earn the right to be a Dad or heaven forbid a Grandfather. I'm biased I lost my Mother when I was 13 and I have not spoken with my Father in 20 years. No he did not kill my Mother but he is an angry, bitter and unkind man whom I learn't to forgive and leave behind a long time ago. I hope this young lady can do the same! I wish her every joy that I hope this show will help her find, but I don't beleive she will find hapiness here.
 I agree, I don't really think that anything good will come out of this for her. Because I don't think her "father" helped her in the past and he can not help her in the future. He can not be a mother to her in her childhood all over again, because the damage has already been done. I've met a lot of people in my life, and he is not one of those who can take care of children, I don't think he can help her in the future either.

I really feel this was just a chance for them to meet, let out some emotions, and I seriously doubt anything meaningful will come out of it. I've been through meetings like that myself way too many times, I know what it's like.
 
February 2, 2007, 3:42 am CST

Hi Erica

Quote From: airca23

this is me Erica. i agree with you on the forgiveness part and your the first person on here to support me if i wanted a relastionship. NOW ON THE MURDER PART I DONT CARE WHAT THE REASSON WAS HE COLD BLOODED MURDED MY MOTHER BECAUSE HE WAS CRAZY. SO THATS ALL ANYINE NEEDs TO KNOW ABOUT THAT. But i have came to a point in  my life where i have to forgive. I know my mother has and she would want me to di the same. I leave the judgeing up to the higher power because thats who counts. as for a relationship with my fater i now know thats not good for me. I just cant!!!!!!!!!

Erica,

 I think you were so brave for reaching out to your father like that. My heart ached for you the whole time. I can't imagine being in your situation, it must be so difficult. It is wonderful that you are able to forgive him. Even if you don't have a relationship with him, it makes your life better not to hold onto all those negative feelings. I was really hoping it was going to work out for you and him I am sorry to hear that it did not. At least now you can feel more at peace with your life and you know that you made every effort. I think it is terrible that some people on here are being so cruel, this is your life and you had to do what is best for you!

 
February 2, 2007, 5:16 am CST

Drugs is a dark place for a person!

I have seen the first hand of someone being on drugs.... They are not them..... I am just blown away that no one has told Erica that, on stage... My husband and I are Youth Ministers and we were watching this and crying every second of it.. I really believe that the dad is wanting healing from everything he has done in the past to everyone, just as much as Erica.  The previews for todays show just up set me... I can see where Erica is coming from. I know that my  that my dad didn't kill my mom and I still have them both. I do understand that I don't know how she really feels. The point I would like to make is and the question I would like to ask is "Has Erica seen first hand of a loved one on drugs?" and if so, "Does she understand that when someone is one drugs they are not themselves." I don't feel sorry for someone who wants to try them, but isn't their a point where you have to feel sorry for a junkie? A person on drugs isn't in their right minds....

 

Erica slow down, pray and God will heal your father in his time not yours.  It is going to be a rough road, just hold one end of the rope and let your dad hold the other end. Some time and some day the forgiveness between all of you will shine!

 

 
February 2, 2007, 5:22 am CST

Thank you

Quote From: genyliz73

Hi Erica,

 

I'm glad that you have moved on and forgiven him.  He seems like a genuinely nice person - but was messed up at the time.  I know what drugs can do to a person - it can make them so evil.  Now that is no excuse to murder someone and yes what he did was EVIL!  But forgiving is sometimes the best medicine for those who are in pain from a tragic event in their life - and by mending a broken heart, such as yours, by forgiving your father does the trick - then I think that is wonderful!!!  Please - good luck with your future and the possibility of having a relationship with him. 

 

I think him stepping forward was brave.  And you wanting to find him was brave as well.  Good luck

I feel the same way.... Thank you so much for posting this... I can not understand why it hasn't been explained to Erica the evil of drugs... A person never really understands anything unless they have had first hands..... She may never have  a daddy daughter relationship, but I feel that forgiving is the best medicine.... For your own self!!!
 
February 2, 2007, 5:26 am CST

02/02 A Difficult Reunion – Part 2

i think Erica was very brave to finally talk to her dad about her mothe's death and i think she hadthe right to be very angry at her dad for killing her mother because he was very wrong for that and i think he's usingthe drug use as an excuse to cover up what he did because he knows that he was wrong  and now Erica has to suffer and live the rest of her life without her mother. MAY GOD WATCH OVER HER FAMILY AND BLESS THEM!
 
February 2, 2007, 6:00 am CST

Proud of U

Quote From: airca23

I have forgiven my father for what he has done because i know my mother has and she wants me to do the same so I can  go on with my life and stop letting him controll me. Its not  my place to judge him. And one day when he goes befor the higher power he will do all of the judgeing himself.
You go girl!  I think that's a HUGE step towards ridding yourself of all the pain you've been carrying around for two decades.  Your dad seems really sincere and sorry about what he's done to your mom and to you and your siblings, and he was willing to go thru rehab.  I don't think youre wrong if you choose to persue a relationship with him or if you want to keep him away, that's your choice too.  This is a long process, so you may not be able to rid yourself of all the pain overnight, but it WILL get better-I'm so proud of you and how strong you are.
 
February 2, 2007, 6:48 am CST

I'm glad there was a part 2...

at the end of the first show, surely mark felt utter frustration.  i feel sure dr phil and/or his staff had prepared mark for the potential emotional fireworks, but who could possibly have been prepared for what happened?  *I* was frustrated with the raw, jangled feelings that were intentionally exposed, again and again.  my heart went out to him.  he is healing, too.

 

he was contrite, he was humble, he DID admit what he had done, but obviously the show wasn't about his agenda.  the man has "done his time" and his life will continue to be very difficult, despite this reunion, the drug demons, the past and society's reluctance to truly forgive an ex-con convicted of murder.

 

for every point that the girls debated about the murder of their mother, they were young and may be "remembering" the terrible time through what they have been told for over 20 years.  then mark was accused of "remembering" his own version.  isn't that somewhat normal?

 

perhaps the girls should have been allowed the opportunity to communicate with their dad at some time while he was in prison, not waiting until a literal lifetime had passed.  i don't recall hearing any information about that aspect [maybe i just missed it, or it was edited out].

 

this show came very close to appearing to fall into the genre of the trashy shock-talk shows.  i am relieved it did not. 

 

i have the utmost respect for dr. phil, this show and the good that has been done over the years.  i appreciate the straightforward approach to healing and course redirection.  keep up the great work & continue to provide those easy-to-plug-into life lessons that we ALL need to learn!!

 
February 2, 2007, 7:04 am CST

has paid his debt

I feel very sorry for the two young ladies losing their mother all those years ago, but this man has paid his debt.  They need to forgive him so that they can heal.  One can not heal without forgiveness.  God is the only one to stand in judgement of their father.  Judge not least ye also be  judged.  Thank you
 
February 2, 2007, 7:20 am CST

Please

Quote From: airca23

I have forgiven my father for what he has done because i know my mother has and she wants me to do the same so I can  go on with my life and stop letting him controll me. Its not  my place to judge him. And one day when he goes befor the higher power he will do all of the judgeing himself.

Please do not listen to the critics.  No one has the right to tell you what to do.  Follow your heart.  You have demonstrated enormous courage in coming to the program. Now you are teaching us about forgiveness.  I smile to think we are blessed to have fine people like yourself in this world.  It helps restore my faith in humanity.

 

Let me bore you for a moment.  I am not trying to compare situations here, but I think there is a degree of a corollary.  I'll be brief.  A numbers of years ago, I had an uncle who was beaten to death by three teens.  My family begged to court not to apply the death penalty.  It ended up proving to be a wise decision.  I always thought my family was right in forgiving these boys.  I think you are right as well.  No matter how hard it is, it will reward you in the long run.

 

No one who puts a post here can change anything about your life.  I do hope you see that you have many, many people rooting for you.  May the rest of your life be blessed beyond words.

 
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