Topic : 07/16 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp

 I tuned into this series for the first time today.  I had seen it advertised and was interested in the topic because I've been married to two abusive men--only I didn't realize it was abuse until about two years ago.  I was mortified to see Dr. Phil's behavior toward Cherie and John and couldn't believe what he was saying to them and to the viewers.  He chastised Cherie for not believing John's promise to her mother about stopping the abuse.  It made me ill to see Cherie apologize to John for not believing him.  (She shouldn't, since 99% of these men never change because they are not willing to do the hard work it takes to change their underlying attitudes of disrespect and contempt for their partners--it takes more than a week!).   Dr. Phil did not confront John about his abusive and foul language about and to his wife.  And somehow Scott, another foul-mouthed abuser, was allowed to critique and provide feedback to John about Cherie's behavior!  Of course, he judged her to be wrong and John was allowed to go on with his same irrational thought process in which he thinks he is the victim and Cherie is the crazy Hollywood actor from hell.  These men were encouraged to believe they were justified in swearing and calling their wives foul names.  If they feel entitled enough to show this side of themselves in a public forum, just think how much worse they behave when there are no cameras on them.  Marriage counseling with abusers doesn't work, because almost no counselors are willing to confront the men about their abusive behavior, including Dr. Phil, apparently.  These men are like toddlers--self-centered and throwing tantrums when they don't get their way.   Living with them is damaging to the woman, and traditional couples therapy is even more harmful.  If you are a woman who thinks you are in an abusive relationship, call the Domestic Abuse Hotline in your area.  Read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft and "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans and some of the other good resources on domestic abuse.  Don't get sucked into the idea that somehow you are the problem.  You don't have to be perfect to not be abused. 

 I can't believe you made that statement.  The child abuser who violated the child and ruined her/his life is, in your eyes, less culpable than the mother.  That is some "blame the victim" statement.  To me, it's an example of how women are usually put between a rock and a hard place, while the abusers' actions are looked over and forgiven.  Sounds like there may be some unfinished business in your own life that keeps you from seeing things clearly.  The abuse belongs to the abuser, not to anyone else.  Keep it there and don't let him off the hook. 

But what does Tara and Scott's marriage have to do with SAHM's. Tara isn't a SAHM. Tara has even come on this board saying that she does work!

 

The premise of the house cleaning was bogus. It appease the audience, but doesn't get at the core issues in Tara and Scott's marriage.

 

I'm sure your husband appreciates you, but I'm also sure you appreciate your husband and the way he contributes to your family. You're right it boils down to communication and respect, but that goes for both sides, not just the man. Women need to appreciate a man's work too.

Joelle Ogletree did not come across as a very sympathetic person.  Even though the boys failed the polygraph, I am inclined to believe they did have a sexual relationship with her.  In her position, I would have been protesting my innocence with a lot more emotion than she showed.