Topic : 07/17 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2

As a perpetually single 30 year old man, I feel I can offer up a fresh perspective here on some of the things that I've noticed through the years. Let me preface this by saying, I've been single by choice, also I have no children, also by choice. I know nothing about parenting execpt enough to know that I'm not ready to be a daddy yet, and I've always respected the women I've been with enough to not force that on them by always using protection. As I was younger, like just out of high school I noticed alot of my peers getting married to their high-school sweethearts. I opted out, I broke up with my girlfriend and wanted to explore the world and get an education and so on. Being single wasnt easy though, and in my 20s it seemed like everyone I met was married and miserable. I persued my dreams and my carreer alone and spent alot of time lonely. Mind you, I dont want to sound like "hey I'm really cool" but it must be also noted that Im a very handsome man, Russel Crowe is what all my friends call me, same blue eyes and face but with black hair. I've gotten many acting jobs based purely on my looks alone, also I work out regularly and was (and still am) in awesome shape. I was drug-free, an IQ of 130, making good money and had alot of female friends who were all married to guys that hurt them. It seemed for years that every guy in the universe was an abusive, neglectful, balding, pock-marked, unemployed, cheater. So why was I alone so much, you may ask? Well..heres my whole point.

Nice guy syndrome. I grew up around very strong women. and was drilled with respect. So much so that I was often too nice to girls who were turned off by that.

Women, especially younger women, have a total misconception of what strength is, and all women are attracted to strength, but the kind of strength that turns a woman on changes over time with maturity. Young girls love abusive-selfish guys, they think they can turn them around or something like that, but only lose themselves altogether. And the worst part is, they have children with these dopes who have no clue how to be a strong role-model, and only have children so they can fetch their beers for them. But thats personality trait comes from the same place that turned her on in the first place. Get it? The things that turned her on when they first met are the same things she hates when she has him. Because now, they're directed at her and not other people. Like ever wonder why the biggest jerk always has the hottest women? Thats partly why.

For years and years, it seemed like I was telling people "divorce" or "break up"  over and over again and no one ever listens.

Now Im 30 and Im noticing a trend. Women are finally divorcing and have had enough. Women are realizing time is ticking and they want better for themselves. Which means, I'm having more options than ever.

But it kinda sucks too, because I havent any kids, but EVERYONE else does. When I was younger I thought "I wouldnt marry a woman who had a kid" then it was "I wouldnt marry a woman with 2 kids", then; "I wouldnt marry a woman with 2 kids from different fathers cause if we had a kid, Id be daddy #3", and now....I dont know. Cause so many women choose their babys fathers so poorly, they can never seem to be found, are in prison, or just dont pay child support. So therefore the jerks, once again are let off the hook and free to go make babies with more young women.

So heres my final point (and Im sorry this has been so long) Men are babies until someone kicks their butts into shape, I dont care who you are. We have testosterone with makes us agressive and territorial. Only harsh lessons from loving parents can teach us to use our aggressive nature to be gentleman, and save the violence for defending your loved ones from attackers. Being a man is about being a stable strong rock with certain soft spot reserved for your wife and family. That is real strength.

And women need to learn self-respect and confidence. Nothing is a bigger turn on to me than to see a woman rightfully stand up for herself. A woman who can fight as hard as she can be soft and tender. And to you mothers out there with young daughters...teach them what age has taught you...recognize real men. Dont ever confuse kindness for weakness. True strength is holding your power back sometimes.

Thanks Dr.. Phil! You're a flippin genious!

That's silly. My husband is the nicest guy I know. If I wanted something to train, I would have gotten a puppy.

 I think it is more accurate to say toxic, dysfunctional people gravitate toward each other. There are plenty of nice guys who are in happy relationships. If you are having romantic difficulties, perhaps you should drop the "I'm too nice" mantra and explore what the real issues are.

Unfortunately, on most Dr. Phil message boards I have visited, mostly it is women who post and complain about men.

The men's point of view seems to be lacking. Most men who support their families want to consider their financial contribution their COMPLETE contribution to the family. They demand their wives look like sexual models and serve up whenever demanded. Included in this "contract" is the requirement that their wives work like their own mothers and clean and cook  for them like staff at a 5 star hotel. In addition, their wives must retain full responsibility for "managing" their children, especially when they misbehave.

This ignores the fact that marriage is best when it is a true partnership. The world is hard enough, without understanding the true VALUE of marriage.

Daily tasks should be negotiated depending on the time and energy of the spouses. If children are at issue, spouses need to communicate and have FEWER since children definitely put stress on most marriages.

Thorough discussion of finances and planning can bring about the most powerful advantage of successful marriage: ESTATE AND FINANCIAL PLANNING

When couples get together to function well and work well together, they are in an excellent position to obtain excellent financial strengh, often leading ot early, well maintained retirement.

If you doubt this, just ask any single mother!

I hope men read this note, especially those involved in the show:

Successful marriage usually lead to successful financial life. By acting childishly and being unwilling to work with and assist your mate, you are cutting out and nullifying the most powerful impact of marriage: FINANCIAL SUCCESS.

Don't be foolish. Men, you should expand your view of successful marriage to include compromise, good manners, the ability to say "thank you" and kind understanding of your mates' foibles.

This is the life my wife and I chose to make. Because of it, we were able to retire early, travel and live the life that these couples will miss entirely.

Worse, they are teaching their children to find and become abusers.

Rosey1