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Topic : 07/17 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2

Number of Replies: 289
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Created on : Friday, February 02, 2007, 03:00:27 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/06/07) An intensive workshop continues in The Dr. Phil House as three wives turn their husbands in to Man Camp in a last-ditch effort to save their marriages. After Scott refuses to clean up a mess in the house, he has an angry discussion with Dr. Phil and storms out. Can his wife, Tara, convince him to give the experience another shot for the sake of his marriage and his family? Then, John and Nic roll up their sleeves and begin to clean the house, while their wives secretly watch in amazement. Will they have a new appreciation for what their better halves do on a daily basis? Plus, Dr. Phil sits down with Nic and Amanda. What did they do to nearly get kicked out of The Dr. Phil House? And will Amanda agree to bring in the man she’s been having an affair with, so she can tell him in front of Dr. Phil that it’s over, once and for all? Join the discussion.

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February 6, 2007, 4:44 am CST

Women just as much to blame

I get tired of women crying about how bad it is with their man.  Well, for God's sake, get a backbone and leave!  If you stay you are an enabler and contributing to the problem.   None of these poor excuses for a man deserve a woman of any kind.  But if you stay you are saying it is OK for him to act this way.  You have forfeited your power.  He can only abuse you if you are there.  And, girls, he just ain't worth killing! 
 
February 6, 2007, 5:26 am CST

To Desperate Wife

Quote From: zipping7

   Stereotyped men have no right to treat women like merchandise, sex machine's & tax deduction's!!!   I think somehow we need to get to the root of this major problem.  Through the year's while these men grew up, they forgot, how they treated their Mother's.  Evidently, they take their anger & frustration's out on the one's they say they LOVE.  Just because they weren't taught how to seek medical attention for their trauma's.

   My Husband, seems to think a woman's place is doing all the home chore's & working as hard as a Man does.  He is so possessive & degrading to me, especially in front of other's.  I know deep down inside himself, there is a trauma & he fights with his own demon's, cause he also degrades himself.

     I think part of our adult life solution could be continued Education!    But, to implement this, I have found, the only way would be to involve the Law..  I found this easier said, then done!!!!!!

     All & any feedback would be greatly appreciated..                    Desperate  Wife

I have a sister who is married to a controlling and at times violent man. He treats her like a slave and expects her to do everything. He doesn't work now, but she has to support the family by working, and then coming home and doing all the cooking, washing and other house chores. My heart goes out to her. Her husband Sam, always critises our mother who has passed on, my mother didnt want her to marry him as she used to come home with black eyes before they got married. So because of that he always degrades our mum, last time being Christmas time. I got upset over it and my sister of course took her husband's side and told me not to come round if i didnt like it. So now i keep my distance from my brother -in-law, but i still see my sister as i dont want to lose her.  They have been married for 20 years and have 5 children, all now are over 21.My sister's reason for not leaving him is that she wanted to keep the family together plus there was nowhere to go and they didnt have much money anyway.  He is a drunk and never liked or respected our side of the family, but he always respected his. It's not fair i think.  So i empathize for you as you are having a hell of a life.  I really cant tell you what you should be doing as i can guess you have tried many things to make your life livable.  I pray and hope you will find some peace in your life. Sorry i could not contribute much.  Love Maria3255 
 
February 6, 2007, 5:27 am CST

Send son-in-law to Man Camp - PLEASE?????

Oh how I wish I could send my son-in-law to Dr. Phil’s man camp. This guy has abused my daughter for the last eight years. He has made her three children from her previous marriage (she gets visitation every other weekend) feel completely unwanted and unwelcome. My daughter has struggled with eating disorders and other addictions for most of her life. I had suspected as much, but only recently did she reveal to me the depth of the problems.  

  

When they met, I was recently widowed and in a black abyss of grief over the loss of my beloved husband. I was unable to see the son-in-law for the kind of person he truly is, and was not capable of telling my daughter to run – not walk – but run away before it was too late.  

  

He promised me he would take good care of her. Since they’ve been married, she’s lived in hovels that should be condemned. She has driven cars that were unsafe at any speed. She is criticized for every dime she spends on her children. He has a child – get this – the child’s mother (a crack addict who prostitutes herself for drugs) is HIS brother’s wife! The child’s mother has never paid a penny toward child support and the child lives with the father and my daughter. My daughter pays child support for her three children, and is expected to pay half of the expenses of the household in which he and his daughter make up two thirds of the population!  

  

In the beginning of the marriage, he came back after having an extramarital affair and told my daughter that his girlfriend wondered why he was “going back with that fat b*&ch. My daughter immediately flipped into anorexia mode and became what she refers to as a “pro anorexic.” She is now at 114 pounds, and 5’ 5” tall.  

  

The laundry list of abusive things he does is too long for a message board. He allowed his brother to abuse her for over a year, until I stepped in, brought in the police and the brother spent a year in jail and now has a permanent injunction keeping him 5 miles away from dear daughter.  

  

Recently, she decided to leave him and come home, a move I strongly support. Yet, she brought over some of her things, then went back for just another load, and the next thing I know – he’s schmoozing her with promises that everything is going to change. Right. Currently she’s telling me that they are going to a counselor who is giving them six free sessions. Their first session with this person of unknown credentials (and I am thinking you get what you pay for….) is Thursday.  

  

So, my guest room is now loaded with clutter because daughter wants to hang it over his head that she might bail at any moment. I’m walking around waiting for the other shoe to drop.  

  

My grandchildren now come here on the weekends so that they don’t have to put up with her husband speaking to them the way he speaks to her. I refuse to allow them to be with him until such time as I see fit, and I don’t anticipate that day any time soon. I am nearly apoplectic that my daughter has sold out her children for this horrible person who treats everyone with such disrespect. I don’t want them to witness how not to treat a woman, and I want them to have fun, for a change. So, she picks them up, brings them here, and we cook together, play games, and have a big slumber party. If she wants to spend time with them, it is here.  

  

I suppose other than being available to her, there is little I can do beyond expressing my concerns. She’s a grown (groan sometimes) woman of 32 years. All I can do is provide my grandchildren with refuge from the storm. But I sure would love to see MY son-in-law answering to Dr. Phil.  

  

 
 
February 6, 2007, 5:45 am CST

you are not fat....but that's beside the point

Quote From: ihearya

I know what they are dealing with.we get along most of the time...but like everyone else we have some issues.....My husband of 20 years tells me the other day that I am getting too fat. And there are lots of 20 something girls that like to flirt with him and i need to shape up or he's venturing out.  I weigh 119 #. I have always been around 115 naturally. Weight has never been an issue with me.  So I have gainned 4 #s.  Not to mention he gained 45# over the past 20 years. and lost 20 of it. He is arrogant and thinks all women are after him. He is flirtacious. But has never strayed. But has pondered it. i was shocked when he said this to me but I was really hurt when he said he was serious.  We also have 2 teenagers in the house which has been very stressful lately....but with issues he doesn't want to deal with he leaves it to me.  He is also an alcoholic...drinking everyday. which hinders any nightly activities. I do and have always done for the children. He feels he works 12 hour days/nights 14 days out of the month is enough for his contribution for this family. 
please find AlAnon - for yourself and for your teens.  This program is free and will really help you deal with some of the issues facing you and your kids. 
 
February 6, 2007, 5:50 am CST

MAN CAMP

I am really surprised these women stay and get abused I understand that they may love their husbands but to me if you don't get love back then why put up with them and their stupidty. Scott  is very rude, mean and not a man at all but a animal. I feel sorry for Dr.Phil if you take on this guy because I think it is a waste of time he needs a reality check. As for Nic well he doesn't know what he wants. As for John he needs to be with men instead of women since he doesn't think a woman is good enough for him or society. Out of all of them Scott is the one that tees me off the most. His attitude needs adjusted.  I hope all the men see the tape of theirselves to see how stupid and mean they are. If the tables were turn would they take this crap?  Ladies I think its sad that you stay in this,  love isn't meant to be like this or marriage.
 
February 6, 2007, 6:12 am CST

These are BOYS, not men

I just wanted to say that there are some wonderful men out there. I have been married almost 20 years and my husband would never think to call me names or put me down. I wouldn't allow anyone to treat me the way these BOYS treat these women. Real men would never act the way I see these guys acting.

The women should get some counseling to find their voices and their self-respect. There is no way they will tolerate anyone treating them this way again. Further, their children are learning their roles from the parents, and none of them are good role models. If they don't do something soon, the children will believe that this is how relationships are and will end up repeating their parent's mistakes.

Good luck to you all!    

 
February 6, 2007, 6:17 am CST

money and power

Quote From: carolbpete

I watched Part 1 with interest...  and fantacised that I was actually on the show myself.  I can relate to all 3 of these women.  I get that they have not left.  After 15 years of mental and emotional abuse, my last straw occurred in 2002.  What's holding me up?  Making sure my kids are secure financially and physically.  We need a place to live.  In order for that to happen - I have to be able to make enough money to pay all the bills and feed us.  That doesn't happen overnight.  In addition, I have to be able to pay a lawyer - you can't just walk in and get free legal service.  It doesn't work that way.  Our income is over the maximum allowed...  and lawyers want $2k up front.  And, in my current circumstances - no job (for EITHER of us), $15k in debt, no February house payment (and it's below 0 outside) - I'm not able to just pick up and leave.  I have nowhere to go.  I have no family.  One brother who would love to help, but he is Canadian.  And that's another bunch of mess.

 

I think if Dr. Phil can help these guys understand how much damage they have done - kudos.  I wish we all had access to that kind of help.   I have already tried the "tape the show and make him watch it" route.  It doesn't work.  Neither does messing up the house (or even letting the house mess itself - I refused to cook or clean for 3 years).  Neither does 1-to-1 counseling at a Judge's order.  If the people around these guys enable them - that is, don't make them tow the line, don't point out when they are out of line, ask questions and demand answers to stuff - they will just continue on their way.  The fact that for these three it's out now - everyone knows how they treat their wives - is a huge step.

 

The ugly truth is we don't all have Dr. Phils in our lives - and without intervention many of us will not get to where we need to be to be safe and human.  It's not always about being emotionally unable - it's about the community you live in, and what kind of support you have or don't have around you.  You can't just go from making nothing to making $50k in 5 years, much less overnight.  Most of us just hope we'll get to the other side with some of ourselves intact, and minimal damage to our children.

Sometimes I wonder if any man, even Dr. Phil, can understand how difficult it is for a woman to leave an abusive relationship -- especially the jobless woman who has been out of the work force for years

In our culture money equals power. After being isolated and browbeaten for years getting out becomes dangerous. The guys on this program are a lot bigger than their wives as well. And at least two of them seem emotionally capable of beating them up physically and financially if the women try to leave.

It's easy to say "just leave" or "you owe it to your kids to leave." But try doing that with no money or family support. The courts can be amazingly callous to women. The woman finds herself at the mercy of the judge and the husband's lawyer. Despite the popular opinion that women come out of divorce with big stacks of their husband's money, that is just plain false. Women emerge from divorce beaten emotionally and financially. But that said, it's still the first step to getting one's life back. And worth the risk.
 
February 6, 2007, 6:25 am CST

scott needs to get a clue...

who is the one getting loud?=scott

who is the one yelling?=scott

who is the one not trying and checking out and taking the 6year olds way out?=scott

who is showing his children how to react to things that get uncomfortable?=scott

 

i hope he is proud of how as a coward (can't call him a man cuz a real man does not act like him at all) he has been behaving evidently for the past few years. he needs to react the exact opposite than what his impulses tell him to...that would be how he can know he is doing better....

 
February 6, 2007, 6:30 am CST

He's never gonna change

I was in a relationship like the one on your show. He always yelled at me and said it was MY fault! This guy makes me so mad....i wish his wife would realize it's not her fault and someone that immature is never gonna change for you. He may be right for someone else but not you! He tries to make an excuse for everything on his behalf. Every time she even tries to speak he says that its her fault for starting a yelling match and she NOT EVEN yelling. To sum it all up HE IS IMMATURE AND IT'S NOT HER FAULT!!!!!!!!! I hope she realizes that she deserves better and him treating her that way just brings out anger in her. If you have children and the cops come out cause you're yelling, fighting and slashing tires.....you're better apart and happy than together and angry and bitter. THINK OF THE CHILD!
 
February 6, 2007, 6:36 am CST

02/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2

Quote From: vcusenior

I just wanted to say that there are some wonderful men out there. I have been married almost 20 years and my husband would never think to call me names or put me down. I wouldn't allow anyone to treat me the way these BOYS treat these women. Real men would never act the way I see these guys acting.

The women should get some counseling to find their voices and their self-respect. There is no way they will tolerate anyone treating them this way again. Further, their children are learning their roles from the parents, and none of them are good role models. If they don't do something soon, the children will believe that this is how relationships are and will end up repeating their parent's mistakes.

Good luck to you all!    

This is soooo true! I'm now in a terrific marriage. And its a team effort. You get what you deserve so you need to respect the one you're with. If you have a problem that is draining you the other SHOULD have to put themselves in your shoes. But it all comes down to RESPECT, LOVE, and HONOR......anyone remember those words?
 
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