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Topic : 07/17 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2

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Created on : Friday, February 02, 2007, 03:00:27 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/06/07) An intensive workshop continues in The Dr. Phil House as three wives turn their husbands in to Man Camp in a last-ditch effort to save their marriages. After Scott refuses to clean up a mess in the house, he has an angry discussion with Dr. Phil and storms out. Can his wife, Tara, convince him to give the experience another shot for the sake of his marriage and his family? Then, John and Nic roll up their sleeves and begin to clean the house, while their wives secretly watch in amazement. Will they have a new appreciation for what their better halves do on a daily basis? Plus, Dr. Phil sits down with Nic and Amanda. What did they do to nearly get kicked out of The Dr. Phil House? And will Amanda agree to bring in the man she’s been having an affair with, so she can tell him in front of Dr. Phil that it’s over, once and for all? Join the discussion.

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February 6, 2007, 9:14 am CST

02/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2

Quote From: lost_at_44

My screen name lost_at_44 is a little outdated.  I will now be 48 in June and still stuck.  My husband is/was an alcoholic and stuck on prescription drugs.  I dreamed of the day he would get clean and we could live happily ever after. . . Well, he went to rehab for a few months and has now been clean for a little over a year.  I thought it would all be better.  However, he still has the same personality as when he was using.  He lost his job over the years, insurance and so on and has been very sneaky and deceitfull, full of secrets and put downs.  We've been married for 14.5 years now and have 2 boys 9 & 12.  He needs a few lessons from Dr. Phil.  I continually get put down and called several names with many f-bombs.  I was shocked Dr. Phil never called his wife a B-.  If I try to talk to him he calls it excuses, or says oh yea, you're the victim.  I do go to Al-anon and has become my strength along with my family.  The harder I try to stick up for my self, the more I'm put down.  We have not had sex for a year now, 4 times while he was in rehab, but before that it was 22 months.  I have learned to live without affection - I take that back, he will cuddle or hug if HE wants to but it's on his terms.  He continually tells me to watch the money even though I am not an extravagent person.  I have always been a stay at home mom since the boys as that has been the career I planned on.  He gives me cash, small amounts at a time, has me use my own credit cards and he pays for it - but after I get scolded.  He has taken away the credit cards we have jointly.  I recently got my credit report to find we are $21,000 in debt on these joint credit cards that I did not even know I had.  All the money there is - several thousand is ALL in his name alone.  He hides his pay stubs and fought with me last week when I asked him how much he makes - he said what does it matter - your well cared for.  We are the average middle class family but with a husband who knows how to hurt.  He will look right at me when he is yelling at me but as soon as he is done talking he turns his head and will not look at me when I talk but as soon as he is ready to talk he turns back.  I continue to gain strength and support but my heart hurts.  I am smart, loving, pretty, creative, helpful, friendly and everybody loves me . . . and supposedly he does too????  Dr. Phil you and Robin are amazing - I wish you had clones to go around and make the world better at a faster rate than you do - but just seeing your show makes me realize the mess my life has become.  I can't wait for todays episode - keep giving us the strength we're looking for.  Bless you.

 Wow, how did you get into my house and watch my life? ;-(   Well, almost my life. I'm 51, with a child still at home, who homeschools at my husband's insistence.   I have NO access to our finances, haven't worked in over eight years, so my prospects for supporting us are slim to none, and my husband knows it.  He gives me so little spending money it's laughably pathetic.  I have NO access to our marital funds.  I'm not an over-spender, by any stretch of the imagination. It's simply a power tactic on his part.  He has huge mood swings, and is a functioning alcoholic.  On his good days, he can be very nice, kind. On his bad days, watch out!   He's like a spoiled, self-absorbed little boy who always wants his own way, and noone else is considered.  He didn't show his true self until we had been married awhile.  He was very careful not to, as I look back and see it with better vision.  And, to be perfectly honest, I was too careful not to look.

I have no family support, and we're very isolated from others. He keeps us that way. If we make friends, he moves us to a different State in order to re-isolate us.  But, given we live in the USA, I have NO options I can see at this point, until my daughter is grown.  She is being hugely victimized by this maniac, and I can only try to minimize the damage to her psyche as best I can.  My husband has refused to touch me for over three years.  He claims I'm too "fat" and turn him off.  He calls us both stupid imbeciles on a regular basis. He threatens to shoot our dogs if I leave him, as he knows I have no way to leave and take them with us.

I've asked him, during his rages, whether he would speak to his co-workers this way (he's a senior software engineer contractor with a major  US company).  He says he should be able to be himself with those he "loves", and they should understand and take it.  What a crock and a copout! By that statement, he proves himself to be the coward he truly is.

I now know his mother spoiled him rotten as a child. She's a very kind, soft-hearted woman, and lives in Germany.  He wil hardly call or write her, as he claims she "Cries and makes him feel guilty" and he doesn't like it. He hasn't seen her in person since 1993.  He talks about bringing her over to see him, but says he's "too ashamed for her to meet us" (meaning my daughter and I). 

Men are monsters, as far as I'm concerned, and I've learned that by experience.
 
February 6, 2007, 9:18 am CST

02/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2

Quote From: saemae

Scott is nothing more than a whiny-arse baby.  He makes my toddler look like an adult.  What a child!!!  I remember him saying something to the effect of, "You're just trying to make me look like a *$#%&"  Oh no Scott, you're doing a good enough job of making yourself look like a "*$#%&".  You're a sad, pathetic excuse for a man, and my husband and I were laughing our behinds off watching you put yourself to shame.  You are NO man; you are a child.  GROW UP YOU SICK LOSER AND TREAT THAT WIFE OF YOURS WITH RESPECT!  She's lost all the respect she could possibly have for herself by staying with your sorry arse!  And I hope you're reading; I welcome your comments!
He also would ask her a question and then not let her answer.  He then turned around and told her that he let her talk so now let him.  BIG JOKE.  I wonder how he felt to watch himself on TV.  Just like she said when she saw herself out of the picture how bad it was, she is not even his problem.  He is his problem.  I was with my ex for 9 years and that was his problem, everything was everybody else's fault. 
 
February 6, 2007, 9:22 am CST

02/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2

Quote From: jamicarroll

I was where you were.  Stop fantacizing and go.  Your last straw was five years ago?  You've merely raised your tolerance.  Forget making sure the kids are financially secure: their mental health is priceless!  Each and every day that you stay--that they stay with you--your children are learning damaging, dysfunctional, and self-defeating behaviors.  They need you to defend and protect them: to set minimum standards for yourself and them, to exhibit a strong sense of self-worth, and to muster the strength even in your most frightened moments.  You know the definition of bravery?  I used to think it was an absence of fear, but then I learned that's not true;  soldiers in battle are so scared that they soil themselves, and yet they fight.  Bravery means feeling the fear and doing it anyway!  Fight for your children, for their emotional health and well-being: they're looking to YOU as their knight in shining armour.  On the practical side, go into your joint bank and investment accounts and remove as much of the assets as you can (it's all community property, anyway, to be inventoried and fairly divided, so you're not going to keep more than your fair share: this is merely to get you solvent).  Put the funds in an account in your name only.  Get a job--any job--and get OUT!  File your initial papers at the courthouse yourself until you find a lawyer who agrees to take her fee at the final settlement (mine waited two years).  What I'm saying is that reasons become excuses.  When I finally got the courage to do THE RIGHT THING (for myself and my children), I was willing to file for Welfare, live in a one-bedroom efficiency apt., and eat Beanie-Weenie's, if I had to (I didn't have to).  As long as my children and I were together in peace and quiet, free from verbal and emotional abuse, it would be worth it.  Remember that you're teaching your children each and every day: they're looking to YOU for leadership.  And, whether you wish it or not, they will emulate you, by either marrying or becoming abusers themselves.  How about giving them a different role model?

 And how old were you when you left?  I would NEVER give social services a claw into my life by filing for welfare. They are a WICKED and EVIL governmental institution.  I would rather live in a ditch first.  Perhaps you had access to marital funds.  When you don't, and you can't leave your child to go to work to get some funds, it's an entirely different ballgame.  You must wait for your chance to free yourself in that situation, as I am.  Some people truly have NO support, and NO OTHER CHOICE.
 
February 6, 2007, 9:23 am CST

Not so fast on the divorce talk, please

Quote From: drwifeandmom

I am really confused as to why any of these women would want their marriage to work.  It surely can't be for the kids they don't want and the ones that get abused by their actions.  Watching that show yesterday made me look at my husband in a new light.  He has his moments but he also knows what can get by me.  Let me spell it out for them D-I-V-O-R-C-E = A Life for you and your kids

You know, the damage has already been done to the kids. However, the kids aren't in the Dr. Phil house, just the couples are. If these couples WANT to make changes (healthy ones) and save their marriages, I would think that every one of us WOULD SUPPORT THEM. This is perhaps a latch ditch effort to save their marriages, get healthy, get happy, come together as a FAMILY (for a change) and honor their marriage vows.

 

There is already too much divorce in this hedoistic country. Let's let Dr. Phil take a shot at helping these couples. Just the fact that these men (and women) are willing to go on national TV and maks fools of themselves (so far), means they MAY ACTUALLY STAND A CHANCE!

 

Divorce should be a LAST OPTION....these couples have never tried counseling and let's hope (and pray) it works. Then it's a win win for everyone, including the innocent children who have already suffered.  If the help doesn't stick, than you should be spelling out "divorce," but not sooner!!!

 
February 6, 2007, 9:26 am CST

02/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2

Quote From: ladywolf55

 Wow, how did you get into my house and watch my life? ;-(   Well, almost my life. I'm 51, with a child still at home, who homeschools at my husband's insistence.   I have NO access to our finances, haven't worked in over eight years, so my prospects for supporting us are slim to none, and my husband knows it.  He gives me so little spending money it's laughably pathetic.  I have NO access to our marital funds.  I'm not an over-spender, by any stretch of the imagination. It's simply a power tactic on his part.  He has huge mood swings, and is a functioning alcoholic.  On his good days, he can be very nice, kind. On his bad days, watch out!   He's like a spoiled, self-absorbed little boy who always wants his own way, and noone else is considered.  He didn't show his true self until we had been married awhile.  He was very careful not to, as I look back and see it with better vision.  And, to be perfectly honest, I was too careful not to look.

I have no family support, and we're very isolated from others. He keeps us that way. If we make friends, he moves us to a different State in order to re-isolate us.  But, given we live in the USA, I have NO options I can see at this point, until my daughter is grown.  She is being hugely victimized by this maniac, and I can only try to minimize the damage to her psyche as best I can.  My husband has refused to touch me for over three years.  He claims I'm too "fat" and turn him off.  He calls us both stupid imbeciles on a regular basis. He threatens to shoot our dogs if I leave him, as he knows I have no way to leave and take them with us.

I've asked him, during his rages, whether he would speak to his co-workers this way (he's a senior software engineer contractor with a major  US company).  He says he should be able to be himself with those he "loves", and they should understand and take it.  What a crock and a copout! By that statement, he proves himself to be the coward he truly is.

I now know his mother spoiled him rotten as a child. She's a very kind, soft-hearted woman, and lives in Germany.  He wil hardly call or write her, as he claims she "Cries and makes him feel guilty" and he doesn't like it. He hasn't seen her in person since 1993.  He talks about bringing her over to see him, but says he's "too ashamed for her to meet us" (meaning my daughter and I). 

Men are monsters, as far as I'm concerned, and I've learned that by experience.
I feel for you, but I don't know where you live.  Are you entitled to HALF?  Men really hate that but you deserve better.  And your daughter deserves better.  I have been in a bad relationship before, but thank GOD there were no children and it wasn't even as bad as yours.  I'm not made with a high tolerance gene I guess. I would get sick to my stomach because you never knew what kind of mood he was going to be in when he came home.  I finally left after 9 years.   I am now married with 2 children under the age of five and there are times when I think of getting out.  In no way is my relationship again like yours.  But my life is still not what it should be..I can not judge but I sure hope you get help.  Life is too short to have the life you have.
 
February 6, 2007, 9:27 am CST

You

Quote From: ladywolf55

 Wow, how did you get into my house and watch my life? ;-(   Well, almost my life. I'm 51, with a child still at home, who homeschools at my husband's insistence.   I have NO access to our finances, haven't worked in over eight years, so my prospects for supporting us are slim to none, and my husband knows it.  He gives me so little spending money it's laughably pathetic.  I have NO access to our marital funds.  I'm not an over-spender, by any stretch of the imagination. It's simply a power tactic on his part.  He has huge mood swings, and is a functioning alcoholic.  On his good days, he can be very nice, kind. On his bad days, watch out!   He's like a spoiled, self-absorbed little boy who always wants his own way, and noone else is considered.  He didn't show his true self until we had been married awhile.  He was very careful not to, as I look back and see it with better vision.  And, to be perfectly honest, I was too careful not to look.

I have no family support, and we're very isolated from others. He keeps us that way. If we make friends, he moves us to a different State in order to re-isolate us.  But, given we live in the USA, I have NO options I can see at this point, until my daughter is grown.  She is being hugely victimized by this maniac, and I can only try to minimize the damage to her psyche as best I can.  My husband has refused to touch me for over three years.  He claims I'm too "fat" and turn him off.  He calls us both stupid imbeciles on a regular basis. He threatens to shoot our dogs if I leave him, as he knows I have no way to leave and take them with us.

I've asked him, during his rages, whether he would speak to his co-workers this way (he's a senior software engineer contractor with a major  US company).  He says he should be able to be himself with those he "loves", and they should understand and take it.  What a crock and a copout! By that statement, he proves himself to be the coward he truly is.

I now know his mother spoiled him rotten as a child. She's a very kind, soft-hearted woman, and lives in Germany.  He wil hardly call or write her, as he claims she "Cries and makes him feel guilty" and he doesn't like it. He hasn't seen her in person since 1993.  He talks about bringing her over to see him, but says he's "too ashamed for her to meet us" (meaning my daughter and I). 

Men are monsters, as far as I'm concerned, and I've learned that by experience.

Do not have to live like this. There are tons of support groups out there for you in your area. Reach out and you will find them. Domesic Violence Agencies, social services, shelters for abused woman. Honey, You are a battered woman and a victim of domestic Violence. Take it for what it is. I was a victim but now a survivor. Your husband has a good job seems like to me.

Well if you file for divorce you get half of the assets and half of the liabilities. Most States is 5/50 so you will get alimony, child support, half of the house, half of his assets. You will do better financially without him; trust me. Go to an attorney for the first consult is free. Heck, go to several and see what they say. you are entitled to alot and not entitled to be getting abused and controlled by your so called husband. You do have options. Your husband has brainwashed you into thinking you have none. There is alot of help out there. All you have to do is ask and reach out and pray. You can do this one step at a time. Later on down the road maybe you can look into going back to school and then work.

 
February 6, 2007, 9:27 am CST

Victimhood is sometimes less scary

Quote From: kphilips10

I get tired of women crying about how bad it is with their man.  Well, for God's sake, get a backbone and leave!  If you stay you are an enabler and contributing to the problem.   None of these poor excuses for a man deserve a woman of any kind.  But if you stay you are saying it is OK for him to act this way.  You have forfeited your power.  He can only abuse you if you are there.  And, girls, he just ain't worth killing! 

Women, especially, often wear the "victim" label on their heads and it' scary for them to remove it. They know the abuse (verbal, physical, etc), but leaving would present them with UNKNOWNS. For many, those unknowns are more frightening than the abuse they have lived with for years.

 

Also remember that abused people have been emotionally beaten so many times that their self-confidence is low and they often lack that "backbone" you mention. Think of beaten puppies...some become angry, unmanageable beasts while others become passive and depressed. Abused women (and men) are no different.

 

It's easy to tell a strong, independent, confident woman to LEAVE. Abused people don't fit snugly into that category, unfortunately.

 
February 6, 2007, 9:29 am CST

02/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2

Quote From: pianissima

Sometimes I wonder if any man, even Dr. Phil, can understand how difficult it is for a woman to leave an abusive relationship -- especially the jobless woman who has been out of the work force for years

In our culture money equals power. After being isolated and browbeaten for years getting out becomes dangerous. The guys on this program are a lot bigger than their wives as well. And at least two of them seem emotionally capable of beating them up physically and financially if the women try to leave.

It's easy to say "just leave" or "you owe it to your kids to leave." But try doing that with no money or family support. The courts can be amazingly callous to women. The woman finds herself at the mercy of the judge and the husband's lawyer. Despite the popular opinion that women come out of divorce with big stacks of their husband's money, that is just plain false. Women emerge from divorce beaten emotionally and financially. But that said, it's still the first step to getting one's life back. And worth the risk.
Thank you for your understanding. You hit the nail on the head, solidly.
 
February 6, 2007, 9:29 am CST

02/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2

Quote From: phnxrsng

Men like this make me so glad that I am single.  Been there, done that, not going back.  Ever!

Not all men are like that. Not by a long shot. Don't judge and entire gender based on a few jerky guys. These guys are cavemen compared to my husband. Some men are evolved beyond THIS.
 
February 6, 2007, 9:52 am CST

02/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2

The way that Scott belittled every emotion and every emotional thing that his wife says is disgusting. It's all "bull****" and "corny" in his opinion...
 
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