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February 6, 2007, 10:34 am PST
02/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2
Quote From: marsplastiDo not have to live like this. There are tons of support groups out there for you in your area. Reach out and you will find them. Domesic Violence Agencies, social services, shelters for abused woman. Honey, You are a battered woman and a victim of domestic Violence. Take it for what it is. I was a victim but now a survivor. Your husband has a good job seems like to me.
Well if you file for divorce you get half of the assets and half of the liabilities. Most States is 5/50 so you will get alimony, child support, half of the house, half of his assets. You will do better financially without him; trust me. Go to an attorney for the first consult is free. Heck, go to several and see what they say. you are entitled to alot and not entitled to be getting abused and controlled by your so called husband. You do have options. Your husband has brainwashed you into thinking you have none. There is alot of help out there. All you have to do is ask and reach out and pray. You can do this one step at a time. Later on down the road maybe you can look into going back to school and then work. Let me clarify some things. My daughter is not OUR daughter. She is my youngest from my previous marriage, so I would not qualify for child support. Her bio-father has not been able to be found by so-called "child support enforcement) since she was born. Her bio-father owes over 81,000 in back support. Will she ever see it? Not in this country or lifetime, I doubt. Child support enforcement is the biggest joke of an agency on this planet.
As far as our marital assets are concerned, it's complicated, but suffice to say, although my husband has a well-paying job, he is not good with finances or business, so there aren't many assets accumulated to take "half" of. The bank owns everything, to be precise. He's only been in this country for nearly six years, so we've had no time to build up much.
My husband told my daughter awhile back, that he only married me to immigrate to the USA. He plays her emotionally like a fiddle, one day sarcastic and insulting, the next day "the loving Daddy". She has already been abandoned by her bio-father before she was born, so you can only imagine the fear of being abandoned by this one, along with her pain of being also his emotional abuse victim. It's a recipe for disaster, but I see no way out. We have NO financial resources, or emotional support. I will get us out, but it will take time and planning. And I will not leave my daughter alone with this man. Not for a second. That is why I have a harder time working my way out. I live in a State which has very little support for women in my position.
Before I married this man, I was a single Mom for 10 years, had worked my way up to a decent position in a good company. I wasn't financially well off (I live in a part of the country with very low wages and little opportunities for women), but I had a roof over our heads, and food on the table at all times. Life was hard, but I was able to manage. I've not had family support to speak of since my mother died of cancer in the early nineties. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, with little love and affection, and I realize that my own choices in life have had a high degree of dysfunction, also. However, I am not unintelligent, just emotionally needy, I suspect. I call myself a "psycho magnet" for drunks. I've been married to three alcoholics in my lifetime. I just didn't get it, I guess. I couldn't seem to break the cycle. This one appeared to be working out until we came back to the USA. That's when the real trouble started, after he got what he wanted: a green card.
My reason for posting is not to find help for myself. I will do that myself, believe me, with time and my own efforts. My intent in posting is to help others to see that it's a complicated issue, not an easy one, and women such as I do not deserve to be judged harshly as if we are perpetrators of our own victimization. I am NOT a professional victim. I well know my own bad decisions which caused myself and my daughter to be in this position, but that does not excuse my husband's abuse. I'm well aware that my husband is not always a jerk, (at times he is generous and almost loving) but the times which he IS abusive are bad enough to warrant getting away from him. And I will.. when I can do so safely, without involving the US government in any way, shape, or form. I have no intention of ever being married again. I have no intention of having any man in my life, ever again. I realize, at my age, the rest of my life's road will be rough in the extreme, due to the way the USA worships youth, and disposes of it's elderly, believe me. But I will eventually end this relationship.
At the moment, I don't even have proper clothes to go on a job interview, even if I could leave my daughter to go to work. My husband makes sure of that. My daughter has been homeschooled all her life, and would not function well in an institutionalized setting. She has not been conditioned to be a person in lockstep with everyone else, as today's public-schooled children are. We have so much "bully mentality" in our school systems today, (along with the infamous "all children left behind" act) I know she would find herself even further victimized if I were to send her to public school in order to go to work, not to mention bored out of her skull. So, I will find another way, somehow. Thanks for listening. Guess I was bottling quite a bit of these issues, and this topic brought it out.
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(Original Air Date: 02/06/07) An intensive workshop continues in The Dr. Phil House as three wives turn their husbands in to Man Camp in a last-ditch effort to save their marriages. After Scott refuses to clean up a mess in the house, he has an angry discussion with Dr. Phil and storms out. Can his wife, Tara, convince him to give the experience another shot for the sake of his marriage and his family? Then, John and Nic roll up their sleeves and begin to clean the house, while their wives secretly watch in amazement. Will they have a new appreciation for what their better halves do on a daily basis? Plus, Dr. Phil sits down with Nic and Amanda. What did they do to nearly get kicked out of The Dr. Phil House? And will Amanda agree to bring in the man she’s been having an affair with, so she can tell him in front of Dr. Phil that it’s over, once and for all? Join the discussion.
