Topic : 07/17 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 2

Quote From: Pleasance

I think it was a garage door business.

 

I believe that was it.

 

 

Quote From: Pleasance

The message was something like this.........."Isolation is a major tool in abuse."   (I believe that was it)

 

Or ........................................."Isolation is a major tool of an abuser."

 

 

 

 

 

All Domestic Violence and Domestic Abuse experts will tell you ISOLATION  is a MAJOR WAY to further brainwash and abuse the victim.    A way to CONTROL HER AND HER HEAD, HER ENVIRONMENT.

 

Hope this information helps.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Quote From: taramichelle

thanks for being on our side...how are you doing...life is not a box of chocolates for everyone uhhh? i think some people dont respect the fact that we are trying and that is why we are on the show. Take care of yourself

Quote From: pearlette

You said it yourself, if you're not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.  And whether you believe in divorce or not, as Dr. Phil puts it, exposing your child to this is child abuse.  I know.  I grew up in a toxic environment.  And everything you are exposing that child to, is what they will become.  You burn his very  heart and soul.  The problem is really not about cold french fries, or whatever triggers the outburst, it's something else.  Her own fears and insecurities.  Quit "defending yourself".  Calmly say, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to argue with you about this.  I don't know.  Maybe it's a start.  It will escalate though.  First to verbal abuse and then maybe to a shove.  You must stop now, whatever it takes.  Is counseling an option.  Sounds like you both have a good income.  And if she won't go, go alone.  Try and come to an agreement on the housework.  I know it's not fun.  Make a list, split the housework fairly, and then do your share.  But you must quit exposing your child to this.  How would you feel if he grew up abusing his wife or children because of you.  Not judgment...just been there.  Best of luck.

Quote From: vcusenior

I just wanted to say that there are some wonderful men out there. I have been married almost 20 years and my husband would never think to call me names or put me down. I wouldn't allow anyone to treat me the way these BOYS treat these women. Real men would never act the way I see these guys acting.

The women should get some counseling to find their voices and their self-respect. There is no way they will tolerate anyone treating them this way again. Further, their children are learning their roles from the parents, and none of them are good role models. If they don't do something soon, the children will believe that this is how relationships are and will end up repeating their parent's mistakes.

Good luck to you all!    

Quote From: jadedbyhim

2/6/07- Dr. Phil sent a note to one of the wives, whose husband had left for home. It was something to the effect about an abuser isolating the victim. Does anyone know exactly what that message was, as it was quite proverbial. Thank you! Jade

Quote From: ladywolf55

 Wow, how did you get into my house and watch my life? ;-(   Well, almost my life. I'm 51, with a child still at home, who homeschools at my husband's insistence.   I have NO access to our finances, haven't worked in over eight years, so my prospects for supporting us are slim to none, and my husband knows it.  He gives me so little spending money it's laughably pathetic.  I have NO access to our marital funds.  I'm not an over-spender, by any stretch of the imagination. It's simply a power tactic on his part.  He has huge mood swings, and is a functioning alcoholic.  On his good days, he can be very nice, kind. On his bad days, watch out!   He's like a spoiled, self-absorbed little boy who always wants his own way, and noone else is considered.  He didn't show his true self until we had been married awhile.  He was very careful not to, as I look back and see it with better vision.  And, to be perfectly honest, I was too careful not to look.

I have no family support, and we're very isolated from others. He keeps us that way. If we make friends, he moves us to a different State in order to re-isolate us.  But, given we live in the USA, I have NO options I can see at this point, until my daughter is grown.  She is being hugely victimized by this maniac, and I can only try to minimize the damage to her psyche as best I can.  My husband has refused to touch me for over three years.  He claims I'm too "fat" and turn him off.  He calls us both stupid imbeciles on a regular basis. He threatens to shoot our dogs if I leave him, as he knows I have no way to leave and take them with us.

I've asked him, during his rages, whether he would speak to his co-workers this way (he's a senior software engineer contractor with a major  US company).  He says he should be able to be himself with those he "loves", and they should understand and take it.  What a crock and a copout! By that statement, he proves himself to be the coward he truly is.

I now know his mother spoiled him rotten as a child. She's a very kind, soft-hearted woman, and lives in Germany.  He wil hardly call or write her, as he claims she "Cries and makes him feel guilty" and he doesn't like it. He hasn't seen her in person since 1993.  He talks about bringing her over to see him, but says he's "too ashamed for her to meet us" (meaning my daughter and I). 

Men are monsters, as far as I'm concerned, and I've learned that by experience.

Quote From: joysonshine

going to get better unless you both stand on your own to feet in dignity & strength & do something about your situations, talking about it isn't going to change it....only you can do for yourselves what is best for yourselves & your family, no one else!