Topic : 02/08 Flasher Exposed

I just read your reply to my last message and truely I wish you the best success in your recovery. Society's "Standard" views are difficult to breakthrough. As part of the society We all try to fit in and stand up for one another when we feel one might be in harm's way or has been innocently targeted in any number of offenses. So just as it was for you "personal" to appear on the show, it was also personal to us watching and feeling the same embarrasment you went through and all those woman who didn't get to  "choose".    

I feel most of the outrage towards your comments was that you did not come across humble or sincere in your true motive of coming on the show. What most viewers interrupted your appearance as, was... a public plead of acknowledgment,  that YES indeed you have beat the odds. Seeking our support, as well, in telling a  young girl of your past. 

I dont think anyone wants the worst for you. Or to ridicule you for your past. you shouldn't have to   carry this burden for your entire life. That is for God to decide how & when you shall answer to Him. But we are all suppose to forgive..? People should not shut the door on you. Although we were gaurded while listening to your confession and revelation at the same time with mixed emotions. Some of us can't wrapp our minds around this topic, let alone understand. I hope you expected that at the very least.

Honestly, two years is not long enough, in my opinion,  to take center stage and profess your rehabilitation like you did, without a new jerk reaction from the audience.

For myself, if there wasn't a young lady involved in the scheme of things, I probably, most likely would have been more compassionate towards your recovery accomplishments.

My suggestion to you would be from here on out stay focused on the big picture. Continue to help young people in the community who show similar signs of behavior, keep going strong with your twelve step program, perhaps this same orginazation can assist you in becoming a counselor at their faciluty and last but not least if you have close friends & family, keep them near. Good Luck.

I had to come back here after spending some time reading the posts from others and I realized that as in anything, there will always be differences of opinion.  I find it interesting that there are women who are not offended by Thomas' behavior, which I don't care what anyone says, is not "normal".  I guess there are always "enablers" in the world that allow the behavior to continue despite the fact that it was deviant.

I found after reading several posts here, that the one thing that wasn't present in Thomas on the show was "humility" which is a spiritual principle...and it is interesting because it has been said that if you don't practice the spiritual principle of humility, you will be humiliated.  And truly if a person is really recovering and wanting to help others, you don't have to talk about it, be about it.  The best indicator of who you are and what you are about ....is how you live.

The obsession may have been lifted just for today...and it will be an ongoing and life long journey...it has been reiterated time and time again on this message board from others in recovery...thank God for that voice.  I also realize that sometimes when people are in early recovery, they don't necessarily have the experience of working the 12 steps and traditions and having the spiritual awakening that happens as a result of working the steps....and they truly exhibit the behavior of a newcomer. And the newcomer is the most important person, because we can only keep what we have by giving it away.  Thank God for the predecessors who have paved the way for the rest of us.  All of this for me, has shed a lot of light and has given me an enhanced understanding of Tradition 11,".....we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films."  Does that include TV? :)

I needed to come back here and clean up my side of the street and speak from a place of recovery and not react...and so I know that the best example that I can be, is to live my life to the best of my ability....and pray that I not hurt people along the journey.  Sometimes the way I live my life is the only indication of the program I work....I can show you better than I can tell you. Not perfectly, but hopefully progressively, because that was how my disease was.

So Thomas my prayer for you, is that you have a journey of recovery, that God will touch your heart and your life and use you as an instrument of his will.....,in HIS time.   I am sure this experience has opened up some things that you may or may not have bargained for, but hopefully the lesson in all of this will present itself...and I pray that you will be open to receive it.

It works if you work it and please keep coming back!

Thomas, you just keep lashing out.  Your replies are always critical UNLESS someone is on your side and agrees with you. If you were more sincere and came across as more remorseful on the show and in your postings, I would say, Well, I guess he really does want to help others.  But my feeling was that it is far from that.... I think you have a LOT of work left to do. I also knew you would ask the question "Do I ever get angry?"  Well, Of course....but you were the one just lashing out at Dr. Phil and anyone else who I felt had constructive critizism.  You went to him for some help and then all you could do is be critical of his questions and comments.  You were  too busy justifing your situation and trying to convince everyone you were totally 'lifted' from this obsession.   I honestly felt this appearance on the show was more for your relationship with your new girlfriend than for anything else.  WHO KNOWS????

I don't quite believe this story but for each person with horns on their head there is someone with matching holes in their head so maybe you were a perfect pair.

 No, but realistically, I was curious about the psycology behind this type of abnormal sexual behavior.

 I think exposing themselves might BE their sex life and they really don't need to relate to women that much. That would explain the 18 yr. old girlfriend.

No need to relate too much but on an adolescent level? They didn't develop into relating on an equal basis or normal type of sexual relationship for some reason. He said he didn't have a good relationship with his mother, I think. So there's nothing bad about it except it's illegal and will land you in jail.

  Their fantsy of it somehow being a normal way to approach women is off target.

I just watch this show as I'm catching up on my Tivo'ing.  I could not believe this guy.  He kept faulting Dr. Phil when he is the one who drove the whole conversation.  He is so angry and defensive, his recovery doesn't stand a chance.  I've been in recovery for 17 years (not for this but something else) and to think that he's got this licked just shows how truly ignorant he really is.  I REALLY feel sorry for this very young girl.  She's too young to have to deal with a guy like this.   I know she's officially an adult but she's just too young and inexperienced to know what she's in for (even if he never flashes again ever).  That why he's with someone that age.  No one his own age would put up with him. 

You may not understand why many women are so upset by exhibitionists.  I do.  Having a man expose his genitals to you, when you have in no way expressed interest in doing so, is assaultive, whether or not that carries through to him actually physically assaulting you, and regardless if he is "quite handsome and refined looking".  Believe it or not, there are many women in this world who don't wish to look at the genitals of any man other than the one they love.  The upset feeling is magnified for most women who have, in their past, been a victim of molestation and/or rape.  Women who were molested as children were powerless to stop that happening and women who have been raped were powerless to stop that happening and so - when they are encountered with a flasher, they again feel that powerlessness overcoming them. 

Soooo thrilled for you that your every encounter with an exhibitionist hasn't upset you and that you have never felt in danger of assault and found all the men who exposed themselves to you to be both refined and handsome and that you were always able to take it lightly in the 'fun' manner in which it was conveyed.  Many women cannot imagine a stranger exposing themselves to them as 'fun'.  Repugnant yes, fun and lighthearted - NO.  You should probably send your story about your jacuzzi encounter in to Penthouse or Playboy - you reacted just as most exhibitionists wish/hope/expect all women to - in that you admired his body and manhood and went on to prove you did with 3 days of sex.  He was "dressed to the nines and had flowers for you", so of course you were overcome with desire, that combined with having already seen his 'goods', how could you possibly refrain? 

Okay, I am being meanly sarcastic and I will apologize for that.  I can only say I am doing so because I am outraged that you would minimize how hurtful it can be to a woman to have to look at genitals they had no interest in seeing.  For most women, it is not a playful/light encounter, it is an assault.  You are the exception in how it has affected you, not the rule.  Believe that.  Roxy