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Topic : 02/09 Sign on the Line!

Number of Replies: 399
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Created on : Friday, February 02, 2007, 03:14:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Marriage contracts are not only for the rich and famous. More and more couples ask each other to sign on the line -- sometimes when they've already been married for years! Leah says her husband of four years, Gary, wants her to sign a postnuptial agreement that says everything they have is his. Gary says his greatest fear is Leah taking half his assets, and she deserves nothing but her clothes, her ring and her car. Does Gary love his money more than he loves his wife? Then, Darlene says her estranged husband, Bobby, is the cheapest, most selfish man she has ever met. Bobby says Darlene has already left him twice, and he can't trust her. He refuses to get back together unless Darlene signs a "quit claim" and agrees to relinquish what he says are his assets. Darlene is outraged by Bobby's actions and says she can't trust him. Is she right to think this could be a set-up? Can Bobby and Darlene come to terms and reconcile their relationship? In a marriage, is it ever right to draw a line and say, "What's mine is mine"? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks and share your thoughts here.

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February 4, 2007, 3:16 pm CST

Never sign anything your attorney doesn't read

I used to think that prenups were lousey but seeing  the things I have in the past 10 years I've come around. As long as both parties have attorneys read the aggreement and it's purpose is to protect both parties I'm all for them. No one plans on getting divorced before they've even said "I do" but look at our divorce rate. As for postnup agreements, they're the same thing but were overlooked during that hot infatuation period. Too many people rush into marriage while still having a mind clouded by hormones, if it's only later they begin to worry, why not correct a mistake? Again, the important thing is to have your attorney read anything before you sign it and amend it if need be to see that you are as protected as your partner. I'm tired of hearing of parents so caught up in the bitter fight over assets that they make the kid's lives miserable. Divorce is enough of a trauma on the children from the marriage, anything that can make divorce more amicable is a good thing.
 
February 4, 2007, 3:16 pm CST

Love Trusts

Hi everyone,

To my mind any marriage that is based on a contract that anticipates a breakup in advance to protect financial interests is not based on love. That is to say that if you love someone and you believe they love you there is trust and a desire to share everything including the rest of your life and possessions. Love trusts, legal contracts dealing with financial integrity are designed for people without a loving trusting relationship, they are the hallmark of cut-throat profit making business relationships. If a person believes they need a financial contract in a love relationship (marriage) it is always a signal that they don't trust their partner and/or themselves to honour a love relationship - it is not love - love trusts and shares. A person who does not have loving trust for their partner should not marry them, a contract can't produce love and if their is doubt about trusting someone else there is no love and no basis for marriage.

The Chosen One 

 
February 4, 2007, 3:43 pm CST

02/09 Sign on the Line!

Quote From: shepick

I now agree that there should be a marriage contract to every marriage.  The people in this world are getting way to greedy and materialistic.  My ex husband to be, left me about 12 times or more during our short 1 year marriage and it always happened on or right before a pay day.  I handled all the bills because he has such bad credit and owes around $40,000 or so in debt and runs from it.  We had an agreement that he would give me $500 per pay day.  He decided to only give me $400. at times because he bought dinner out a couple of night in a row or he wanted play money.  It was ok for me to buy things for the house, dinner out, parts for all his vehicles but I still had to put in the same amount of money toward bills and up keep.  It was ok for him to have cash in his wallet and me have nothing and he would spend it on crap and not care if I had money to pay bills or take care of my son.  (not his son)  Terry would leave right before pay day and stay at his son's house or a friend a couple of days, come back and tell me he doesn't have to give me any money towards bills or rent because he has to foot for himself two or 3 days.   I look back at my bank statements and noticed how he was living off of me.  He claimed I was his soul mate and that he has never loved anyone like me.  Now I realize it was all a big lie.   He bought car after car and made sure all the cars would go with him every time he left for the two to 3 days. He would transport all of them to a friend yard.  How selfish and greedy could a person be?   He even went as far as taking my car, forged the title over into his and the cops won't do a thing about it to help me get it back .   Is this right?????   Where is justice.  

 

Terry bashed his own head, called 911 and told them I did it, put me in jail and I had to pay his medical bills?   Where is the justice?   There is none.   Cover your back.

 

Yes, I agree in contracts before marriage and I think everyone should have one.

Shepick,

                 Do you really think that a user like your husband would have agreed to sign a contract like this and marry you if you had asked for one prior to marrying him? I don't. These contracts only offend and/or control the innocient loving person, they don't and can't stop a true user like your husband because he would never sign one in that he is financially, rather than emotionally motivated to be with you. You deserve better girl, I hope you have dumped this loser and moved on to someone better.

The Chosen One

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
February 4, 2007, 3:57 pm CST

Signing is crazy

A woman signing a prenupt is crazy. Gary's wife needs to set her foot down and let him know that he is not going to run over her. A man or anyone will treat you how you allow them to treat you. Women need to stand up for them self. The only way I would allow a prenupt in my relationship is if I brought it in to protect my children's needs from another man. Gary's wife needs to stand up for herself and her family and if Gary doesn't like he can it the road it goes both ways! A woman that gets respect in Tennessee!
 
February 4, 2007, 5:46 pm CST

NO PRENUPS

Quote From: kittyk54

I used to think that prenups were lousey but seeing  the things I have in the past 10 years I've come around. As long as both parties have attorneys read the aggreement and it's purpose is to protect both parties I'm all for them. No one plans on getting divorced before they've even said "I do" but look at our divorce rate. As for postnup agreements, they're the same thing but were overlooked during that hot infatuation period. Too many people rush into marriage while still having a mind clouded by hormones, if it's only later they begin to worry, why not correct a mistake? Again, the important thing is to have your attorney read anything before you sign it and amend it if need be to see that you are as protected as your partner. I'm tired of hearing of parents so caught up in the bitter fight over assets that they make the kid's lives miserable. Divorce is enough of a trauma on the children from the marriage, anything that can make divorce more amicable is a good thing.
Ladys lission dont sign a prenup i have been married for almost 5 years my husband made me sign one i did i didnt know what i know today. that is the way these men today control you they are to greedy to give u hafe of what is yours in a marrage.i do love my husband dont get me wrong but its his money not our money hes bank his account not our account. and what makes it worse i am a stay home mom so i get nothing because it is all his.ladys becareful.i was with my husband 10 years before we married he was not like this intil we got married.dont sign a prenup it is part of a control that these men are using to have control. i stress that because no one needs to live the life i am living.
 
February 4, 2007, 5:55 pm CST

02/09 Sign on the Line!

Ladys please dont sigh a prenup i had to when i got married 5 years ago.Now it is a control issue his money,his house,his car,his property ect.We have been together 10 years befor we got married.When we got married everything changed.Now everything is his now ours like it is suspose to be.What is worse is that i am a stay home mom and i get nothing.To get money to get something to eat is a hassle or gas for the car.ladys please dont u dont what to be in the same boat i am in.If i want money he says im using him for his money.Im not.
 
February 4, 2007, 7:23 pm CST

Love means "Business"

     I find it hard to believe that most people today are so distrustful of each other that even in a relationship/marriage they don't trust each other.   People need to find other ways to compromise when it comes to money.  I have heard that the top reason people separate is because of sex or money.  Men and woman are on different pages when it comes to spending money.  Woman tend to want to give to their children while men tend to want to buy toys.  I saw a sign on a "truck" once that says the man with the most toys wins.  So again compromise.  Both parties work outside the home they have equal say in how money is spent and everything they buy together is 50/50.  The stay at home mom needs to also have a say how the money is spent but for personal use does not share in as large amount.  From reading other messages I found that most people are distrustful, insecure and selfish.
 
February 4, 2007, 9:16 pm CST

Sign on the line...

I don't believe in prenupts in a perfect world; however, if the two partners want a prenupt it should be discussed before the wedding takes place.  It's a subject that is just as serious to agree upon as how many children, if any, do we want;  what town we will live in and other subjects of interest.  After you are married, especially for four years,   that boy needs a checkup from the neckup!  No woman in her right mind would sign that now.  Sounds like he's so afraid of losing everything that he's causing it to happen.  I'd leave now for sure, knowing that he wants a post nupt after 4 years.  What's wrong with this picture?   Duh!    Get a clue, Mr. Magoo!!!

 
February 4, 2007, 9:20 pm CST

So sorry it's happened to you, too!

Quote From: christydh2515

Ladys please dont sigh a prenup i had to when i got married 5 years ago.Now it is a control issue his money,his house,his car,his property ect.We have been together 10 years befor we got married.When we got married everything changed.Now everything is his now ours like it is suspose to be.What is worse is that i am a stay home mom and i get nothing.To get money to get something to eat is a hassle or gas for the car.ladys please dont u dont what to be in the same boat i am in.If i want money he says im using him for his money.Im not.
I was married 28 years but that husband died. Now this one said we had to do prenup (I'm his 3rd and he's my 2nd). I had very little but got a prenup for him to sign with all my financials, etc and he did the same, except for financials as it wasn't my business and I wasn't going to get anything anyway. I looked at his and said it was very stringent but agreed to it since we were getting married in a couple of days. He refused to sign mine saying it was useless because, like I said, I had nothing really and he was the recipient of everything except my jewelry and computers and car which were to go to my daughter. (I also used almost all the cash I had to pay my late husbands medical bills so I was nearly debt free before marriage as he said was required.) He gave me no financials as required and had a clause saying if I won any lotto it was mine alone. I mentioned that was generous since he claimed I was always winning contests. He had his lawyer change that phrase to let him share in any winnings and crossed out the 10,000. settlement to me should our marriage end for any reason. I asked to have that stricken as it was putting a price on my love for him. Well, it's his car and his house and his furniture. I've got nothing left here that is mine. I am not allowed to work despite needing a quarter of earnings yet for social security. He tells me I'm fat and then too skinny when I lose weight, swears the "F" word daily and we have only had intercourse 3 times in 4 years. Pretty bad from that point as we are not that old yet (50-60's). He said he would, but hasn't, so I'm going without that part of the marriage as well. All because I agreed to NEVER divorce him but agreed to let him divorce me should he choose. It's a domination thing for him and I'm sucker to stay because no matter what it's for better or worse in the vows and I agreed. This marriage stinks but I'm in it for life just as you are. He even settled an insurance claim and took the 7,000 which was allowed for my loss property and has not given me any money to replace stuff but lets me pay out of my money for what I need. I figure I made my bed so I have to sleep in it. Just didn't believe other guys are out there doing it too. Must be a Puerto Rican thing or a NYC thing as all his past wives came from there or were Latino as he is and I'm not. He says I'm just like all of them and his other girlfriends he has had, because I've also changed. I told him I was never like this after 28 years married to only man in my life. But this husband has had 5 relationshiops, at least, and he (to me) seems to be the common denominator in the failure. He looks like a nice guy until you're alone and married to him. Then the swearing monster side comes out. I guess that's my purpose in life to get him to be nicer and find his place in heaven some day. Well I vented and sided with your problems. Just hang in there and continue to pray for strength to endure.
 
February 5, 2007, 12:28 am CST

No way to a Post Nuptial

It is truly unfair to subject anyone to a post nuptial agreement. Once your married it is emotionally unfair to ask for a post nuptial. Finances, assets, spending, saving, as well as other topics should be discussed before the wedding date is set. That is why the first year of marriage can be so hard. People don't take the time to talk and settle the big issues.

 

I have no problem with prenuptial agreements. I signed one after much discussion with my husband. I also consulted with an attorney ( which is required in California). He had assets prior to our marriage, business partnerships to protect, and he had children to provide for. He did not pressure me and I had plenty of time to review the agreement.  After sixteen years of marriage, I would do it again.

 
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