In a perfect world, relationships would be perfect too but too often love makes us blind to our mates true attributes until it is too late. I had $100,000 in savings when I met my husband. He also worked a good job. We both were interested in ministry. He asked me if I "wouldn't mind supporting us for one month" until he found another job. We returned to his home country to be married and help start a ministry. Once we were there, there was no ministry, no jobs, and he intended that I and my then 13yr. old son would remain in this foreign country (I still had 2 other sons here in the USA) After 7 months, we came back to the USA and my husband refused to work a full time "real" job because "it would kill him" so he has worked part time and seasonally which amounts to 6 months a year. He has from the start wanted to start his own business but keeps changing his mind which business. He gets right up to the point until the business is ready to start then backs away. My life savings is gone and I am now $20,000 in debt. Everything we own, I have paid for or am paying for. We had a prenup...THANK GOD! I did divorce him because I was so tired of him living off of me and him promising that he was going to someday be successful at something; also, like all the other postings, he was so extremely controlling that I felt like I was losing my mind. He wouldn't give me money he'd earned (even hiding it under the mattress) but demanded all my money, demanded he be put as sole beneficiary in my will (excluding my 3 sons), he wanted the house that I put $40000 on and paid the mortgage every month in his name and the prenup tornup; he wanted me to prove my love for him by leaving my 3 sons behind and moving to his home country permanently. I could not leave my sons so he has finally decided that he will try to make a living here. (His premise during our 4 year marriage was that we could live in the USA for 3 months, his home country 3 months and so on for the rest of our lives) For him, money is no object because he has never had to worry about any bills...everything is in my name and I am on the line for paying for everything. After the divorce, he promised to change....and begged for one more chance. I love him very much and am still waiting for his newest venture to pan out. He says that once he has earned enough money, HE will buy a house then I can come live with him and we can get remarried so I won't be supporting him anymore....he says this will happen in 5 years (but he said that everytime he started on a new business venture..so the 5 year mark keeps moving and I am not getting any younger...I am 44 years old, he is 48. I feel trapped by my love for him. I want him to be successful and I want to have a happy life together. I want to believe his promises now even though I know he has used me and lied to me in the past. I want to extend to him forgiveness and a new chance but I am so afraid of investing another 5 years into this relationship with only my debt to show for it when it's through. Also from his behavior in the past, I have no guarantee that even if he is successful, that he will even share any of it with me but will still "nickel and dime me" and want me to pay for this and that. It was and is still a constant shell game. He'll give me $400 then want me to pay for his bills for this and that plus his food, mortgage, electricity...I was even paying for his child support out of the money he gave me so after all was said and done I was in the negative but he could still claim that he had given me money and that it was I who had mismanaged it (even though on paper I could show that the money he gave me was not enough to cover his bills much less the bills for a house and my 3 other sons that live with us) It's such a mess and I feel so trapped so unable to do anything to change it. I have panic attacks so bad that sometimes I cannot even leave the house. They are bad when I drive so I try not to drive so I am stuck....no friends, no life, just waiting for things to get better....stagnation is the worst. I used to have hopes and dreams of helping people or being a missionary....now, I can't even help myself. Sorry for rambling!
In conclusion, I see nothing wrong with prenup's. I guess too I am old fashioned in my beliefs. I think that it is the man's duty to support his wife, not the other way around. Yes, both should contribute but the greater duty (I think) should fall to the husband. The men out there will hate this but if it is the woman who has nothing and the man who has all the stuff, it is his duty to support her...should they have a prenup? I don't think it would be wrong to say that if the marriage lasts 5 or more years then she should be entitled to some percentage of what they have had together. But, a prenup is MANDATORY if it is the wife that has all the money and possessions and the man has nothing but his promises to someday provide. Someday may never come and then the man will leave with all that the wife has and hasn't she already suffered enough by being with him much less having to live out on the streets as a result?
Marriage contracts are not only for the rich and famous. More and more couples ask each other to sign on the line -- sometimes when they've already been married for years! Leah says her husband of four years, Gary, wants her to sign a postnuptial agreement that says everything they have is his. Gary says his greatest fear is Leah taking half his assets, and she deserves nothing but her clothes, her ring and her car. Does Gary love his money more than he loves his wife? Then, Darlene says her estranged husband, Bobby, is the cheapest, most selfish man she has ever met. Bobby says Darlene has already left him twice, and he can't trust her. He refuses to get back together unless Darlene signs a "quit claim" and agrees to relinquish what he says are his assets. Darlene is outraged by Bobby's actions and says she can't trust him. Is she right to think this could be a set-up? Can Bobby and Darlene come to terms and reconcile their relationship? In a marriage, is it ever right to draw a line and say, "What's mine is mine"? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks and share your thoughts here.
