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Topic : 02/09 Sign on the Line!

Number of Replies: 399
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Created on : Friday, February 02, 2007, 03:14:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Marriage contracts are not only for the rich and famous. More and more couples ask each other to sign on the line -- sometimes when they've already been married for years! Leah says her husband of four years, Gary, wants her to sign a postnuptial agreement that says everything they have is his. Gary says his greatest fear is Leah taking half his assets, and she deserves nothing but her clothes, her ring and her car. Does Gary love his money more than he loves his wife? Then, Darlene says her estranged husband, Bobby, is the cheapest, most selfish man she has ever met. Bobby says Darlene has already left him twice, and he can't trust her. He refuses to get back together unless Darlene signs a "quit claim" and agrees to relinquish what he says are his assets. Darlene is outraged by Bobby's actions and says she can't trust him. Is she right to think this could be a set-up? Can Bobby and Darlene come to terms and reconcile their relationship? In a marriage, is it ever right to draw a line and say, "What's mine is mine"? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks and share your thoughts here.

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February 5, 2007, 4:12 am CST

Run, Jane, Run!!!!

Quote From: flamingember

I was married 28 years but that husband died. Now this one said we had to do prenup (I'm his 3rd and he's my 2nd). I had very little but got a prenup for him to sign with all my financials, etc and he did the same, except for financials as it wasn't my business and I wasn't going to get anything anyway. I looked at his and said it was very stringent but agreed to it since we were getting married in a couple of days. He refused to sign mine saying it was useless because, like I said, I had nothing really and he was the recipient of everything except my jewelry and computers and car which were to go to my daughter. (I also used almost all the cash I had to pay my late husbands medical bills so I was nearly debt free before marriage as he said was required.) He gave me no financials as required and had a clause saying if I won any lotto it was mine alone. I mentioned that was generous since he claimed I was always winning contests. He had his lawyer change that phrase to let him share in any winnings and crossed out the 10,000. settlement to me should our marriage end for any reason. I asked to have that stricken as it was putting a price on my love for him. Well, it's his car and his house and his furniture. I've got nothing left here that is mine. I am not allowed to work despite needing a quarter of earnings yet for social security. He tells me I'm fat and then too skinny when I lose weight, swears the "F" word daily and we have only had intercourse 3 times in 4 years. Pretty bad from that point as we are not that old yet (50-60's). He said he would, but hasn't, so I'm going without that part of the marriage as well. All because I agreed to NEVER divorce him but agreed to let him divorce me should he choose. It's a domination thing for him and I'm sucker to stay because no matter what it's for better or worse in the vows and I agreed. This marriage stinks but I'm in it for life just as you are. He even settled an insurance claim and took the 7,000 which was allowed for my loss property and has not given me any money to replace stuff but lets me pay out of my money for what I need. I figure I made my bed so I have to sleep in it. Just didn't believe other guys are out there doing it too. Must be a Puerto Rican thing or a NYC thing as all his past wives came from there or were Latino as he is and I'm not. He says I'm just like all of them and his other girlfriends he has had, because I've also changed. I told him I was never like this after 28 years married to only man in my life. But this husband has had 5 relationshiops, at least, and he (to me) seems to be the common denominator in the failure. He looks like a nice guy until you're alone and married to him. Then the swearing monster side comes out. I guess that's my purpose in life to get him to be nicer and find his place in heaven some day. Well I vented and sided with your problems. Just hang in there and continue to pray for strength to endure.

I will never be able to understand the need for a woman to stay in a relationship for one day, much less a month,year or more.  what is the need you have to allow someone that kind of destructive control over you?  are you so afraid of being alone that you are willing to settle.  to love someone at any age should be a comfort and a partnership of giving AND receiving.  it doesn't matter what age you are -----  don,t fool yourself----  what you are experiencing with this personis not   LOVE!!!!  IT IS A SADISTIC GAME OF CONTROL AND LOVE HAS NO PART IN IT.

HE IS TRYING TO USE FEAR TO ACHIEVE HIS TOTAL DOMINATION OVER YOU------

                           RUN JANE RUN!!!!!

iT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE-------JUST RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN.  IT IS WONDERFUL  THAT YOU CAN PRAY FOR THIS MONSTER----BUT FACE IT----GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEM SELF.    WAKE UP --PRAY FOR HIM AT A SAFE DISTANCE.  THERE ARE PLENTY OF SAFE PLACES FOR YOU TO BE---TO WORK---TO GET BACK YOUR SELF-ESTEEM.

with all the services available today for women to get help--------GO GET YOU SOME!!!!!

 

GEORGIA GRANNY

 

 
February 5, 2007, 7:42 am CST

Prenups are necessary!

In a perfect world, relationships would be perfect too but too often love makes us blind to our mates true attributes until it is too late.  I had $100,000 in savings when I met my husband.  He also worked a good job.  We both were interested in ministry.  He asked me if I "wouldn't mind supporting us for one month" until he found another job.  We returned to his home country to be married and help start a ministry.  Once we were there, there was no ministry, no jobs, and he intended that I and my then 13yr. old son would remain in this foreign country (I still had 2 other sons here in the USA) After 7 months, we came back to the USA and my husband refused to work a full time "real" job because "it would kill him" so he has worked part time and seasonally which amounts to 6 months a year.  He has from the start wanted to start his own business but keeps changing his mind which business.  He gets right up to the point until the business is ready to start then backs away.  My life savings is gone and I am now $20,000 in debt.  Everything we own, I have paid for or am paying for.  We had a prenup...THANK GOD!  I did divorce him because I was so tired of him living off of me and him promising that he was going to someday be successful at something; also, like all the other postings, he was so extremely controlling that I felt like I was losing my mind.  He wouldn't give me money he'd earned (even hiding it under the mattress) but demanded all my money, demanded he be put as sole beneficiary in my will (excluding my 3 sons), he wanted the house that I put $40000 on and paid the mortgage every month in his name and the prenup tornup; he wanted me to prove my love for him by leaving my 3 sons behind and moving to his home country permanently.  I could not leave my sons so he has finally decided that he will try to make a living here.  (His premise during our 4 year marriage was that we could live in the USA for 3 months, his home country 3 months and so on for the rest of our lives) For him, money is no object because he has never had to worry about any bills...everything is in my name and I am on the line for paying for everything.  After the divorce, he promised to change....and begged for one more chance.  I love him very much and am still waiting for his newest venture to pan out.  He says that once he has earned enough money, HE will buy a house then I can come live with him and we can get remarried so I won't be supporting him anymore....he says this will happen in 5 years (but he said that everytime he started on a new business venture..so the 5 year mark keeps moving and I am not getting any younger...I am 44 years old, he is 48.  I feel trapped by my love for him.  I want him to be successful and I want to have a happy life together.  I want to believe his promises now even though I know he has used me and lied to me in the past.  I want to extend to him forgiveness and a new chance but I am so afraid of investing another 5 years into this relationship with only my debt to show for it when it's through.  Also from his behavior in the past, I have no guarantee that even if he is successful, that he will even share any of it with me but will still "nickel and dime me" and want me to pay for this and that.  It was and is still a constant shell game.  He'll give me $400 then want me to pay for his bills for this and that plus his food, mortgage, electricity...I was even paying for his child support out of the money he gave me so after all was said and done I was in the negative but he could still claim that he had given me money and that it was I who had mismanaged it (even though on paper I could show that the money he gave me was not enough to cover his bills much less the bills for a house and my 3 other sons that live with us)  It's such a mess and I feel so trapped so unable to do anything to change it.  I have panic attacks so bad that sometimes I cannot even leave the house.  They are bad when I drive so I try not to drive so I am stuck....no friends, no life, just waiting for things to get better....stagnation is the worst.  I used to have hopes and dreams of helping people or being a missionary....now, I can't even help myself.  Sorry for rambling!

 

In conclusion, I see nothing wrong with prenup's.  I guess too I am old fashioned in my beliefs.  I think that it is the man's duty to support his wife, not the other way around.  Yes, both should contribute but the greater duty (I think) should fall to the husband.  The men out there will hate this but if it is the woman who has nothing and the man who has all the stuff, it is his duty to support her...should they have a prenup?  I don't think it would be wrong to say that if the marriage lasts 5 or more years then she should be entitled to some percentage of what they have had together.  But, a prenup is MANDATORY if it is the wife that has all the money and possessions and the man has nothing but his promises to someday provide.  Someday may never come and then the man will leave with all that the wife has and hasn't she already suffered enough by being with him much less having to live out on the streets as a result? 

 
February 5, 2007, 10:22 am CST

In a way I'm glad I have few possessions...

Quote From: katelynndaughe

In a perfect world, relationships would be perfect too but too often love makes us blind to our mates true attributes until it is too late.  I had $100,000 in savings when I met my husband.  He also worked a good job.  We both were interested in ministry.  He asked me if I "wouldn't mind supporting us for one month" until he found another job.  We returned to his home country to be married and help start a ministry.  Once we were there, there was no ministry, no jobs, and he intended that I and my then 13yr. old son would remain in this foreign country (I still had 2 other sons here in the USA) After 7 months, we came back to the USA and my husband refused to work a full time "real" job because "it would kill him" so he has worked part time and seasonally which amounts to 6 months a year.  He has from the start wanted to start his own business but keeps changing his mind which business.  He gets right up to the point until the business is ready to start then backs away.  My life savings is gone and I am now $20,000 in debt.  Everything we own, I have paid for or am paying for.  We had a prenup...THANK GOD!  I did divorce him because I was so tired of him living off of me and him promising that he was going to someday be successful at something; also, like all the other postings, he was so extremely controlling that I felt like I was losing my mind.  He wouldn't give me money he'd earned (even hiding it under the mattress) but demanded all my money, demanded he be put as sole beneficiary in my will (excluding my 3 sons), he wanted the house that I put $40000 on and paid the mortgage every month in his name and the prenup tornup; he wanted me to prove my love for him by leaving my 3 sons behind and moving to his home country permanently.  I could not leave my sons so he has finally decided that he will try to make a living here.  (His premise during our 4 year marriage was that we could live in the USA for 3 months, his home country 3 months and so on for the rest of our lives) For him, money is no object because he has never had to worry about any bills...everything is in my name and I am on the line for paying for everything.  After the divorce, he promised to change....and begged for one more chance.  I love him very much and am still waiting for his newest venture to pan out.  He says that once he has earned enough money, HE will buy a house then I can come live with him and we can get remarried so I won't be supporting him anymore....he says this will happen in 5 years (but he said that everytime he started on a new business venture..so the 5 year mark keeps moving and I am not getting any younger...I am 44 years old, he is 48.  I feel trapped by my love for him.  I want him to be successful and I want to have a happy life together.  I want to believe his promises now even though I know he has used me and lied to me in the past.  I want to extend to him forgiveness and a new chance but I am so afraid of investing another 5 years into this relationship with only my debt to show for it when it's through.  Also from his behavior in the past, I have no guarantee that even if he is successful, that he will even share any of it with me but will still "nickel and dime me" and want me to pay for this and that.  It was and is still a constant shell game.  He'll give me $400 then want me to pay for his bills for this and that plus his food, mortgage, electricity...I was even paying for his child support out of the money he gave me so after all was said and done I was in the negative but he could still claim that he had given me money and that it was I who had mismanaged it (even though on paper I could show that the money he gave me was not enough to cover his bills much less the bills for a house and my 3 other sons that live with us)  It's such a mess and I feel so trapped so unable to do anything to change it.  I have panic attacks so bad that sometimes I cannot even leave the house.  They are bad when I drive so I try not to drive so I am stuck....no friends, no life, just waiting for things to get better....stagnation is the worst.  I used to have hopes and dreams of helping people or being a missionary....now, I can't even help myself.  Sorry for rambling!

 

In conclusion, I see nothing wrong with prenup's.  I guess too I am old fashioned in my beliefs.  I think that it is the man's duty to support his wife, not the other way around.  Yes, both should contribute but the greater duty (I think) should fall to the husband.  The men out there will hate this but if it is the woman who has nothing and the man who has all the stuff, it is his duty to support her...should they have a prenup?  I don't think it would be wrong to say that if the marriage lasts 5 or more years then she should be entitled to some percentage of what they have had together.  But, a prenup is MANDATORY if it is the wife that has all the money and possessions and the man has nothing but his promises to someday provide.  Someday may never come and then the man will leave with all that the wife has and hasn't she already suffered enough by being with him much less having to live out on the streets as a result? 

After two relationships, one ended in divorce which was inevitable for the lies he told when we met and the ultimate collapse after 10 years of both of our inabilities to undo the hurts...from the lies, and the second relationship I entered into based on the position I was in with 2 small children and no family for any financial or emotional support which in turn led me to decide to enter into the second relationship without finding out the gentleman's habits and character.... his own life had been shattered by events that right or wrong he brought into our relationship.  That relationship ended with his passing.  Now at 68, I can honestly say my reasons for being with men were for the wrong reasons but in the imperfect world we live in when there is no family and a person is essentially alone, the decisions we make for the relationships we enter into can be devastating - again right or wrong.

 

So when I see a woman staying with a man who treats her miserably in every aspect of a union, now that I see that we as human beings can exist by ourselves - and be happier for that choice, much happier ... then I wonder how and why a woman would want to stay with a man who had such a dismal outlook on what he puts into a relationship.  I want to scream, get out of there - move on.... being treated so badly is not acceptable to when we have only a short time on this earth.  No man or woman who cannot treat someone kindly who they are supposedly in love with is worth being with.  You should want to smile again, be at peace with your life.  Enjoy your days. 

 

 

 

 

 
February 5, 2007, 10:43 am CST

Prenups

Quote From: katelynndaughe

In a perfect world, relationships would be perfect too but too often love makes us blind to our mates true attributes until it is too late.  I had $100,000 in savings when I met my husband.  He also worked a good job.  We both were interested in ministry.  He asked me if I "wouldn't mind supporting us for one month" until he found another job.  We returned to his home country to be married and help start a ministry.  Once we were there, there was no ministry, no jobs, and he intended that I and my then 13yr. old son would remain in this foreign country (I still had 2 other sons here in the USA) After 7 months, we came back to the USA and my husband refused to work a full time "real" job because "it would kill him" so he has worked part time and seasonally which amounts to 6 months a year.  He has from the start wanted to start his own business but keeps changing his mind which business.  He gets right up to the point until the business is ready to start then backs away.  My life savings is gone and I am now $20,000 in debt.  Everything we own, I have paid for or am paying for.  We had a prenup...THANK GOD!  I did divorce him because I was so tired of him living off of me and him promising that he was going to someday be successful at something; also, like all the other postings, he was so extremely controlling that I felt like I was losing my mind.  He wouldn't give me money he'd earned (even hiding it under the mattress) but demanded all my money, demanded he be put as sole beneficiary in my will (excluding my 3 sons), he wanted the house that I put $40000 on and paid the mortgage every month in his name and the prenup tornup; he wanted me to prove my love for him by leaving my 3 sons behind and moving to his home country permanently.  I could not leave my sons so he has finally decided that he will try to make a living here.  (His premise during our 4 year marriage was that we could live in the USA for 3 months, his home country 3 months and so on for the rest of our lives) For him, money is no object because he has never had to worry about any bills...everything is in my name and I am on the line for paying for everything.  After the divorce, he promised to change....and begged for one more chance.  I love him very much and am still waiting for his newest venture to pan out.  He says that once he has earned enough money, HE will buy a house then I can come live with him and we can get remarried so I won't be supporting him anymore....he says this will happen in 5 years (but he said that everytime he started on a new business venture..so the 5 year mark keeps moving and I am not getting any younger...I am 44 years old, he is 48.  I feel trapped by my love for him.  I want him to be successful and I want to have a happy life together.  I want to believe his promises now even though I know he has used me and lied to me in the past.  I want to extend to him forgiveness and a new chance but I am so afraid of investing another 5 years into this relationship with only my debt to show for it when it's through.  Also from his behavior in the past, I have no guarantee that even if he is successful, that he will even share any of it with me but will still "nickel and dime me" and want me to pay for this and that.  It was and is still a constant shell game.  He'll give me $400 then want me to pay for his bills for this and that plus his food, mortgage, electricity...I was even paying for his child support out of the money he gave me so after all was said and done I was in the negative but he could still claim that he had given me money and that it was I who had mismanaged it (even though on paper I could show that the money he gave me was not enough to cover his bills much less the bills for a house and my 3 other sons that live with us)  It's such a mess and I feel so trapped so unable to do anything to change it.  I have panic attacks so bad that sometimes I cannot even leave the house.  They are bad when I drive so I try not to drive so I am stuck....no friends, no life, just waiting for things to get better....stagnation is the worst.  I used to have hopes and dreams of helping people or being a missionary....now, I can't even help myself.  Sorry for rambling!

 

In conclusion, I see nothing wrong with prenup's.  I guess too I am old fashioned in my beliefs.  I think that it is the man's duty to support his wife, not the other way around.  Yes, both should contribute but the greater duty (I think) should fall to the husband.  The men out there will hate this but if it is the woman who has nothing and the man who has all the stuff, it is his duty to support her...should they have a prenup?  I don't think it would be wrong to say that if the marriage lasts 5 or more years then she should be entitled to some percentage of what they have had together.  But, a prenup is MANDATORY if it is the wife that has all the money and possessions and the man has nothing but his promises to someday provide.  Someday may never come and then the man will leave with all that the wife has and hasn't she already suffered enough by being with him much less having to live out on the streets as a result? 

I'm sorry but what were you doing before you met this forever moocher!!! You go on and on about prenups but apparently it didn't and still isn't doing your bank account any good. I just don't get it, I really don't get how you can stick around and you KNOW he is not going to change, he was like that before he met you!! I really have a hard time feeling sorry for people who wallow in a cess pool of garbage and then whine about it!! Get the hell out and stay out, geeeez. One of Dr. Phil's famous qotes "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior" and this guy has not and will not change, especially for you unless you got some magic powers up your sleeve.

 

~Janett

 
February 5, 2007, 11:38 am CST

If you are already married, don't sign

I read "Sign on the line" with great interest.  I am a 57 yr old widow and just ended a dating relationship of almost 3years  I own my small modest mobile home and land free and clear, purchased with insurance money after my husbands passing.  The boyfriend was quite anxious to marry and move in with me although he owned his own place in a neighboring state.  In Oklahoma we have community property laws which means he would have been able to claim 1/2 of my property if he ever moved out once he moved in because OK also recognizes common-law marriage.  I am very protective of what little I have and should I ever remarry, I would have to be VERY sure that my beneficiaries got what I left behind, not the children or beneficiaries of the spouse.  I also would have to be sure that should a divorce (heaven forbid) should happen at such a late age, I would not lose my home.  I would also expect the person I marry to have the same concerns.  If were young, perhaps the situation would not concern me.  Most young people do not have alot when they start out and they build their fortune together.   Therefore, it should be divided equally if they part. 

 

But for couples already married that did not have financial plans in place before marriage to want to sign papers now is ridiculous.  They probably should split what they have and go their separate ways before it gets worse.  If a young person is wary of their financial well-being to the point of signing a pre-nup, then they probably should not marry.  For the older person, the picture can be quite different, and they should have wills and possibly pre-nups in place before marrying.

 

I personally, will have my finances in order in advance, should I ever re-marry.

 
February 5, 2007, 11:40 am CST

02/09 Sign on the Line!

Quote From: flamingember

I was married 28 years but that husband died. Now this one said we had to do prenup (I'm his 3rd and he's my 2nd). I had very little but got a prenup for him to sign with all my financials, etc and he did the same, except for financials as it wasn't my business and I wasn't going to get anything anyway. I looked at his and said it was very stringent but agreed to it since we were getting married in a couple of days. He refused to sign mine saying it was useless because, like I said, I had nothing really and he was the recipient of everything except my jewelry and computers and car which were to go to my daughter. (I also used almost all the cash I had to pay my late husbands medical bills so I was nearly debt free before marriage as he said was required.) He gave me no financials as required and had a clause saying if I won any lotto it was mine alone. I mentioned that was generous since he claimed I was always winning contests. He had his lawyer change that phrase to let him share in any winnings and crossed out the 10,000. settlement to me should our marriage end for any reason. I asked to have that stricken as it was putting a price on my love for him. Well, it's his car and his house and his furniture. I've got nothing left here that is mine. I am not allowed to work despite needing a quarter of earnings yet for social security. He tells me I'm fat and then too skinny when I lose weight, swears the "F" word daily and we have only had intercourse 3 times in 4 years. Pretty bad from that point as we are not that old yet (50-60's). He said he would, but hasn't, so I'm going without that part of the marriage as well. All because I agreed to NEVER divorce him but agreed to let him divorce me should he choose. It's a domination thing for him and I'm sucker to stay because no matter what it's for better or worse in the vows and I agreed. This marriage stinks but I'm in it for life just as you are. He even settled an insurance claim and took the 7,000 which was allowed for my loss property and has not given me any money to replace stuff but lets me pay out of my money for what I need. I figure I made my bed so I have to sleep in it. Just didn't believe other guys are out there doing it too. Must be a Puerto Rican thing or a NYC thing as all his past wives came from there or were Latino as he is and I'm not. He says I'm just like all of them and his other girlfriends he has had, because I've also changed. I told him I was never like this after 28 years married to only man in my life. But this husband has had 5 relationshiops, at least, and he (to me) seems to be the common denominator in the failure. He looks like a nice guy until you're alone and married to him. Then the swearing monster side comes out. I guess that's my purpose in life to get him to be nicer and find his place in heaven some day. Well I vented and sided with your problems. Just hang in there and continue to pray for strength to endure.
OMG!!!! Why do you have to "endure" this. This man can't force you to stay married to him...LOL..THAT is ridiculous! This entire post BLOWS MY MIND...exactly WHY are you staying with him? He is abusive, demanding, controlling and ignores your sexual needs...WHY DO YOU STAY?????
 
February 5, 2007, 2:03 pm CST

Separate but equal

Quote From: angeden

     I find it hard to believe that most people today are so distrustful of each other that even in a relationship/marriage they don't trust each other.   People need to find other ways to compromise when it comes to money.  I have heard that the top reason people separate is because of sex or money.  Men and woman are on different pages when it comes to spending money.  Woman tend to want to give to their children while men tend to want to buy toys.  I saw a sign on a "truck" once that says the man with the most toys wins.  So again compromise.  Both parties work outside the home they have equal say in how money is spent and everything they buy together is 50/50.  The stay at home mom needs to also have a say how the money is spent but for personal use does not share in as large amount.  From reading other messages I found that most people are distrustful, insecure and selfish.
There are other ways of securing your assets without the "insult" of a pre/post nup.  You get both people to sign their names on the lease, or deed of the house.  Both people need a joint account to pay bills, and each a seperate account for their own spending (for toys/clothes/extras).  I think the first couple shouldn't do the postnuptial-after 4 faithful years, i don't think it's going to keep her if she wanted to go.  I think they just need their own "toys" and then the toys they have to share.
 
February 5, 2007, 3:30 pm CST

Prenups

Sure, marriage is a partnership.  But partnerships go wrong.  Of course marriage is about love and commitment, but it's also a business relationship.  Combining assets and debts can benefit a person, or really screw them over.  I'm almost 30, with my own home and other real estate investments, some money in the bank, etc.  Any man who thinks I would marry him without a prenup is out of his mind.  It's good protection for anyone who has worked to accumulate anything of their own.  Also, some prenups have a tiered set-up - the longer the marriage, the more claim to the assets.  Anyone who goes into a marriage thinking that it's all about love needs a wake-up call.
 
February 5, 2007, 4:00 pm CST

the real world

 unfortunately we live in a world where you can't trust anyone. I am divorced now but when I got married at 25. I was in love and thought I knew how things would go even steven boy was i wrong. even though he made more money than me. I ended up paying for almost everything . all the bills were in my name including the utilities.He made his money for him and his lifestyle whicH i later found out was drugs.. when things got bad he got ugly. I am so fortunate that the land and our home were in my name and the utilities because he would have cut the lights off  and took everything he could. I did have him sign a paper a few years into the marriage saying he would not try to take the family property ( deeded to me) and thank God I did because he would have taken it for sure.I think women are more at risk for being taken advantage of than men. Men tend to make more money and like one person said women tend to look after their children so if things get bad and a woman has no leg to stand on then she is at the mercy of the man. women do not sign any pre nup or post nup signing away your rights . This only gives the man all of the power and you will be at his mercy.He knows if you have already signed over any claim to your share of the marriage then you will be left with nothing so he knows you probably won't leave him no matter what he does..  look out for yourself.  life/ marriage is not a fairy tale
 
February 5, 2007, 4:05 pm CST

02/09 Sign on the Line!

Quote From: prettypenny

OMG!!!! Why do you have to "endure" this. This man can't force you to stay married to him...LOL..THAT is ridiculous! This entire post BLOWS MY MIND...exactly WHY are you staying with him? He is abusive, demanding, controlling and ignores your sexual needs...WHY DO YOU STAY?????
get out  if after 28 years your prayer has not been answered give up... i wasted 15 years of my life waiting on a miracle. The day I divorced my ex was the best day of my life and I am so thankful I didn't waste another day wishing he would change. As long as you put up with it he has no reason to be any different you have lived it this long what is to make him think any different.........
 
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