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Topic : 02/09 Sign on the Line!

Number of Replies: 399
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Created on : Friday, February 02, 2007, 03:14:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Marriage contracts are not only for the rich and famous. More and more couples ask each other to sign on the line -- sometimes when they've already been married for years! Leah says her husband of four years, Gary, wants her to sign a postnuptial agreement that says everything they have is his. Gary says his greatest fear is Leah taking half his assets, and she deserves nothing but her clothes, her ring and her car. Does Gary love his money more than he loves his wife? Then, Darlene says her estranged husband, Bobby, is the cheapest, most selfish man she has ever met. Bobby says Darlene has already left him twice, and he can't trust her. He refuses to get back together unless Darlene signs a "quit claim" and agrees to relinquish what he says are his assets. Darlene is outraged by Bobby's actions and says she can't trust him. Is she right to think this could be a set-up? Can Bobby and Darlene come to terms and reconcile their relationship? In a marriage, is it ever right to draw a line and say, "What's mine is mine"? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks and share your thoughts here.

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February 5, 2007, 4:16 pm CST

i agree

Quote From: sawyerjc

I'm sorry but what were you doing before you met this forever moocher!!! You go on and on about prenups but apparently it didn't and still isn't doing your bank account any good. I just don't get it, I really don't get how you can stick around and you KNOW he is not going to change, he was like that before he met you!! I really have a hard time feeling sorry for people who wallow in a cess pool of garbage and then whine about it!! Get the hell out and stay out, geeeez. One of Dr. Phil's famous qotes "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior" and this guy has not and will not change, especially for you unless you got some magic powers up your sleeve.

 

Janett

i agree with the previous quote. you need to leave. It is obvious that his 5 year plan is not panning out. he is a moocher and lazy. at his age he should be established and whatever country he comes  from I would think it would be seen as a disgrace to allow a woman to support him. he is a wimp. After reading these message boards I have come to the conclusion that the real man has become almost extinct.....and I use the term almost lightly.....
 
February 5, 2007, 7:42 pm CST

02/09 Sign on the Line!

Quote From: illinirdhd

Sure, marriage is a partnership. But partnerships go wrong. Of course marriage is about love and commitment, but it's also a business relationship. Combining assets and debts can benefit a person, or really screw them over. I'm almost 30, with my own home and other real estate investments, some money in the bank, etc. Any man who thinks I would marry him without a prenup is out of his mind. It's good protection for anyone who has worked to accumulate anything of their own. Also, some prenups have a tiered set-up - the longer the marriage, the more claim to the assets. Anyone who goes into a marriage thinking that it's all about love needs a wake-up call.

You make soo much sense its scary (hehe) but seriously, nowadays many women have their own assest going into a marriage, and Divorce is a fact of life, I don't think anyone man or woman should be naive enough to think that 'til death do us part' is any guarentee in this day and age.

But I do think as well, that being a stay home Mom is NO EXCUSE for allowing your work skills or your mind to stagnate, any woman has the opportunity to better her lot in life, instead of being at the beck and call of their husband, that way should Divorce or Death happens, you are not left not being able to look after yourself and your kids, and I'm NOT slamming stay home Moms, I have been one, and even now I only work part time, but I KNOW that if my husband decides the grass is greener somewhere else, I'll survive, and so will the kids.  He's aware of that fact as well.

As for a Postnuptual and her signing over mutual assests to him, what is that all about ?  CONTROL!  Again I ask why are we still naive enough to belive that we have the power to change them ?

 
February 5, 2007, 11:19 pm CST

Is the "con" on?

One wonders if the sole issue boils down simply to the question of whether the woman is being conned.  Writers describe scenarios in which they were totally blind-sided with a demand to sign a pre-nuptial or quit claim AFTER they were in love, without warning or discussion.  These occurred when wedding plans were long underway or days/hours before the ceremony.  Others arose post-marriage.  The writers describe extreme duress being applied by their fiance to compel them to waive their rights to the marital assets during the marriage, including divorce or death of the husband.  This is the point they should question whether they simply are being conned.  One hopes they can take a moment to consider what the demand really means, in other words, what's in it for them and how it would unfold.  Imagine the pre-proposal moment.  Statistics indicate the man most likely has the most income and personal wealth and the most $ to lose; it would go something like this with possible variations.  My dear(girl's name), I would like to marry you but before we do, I want you to know that I have not disclosed my financial situation to you nor do I ever intend to.  As your husband I will not provide you with anything more than accomodation and the basic essentials of life, the nature and amount and level of comfort to be decided entirely by me.  You will not receive any share of the matrimonial home or accumulation of assets even if you work and contribute to their purchase and maintenance.   I may decide to allow you to reside in the home, but only for your lifetime, (even if you have paid half the mortgage payments & taxes) upon my death.  You will receive no portion of the proceeds of sale of any property accumulated during the marriage even if you have paid any share of the mortgage or taxes or repairs and upkeep.  I expect you to amalgamate any earnings with mine without any say as to how they are disposed of.  I will not make any provision for you to receive any retirement benefits or life insurance should I pre-decease or divorce you.  You will receive no alimony or proceeds from jointly-held property even if I decide to divorce you.  You will pay for all expenses to raise your children born prior to our marriage.  They will receive no inheritance from my estate.  I expect you to continue with  your career (should  you have or develop one) care for my home and myself and be a dutiful loving wife.  I know that your outpouring of physical and emotional affection will not  be affected by these demands and I will continue to bask in those generous comforts throughout the marriage.  Dear god, how I love you - marry me.  If the men had the guts to put this on the table before the woman is in love, she more than likely would send him packing because it leaves nothing to sustain emotional feelings or a relationship or marriage.  If either person told the other they held these beliefs I doubt the relationship would pass the casual dating stage.  Exceptions and workable agreements of this type may exist where both are wealthy businessmen and women with corporations to protect but I suspect these scenario's are in the minority.

 
February 6, 2007, 7:05 am CST

Men and Women can't be trusted

You know something?  This is my third marrage, my first two cheated and left with almost everything but my car and my clothes and maybe a few things i brought into the marrage, left me with two small children also.  So i tell the woman in this issue get all you can now and get out before u have to do this over again and get nothing.  right now i have a secret savings my son is setting up for me because althought i love Paul my third husband and things are great , He has threntend to kick me out or break it off several times and it breaks my heart to think i could sit alone and pennie less once again. three times is not learning a lesson.. Sometimes you have to step out of your norm and charicture and do whats against nature to protect yourself . If this woman is smart she should be seeing signs of rejection, and when that happens it never will be the same again. and she needs to take care of herslef first and dont worry what others think.  That was hard for me and i know ill get in big trouble if he finds out i have a secret savings that im flowing money into but its survival ladies and gentlement.. dont get caught being nice anymore. it dont "pay"
 
February 6, 2007, 7:11 am CST

women need smartined up

Quote From: morganne

One wonders if the sole issue boils down simply to the question of whether the woman is being conned.  Writers describe scenarios in which they were totally blind-sided with a demand to sign a pre-nuptial or quit claim AFTER they were in love, without warning or discussion.  These occurred when wedding plans were long underway or days/hours before the ceremony.  Others arose post-marriage.  The writers describe extreme duress being applied by their fiance to compel them to waive their rights to the marital assets during the marriage, including divorce or death of the husband.  This is the point they should question whether they simply are being conned.  One hopes they can take a moment to consider what the demand really means, in other words, what's in it for them and how it would unfold.  Imagine the pre-proposal moment.  Statistics indicate the man most likely has the most income and personal wealth and the most $ to lose; it would go something like this with possible variations.  My dear(girl's name), I would like to marry you but before we do, I want you to know that I have not disclosed my financial situation to you nor do I ever intend to.  As your husband I will not provide you with anything more than accomodation and the basic essentials of life, the nature and amount and level of comfort to be decided entirely by me.  You will not receive any share of the matrimonial home or accumulation of assets even if you work and contribute to their purchase and maintenance.   I may decide to allow you to reside in the home, but only for your lifetime, (even if you have paid half the mortgage payments & taxes) upon my death.  You will receive no portion of the proceeds of sale of any property accumulated during the marriage even if you have paid any share of the mortgage or taxes or repairs and upkeep.  I expect you to amalgamate any earnings with mine without any say as to how they are disposed of.  I will not make any provision for you to receive any retirement benefits or life insurance should I pre-decease or divorce you.  You will receive no alimony or proceeds from jointly-held property even if I decide to divorce you.  You will pay for all expenses to raise your children born prior to our marriage.  They will receive no inheritance from my estate.  I expect you to continue with  your career (should  you have or develop one) care for my home and myself and be a dutiful loving wife.  I know that your outpouring of physical and emotional affection will not  be affected by these demands and I will continue to bask in those generous comforts throughout the marriage.  Dear god, how I love you - marry me.  If the men had the guts to put this on the table before the woman is in love, she more than likely would send him packing because it leaves nothing to sustain emotional feelings or a relationship or marriage.  If either person told the other they held these beliefs I doubt the relationship would pass the casual dating stage.  Exceptions and workable agreements of this type may exist where both are wealthy businessmen and women with corporations to protect but I suspect these scenario's are in the minority.

my husband told me i could have the car lol..... and just go back to oklahoma.  we have a savings and Rv and another car and live with his parents whom im sole caregiver. fat chance him sending me off with only a "car" and maybe some gas.. he is a fool at age 47 . women ! what are you teaching your young boy's? think about it.
 
February 6, 2007, 7:19 am CST

u go lady. i like u

Quote From: soonersweethrt

I read "Sign on the line" with great interest.  I am a 57 yr old widow and just ended a dating relationship of almost 3years  I own my small modest mobile home and land free and clear, purchased with insurance money after my husbands passing.  The boyfriend was quite anxious to marry and move in with me although he owned his own place in a neighboring state.  In Oklahoma we have community property laws which means he would have been able to claim 1/2 of my property if he ever moved out once he moved in because OK also recognizes common-law marriage.  I am very protective of what little I have and should I ever remarry, I would have to be VERY sure that my beneficiaries got what I left behind, not the children or beneficiaries of the spouse.  I also would have to be sure that should a divorce (heaven forbid) should happen at such a late age, I would not lose my home.  I would also expect the person I marry to have the same concerns.  If were young, perhaps the situation would not concern me.  Most young people do not have alot when they start out and they build their fortune together.   Therefore, it should be divided equally if they part. 

 

But for couples already married that did not have financial plans in place before marriage to want to sign papers now is ridiculous.  They probably should split what they have and go their separate ways before it gets worse.  If a young person is wary of their financial well-being to the point of signing a pre-nup, then they probably should not marry.  For the older person, the picture can be quite different, and they should have wills and possibly pre-nups in place before marrying.

 

I personally, will have my finances in order in advance, should I ever re-marry.

When my mother died and left dad to himself? the house and everything that went with it became his girlfreinds property and the 8 children she left behind was tottally overlooked in anything left.  Women can really mess a weak man up. and so can Men mess up a womans life. I pray you keep your head and never become desperate or so lonely that you let a seemingly trusted man take you for a ride finacially..
 
February 6, 2007, 7:25 am CST

wellllllll!!!!

Quote From: prettypenny

OMG!!!! Why do you have to "endure" this. This man can't force you to stay married to him...LOL..THAT is ridiculous! This entire post BLOWS MY MIND...exactly WHY are you staying with him? He is abusive, demanding, controlling and ignores your sexual needs...WHY DO YOU STAY?????
All i can say is what i learned alot from just these few words.. and its really changed how i look at things from that day forward.. a famous man once said "YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU'   Dr phil this woman needs your intervention dude. Lord help her make the right godly dicision.  i know how she feels.. and thanks to dr phil im trainging a new husband how to  treat me. i've seen the single life and being alone is better then what you got lady. get out while you can still breath.Lord willing.
 
February 6, 2007, 8:46 pm CST

hey

Quote From: okiejean

When my mother died and left dad to himself? the house and everything that went with it became his girlfreinds property and the 8 children she left behind was tottally overlooked in anything left.  Women can really mess a weak man up. and so can Men mess up a womans life. I pray you keep your head and never become desperate or so lonely that you let a seemingly trusted man take you for a ride finacially..
weird lies and deception case?/unfortunate turn of events
i made mistake by gettin to know woman for few months and then moving in w/ her mid aug 06 then her and her 5 y/o kid moved out begin of sept 06.  I had no idea why they all of a sudden moved.  I was shocked, upset, worried, and sick feelling because of it.  The woman had a few health issues but nothing that couldnt be helped in time.  I knew the girl had been molested last year in 05 but was told by mother that she was in counselling still because of it.  I was leary but still moved and they moved w/ me.  Though the girl was attaching herself too much tome (im 29 swm)  I knew the situation the girl and mother was in was not the best in the world.  They moved here to this area when the girl was molested last yr.  The mother quit her job from the previoius address /home area and everything t o move.  THe mother and daughter moved in w/ her dad and ugggghhhhhh gay lover in 2 bedroom apt.  The mother after month of chatting on line and se3eing each other was tempting me to  move, which i did eventually which was on ly 20mi from there dad's house.  SHe was not happy living w/ her dad and his lover.  To shorten this up here> me, mother and the kid lived only 2 weeks in apt 2bedroom. and i got home from 2nd job one sat and there stuff and they gone.   I knew nothing of the disappearance till bout month later till i got call from investigater.  From that point onward my life went downhill bc of attorney costs.  I spent $2000 already.  I have no idea how much more i have  to spend as this case forwards.  I got along w/ them good, i thought anyway.  See i work at a outpatient hosp setting as housekeeper -2nd shift 330=12 but the week prior to when the mother and kid left i was working till 3, 4am.  THe mother was upset i wwas always gone when she awake.  She bl amed me for fondling her kid..  I did everything i could for them.  I used 2 credit cards to buy stuff for them for things we needed prior to moving + i felt sorry for them not haveing certain things they needed due to mother not working due to health reasons. (that i thought would get better, NOT worse as time went on)  I was good for/to them all the time.  True-NOt home much after we moved in but wat weird is that by later sept 06 i did get off by12am and still am.   The mother did nt have her own car, which led to the isolation she felt by being at the apt all the time.  She claimed when moving in w/ each other that her child support checks would help us all out as far as financially.  I got a couple but not near the ammounts$$A$ i needed to s upport all of us.  So who knows why she *the mother  would blame me for this .   I did recently get the reports of wat child protection services claim the child said and was practically throwing up  afataer reading the mataerial.  i was so sickened to read it.  No charges were filed/applied because the mother claimed to DCFS she had no evidence, witnesses to back up her story.  MY fam, friends, and attorney are thinking that she told her kid to say that.   Three months later and im still upset over it all.  The mother might have done this to me also because she knew i didnt look at her in a sexual way and she did NOT like that (which she is used to from other guys shes dated in past)  I told my side of the story to my attorney from the accusations i got on paper from DCFS.   DCFS claimed the case closed 10/31/06.  Though since the attorned filed the appeal it opened up this matter agian somewhat.  An appeal may be necessary, but not sure till my attorney speaks the a judge bout my side of story on mon last mon in NOV 06.  who knows wat will happen.  I knew the kid had sexual issues but never would think in million years that the mother would use her kids' past against me in a twist of lies and deception.  I dread goin home every night knowing they once lived in the same apt i occupy now.  Of course cant afford to move due to unsuffiecient funds and lease isnt up till Aug 07 anyhow.  Thru the paperwork from DCFS i did get in mail i found out that the 5 y/o girl did have some sexual experience w/ another boy in 10/04.  I have no idea if she provoked the incident or the boy did.  During the entire time of i dating the mother though the girl was always trying to latch on to me like i was her real father or something.  She even started callen me "Daddy" even after a few days aftaer i met them.  Weird huh???   The girl would try sexual acts w/ me but failed every time, once i found out wat she was trying to attempt to do.   ONce she tried but failed to attempt to french kiss me.  I was shocked and the mother was told by me immediatly.  The mother knew her kid would prolly start acting lilke that w/ me and said "I'm taking care of it".  To me that meant she was taking the girl thru counseling.  Which she was doing.  The girl didnt see her biological father but wat =1 week every 2 months.  Thats not right.  The girl dont act sexual w/ him.  Though she tries to act like that with everyone she can get a chance too.   The girl wouldnt give up w/ me, she really liked me.  I was like "good", but your goin to far , you cant act like this w/ me , U KNOW THAT"!!  She didnt seem to ever listen.  Obviously, the counseling alone did not help her.   I find it sick that the mother would turn things around and use the girls' present and past problems to get even w/ me....still stresed about it...
 
February 7, 2007, 7:56 am CST

Emotional to total divorce

When anyone, male or female, contiplates divorce, one of the steps they take is to distance themselves from their spouse financially.  Don't let him get away with stripping you of your rights as a spouse and put you in a struggling position when he decides what HE wants to do with the relationship.  Also, this can be used as a weapon against you in arguments.  Such as, if you want what I have you will do as I say.  That can lead to very bad experiences.  When one person has that much power over another in a relationship, the sky is the limit for the one in power.  Mankind has horrible and evil thoughts that are not always played out until they feel as though they can do what ever they want to do.  There becomes no limits.

 

Bottom line - married or not you will lose everything.  Stand your ground now before you have no ground to stand on.  File for divorce yourself.  He will hurt you!

 

From one battered woman to a potential battered woman.

 
February 7, 2007, 8:48 am CST

From Sharann11

Quote From: canuckchick

I think you already realize that this is not a healthy relationship for you - emotionally, physically, financially - in all ways, I could go on and on.  Your husband is wrong - you sound like a wonderful person!  You are a 51 year old flight attendant - not many people can say that, and even though you're not high on the income scale (how many of us are really), you can still support yourself.  There are financial advisors out there that can help you set up a budget, or even a friend or relative that you've noticed over the years that seems to do well with their money. 

 

The part that stood out for me when you wrote was "He knew when we married I was a poor, flight attendant who was happy renting a room from my sweet girl friend, Tamara, who was also a flight attendant and I was content."  Two words you used there were "happy" and "content."  You husband certainly isn't making you that way, and sweetheart, he never will. 

 

When I hear of family or friends who are separating or divorcing, I do feel sympathy for them, but I also feel in a weird way happy for them too.  They've made a decision (and an extremely tough one), to move on and start a whole new life.  One that they knew before they were married, so it's not unfamiliar, which is somewhat comforting.   

 

Right now you're staying in the relationship for his benefit, not yours.  You're only 51 and have many years ahead of you (I'm 46 and still feel pretty young, I don't know why).  As women in this age group, we were programmed early on to stay in marriages (even if they are horrible), and it's hard to think outside of the box.  I have a 23 year old daughter getting married in April.  She's marrying a nice fellow she's known for over four years (well, he's nice right now), but she was raised in a different generation than us.  I know that if he were to abuse her, she'd leave in a heartbeat.  Her and her peers think more along that line, I suppose because of feminism and equal rights and such for women. 

 

My heart also goes out to you as you have thoughts of suicide.  You are very depressed, who wouldn't be in your situation?  Please go for counselling right away.  If you aren't able to leave the house for counselling appointments, call some help lines on the telephone when your husband isn't at home.  Or, if you can, talk to family and/or friends.  They love you and want what's best for you.   

 

Remember, above all, take care of yourself.  You are a beautiful, warm, wonderful human being and no one can take that from you!

 

 

I thank you for your reply. 

On Monday I went to a counseling session and have another one scheduled for this coming Monday.  I'm not sure how many I can attend as you know they are very pricey.  I forced myself to go to my neighbors home for a Super Bowl party on Sunday and won the last football pool.  That gave me enough cash to have 2 sessions.  Of course my insurance will reimbursement me but counselors want their money up front and I don't blame them.  Insurance Companies take so long to reimburse these people.  I sent an email to my husband asking that he attend counseling and went as far as to wording it like this. . .(we cannot fix this marriage without help.  Our marriage continues to spiral downward and perhaps I am wrong in my way of thinking but if so I would like a professional to tell us so.  I propose to you that we attend at least a weekly session to save our marriage.)  His reply to me was, I do not need anyone to tell me that divorce is the answer.  With a broken heart and all the courage that I could find, I made an appointment with a divorce attorney.  On February 13, I will be in the office of an attorney.  I am so scared, sick to my stomach and continue  not be able to eat.  My husband and I moved to Florida two years ago to further his advancement in the corporate world.  My fear is being here in Florida while my support system is in California.  I have my families support but it's so hard being away from my family while going through this ordeal.  I continue to spend most my days in the comfort of my bedroom.  My husband has now caused a very different situation that I have never had to handle.  Mike had me pick out a computer and a new  purse plus a few other items for Christmas.  After I chose what I wanted for Christmas online, he purchased the items and had them delivered to our home for Christmas and it was for my birthday (which was around Christmas.)   Now he has filed a fraud report with American Express saying he never authorized these purchases.  I found out about this when my son's insurance was canceled.  I received an email stating that they had canceled my son's insurance for non-payment.  I called right away because his insurance premium was put on my husband's American Express Card by my husband.  When he got mad at me, he called AMX and said that the payments he had been making to the insurance company from back in September 2006 (monthly payments) were not authorized.  American Express reversed the charge while under investigation.  That caused my son's insurance to be canceled.  What kind of person would do this?  He can be so sweet, like offering to pay for his car insurance while he attends college and works 30 hours a week for a Pet Store.  Then when he gets mad at me he takes it out on whatever will cause me the most pain, like my son or daughter.  Needless to say I helped my son ask for a higher limit on his credit card, which was granted and then had the charges put on my son's credit card.  Now my son is in debt with the $1335.00 for last years premium and has to come up with money for the next 6 months premium.  All to hurt me. . .  Last September my daughter was married to a nice man.  My husband, being the sweetie he can be, offered to give the kids their honeymoon.  It did not cost him anything as he had enough frequent flyer miles and American Express points to cover the cost of their honeymoon.  One week before they were to be married, my husband mad at me, threatened to take the kids honeymoon away as revenge.  One week before they are to wed. . .I kept it a secret for several days thinking Mike would change his mind.  When it appeared he was not changing I had to inform the kids.  My daughter cried and cried and could not figure out why he was doing this to them.  After al they never asked for him to give them their honeymoon.  I tried to explain it wasn't them he wanted to hurt but it was I.  The end result was he got so much pressure from all my family and his friends that he did not cancel the honeymoon trip.  You see he can be so generous and then so hateful it's so confusing.  He offered $10,000.00 to help pay for my daughters wedding as she has no relationship with her own father.  I was so proud of my self and my family for all pitching in and giving my daughter the wedding of her dreams on my small budget.    The night before the wedding he was upset with me and stole my car full of wedding things I needed for the reception and my cell phone.  This was so stressful. . .I had obviously no wedding planner, I was the wedding planner and now no car or cell phone for people to get in touch with me to coordinate that special wedding day.  My sister brought me a old Verizon phone which I had my number transferred too and she brought me her car.  I ended up on the cell phone begging my husband to come back with the car, taking all the blame for his getting mad at me, just to get the car with all the wedding items back.  My pictures of me in my daughters wedding book shows a woman stressed, swollen eyes and trying desperately to smile.  The Bride was beautiful.  Meanwhile, my husband has purchased 3 cars for his 17 year old, a 65 mustang he purchased in Canada, had shipped to the US and lost money on when Matt decided he would rather have a new Mustang.  Matt was purchased a new 2005 Mustang and recently decided he needed a 4 wheel drive because he will be attending the University of Colorado and living on campus.   So my husband spent $35,000.00 on a new 2007 Dodge 4 x 4 pick up for his son.   That's just one son, he has another son who now has had a new Jeep Wrangle 4 x 4 and then decided his girlfriend would not ride in it because it did not have air conditioning and she didn't like the top off because it messed up her hair.  So my husband bullied me into giving him my 2 year old Infinity I.  Meanwhile, the nice Mike took my daughter shopping for a car.  My daughter only wanted him to come with her because he is so good at negotiating and she was intimated by salesman.  They found a Nissan Xterra, very nice car and he even gave her $7,000.00 to help lower her monthly payments.  She was so grateful and excited about getting a new car.  AM I WRONG FOR FEELING SAD FOR MY KIDS. . .AS THEY WATCH HIS CHILDREN RECEIVE ALL THESE EXPENSIVE GREAT GIFTS AND CARS WHILE MINE ARE HELPED BUT NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE EXTENT OF HIS CHILDREN.  Of course his children have told me that they are the fruit of their father's loins and my children and I are ungrateful for what their father has done for us.  IS THIS NOT OUR MONEY?  I am co-signer on a $250,000.00 line of credit which my husband has been purchasing all these nice gifts for his kids as well as mine.  I have no control over this line of credit and no control over how much he spends on his kids.  AM I UNGRATEFUL?  DO I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL LIKE THINGS SHOULD BE AS FAIR AS POSSIBLE DEPENDING ON EACH CHILDS SITUATION.   Why was it wrong for me to think they should first have consulted me before buying expensive gifts for any of the kids?  Why was it wrong for me to think they should have sold the Mustang and taken that money and purchased a 4 x 4 pickup for college?  His children think I am nuts for my way of thinking.  Now my husband wants to take his son Matt and Matt's friend on a cruise before he goes off to college, his other son was invited but cannot attend with school, work and a girlfriend.  My children were not invited.  Even if they do not know about the trip, it is so hurtful to me.  The nice husband did purchase my son a pick up which was wrecked in an auto accident.  That's another story for another day. 

 
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