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Topic : 02/09 Sign on the Line!

Number of Replies: 399
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, February 02, 2007, 03:14:59 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Marriage contracts are not only for the rich and famous. More and more couples ask each other to sign on the line -- sometimes when they've already been married for years! Leah says her husband of four years, Gary, wants her to sign a postnuptial agreement that says everything they have is his. Gary says his greatest fear is Leah taking half his assets, and she deserves nothing but her clothes, her ring and her car. Does Gary love his money more than he loves his wife? Then, Darlene says her estranged husband, Bobby, is the cheapest, most selfish man she has ever met. Bobby says Darlene has already left him twice, and he can't trust her. He refuses to get back together unless Darlene signs a "quit claim" and agrees to relinquish what he says are his assets. Darlene is outraged by Bobby's actions and says she can't trust him. Is she right to think this could be a set-up? Can Bobby and Darlene come to terms and reconcile their relationship? In a marriage, is it ever right to draw a line and say, "What's mine is mine"? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks and share your thoughts here.

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February 18, 2007, 11:34 am CST

Women as Victims

Quote From: sharann11

You have to understand that both women have low self esteem.  These husbands are abusive to their wives and wives who live with verbal abuse loose their self esteem.  I know because I am one like the two wives on the show.  It took girlfriends to open my eyes and now I am getting counseling for my self esteem.    My husband degraded me because I made much less money than he and he is the major money support.  On the other hand men like these, like the control they have over you when you are in need of them.  I gave up my voice and became a victim but I am day by day crawling out of my hole, not to be a victim any more.    It's hard, you begin to believe you are not as good as your husband when your made to feel that way day in and day out.  Does that help you understand?  To me physical abuse comes and goes quickly but verbal abuse is constant. 
Neither should be tolerated.

You go girl!  Glad to see your statement "To me physical abuse comes and goes quickly but verbal abuse is constant.  Neither should be tolerated."  And you are so right!  What gives anyone the right to make other people feel like victims?  That's why there is a jail system.  I know prison is used in extreme circumstaces, but I would really wonder how many more men are in prison than women?  And how many men had victims before they actually get behind bars?  

 

We have a long way to go, us women, it's still a man's world.  There have been proven stats that the happiest group of people are widowed elderly women.  That pretty much sums it up. 

 

I think that as mothers, teachers, grandmothers, etc., we need to provide our daughters with proper environments for nurturing their growth to build self esteem and get out of this vicious cycle of having men dominate over us.  It is tough with media bombardment of anorexic models, surgery for body enhancement, youth, etc..  The same holds true for our sons - to provide environments for them to treat women as an equal.  

 

In relationships, the idea is to enhance yourselves as a couple, not degrade; or use each other for monetary gain or housekeepers.  

 

I hope things are working out better for you, Sharon.  Remember, one step at a time.

 

Take care    .   .    .  

Paulette

 
March 13, 2007, 12:50 pm CDT

Both couples

 Darlene and Bobby married after knowing each other for four weeks...what do you expect? You can't know enough about a person after that short a period of time. If it works out it's sheer dumb luck.
Leah and Gary - if my husband said he didn't really want to get married, that I loved him more than he loved me, and that he'd be fine without me - well, I would leave. And take half!
 
March 14, 2007, 2:20 pm CDT

the stuff that was left out

Quote From: danielle1431

 Darlene and Bobby married after knowing each other for four weeks...what do you expect? You can't know enough about a person after that short a period of time. If it works out it's sheer dumb luck.
Leah and Gary - if my husband said he didn't really want to get married, that I loved him more than he loved me, and that he'd be fine without me - well, I would leave. And take half!

I tried to respond earlier, but my response did not get posted.

 

I agree. Bobby and I got married too quickly. Hindsight has 20/20 vision, and so of course I wish we had waited longer, and gotten to know each other better.

 

I tried really hard to make the marriage work.

 

There were so many significant issues that were 'cut' from the final show, that I am sure many viewers were left confused, or not understanding what the real problems were for us.

 

By the way, the judge was great in person, and the studio audience loved her. She said MUCH more than was aired in the final broadcast .Some people on this board have reacted negatively to her.  But she was just worried that either Leah or myself might do something stupid, in an effort to 'save' our marriages. 

 

I spent the first 2 years of my marriage healing from serious injuries I suffered in a car accident that occurred 5 weeks after I married Bobby.

 

That accident changed alot.

 

I understand there were time contstraints for the show. But there were some really awful things that happened, most of which were not mentioned. Ritz crackers [and who bought them], were the least of my problems. Although I understand it might be entertaining to watch. Although Bobby and I talked for awhile about who bought the food during the taping of this show, it wasn't something we argued about during our marriage. I just went out and bought it. At that time, my kids needed to eat, and so I bought food.  I just looked after things, in the same manner  I had been doing on my own for several years.

 

I don't want to write much more. In case this post doesn't end up on the message board. That's happened to a couple of posts I've written. Not sure why?

 

Darlene

 
March 20, 2007, 8:02 pm CDT

Tech Glitches

Quote From: dardar8

I tried to respond earlier, but my response did not get posted.

 

I agree. Bobby and I got married too quickly. Hindsight has 20/20 vision, and so of course I wish we had waited longer, and gotten to know each other better.

 

I tried really hard to make the marriage work.

 

There were so many significant issues that were 'cut' from the final show, that I am sure many viewers were left confused, or not understanding what the real problems were for us.

 

By the way, the judge was great in person, and the studio audience loved her. She said MUCH more than was aired in the final broadcast .Some people on this board have reacted negatively to her.  But she was just worried that either Leah or myself might do something stupid, in an effort to 'save' our marriages. 

 

I spent the first 2 years of my marriage healing from serious injuries I suffered in a car accident that occurred 5 weeks after I married Bobby.

 

That accident changed alot.

 

I understand there were time contstraints for the show. But there were some really awful things that happened, most of which were not mentioned. Ritz crackers [and who bought them, were the least of my problems. Although I understand it might be entertaining to watch. Although Bobby and I talked for awhile about who bought the food during the taping of this show, it wasn't something we argued about during our marriage. I just went out and bought it. At that time, my kids needed to eat, and so I bought food.  I just looked after things, in the same manner  I had been doing on my own for several years.

 

I don't want to write much more. In case this post doesn't end up on the message board. That's happened to a couple of posts I've written. Not sure why?

 

Darlene

They happen to all of us on these boards from time to time.

 

Car accident? Was that mentioned at all, or was the mention of that detail left on the cutting room floor, or did I fall asleep briefly? That clearly changes the balance of earning power, if one party is recuperating from serious injuries!

 

I could not help noting that you used the past tense when you described working on your marriage. Am I correct in concluding that it is now in the process of ending? Best of luck as you get back on your feet.

 

-bact

 
March 23, 2007, 12:07 am CDT

the car accident

Quote From: bactphd95

They happen to all of us on these boards from time to time.

 

Car accident? Was that mentioned at all, or was the mention of that detail left on the cutting room floor, or did I fall asleep briefly? That clearly changes the balance of earning power, if one party is recuperating from serious injuries!

 

I could not help noting that you used the past tense when you described working on your marriage. Am I correct in concluding that it is now in the process of ending? Best of luck as you get back on your feet.

 

-bact

The car accident occurred a few weeks after Bobby and I were married. 

 

I broke the windshield of his truck with my face, injured my lower back, and sustained rim fractures in both hips, plus some other, minor injuries. Bobby was not hurt in the accident, beyond strained ligaments in one hand. [He was driving, I was a passenger.]

 

To be honest, I am grateful I wasn't killed. It was a pretty awful accident. But it did leave me with some permanent issues with my hips/back. I had almost a year of physical therapy.

 

Although I did speak about the accident, and the impact it had on our marriage, with producers before we went to LA to tape the show.. the accident wasn't mentioned during the actual taping of the show. I believe this was due to time constraints-they had to decide which things to talk about on the show, to get the 'big picture' shown to viewers.

 

I just flew home from LA this evening. Earlier today, I was part of an 'update' show involving our story, plus others....I don't want to give too much away-but I expect it will air within the next few weeks :)

 

Thanks for your good wishes-I feel pretty good about how things are now!

 

Darlene

 

 

 

 
March 24, 2007, 11:49 am CDT

Update Show

Quote From: dardar8

The car accident occurred a few weeks after Bobby and I were married. 

 

I broke the windshield of his truck with my face, injured my lower back, and sustained rim fractures in both hips, plus some other, minor injuries. Bobby was not hurt in the accident, beyond strained ligaments in one hand. [He was driving, I was a passenger.

 

To be honest, I am grateful I wasn't killed. It was a pretty awful accident. But it did leave me with some permanent issues with my hips/back. I had almost a year of physical therapy.

 

Although I did speak about the accident, and the impact it had on our marriage, with producers before we went to LA to tape the show.. the accident wasn't mentioned during the actual taping of the show. I believe this was due to time constraints-they had to decide which things to talk about on the show, to get the 'big picture' shown to viewers.

 

I just flew home from LA this evening. Earlier today, I was part of an 'update' show involving our story, plus others....I don't want to give too much away-but I expect it will air within the next few weeks :)

 

Thanks for your good wishes-I feel pretty good about how things are now!

 

Darlene

 

 

 

I'm anxious to see the 'update show.'  You were very brave to go out again to do another taping.  Kudos to you!
 
March 29, 2007, 9:22 am CDT

Did I Miss The Update?

Quote From: canuckchick

I'm anxious to see the 'update show.'  You were very brave to go out again to do another taping.  Kudos to you!

Darlene,

I hope I have not missed the update show.  Do you remember my writing you about my controlling, abusive husband?  So much has happened!  I filed for a divorce after his refusal to go to counseling.  This past weekend he was at the same party I was at (he kinda invited himself), was very upset that I was having fun.  His behavior has escalated now that he has lost control of the relationship.  Long story, short, he man handled me out of jealousy from the party and tried to kill my son by choking him.  My girl friend was beating on him to let my son Shay go, she was trying to pry his hands from Shays neck, as he was turning red in the face.  I ran to get help from neighbors.  By the time I returned he had let Shay go.  Shay, my son made sure I was OK and then left our home.   Funny thing my husband called 911 and told the dispatcher he needed help against my son and his friends.  Police showed up, the boys were gone, so the police left.  Monday morning my husband files a restraining order and has it served on my son, Shay.  Tuesday morning I brought 2 witnesses to the police department and we told what really happened.  My husband was  arrested on two counts of Domestic Violence, one against myself and one against my son. My husband went before the Judge yesterday and he bonded out.  He was ordered to stay away from our home, my son, myself and any witnesses that might  testify.  This order came from the criminal court. My son and I received a civil restraining order as well.  Court will be April 11 and we'll see what happens.  In the meantime my son cannot come home until after the court date because of the made up allegations my husband came up with in order to get a restraining order against my son.   I feel sorry for Shay because he wanted to protect his mother against his step father and ended up with a restraining order against him with 95% of the allegations untrue.  I'm not worried, it will be dismissed.  It's just we moved to Florida from California to further my husbands career .  We are limited on friends here and my son had only two places to go.  Both being our neighbors but their houses are too close in proximity for the restraining order from our home. 

Darlene, there's my update. . .

Sharon

 
March 29, 2007, 9:14 pm CDT

your update!

Quote From: sharann11

Darlene,

I hope I have not missed the update show.  Do you remember my writing you about my controlling, abusive husband?  So much has happened!  I filed for a divorce after his refusal to go to counseling.  This past weekend he was at the same party I was at (he kinda invited himself), was very upset that I was having fun.  His behavior has escalated now that he has lost control of the relationship.  Long story, short, he man handled me out of jealousy from the party and tried to kill my son by choking him.  My girl friend was beating on him to let my son Shay go, she was trying to pry his hands from Shays neck, as he was turning red in the face.  I ran to get help from neighbors.  By the time I returned he had let Shay go.  Shay, my son made sure I was OK and then left our home.   Funny thing my husband called 911 and told the dispatcher he needed help against my son and his friends.  Police showed up, the boys were gone, so the police left.  Monday morning my husband files a restraining order and has it served on my son, Shay.  Tuesday morning I brought 2 witnesses to the police department and we told what really happened.  My husband was  arrested on two counts of Domestic Violence, one against myself and one against my son. My husband went before the Judge yesterday and he bonded out.  He was ordered to stay away from our home, my son, myself and any witnesses that might  testify.  This order came from the criminal court. My son and I received a civil restraining order as well.  Court will be April 11 and we'll see what happens.  In the meantime my son cannot come home until after the court date because of the made up allegations my husband came up with in order to get a restraining order against my son.   I feel sorry for Shay because he wanted to protect his mother against his step father and ended up with a restraining order against him with 95% of the allegations untrue.  I'm not worried, it will be dismissed.  It's just we moved to Florida from California to further my husbands career .  We are limited on friends here and my son had only two places to go.  Both being our neighbors but their houses are too close in proximity for the restraining order from our home. 

Darlene, there's my update. . .

Sharon

Hi Sharon,

Wow! That's alot of emotional stuff you've been going through!

 

I wish you and your son Shay the best..and hopefully the legal tangle will straighten itself out.

 

I would recommend you try to keep some distance between yourself, and your soon-to-be-ex husband. He sounds like a bit of a loose cannon, maybe has a problem with his temper.

 

I'm glad to hear you're doing okay, and that you're moving on :)

 

You haven't missed the update show we taped last week-I don't yet know when it will air-but I assume it will be sometime within the next few weeks.

 

Try to stay positive, and limit your interaction with your ex.

 

I predict there's someone better for you out there! Don't let this experience bring you down. It's just one of those things. You have learned, and as painful as it's been, you have support, and you'll make a good life.

 

Better to figure it out now, than waste anymore time with him.

 

Take care,

Darlene

 
April 19, 2007, 2:11 pm CDT

Abusive Husband

Quote From: sharann11

Darlene,

I hope I have not missed the update show.  Do you remember my writing you about my controlling, abusive husband?  So much has happened!  I filed for a divorce after his refusal to go to counseling.  This past weekend he was at the same party I was at (he kinda invited himself), was very upset that I was having fun.  His behavior has escalated now that he has lost control of the relationship.  Long story, short, he man handled me out of jealousy from the party and tried to kill my son by choking him.  My girl friend was beating on him to let my son Shay go, she was trying to pry his hands from Shays neck, as he was turning red in the face.  I ran to get help from neighbors.  By the time I returned he had let Shay go.  Shay, my son made sure I was OK and then left our home.   Funny thing my husband called 911 and told the dispatcher he needed help against my son and his friends.  Police showed up, the boys were gone, so the police left.  Monday morning my husband files a restraining order and has it served on my son, Shay.  Tuesday morning I brought 2 witnesses to the police department and we told what really happened.  My husband was  arrested on two counts of Domestic Violence, one against myself and one against my son. My husband went before the Judge yesterday and he bonded out.  He was ordered to stay away from our home, my son, myself and any witnesses that might  testify.  This order came from the criminal court. My son and I received a civil restraining order as well.  Court will be April 11 and we'll see what happens.  In the meantime my son cannot come home until after the court date because of the made up allegations my husband came up with in order to get a restraining order against my son.   I feel sorry for Shay because he wanted to protect his mother against his step father and ended up with a restraining order against him with 95% of the allegations untrue.  I'm not worried, it will be dismissed.  It's just we moved to Florida from California to further my husbands career .  We are limited on friends here and my son had only two places to go.  Both being our neighbors but their houses are too close in proximity for the restraining order from our home. 

Darlene, there's my update. . .

Sharon

Sharon,

 

Please keep yourself and your family as far away as possible from your ex-husband.  This man could very easily kill, and the fact that he went after your child is proof enough.  He has no control over his anger and didn't even care there were people around when he was choking your son (they would make good witnesses in court by the way).  I can't imagine what would have happened if there was no one around.  Your son is lucky to be alive!

 

It's a good thing you filed for divorce.  You and your children don't need this kind of dysfunction in your lives, nobody does, and my sense is that you and your family are a lot better than that.

 

Remember - restraining orders are just paper.  If you see or hear him anywhere, immediately leave and get behind locked doors and inform the police.  Keep a paper trail always.

 

I don't mean to scare you, but just be aware.  Sometimes even the most reasonable people act uncontrollably sometimes.  Everyone has their breaking point.  My father once said "desperate people do desperate things."  He passed away nine years ago and he wasn't a wise man, (a farmer and a blue collar worker), but for some reason these words come back to me every once in awhile if I'm mulling over something and it rings true.  Of course, "desperate" is different for everybody.  Some people are "desperate" for enough money to put food on the table, while others are "desperate" if they're not wearing designer clothing.  

 

Take care, and I know you will come out of this the better for it and feel a great weight lifted off your shoulders.

 

Paulette

 
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