Quote From: sharann11Just as I was reading this topic tears began to flow down my cheeks uncontrollably. My husband wanted me to sign a prenup before our marriage and I agreed if it was to protect both of us. Of course that was wishful thinking, the prenup protected him only and I refused to sign it. We had handmade wedding invitations purchased and ready to go to a printer but the wedding was off. I really was alright with that , I had taken that walk a few times before and was happy in my life at the time. I am a flight attendant and I had a 30 hour layover in Austin Texas over a weekend and thought it would be fun to bring, Mike on one of my buddy passes. We had a great time in Austin. On the way back in the aircraft Mike decides we should go to Las Vegas when we land and just get married, screw the prenup he said. I should have listened to that small voice in my head telling me NO, this is not the right time. Next thing I know were boarding a plane for Las Vegas and within 6 hours were married. I had only dated my husband for about 5 months (another stupid thing I did) before saying, I do. I did love him and so wanted to believe this was the real one. Within that first year of marriage I learn that Mike had ran up his credit cards and needed to refinance him home. He asked me to sign a quit claim deed which I declined. In the state of California your personal equity in your home before your marriage remains yours and any equity after the marriage is divided 50/50. It was an argument and he tried to bully me into signing the quit claim deed but I refused. While I was in the garage unpacking my things and putting them into (his) home a car drives up. She parks, gets out, asks me if I'm Sharon B*** and I reply yes. She serves me divorce papers. I am floored, I began crying uncontrollably. Within an hour my husband drives up and I am still crying out in the garage. He takes one look at me and says, Do you want to go have Mexican Food for dinner?????? I said, are you crazy, you just served me papers for a divorce. Mike says, well you won't sign the quit claim deed so you forced me into doing so. I received advise from my attorney who told me to not sign the paper and get out of this mans life. However, if I wanted the marriage signing the paper would not hold up in court because you cannot make someone sign a legal document under duress. I took those papers to a notary and crying I signed it so we could give this marriage a chance. Shortly after escrow closed he finally called his attorney and had the divorce papers ended. My husband even told my brother, he never planned to divorce me but to make me sign the papers. This was the start of a destructive path which I am still on to this day. My husband has become obsessed with the power to control me. He has me itemize my credit card bills before he will pay them. Yet his bills go to his office and when I ask to see them he tells me, never will happen. I make the money, I spend the money and you have no say. I could write a book about his controlling behavior. If we are at a party and I'm having fun or in his mind to much fun. He will take me home and he will go back to the party without me. He has emotionally degraded me to the point that I rarely go out. I feel comfortable in my room watching TV. At least if I am consumed with a TV show I am not thinking of how pathetic I really am. He knew when we married I was a poor, flight attendant who was happy renting a room from my sweet girl friend Tamra who was also a flight attendant and I was content. Now he degrades me almost daily about my renting a room and being a poor flight attendant. My husband makes over $200,000.00 a year, has an expense account with the company he is employed and at this time gives me $250.00 a twice a month to live on. I injured my neck on taxi out at JFK, when the pilot had to slam on the brakes while I was up locking down my galley in the back on a 767 aircraft. Right now I am on a small amount of temporary disability which I have not shared with my husband in fear he will take my $500.00 a month away from me. THIS IS A CONTROL ISSUE, PLEASE RUN THE OTHER DIRECTION. I'M AFRAID IF YOU DO NOT YOU WILL END UP A 51 YEAR OLD FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNDER COMPLETE CONTROL MENTALLY, FINANCIALLY, AS I DID. HE IS OBSESSED WITH BEING RIGHT AND BEING IN CONTROL HE DEGRADES ME THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN FINANCIALLY ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND YET HE LOVES HAVING ME UNDER HIS CONTROL. I have thoughts of suicide just to go to sleep and never feel the pain again.. Please forgive my grammar and spelling as I can barely write this through my tears.
I think you already realize that this is not a healthy relationship for you - emotionally, physically, financially - in all ways, I could go on and on. Your husband is wrong - you sound like a wonderful person! You are a 51 year old flight attendant - not many people can say that, and even though you're not high on the income scale (how many of us are really), you can still support yourself. There are financial advisors out there that can help you set up a budget, or even a friend or relative that you've noticed over the years that seems to do well with their money.
The part that stood out for me when you wrote was "He knew when we married I was a poor, flight attendant who was happy renting a room from my sweet girl friend, Tamara, who was also a flight attendant and I was content." Two words you used there were "happy" and "content." You husband certainly isn't making you that way, and sweetheart, he never will.
When I hear of family or friends who are separating or divorcing, I do feel sympathy for them, but I also feel in a weird way happy for them too. They've made a decision (and an extremely tough one), to move on and start a whole new life. One that they knew before they were married, so it's not unfamiliar, which is somewhat comforting.
Right now you're staying in the relationship for his benefit, not yours. You're only 51 and have many years ahead of you (I'm 46 and still feel pretty young, I don't know why). As women in this age group, we were programmed early on to stay in marriages (even if they are horrible), and it's hard to think outside of the box. I have a 23 year old daughter getting married in April. She's marrying a nice fellow she's known for over four years (well, he's nice right now), but she was raised in a different generation than us. I know that if he were to abuse her, she'd leave in a heartbeat. Her and her peers think more along that line, I suppose because of feminism and equal rights and such for women.
My heart also goes out to you as you have thoughts of suicide. You are very depressed, who wouldn't be in your situation? Please go for counselling right away. If you aren't able to leave the house for counselling appointments, call some help lines on the telephone when your husband isn't at home. Or, if you can, talk to family and/or friends. They love you and want what's best for you.
Remember, above all, take care of yourself. You are a beautiful, warm, wonderful human being and no one can take that from you!
Marriage contracts are not only for the rich and famous. More and more couples ask each other to sign on the line -- sometimes when they've already been married for years! Leah says her husband of four years, Gary, wants her to sign a postnuptial agreement that says everything they have is his. Gary says his greatest fear is Leah taking half his assets, and she deserves nothing but her clothes, her ring and her car. Does Gary love his money more than he loves his wife? Then, Darlene says her estranged husband, Bobby, is the cheapest, most selfish man she has ever met. Bobby says Darlene has already left him twice, and he can't trust her. He refuses to get back together unless Darlene signs a "quit claim" and agrees to relinquish what he says are his assets. Darlene is outraged by Bobby's actions and says she can't trust him. Is she right to think this could be a set-up? Can Bobby and Darlene come to terms and reconcile their relationship? In a marriage, is it ever right to draw a line and say, "What's mine is mine"? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks and share your thoughts here.
