Quote From: sharann11Just as I was reading this topic tears began to flow down my cheeks uncontrollably. My husband wanted me to sign a prenup before our marriage and I agreed if it was to protect both of us. Of course that was wishful thinking, the prenup protected him only and I refused to sign it. We had handmade wedding invitations purchased and ready to go to a printer but the wedding was off. I really was alright with that , I had taken that walk a few times before and was happy in my life at the time. I am a flight attendant and I had a 30 hour layover in Austin Texas over a weekend and thought it would be fun to bring, Mike on one of my buddy passes. We had a great time in Austin. On the way back in the aircraft Mike decides we should go to Las Vegas when we land and just get married, screw the prenup he said. I should have listened to that small voice in my head telling me NO, this is not the right time. Next thing I know were boarding a plane for Las Vegas and within 6 hours were married. I had only dated my husband for about 5 months (another stupid thing I did) before saying, I do. I did love him and so wanted to believe this was the real one. Within that first year of marriage I learn that Mike had ran up his credit cards and needed to refinance him home. He asked me to sign a quit claim deed which I declined. In the state of California your personal equity in your home before your marriage remains yours and any equity after the marriage is divided 50/50. It was an argument and he tried to bully me into signing the quit claim deed but I refused. While I was in the garage unpacking my things and putting them into (his) home a car drives up. She parks, gets out, asks me if I'm Sharon B*** and I reply yes. She serves me divorce papers. I am floored, I began crying uncontrollably. Within an hour my husband drives up and I am still crying out in the garage. He takes one look at me and says, Do you want to go have Mexican Food for dinner?????? I said, are you crazy, you just served me papers for a divorce. Mike says, well you won't sign the quit claim deed so you forced me into doing so. I received advise from my attorney who told me to not sign the paper and get out of this mans life. However, if I wanted the marriage signing the paper would not hold up in court because you cannot make someone sign a legal document under duress. I took those papers to a notary and crying I signed it so we could give this marriage a chance. Shortly after escrow closed he finally called his attorney and had the divorce papers ended. My husband even told my brother, he never planned to divorce me but to make me sign the papers. This was the start of a destructive path which I am still on to this day. My husband has become obsessed with the power to control me. He has me itemize my credit card bills before he will pay them. Yet his bills go to his office and when I ask to see them he tells me, never will happen. I make the money, I spend the money and you have no say. I could write a book about his controlling behavior. If we are at a party and I'm having fun or in his mind to much fun. He will take me home and he will go back to the party without me. He has emotionally degraded me to the point that I rarely go out. I feel comfortable in my room watching TV. At least if I am consumed with a TV show I am not thinking of how pathetic I really am. He knew when we married I was a poor, flight attendant who was happy renting a room from my sweet girl friend Tamra who was also a flight attendant and I was content. Now he degrades me almost daily about my renting a room and being a poor flight attendant. My husband makes over $200,000.00 a year, has an expense account with the company he is employed and at this time gives me $250.00 a twice a month to live on. I injured my neck on taxi out at JFK, when the pilot had to slam on the brakes while I was up locking down my galley in the back on a 767 aircraft. Right now I am on a small amount of temporary disability which I have not shared with my husband in fear he will take my $500.00 a month away from me. THIS IS A CONTROL ISSUE, PLEASE RUN THE OTHER DIRECTION. I'M AFRAID IF YOU DO NOT YOU WILL END UP A 51 YEAR OLD FLIGHT ATTENDANT UNDER COMPLETE CONTROL MENTALLY, FINANCIALLY, AS I DID. HE IS OBSESSED WITH BEING RIGHT AND BEING IN CONTROL HE DEGRADES ME THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN FINANCIALLY ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND YET HE LOVES HAVING ME UNDER HIS CONTROL. I have thoughts of suicide just to go to sleep and never feel the pain again.. Please forgive my grammar and spelling as I can barely write this through my tears.
My mother passed away last summer because she didn't seek treatment after she knew she developed a blood clot after a hysterectomy. She had become so depressed and beaten down by my father that she didn't recognize the severity of her situation. None of us saw it coming. This is about control. I am so sick of hearing from people who think that a spouse who is not working in a paid position isn't contributing and isn't valuable. My mother raised me and a brother and sister, plus she and my father had just adopted a 7 year old little girl early last year! My father traveled. When he came home, he wanted to play "Santa" with all his grandkids. He would take all the kids to his house to "play" and then go to sleep on the couch while my mother was the one who would take care of them. After 39 years of marriage, she raised 3 children, managed to finish her college education (she quit after they got married to support his education), worked tirelessly in his business (many times without a paycheck), and, according to him, took all the money and wasted it all. Meanwhile, he racked up thousands on the internet - ebay mostly - including TWO motor homes! He even bought a THIRD motor home with the money he received from my mother's life insurance!! Now he is getting married in April to another woman who believes all his lies. She is a nice woman who just doesn't know what she is getting herself into, but I can't do anything about it. He got her to quit her job so she could help him. She is now in his control, she just doesn't know it yet. She has dogs that have to be groomed, one has medical issues. She has manicure and pedicure and gets them often. She loves to shop and buys clothes just for the "fun" of it.
PLEASE - FOR YOUR OWN SAKE - RUN, DON'T WALK. I do not care what financial situation you are going to find yourself in, it is NEVER worth this life you are living. If I had known, I would have dragged my mother out, kicking and screaming. I have lost that chance. My mother was only 59. I beg you. PLEASE LEAVE! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I can't bring my mom back.
Since her death, it has cost me thousands in order to separate myself from my father and his business. The family business I worked in and worked so hard for is gone. I have no paycheck. My husband was lucky enough to find a new job in December - he also worked at the family business. We are drowning in debt while I try to find another job. But, I have NEVER felt so free in my life. I also was subjected to his control and manipulation. If you have kids, don't think they won't be subjected to it too! Whatever financial situation you see coming from leaving him, it WILL be all worth it. PLEASE BE FREE!!! You only live once, don't waste it!! PLEASE!!
Marriage contracts are not only for the rich and famous. More and more couples ask each other to sign on the line -- sometimes when they've already been married for years! Leah says her husband of four years, Gary, wants her to sign a postnuptial agreement that says everything they have is his. Gary says his greatest fear is Leah taking half his assets, and she deserves nothing but her clothes, her ring and her car. Does Gary love his money more than he loves his wife? Then, Darlene says her estranged husband, Bobby, is the cheapest, most selfish man she has ever met. Bobby says Darlene has already left him twice, and he can't trust her. He refuses to get back together unless Darlene signs a "quit claim" and agrees to relinquish what he says are his assets. Darlene is outraged by Bobby's actions and says she can't trust him. Is she right to think this could be a set-up? Can Bobby and Darlene come to terms and reconcile their relationship? In a marriage, is it ever right to draw a line and say, "What's mine is mine"? Find out what Dr. Phil thinks and share your thoughts here.
