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Topic : 07/24 Secret Love

Number of Replies: 330
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Created on : Friday, February 09, 2007, 02:40:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/13/07) In a marriage, an affair is the ultimate betrayal. But imagine finding out that your husband was cheating on you with your sister! Bettie says her husband, John, destroyed her trust when he had a six-month relationship with her sister, Molly -- an affair that occurred in Bettie’s own house. John says his act of infidelity happened nearly two years ago, and he’s over it, but he doesn’t understand why Bettie just can’t let it go. Then Molly, who has been watching backstage, joins her sister and brother-in-law. Find out why Molly says John is not the man Bettie thinks he is. Plus, Bettie’s mom, Virginia, overheard a secret phone call between Molly and John and says she doesn’t know why Bettie married John in the first place. Will Bettie’s lingering feelings of betrayal and mistrust destroy her relationship with her sister? Will she be able to forgive her husband and move past his affair? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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February 11, 2007, 10:02 pm CST

theres hurt & theres HURT!

Quote From: jbre1964

I just don't understand why she didn't see any signs????Or she just didn't want to see what was going. I Understand  her Hurt and distrust, I went throw it this pass year to a man in the Navy, We all Love our Military Men and Women and Trust....but deep down they are just people. and do dumb things too! If I was this young lady... Leave him! you and make it on your own, if you have children you can do it!.. he will never stop, there will always be someone ... and it won't be you.... Have pride in your self Be strong.....your better then he is  and will ever be!

God Bless You.

this is the ultimate deal beaker for me. 15 minutes afte meeting my husband i told him how my dads infidelity while i grew up was the worst kept secret in the whole family, BOTH sides. i angry at my mom & dad. my mom was the dorrmat of the century and i was a sangry at her as ai was at my dad for using her and telling us sbout it and how he had to do this because mom let herslef go. the other womenn were introduced to us,. they we no raving beauties themselves. i wanted to beat them down & my dad. he tried to molest me besides date these women. i had guilt. no self esteem. was promiscuious, had a horrid reputation at school and around the neighborhood. fought all the time. ran away. got raped for my trouble. could not tell mom why. so she hated me, while i was trying to protect her feelings. when i finally did tell her the truth, she sais f.u. & told the cops to throw me in a group home in New york, downtown, where i endured much more abuse for a year or so. my dad gor away with everything. i will never forgive my husband should he stray. he knows he will pack his bags and forget me forever because thats what i will do to him. my mom died never admitting she believd me. my dad finally apologized 2 yrs after she died. i had to let it go or i would never be happy. i never would have found true love. i was a cold lover. i fell for a married man and hung on to him for 10 years. making his wife miserable. she still cringes at thethought of my name. i'm sure if i got analyzed ther would be a a tie in to my dads relationships and my non existent self esteem in therre somewhere, but my life is what it is. i am happy, away from the past and i love my family. playing with youtr sister? walk away. clear your clutter , life, baggage, the whole deal. start over. it feels great. you deserve to live this one life like a princess. i do now & its blessed.

 

 
February 11, 2007, 10:06 pm CST

One of the Marriage Vows was "Trust"

Some years back I unfortunately experienced an ugly situation with my husband and niece.  Without going into too much detail she was not even of age probably started around age 16.  My niece was living with us because my sister ended up in a nursing home.  I found a video tape that the two of them made and took it right up to the police station.  The Captain said adultry is in the law book however, the DA said with all the people committing this crime the courts would not have time to handle anything else.  The bottom line was that my niece thought she was in love with him and wouldn't testify.  When I found the tape my niece had turned 18 but I couldn't prove the tape was made prior to.  Yes, I went for counseling and thought he was sincere but when he put his hand on the bible and said I wasn't with her anymore and I knew different that told me "If he can lie to God he can lie to anyone."  I divorced him and did forgive both because that's what we're supposed to do but it broke up the family and I went through a very long and difficult time.  My feelings go out to her and perhaps they will be able to make their marriage work but be prepared for the long road ahead.
 
February 11, 2007, 10:53 pm CST

02/13 Secret Love

It seems like there's something wrong with everyone in the picture here:  the wife, the husband, the sister, and the mother!  What kind of mother would just blame the wife for choosing the wrong guy?  If I were the mother, I'd be on the sister's case for even messing around with the husband.

 

I definitely agree with what's been said above that a sister and a husband are two of the few people in our lives we should be able to trust.  It's sad to see that family ties no longer has any value.

 
February 12, 2007, 4:00 am CST

LORD-he's STIIL at it!

how hard is it to figure out that he's STILL at it? Also; When a man or ANY human being DEmands, or gets pissed off because you 'Can't JUST ""let it go" it's because that persson can't HANDLE the RESPONSIBILITY of what they have done, an they JUST -DON'T -WANT-to TALK about it! He Knows what He's done is in fact WRONG-an worse yet; he may want to keep doing it-Without being hassled. So if he can get you to 'JUST FORGET' about it; He's rethinking He's homefree.Because I ASSURE you He's always thinking about his infidelity, an hes trying in his mind to constanly find justifcation for himself so he can FEEL better about what he's doing. NOW for HER SISTER. OH! MY LORD GIRL isn't there ANYTHING of your sister's that you DON'T WANT? GET you OWN MAN, Cause honey, what your screwin with is TROUBLE an DEFINATELY NOT a MAN! He's somthin else alright but not what you need in your life. But you KNOW that ALREADY, SO ....WHAT'S GOIN thru your MIND Woman? His payoff is that He gets to screw two women an gets to sit back an watch the TWO of you FIGHT over him.How good that must feel to him! How does that make the Two of you feel? AN there's something else.... YOU both are  PROBABLY NOT the ONLY TWO WOMEN In his life. THERE ARE PROBABLY-ONE<TWO<possiblyTHREE-MORE> SO HOW does the possibility of THAT MAKE BOTH of YOUALL FEEL? Just given you something to chew on an talk about, Ask DR.Phill i tend to think He may agree with at least a good part of what i have written here. I won't tell you wht parts; that's for you to find out. An I would'nt be at all suprised if he confirmed,or tends to agree with ALL of it!
 
February 12, 2007, 4:32 am CST

02/13 Secret Love

I can't understand why a sister would do this to her own sister.  This is the ultimate betrayal.  You can get rid of a husband and get another but sisters are forever.  I'd never trust that sister around any new husband either.  This could be a case of ealousy.  The sister wants everything that the other sister has and goes after it.  This sister obviously does not care that she hurt her sister deeply.  I don't see how she can look her mother in the face. 
 
February 12, 2007, 6:12 am CST

02/13 Secret Love

Quote From: islander67

Once the Infedelity Virus enters the relationship, both parties must agree on one of only two choices;  ACCEPT THE SITUATION or LEAVE THE SITUATION!

 

In order to forgive, work things out and continue the relationship, you MUST AGREE WITH YOURSELF, that you will ACCEPT, put up with, and endure your travel on a whole, new road of a relationship and ALL kinds of new obstacles, that WILL spring up along the way!

 

The offended will become more angry and struggle with suspicion and jelousy, while the offender will be more passive and struggle to tolerate their partner's new behavior.  Bless you, if you are strong enough to handle that struggle and Bless you if you are wise to LEAVE IT!

 

A friend of mine once told me, "Their was one infidelity in our marriage, when my husband had an affair with my cousin, who is a model in Europe.  We've worked through it and I struggled with forgiveness for the following two years, but our relationship has gotten better."  I then asked her, "Are you absolutely sure that things are better?  And, are you sure that he's not fooling around anymore?"  Needless to say, those questions did, pretty much end our friendship.  But, I heard from another, that the couple did divorce for unknown reasons.

I can tell you EXACTLY why they divorced. YOU STUCK YOUR NOSE IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You brought up all the pain and suspicion that she had worked so hard to get passed. YOU are the reason they divorced!!!! You had no right to do that and you ought to be ashamed of yourself!
 
February 12, 2007, 6:28 am CST

Been there, done that!!

I think that I have experienced just about every topic on your show and I have to tell you that catching my sister and my man cheating on me was by far the worst. It was so disturbing and all the family and neighbors were involved. It was so ugly and I'm still in therapy behind this. I do talk to and hang around my sister as for the guy, he's moved on but still keeps in touch out of guilt. I realized that I did nothing to bring this about and was completely comfortable with kicking them both out of my life, it took over a year before I would even talk to either one but if we had never talked or saw each other again, I'd be fine!! I always say I wouldn't wish this nightmare on the evilest of people but you've got to go with your gut on this one if you plan to survive it. I almost didn't!!!
 
February 12, 2007, 7:32 am CST

What?

John says he's passed all this and doesn't understand why Bettie's so upset?  Molly is her SISTER- you can't divorce family.  They are sisters until they die.  Every Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, that is going to be there like tension you can cut with a knife. 

 

I think Bettie should divorce John and find herself someone who treats her with more respect than to sneak around and have an affair.  Dr. Phil always says that you can't build a fence high enough if they want to leave...just let him go, he's not worth it-but she should take half of his stuff when she goes.  She might be able to get more since he cheated-I'm not sure what adultery entitles her to.  

 

Molly should dump John, and find herself an unattached man.  You never mess with another woman's man, especially not your sister's husband.  If Molly and John are no longer an item, maybe Bettie can find it in herself to forgive her sister-or at least retrieve some of the relationship she lost.  Bettie and Molly need to work on their relationship sans John in the picture- blood is thicker than water.

 
February 12, 2007, 8:52 am CST

02/13 Secret Love

Quote From: jtfjmjr

I can tell you EXACTLY why they divorced. YOU STUCK YOUR NOSE IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You brought up all the pain and suspicion that she had worked so hard to get passed. YOU are the reason they divorced!!!! You had no right to do that and you ought to be ashamed of yourself!
 NO, I dont think YOU are the reason they divorced...you brought to the surface what she had buried, and she had to face it head on, and SHE made the decision to divorce. I dont know if what you did was right or wrong, not for me to say...
 
February 12, 2007, 8:57 am CST

secret love...crossing the line

  I cant figure out what goes through someones mind, when they decide to have an affair with their sisters husband, or their brothers wife...or any affair which crosses family lines and friendship lines..are they so desperate to sack somebody..anybody that they dont care who it is???? Are those horny hormones that strong??? if so, buy a vibrator, or men, go give yourself a hand in the bathroom....yeah, it may sound rude and crude, but i dont see any other way to say it...sorry if i offend anyone....................
 
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