Topic : 07/24 Secret Love

Sorry to hear that you also went through that.  They never change; we were only married a few months, after I found out that he had not left his single life behind.  After several STD’s and him constantly denying I was wrong in my thinking he was unfaithful, I finally found out that he got the other woman pregnant, I tried counseling anyway, that made no difference (he did not stick to it).  We now have two wonderful boys, I left him, and the environment my children are growing up in is a whole lot better than if I stayed in that toxic marriage.  I believe that I am a better parent to my children in living six hundred miles away from him.  I have since returned to school to complete my degree and I feel at peace.  The sex was good, however; my safety and a balanced life for my children is far worth its weight in GOLD. 

Talk about being totally shocked,  one weekend when my then boyfriend, parents and I went for a weekend up to the mountains to his summer home, my dad and I went into town for food shopping and left my boyfriend and mother at the house.  When we arrived back, my dad and I seen both my mother and boyfriend coming out of the bedroom, my boyfriend was undressed except for his shorts and my mother was buttoning her blouse, her hair was a total mess.  At that point, my dad and I knew exactly what took place, we caught  them redhanded.  I will never forget the expression on my dad's face, he became white as a sheet, as for myself, I pretended that I never seen that happen, I was in total denial.  Needless to say, my parent's marriage was never the same any more.  As for myself, I had no choice but  to go ahead with the marriage, I was three months pregnant which my parents did not know.

My dad was never the same mentally anymore, and from that point, his health went downhill.  My mother packed up and left him after 39 years of marriage without even telling me or my dad. When we both came home from work, we found a note saying she left for good.  As for me, I never remarried anymore since my divorce and cannot trust any man anymore or love them. I tried going to therapy for four months and that did not help, nothing penetrated my head of what the therapist was trying to tell me.  I am very fearful of men, I keep getting flashbacks about my mother and husband sleeping together.  On top of that, I was raped in a car by my husband's best friend one evening when he drove me home.  It was at knifepoint in an empty lot at 4:30 in the morning, I tried to scream but no one was out in the streets at that time not even a police car.  I never told anyone about that incident not even my husband, but to this day, I just live with the fear of even being alone with a man.  Dr. Phil can I ever get over this, I am willing to get help once again.  Living with such fear and hate of men is definitely going to make me a very lonely person for the rest of my life and I don't want that to happen.

Hey.  Like Dr. Phil says as well as one of the other comments.

Don't let the door hit you in the Ass on the way out.  Let that be for the sister and the Mom as well

Both the Sister and Mom knew the infidelity and still allowed her to say with him. 

I'll open the door for you.   Life is too short to deal with either one of them.

Girl get a grip.  Just open the door or let me know I'll open it for you.  Just do it. 

I haven't had a chance to view the show yet but have been reading all the comments posted.  I am a member of this family.  I guess you could say I am estranged, as Bettie is the only family member I have any contact with.  There is SOOO much to this family and most of it you couldn't believe.  This affair is only a tip to an iceburg when it comes to the relationship between Bettie, Molly, our mother and myself. 

I have wondered when this issue would rise to the level of importance that it would be discussed on Dr. Phil (as opposed to Jerry Springer).  My husband and I raised my sister (who is 15 yrs. younger than I). She moved out of our house at 18, but at 27 she and my 42 yr old husband had an affair.  It was a complicated and difficult situation that was made even more so by the fact that he had risen to the position of a recognized leader in our Industry (entertainment).  It was very public, and for that reason was even more embarrassing and destructive to me and our children than it might otherwise have been.  This "relationship" occurred in the fall and winter of 1989. I filed for divorce in February of 1990.  The divorce was finally granted on May 10, 1991.  We had been married over 25 years.

Our children, who by that time were each in college, were a mess because of the choices made by their father and their aunt.  Our son ended up with a debilitating drinking problem, and our daughter ended up in a wheelchair with an immune deficiency problem.  I was broken in heart, spirit, and belief.  I was frightened that my children would not recover from it, and that there was not enough left of me to help them through it.  I was wrong. I underestimated them, and I underestimated myself.

My children have since worked through their issues and are healthy, strong, successful and heart-driven adults. They seem to have a pleasant, though fairly perfunctory, relationship with their father.

I have not seen my sister, nor have I heard her voice, since November of 1989.  After hundreds of hours of therapy and a determination to get and be healthy and authentic, I can honestly say that most of the past 15 years have been the best in my life.  I live in a peaceful home, I am the master of my own destiny, and there is no one to tell me I am worthless ... a common theme among both my parents and my ex.

I will watch Tuesday's show with a great deal of interest, as I am eager for his take on what motivates a husband and a sister to make a choice that is so deliberately and personally hurtful.