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Topic : 07/24 Secret Love

Number of Replies: 330
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Created on : Friday, February 09, 2007, 02:40:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/13/07) In a marriage, an affair is the ultimate betrayal. But imagine finding out that your husband was cheating on you with your sister! Bettie says her husband, John, destroyed her trust when he had a six-month relationship with her sister, Molly -- an affair that occurred in Bettie’s own house. John says his act of infidelity happened nearly two years ago, and he’s over it, but he doesn’t understand why Bettie just can’t let it go. Then Molly, who has been watching backstage, joins her sister and brother-in-law. Find out why Molly says John is not the man Bettie thinks he is. Plus, Bettie’s mom, Virginia, overheard a secret phone call between Molly and John and says she doesn’t know why Bettie married John in the first place. Will Bettie’s lingering feelings of betrayal and mistrust destroy her relationship with her sister? Will she be able to forgive her husband and move past his affair? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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February 12, 2007, 9:46 am CST

That's what I'm thinking.

Quote From: gwarrior6

John says he's passed all this and doesn't understand why Bettie's so upset?  Molly is her SISTER- you can't divorce family.  They are sisters until they die.  Every Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, that is going to be there like tension you can cut with a knife. 

 

I think Bettie should divorce John and find herself someone who treats her with more respect than to sneak around and have an affair.  Dr. Phil always says that you can't build a fence high enough if they want to leave...just let him go, he's not worth it-but she should take half of his stuff when she goes.  She might be able to get more since he cheated-I'm not sure what adultery entitles her to.  

 

Molly should dump John, and find herself an unattached man.  You never mess with another woman's man, especially not your sister's husband.  If Molly and John are no longer an item, maybe Bettie can find it in herself to forgive her sister-or at least retrieve some of the relationship she lost.  Bettie and Molly need to work on their relationship sans John in the picture- blood is thicker than water.

I feel the same way. I have a sister and no matter what , she'll always be my little sister. We're both married and I really can't imagine either one of us going with the other's husband. But, if it happened I'd think it would be something I'd never be able to forgive him doing. And I'd certainly be upset with my sister! But, since our parents are gone, we're all we've got.(5 of us) Blood is definitely thicker than water. Of course it would help things in the case of the show, if Molly would dump John.
 
February 12, 2007, 9:50 am CST

You've got it exactly right!

Quote From: carolenieto

  I cant figure out what goes through someones mind, when they decide to have an affair with their sisters husband, or their brothers wife...or any affair which crosses family lines and friendship lines..are they so desperate to sack somebody..anybody that they dont care who it is???? Are those horny hormones that strong??? if so, buy a vibrator, or men, go give yourself a hand in the bathroom....yeah, it may sound rude and crude, but i dont see any other way to say it...sorry if i offend anyone....................
You hit the nail on the head! I'm not offended the least bit.
 
February 12, 2007, 10:30 am CST

mistakes

we must see this from all sides. we do not know what was going through john's mind. he did make a mistake, but a person can learn from their mistakes and he can make sure that it never happens again. we do not know what has gone on between bettie and molly in the past. their feelings toward each other could be brewing from long past. john might have been a man in the middle of two sister that hate each other with a passion. he has to love his wife dearly and want to make right to confront this on national tv. in my eyes that takes a very brave soul. hopefuly he can make this right good luck
 
February 12, 2007, 10:44 am CST

02/13 Secret Love

I just cannot imagine the pain that Bettie must feel to know that the 2 people that she should have been able to trust completely have betrayed her this way. And for it to continue for so long! I cannot wait to see how these two people try to explain their way out of this. I cannot imagine repairing this marriage and relationship with my sister. It would be hard enough to forgive and move on if I never had to be around the other woman again. But this is the ultimate betrayal!
 
February 12, 2007, 11:33 am CST

In never ends

Sorry to hear that you also went through that.  They never change; we were only married a few months, after I found out that he had not left his single life behind.  After several STD’s and him constantly denying I was wrong in my thinking he was unfaithful, I finally found out that he got the other woman pregnant, I tried counseling anyway, that made no difference (he did not stick to it).  We now have two wonderful boys, I left him, and the environment my children are growing up in is a whole lot better than if I stayed in that toxic marriage.  I believe that I am a better parent to my children in living six hundred miles away from him.  I have since returned to school to complete my degree and I feel at peace.  The sex was good, however; my safety and a balanced life for my children is far worth its weight in GOLD. 

 
February 12, 2007, 11:57 am CST

Secret Love

Talk about being totally shocked,  one weekend when my then boyfriend, parents and I went for a weekend up to the mountains to his summer home, my dad and I went into town for food shopping and left my boyfriend and mother at the house.  When we arrived back, my dad and I seen both my mother and boyfriend coming out of the bedroom, my boyfriend was undressed except for his shorts and my mother was buttoning her blouse, her hair was a total mess.  At that point, my dad and I knew exactly what took place, we caught  them redhanded.  I will never forget the expression on my dad's face, he became white as a sheet, as for myself, I pretended that I never seen that happen, I was in total denial.  Needless to say, my parent's marriage was never the same any more.  As for myself, I had no choice but  to go ahead with the marriage, I was three months pregnant which my parents did not know.

 

My dad was never the same mentally anymore, and from that point, his health went downhill.  My mother packed up and left him after 39 years of marriage without even telling me or my dad. When we both came home from work, we found a note saying she left for good.  As for me, I never remarried anymore since my divorce and cannot trust any man anymore or love them. I tried going to therapy for four months and that did not help, nothing penetrated my head of what the therapist was trying to tell me.  I am very fearful of men, I keep getting flashbacks about my mother and husband sleeping together.  On top of that, I was raped in a car by my husband's best friend one evening when he drove me home.  It was at knifepoint in an empty lot at 4:30 in the morning, I tried to scream but no one was out in the streets at that time not even a police car.  I never told anyone about that incident not even my husband, but to this day, I just live with the fear of even being alone with a man.  Dr. Phil can I ever get over this, I am willing to get help once again.  Living with such fear and hate of men is definitely going to make me a very lonely person for the rest of my life and I don't want that to happen.

 
February 12, 2007, 1:53 pm CST

wow

Hey.  Like Dr. Phil says as well as one of the other comments.

Don't let the door hit you in the Ass on the way out.  Let that be for the sister and the Mom as well

 

Both the Sister and Mom knew the infidelity and still allowed her to say with him. 

 

I'll open the door for you.   Life is too short to deal with either one of them.

 

Girl get a grip.  Just open the door or let me know I'll open it for you.  Just do it. 

 
February 12, 2007, 2:11 pm CST

We could be the next Dr. Phil family

I haven't had a chance to view the show yet but have been reading all the comments posted.  I am a member of this family.  I guess you could say I am estranged, as Bettie is the only family member I have any contact with.  There is SOOO much to this family and most of it you couldn't believe.  This affair is only a tip to an iceburg when it comes to the relationship between Bettie, Molly, our mother and myself. 

 

 

 
February 12, 2007, 2:24 pm CST

Went through this myself

Went through this myself

I have wondered when this issue would rise to the level of importance that it would be discussed on Dr. Phil (as opposed to Jerry Springer).  My husband and I raised my sister (who is 15 yrs. younger than I). She moved out of our house at 18, but at 27 she and my 42 yr old husband had an affair.  It was a complicated and difficult situation that was made even more so by the fact that he had risen to the position of a recognized leader in our Industry (entertainment).  It was very public, and for that reason was even more embarrassing and destructive to me and our children than it might otherwise have been.  This "relationship" occurred in the fall and winter of 1989. I filed for divorce in February of 1990.  The divorce was finally granted on May 10, 1991.  We had been married over 25 years.

Our children, who by that time were each in college, were a mess because of the choices made by their father and their aunt.  Our son ended up with a debilitating drinking problem, and our daughter ended up in a wheelchair with an immune deficiency problem.  I was broken in heart, spirit, and belief.  I was frightened that my children would not recover from it, and that there was not enough left of me to help them through it.  I was wrong. I underestimated them, and I underestimated myself.

My children have since worked through their issues and are healthy, strong, successful and heart-driven adults. They seem to have a pleasant, though fairly perfunctory, relationship with their father.

I have not seen my sister, nor have I heard her voice, since November of 1989.  After hundreds of hours of therapy and a determination to get and be healthy and authentic, I can honestly say that most of the past 15 years have been the best in my life.  I live in a peaceful home, I am the master of my own destiny, and there is no one to tell me I am worthless ... a common theme among both my parents and my ex.

I will watch Tuesday's show with a great deal of interest, as I am eager for his take on what motivates a husband and a sister to make a choice that is so deliberately and personally hurtful.

 

 
February 12, 2007, 4:23 pm CST

02/13 Secret Love

Quote From: mmarie

Why are so many couples having to deal with infidelity?  It is a total selfish and self-centered action.  Are we so concerned about 'the moment' that we can't see the affect it has in the long run?  A sister should never harm a sibling in this way.  And for it to continue for so long.  My heart goes out to the wife.  It is hard enough dealing with infidelity when it is with someone you don't know; but to have to face your sister and KNOW what she has done with your husband.  I don't believe I could continue in the marriage..He'd have to be very forgiving, loving, supportive and earn my trust; which would take a long time.  I just hope she can learn to be strong, no matter what choice she makes.  It is all so very sad and all too common in this world.  When will we start to respect and treat each other as we wish to be treated?   mmarie
well i had that happen to me before to my man did it to me he had sex with my sister after 12 yrs we were not married or anything but we do have a son togther he was having sex with her for the last 6 yrs and i did not know it until my sister came to me in the delvery room and told me so i know how she feels but i took my son and i left cause he lied to me and i could do better by my self and i think if  that is still going to happen she is better to leave and be by her self than getting hurt and cryin all the time and the kids should never see mommy cryin all the time cause they are going to think it is there fault way mommy is cryin and you never want kids to feel like that
 
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