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Topic : 07/24 Secret Love

Number of Replies: 330
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Created on : Friday, February 09, 2007, 02:40:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/13/07) In a marriage, an affair is the ultimate betrayal. But imagine finding out that your husband was cheating on you with your sister! Bettie says her husband, John, destroyed her trust when he had a six-month relationship with her sister, Molly -- an affair that occurred in Bettie’s own house. John says his act of infidelity happened nearly two years ago, and he’s over it, but he doesn’t understand why Bettie just can’t let it go. Then Molly, who has been watching backstage, joins her sister and brother-in-law. Find out why Molly says John is not the man Bettie thinks he is. Plus, Bettie’s mom, Virginia, overheard a secret phone call between Molly and John and says she doesn’t know why Bettie married John in the first place. Will Bettie’s lingering feelings of betrayal and mistrust destroy her relationship with her sister? Will she be able to forgive her husband and move past his affair? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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July 25, 2007, 5:58 pm CDT

been there done that

Kick his A** OUT.  This is coming from a someone who has been in your shoes.  I was married for `18 years. I can tell you every emotion that you are feeling.  Hurt, broken hearted, betrayed, mad and just down right P*** off.  My so called sister had an affair with my X.  They are the cause of alot of hurt and pain that my family still has to this day.  If you notice I said THEY.  She is  not the only one to blame.  I agree blood should be thicker the water.  You have to understand just like your sister, my sister wanted my life.  Everything I had she wanted.  The family, the house, the kind of life style I had.  One other thing they have in common.  They have on morals what so ever.  And yes they both are trash. 

It has been 6 years.  It took me along time to get over all this hurt and pain.  I did!  You will to.  Just one thing I want you to remember.  ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER.  The way your so called husband was smiling and laughing on that show, I wanted to slap the Sh** out of him.  So kick his A** out and move on.  It will take awhile----you can do it.

Oh one more thing----My X had an affair on my so called sister and married my 2nd cousin.  He likes to keep it in the family.

Good luck to you!

 

ALOT BETTER OFF WITH OUT HIM

JUDY

 
July 25, 2007, 11:25 pm CDT

BETTYS SISTER....VERY IMMATURE

  ITS CERTAINLY IS PAINSTAKING WHEN YOUR HUSBAND CHEATS ON YOU.  ITS ABOUT UNBEARABLE WHEN IT TURNS OUT TO BE WITH YOUR OWN SISTER.  I MUST SAY THO, BETTYS SISTER COMES OFF TO BE THAT OF ... "TRAILER TRASH" MATERIAL.  SHE  IS VERY IMMATURE AND CLEARLY HAD NOTHING INTELLIGENT TO SAY IN HER DEFENSE.  SHE PRETTY MUCH SAID THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER..... I'M GUESSING THIS BEING DUE TO HER LACK OF VOCABULARY KNOWLEDGE.   WORSE, SHE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT HER SISTER BETTY AND WHAT SHE DID TO HER.  SHE SHRUGS HER SHOULDERS ABOUT IT AND SAYS "DEAL WITH IT".  SHE CAME OFF TO BE SO ARROGANT, AND THEREFORE, LOOKED LIKE A FOOL ON TV.  I WAS ALMOST EMBARRASED FOR HER. 

 I FEEL SORRY FOR BETTY, AS SHE  SEEMS SURPRISED ABOUT HER SISTERS "ATTITUDE" ,  BUT .....I GET THE FEELING HER SISTER IS A LIFETIME OF "ATTITUDE" AND "BAD CHOICES",

AND IF I'M CORRECT,  I'M SURPRISED BETTY DIDN'T EXPECT SOMETHING LIKE THIS FROM HER AND THEREFORE  ALLOW HER TO LIVE IN HER HOUSE WITH HER AND HER HUSBAND.  SHE , BETTYS SISTER,  IS  OBVIOUSLY A VERY TROUBLED , UN-EDUCATED, IMMATURE, ARROGANT AND   SELFISH  PERSON AND NEEDS SERIOUS HELP AND/OR GOD IN HER LIFE.

 
July 26, 2007, 8:08 am CDT

The Cheating Sister

I can't stop wondering what in the world is wrong with the sister who would cheat with her sister's husband.   This person does not seem to have a conscience.  What could make a person do such a thing to her sister?  I think she needs some kind of psychotherapy.  I'm not feeling any kind of sympathy for her -- just can't get the image of her "lack of regret" for having done this to her sister off my mind.
 
July 26, 2007, 10:32 am CDT

And Yet

Quote From: nana3554

I can't stop wondering what in the world is wrong with the sister who would cheat with her sister's husband.   This person does not seem to have a conscience.  What could make a person do such a thing to her sister?  I think she needs some kind of psychotherapy.  I'm not feeling any kind of sympathy for her -- just can't get the image of her "lack of regret" for having done this to her sister off my mind.
Compared to the sister and the mother, the husband doesn't look that bad.  She's better off with none of them, but the mother is the worst in the bunch.
 
July 26, 2007, 4:01 pm CDT

People get stuck

Quote From: linxsys

Opportunity makes thiefes!

Being unfaithful seldom has to do something with the spouse. It is how the other partner makes you feel.On the other hand, being neglected  and "bitched at" before did not really help. He needed to feel special and the Sis obviously had some needs too. Were they in love?!..sure..chemically induced insanity  ( just human nature) which is more infatuation and not "LOVE" which makes it understandable that they said it to each other.

What counts is, what is left ocer after the "infatuation stage".

He made the decision to stay but his wife should also.  Being miserable does not get you anywhere. IT makes your own live awful and  unhealthy. These stress hormons do a trick to the human  body.

Get over it and try to live like it did not happen. To suspect  "something" around each corner---who can live like that "happily". Kids feel everything, do not let them live in that kind of atmosphere. You cannot erase the past or your memories..the only thing you can change is the furure. Make it a good one or take the consequences and get out.

I heard a saying that pretty much sums ist up " sh...or get off the pot".

Either way---what is means is, make a decision. Life is short, opt for happiness.

 

I agree with you...  Life is short.  And, I believe, it takes to much energy to hate anyone.  Learning from situations whatever it is one needs to learn (on both sides) I believe, is the only way to truely move forward in a healthy and hopefully happier way.  If you don't learn anything then you are bound to repeat the lesson one way or another until you do.  I do realize lessons from this situation are difficult to get through. 

 

It is difficult to be the one cheated on ( I have been there,several times, and I realize this is an understatement).  Doubt about yourself comes pouring in as well as feeling that you can't trust the one person that should normally be your support.  Especially with children involved, where do you turn?   How do you get past the past?  What were the reasons for this happening?  My fault? His fault? Our fault?   What was going wrong before this that led there?  Can I trust again?   How will the kids be effected by this?   Can I deal with being a single parent if we don't stay together?   Financially?  Emotionally?  Physically?   Can I forgive them?     

 

It can also be difficult being the one who has cheated ( I shamefully have been there as well).  Shame, disgrace, guilt and having seemingly everyone convinced you are a horrible human being and are doomed to be that always.  (This probably does not apply to repeat offenders).  I never thought I could be on that side of infidelity.   No one seems to want to know the reasons but they do need to be addressed.  Otherwise, I believe, people can go into a pattern of repeating the cheating.  How do you pay for that crime? Will I pay for this the rest of my life? What led me to this?  How will the kids be effected?  How could I do that to my spouse, my kids, my family?  Will they ever forgive me?  How do I forgive myself for hurting everyone around me?  

 

My life has been surrounded by cheating since I can remember.  I just made a long list of offenders and erased it because it just occurred to me that is a lesson for me.   Something I hadn't realized until typing it.   I do think the situation (reasons, feelings, etc.) needs to be dealt with on both sides and ultimately decisions made on both sides to commit fully or go seperate ways.  Either way, hopefully with understanding, healing and lessons learned.   

 
July 27, 2007, 9:44 am CDT

Discusted and shocked

I have to admit that my mom and i were very shocked when we saw this family on the Dr. Phil show. I had goose bumps the whole time. But,,, Molly's actions are very normal. I went to school and church with her for 3 years. Her reputation then speaks for itself now!!!!! But how she could cheat with her own sister's husband,,,, that is way below the line...If i were in Bettie's shoes,,,, I would disown Molly, pack up and move on my own.. Cheaters have no place in marriages!!!!!!! John had his part in it also. He didn't say "no" to molly. Bettie is way too good for him. She has always been a very beautiful lady ( inside and out).As for Virginia,, she needs to let go of Molly and stop defending her. Molly  needs to own up to her own actions without interferrance. Virginia also needs to stop butting in on Bettie and John's life. What goes on there is their own business and no one elses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
July 30, 2007, 6:28 pm CDT

What a Sister!

 I couldn't believe this woman's sister. I think Dr. Phil said it right when he said she didn't act sorry for what she did at all. I believe that the blonde is extremely jealous of her sis and what she has. People like her just wait for the opprotunity to mess it up for others. I hope this "Lady" can get past all that was done to her. She has no reason to feel bad about herself, her sis is a big time loser....what comes around goes around. Someday she'll be dumped on and will know exactly how she made her sister feel.
 
January 24, 2008, 1:30 pm CST

swinging couples

  I was married to a man almost 20 yr's. He wanted to do the swinging thing. I would'nt do it. I had more self respect than to let him lead me into that type of life. But I am  now without insurance,money to buy a bill of groceries, & can barely pay my bills. I did'nt get any of his retirement. I only hope i can draw off of it when it's time to retire.I did however get a measly $50.00 a month,as alimony.......well that barely paid the water bill. I had 2 kids at home in school that still needed things. yes, they got child support but 1 child's ended when that child graduated from high school. I still had 1 child at home in school.Yes I was awarded the house but i had to sell it because I could not afford it! Thats why so many wives stay!!!!!!!  They cannot afford to be on there on......

 
June 7, 2008, 11:45 pm CDT

I have Just been Given the title that am Agoraphobic and I have Panit and Anxicty Disorder...

Well today was another Dr's Apt... I found my self asking a friend to drive me , About 3 hours before I had to go I had a bad Bad Anxiety Att , I was in a bad Marriage  for 18 years, to a man in the navy the Att started may years before that, but I never knew what was going on, till my Mom Passed away this year, I feel Am loosing my mind, I have 4 children 3 boys and a little girl all 3 boys are medical problems I boy lives in A group home for children with special needs, and the other children live with me I have a son with Autism amd a son with Downs Syndrome , I never had much help over the years , and no that mom is gone i have less help then ever, and every thing has just festered and I feel am loosing it, I don't have much money we now live in low income housing, I feel Am letting me children down Am scared to go out of the house and I cant get my self to go to the mall or take them to the pool am so scared of to what ifs? I have attacks where it feel like am having a heart att, i get so scared,, now i have food Delivered to the house , Am on meads but this Monday Am going to try something new,,,,I put so much on my son, I feel he hates me for what I have become I didn't have children for them to take care of me....I don't have family support... just 1 friend who I have know almost 29 years,... I just need someone to talk to , but am scared to leave the house to see a shrink?   is there help for me? I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.....am scared......its just me and the children my XS is out of fed jail and on the run...... I feel so lost and so sad....... always.....
 
February 5, 2009, 10:36 am CST

Just found out myself.....hurting

Quote From: happyv

I found myself asking my husband the exact same thing last night.  "Do you know what you did to me?", "Do you know why I would feel the way I do?", and then I asked him to NOT make any decisions about leaving me until he had thought it through because I feel he is making a HUGE mistake.  I have known for years that a certain woman was pursuing him, and tried to point it out, and he refused to see.  Now, she is in love with him and I find all these notes from her to him on Myspace and vice versa.  He says it hasn't been physical yet, but once the emotional affair has already started the damage is done.  It will take some serious therapy to get our marriage back even if it hasn't been physical because I don't trust either of them.  (Yes, I know her, in fact, she works for him!)  I will give him a chance if he lets her go, and in these economic times he can do that with out any red flags....(ie her deciding to claim harassment or something since I believe she has been in it for the money for the most part even though the biz is not a wealthy one, she has NO idea about anything of that sort) 
 
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