Topic : 07/24 Secret Love

Kick his A** OUT.  This is coming from a someone who has been in your shoes.  I was married for `18 years. I can tell you every emotion that you are feeling.  Hurt, broken hearted, betrayed, mad and just down right P*** off.  My so called sister had an affair with my X.  They are the cause of alot of hurt and pain that my family still has to this day.  If you notice I said THEY.  She is  not the only one to blame.  I agree blood should be thicker the water.  You have to understand just like your sister, my sister wanted my life.  Everything I had she wanted.  The family, the house, the kind of life style I had.  One other thing they have in common.  They have on morals what so ever.  And yes they both are trash. 

It has been 6 years.  It took me along time to get over all this hurt and pain.  I did!  You will to.  Just one thing I want you to remember.  ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER.  The way your so called husband was smiling and laughing on that show, I wanted to slap the Sh** out of him.  So kick his A** out and move on.  It will take awhile----you can do it.

Oh one more thing----My X had an affair on my so called sister and married my 2nd cousin.  He likes to keep it in the family.

Good luck to you!

ALOT BETTER OFF WITH OUT HIM

JUDY

  ITS CERTAINLY IS PAINSTAKING WHEN YOUR HUSBAND CHEATS ON YOU.  ITS ABOUT UNBEARABLE WHEN IT TURNS OUT TO BE WITH YOUR OWN SISTER.  I MUST SAY THO, BETTYS SISTER COMES OFF TO BE THAT OF ... "TRAILER TRASH" MATERIAL.  SHE  IS VERY IMMATURE AND CLEARLY HAD NOTHING INTELLIGENT TO SAY IN HER DEFENSE.  SHE PRETTY MUCH SAID THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER..... I'M GUESSING THIS BEING DUE TO HER LACK OF VOCABULARY KNOWLEDGE.   WORSE, SHE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT HER SISTER BETTY AND WHAT SHE DID TO HER.  SHE SHRUGS HER SHOULDERS ABOUT IT AND SAYS "DEAL WITH IT".  SHE CAME OFF TO BE SO ARROGANT, AND THEREFORE, LOOKED LIKE A FOOL ON TV.  I WAS ALMOST EMBARRASED FOR HER. 

 I FEEL SORRY FOR BETTY, AS SHE  SEEMS SURPRISED ABOUT HER SISTERS "ATTITUDE" ,  BUT .....I GET THE FEELING HER SISTER IS A LIFETIME OF "ATTITUDE" AND "BAD CHOICES",

AND IF I'M CORRECT,  I'M SURPRISED BETTY DIDN'T EXPECT SOMETHING LIKE THIS FROM HER AND THEREFORE  ALLOW HER TO LIVE IN HER HOUSE WITH HER AND HER HUSBAND.  SHE , BETTYS SISTER,  IS  OBVIOUSLY A VERY TROUBLED , UN-EDUCATED, IMMATURE, ARROGANT AND   SELFISH  PERSON AND NEEDS SERIOUS HELP AND/OR GOD IN HER LIFE.

I agree with you...  Life is short.  And, I believe, it takes to much energy to hate anyone.  Learning from situations whatever it is one needs to learn (on both sides) I believe, is the only way to truely move forward in a healthy and hopefully happier way.  If you don't learn anything then you are bound to repeat the lesson one way or another until you do.  I do realize lessons from this situation are difficult to get through. 

It is difficult to be the one cheated on ( I have been there,several times, and I realize this is an understatement).  Doubt about yourself comes pouring in as well as feeling that you can't trust the one person that should normally be your support.  Especially with children involved, where do you turn?   How do you get past the past?  What were the reasons for this happening?  My fault? His fault? Our fault?   What was going wrong before this that led there?  Can I trust again?   How will the kids be effected by this?   Can I deal with being a single parent if we don't stay together?   Financially?  Emotionally?  Physically?   Can I forgive them?     

It can also be difficult being the one who has cheated ( I shamefully have been there as well).  Shame, disgrace, guilt and having seemingly everyone convinced you are a horrible human being and are doomed to be that always.  (This probably does not apply to repeat offenders).  I never thought I could be on that side of infidelity.   No one seems to want to know the reasons but they do need to be addressed.  Otherwise, I believe, people can go into a pattern of repeating the cheating.  How do you pay for that crime? Will I pay for this the rest of my life? What led me to this?  How will the kids be effected?  How could I do that to my spouse, my kids, my family?  Will they ever forgive me?  How do I forgive myself for hurting everyone around me?  

My life has been surrounded by cheating since I can remember.  I just made a long list of offenders and erased it because it just occurred to me that is a lesson for me.   Something I hadn't realized until typing it.   I do think the situation (reasons, feelings, etc.) needs to be dealt with on both sides and ultimately decisions made on both sides to commit fully or go seperate ways.  Either way, hopefully with understanding, healing and lessons learned.   

  I was married to a man almost 20 yr's. He wanted to do the swinging thing. I would'nt do it. I had more self respect than to let him lead me into that type of life. But I am  now without insurance,money to buy a bill of groceries, & can barely pay my bills. I did'nt get any of his retirement. I only hope i can draw off of it when it's time to retire.I did however get a measly $50.00 a month,as alimony.......well that barely paid the water bill. I had 2 kids at home in school that still needed things. yes, they got child support but 1 child's ended when that child graduated from high school. I still had 1 child at home in school.Yes I was awarded the house but i had to sell it because I could not afford it! Thats why so many wives stay!!!!!!!  They cannot afford to be on there on......