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Topic : 08/17 Love or Money

Number of Replies: 392
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Created on : Thursday, February 15, 2007, 04:39:36 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/20/07) You’ve heard the old adage: “Money can’t buy love,” but Dr. Phil’s guests say they’re in cash-only relationships. Hope is a self-professed “sugar babe” who says she is wined and dined by her sugar daddy, Davis, a wealthy businessman. There’s just one small catch: Hope is married! Her husband, Al, knows all about her financial arrangement, but still wants to stay in the relationship. How much longer can Hope balance both a spouse and a sponsor? Then, 34-year-old Kelly denies being a sugar mama, even though she pays for her 20-year-old boyfriend, Zachary's, personal needs including food, clothes and video games. She even moved him into her house! Kelly’s friend, Megan, says it’s high time Zachary got kicked to the curb! Does this May/December romance stand a chance, or are Zachary and Kelly wasting their time? Tell us what you think!

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February 20, 2007, 7:28 am CST

I looked up marriage in the dictionary to see if there is a loophole that I wasn't aware of.

One of the definitions is "Any close union." I guess that's how the guests today see it. The married couple,WOW! Sometimes I think I'm naive about how different some people's lives are than mine. This couple is trying to redefine "marriage". It wouldn't work with me and my husband. Is it working for them? I guess we'll see. The boyfriend-girlfriend?If it's all about money then the guy sounds like a free-loader. I'm sure we'll know more after the show airs.
 
February 20, 2007, 7:28 am CST

hope for Hope?

Hope, your story saddened me. You are looking for love in all the wrong places and trying to fill the emptiness you feel inside with male attention, expensive toys, clothes, and jewelry, costly vacations, and plastic surgery. You told us about your "top three" men, but when your "Sugar Daddy" admitted that he had other women, I could see the hurt in your eyes. Like Dr. Phil says, it's ironic that Davis gave you a gemstone cross. Maybe that's a sign that you should think about the true meaning of the Cross and turn your life around...while there is still time. You have lost your way and are on a road to destruction physically and spiritually. There is more to life than material things, esp. when you prostitute yourself and commit adultery in order to get them. Please, don't end up like Anna Nicole.
 
February 20, 2007, 8:09 am CST

So Sad For Hope

I feel so bad for Hope, who has no idea what her future will be.  She is being a "high end" prostitute for the love of money, but no money in the world will hold her hand or take care of her physically and emotionally when she becomes ill.  She has a husband who obviously loves her unconditionally, and when he needed her she bailed on him.  I don't accept the excuse Al gave that it was partly his fault due to the baggage he brought into the relationship, didn't she know about this baggage before marrying him?

Hope, you need counseling in the worst way, you have someone who worships the ground you walk on and no amount of money will ever buy that.  You will come into hard times, you will get ill or too old for this profession, then who will you turn to?

If you divorce Al for the lifestyle you want in the present, do you really think when it all ends that he would take you back?  Though he loves you more than anything, he will probably eventually move on, and you will be too old and used up to "work", and you will end up with nothing, why can't you see that?  You abandoned him when he needed you the most, do you really think a few years down the road he will be there waiting for u when u fall?

Money can only buy things, and you will never be happy with any of the things that are bought for you, obviously since you persue more and more.  Just know that in the end you will have to sell all or most of these things to support yourself eventually.

Do some research on the internet, check out what "old" prostitutes who never saved a dime ended up like, and you will be seeing your future.

 
February 20, 2007, 9:03 am CST

MALIGNANT SELF LOVE AND FAMILY SYSTEMS

If you are with in a relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When your partner in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books which provide a great introduction into the subject of family systems and dysfunctions are: 

 

 

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss OR Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward 

 

Malignant Self Love:  Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland  

 

 

There are marriages and relationships that are so destructive that the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  The decision to leave another person is never easy.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave so that you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can eventually learn to live a joyful and peaceful life. 

 

Hope it helps! 

 

 
February 20, 2007, 9:32 am CST

maybe for you

Quote From: ceildh1

Kudos to you and your husband, the age difference is nothing really and if it is a mutually supportive relationship, than there's no reason you can't have both money and love.

I agree, the ones who are only looking for the money, are quite narrow minded and shallow people, that being said though, I would NOT be supporting a man that had no other ambition than to live as a kept man, we'll see tommorrow if that twenty year old has any ambition at all.

This may be the case for you, but I am Megan, the friend off the show, and this is not the case between Zack and Keli!  I can see that you could be helpful in guiding your man BUT isn't that like parenting?  A relationship is supposed to be 50/50 Right?  Zack isn't bringing anything to the table except companionship.  A dog can be a companion.  She deserves better.  If Zack would grow up and get his "stuff" together then maybe there is hope.  For now, I'm tired of seeing my friend of 33 years being taken advantage of. 
 
February 20, 2007, 9:40 am CST

hey

Quote From: anon_slc

If you are with in a relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When your partner in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books which provide a great introduction into the subject of family systems and dysfunctions are: 

 

 

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss OR Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward 

 

Malignant Self Love:  Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland  

 

 

There are marriages and relationships that are so destructive that the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  The decision to leave another person is never easy.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave so that you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can eventually learn to live a joyful and peaceful life. 

 

Hope it helps! 

 

U cant buy love or affection u have to earn it by being good and doing the right thing.  I got hurt financially, emotionally, and mentally in last so-called LTR and now im paying for what that person did.  In my case i did nothing wrong...want more info go to ="shocking accusations" board  11/06
 
February 20, 2007, 9:43 am CST

hey

Quote From: afraid

sugar baby- sugar daddy- sugar mama- wow cant believe these people, you have just given children's long lasting caramel sucker and candy coated caramel drops,  a very bad view, lets call this what it is, its prostitution with out being arrested, the sugar daddy is no better than the man cruising the streets looking for a hooker to take his $20.00 for a quickie, and the woman is just as low as a hooker out on the streets working a street corner, and her husband is no more than a low life pimp hooking his wife out!! if you ask me Dr Phil you should have all these people arrested for just that.

 

 

Dr. Phil doesnt have the authority  to do things like that.  I did think it was good of him to hunt down people to face them bout issues.  He can get people the help he feels they deserve and advice but unfortunately thats it.
 
February 20, 2007, 9:47 am CST

I agree

Quote From: maria3255

I cannot understand for the life of me why Al, Hope's husband, stays with her.  She is definitely sure that she doesn't want to stay in this marriage so he should just let her go and do her "Sugar-daddying". Unfortunately i can see Hope, in 10-15 years time, becoming delusioned about these flingy relationships.  She may gain a lot of possessions maybe but she will be used and abused, as with Davis declaring that he doesn't really give a hoot about her and would never marry her. As for Kelly, i am really frustrated and worried about her at the same time.  She is using  her credit cards to support them plus Zachary.  I do believe they have a parent-child relationship and when Zach grows up he will leave.  I just wish she would push him out to get a job to help with the home expenses. Plus i don't believe she's a good role model for her daughter Megan, who is only 6.  Kelly says that shes too young to know whats going on, but shes wrong, dead wrong. I believe Megan knows exactly whats happening and may even grow resentful of her mother and Zachary.  When i was 3 and a half, my mum had an affair and she took me with her to this man's house with whom she had sex with.  Dad was at work and I knew that what mum was doing was wrong at the time and i sort of went out of the room and tried to not listen or know what was happening. I kept it all inside of me and didn't tell Dad, because i felt sorry for him and didn't want to hurt him.  Since that time i began to harbour anger and resentment towards mum, until the week that she passed away and we made our peace. Mum by this time had become an alcoholic, as her and Dad didn't love each other. The point being that at 3 and a half years of age i knew exactly what infidality was and even now, i am 55, it's still clear in my mind and i can still see the scene in front of me. So Megan does know what is going on, poor innocent child.  Ideally Kelly should put Zachary out for her daughter's sake. Maria3255
I agree with you to an extent.  I am Megan, the friend. Keli's daughter's name isn't Megan.  Anyway, she does know what is going on BUT Keli is very careful what her daughter is exposed to.  The only thing I'm worried about is that she may think that it's ok to buy love.  Keli has her mind and soul to offer a kind and gentle man.  She doesn't need to support a man to keep him.  I wish she'd realize this for herself and her daughter.  (Keli is a very good mom and loves her daughter deeply.)
 
February 20, 2007, 10:35 am CST

02/20 Love or Money

Quote From: girls44

This may be the case for you, but I am Megan, the friend off the show, and this is not the case between Zack and Keli!  I can see that you could be helpful in guiding your man BUT isn't that like parenting?  A relationship is supposed to be 50/50 Right?  Zack isn't bringing anything to the table except companionship.  A dog can be a companion.  She deserves better.  If Zack would grow up and get his "stuff" together then maybe there is hope.  For now, I'm tired of seeing my friend of 33 years being taken advantage of. 

I think you might be responding to the poster I responded to, maybe not, no worries.

At twenty years old, most people, not just the men, are still in the Party mode, and wanting to have a good time with no responsibilities as really it should be, usually by twent five or thirty we have settled down enough that we know what we want in life and how to get it, that's why the other poster and her husband were good together, they have the same priorities and ambitions, Personally if I were single, and I thank God I'm NOT, I wouldn't even look at a man under thirty as a potential mate, I'm only 37.

If all he is is a companion, well you're right, a dog is a good companion so are cats, and if she's supporting him, well that's just WRONG, he's only in it for the money, and you seem like a good friend to her, I hope you'll be there for her when the money runs out, because he'll be looking to greener pastures.

She should let him go until he figures out what HE wants, and knows how to get it, then if its ment to be it will be, if not, that's life.  But unfortunatly, you can only be taken advantage of if you allow it.

Does she maybe fear getting older ?  Or is it an ego boost that a younger man finds her attractive ? unfortunatly what he finds attractive it seems is what she can do for him, but he won't grow up before a drastic change happens to force him.

The best to you and your friend

 

 
February 20, 2007, 10:37 am CST

02/20 Love or Money

What I have to say about this, is that I feel sorry for Hope. I really do. She's too pretty to be selling herself out like that. She has a husband that really cares about her, & Davis, who really doesn't & could care less about her, yet she doesn't see that. I do think that she needs to get serious help & counseling for herself. It's never too late to change, but she needs to start doing that NOW.
 
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