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Topic : 07/26 Adoptions Scams, Part 1

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Created on : Thursday, February 15, 2007, 04:43:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/22/07) Dr. Phil explores one of the cruelest cons in America: adoption scams. Couples hoping, wishing, praying to have their own child, become easy targets for heartless con artists who pose online as birthmothers. Meet three women who wanted nothing more than to hold a newborn child in their arms. Instead, they say they were misled, lied to and left devastated by a woman who claimed to be pregnant with a baby meant for them. Now Marie, Crissy and Jen might have a chance to confront Melissa, the woman who deceived them. With the help of private investigator Harold Copus, they track her down, and even Dr. Phil is shocked by what happens when they find her, including their close encounter with a man and his shotgun. When Melissa sits down with Dr. Phil to tell her side of the story, will her victims finally get their chance to confront her face to face? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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nika1970
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February 22, 2007, 2:49 pm PST

Hi

Quote From: anngelique

I pray these 3 beautiful women find babies to love.  I happen to be a friend of Marie's and I was there for support during this scam.  It's the cruelest of cruelest cons.  The agony and despair Marie went through, STILL is going through is more than any person should have to bear.  I KNOW that this was a real scam and there was NO good reason behind it.  I even emailed a letter of recommendation on behalf of Marie and her husband.  This slimy person had the guts to email me a couple of times to tell me what great parents she thinks they'd be.  Right before being chosen by this Melissa Marie had loss several babies.  So she was living with the pain of losing her own and then this.  Several of our mutual friends were picking out baby names.  She'd made a beautiful nursery.  It's just so heartless.  I can't wait to see this Dr. Phil.  I'm dying to know how this all played out and what Melissa has to say for herself though I don't think there could be any reason to justify the pain she caused. 

I'm not sure how long ago the show was taped....but do you know if any of the women were able to adopt yet?
 
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hurtbutadopted
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February 22, 2007, 2:50 pm PST

02/22 Adoptions Scams, Part 1

Quote From: cedartrees4

Dr. Phil should do a show on the most common type of adoption scams:   those where adopters promise an open adoption just so they can get the child, and then they close the adoption!   a HUGE number of open adoptions close because the adopters never intended them to remain open anyway!

 

Young vulnerable mothers are getting scammed out of their children all the time. 

 

On another topic, the type of scam on this show:  I feel sorry for these people that they lost their money, but they were engaging in coercion and baby-buying by giving money in expectation of a baby.  It is little more than attempting to buy a baby.   Plus, in other situations (not scams, obviously) where this occurs,  it is coercive: making the mother feel that she owes them her baby once she gives birth. Same thing with pre-birth relationships/contact between pregnant mother and PAPs.  The pregnancy hormones cause her to "fall in love" with them and feel obligated to give them her baby. 

 

NO mother can make a decision about adoption until after she has given birth and has recovered from the birth.  To contact or court a pregnant or newly-delivered mother to get her to consent to, or decide on, adoption is reprehensible.  She should have time to recover post-birth before she makes this decision.  If this was the law, as it is in Australia, no-one would get scammed by women such as the woman on this show!

 

Adoption should NEVER involve the exchange of money!

There are black market adoptions where you may X amount of dollars for a child. That is illegal and will almost definitely end in tragic results. Then there are gray market adoptions where you are lefgally allowed to pay for the care of the mother while she is pregnant. This is not payment for the child. It is meant to help a pregnant woman get the healthcare that she needs. You can pay medical expenses and sometimes phone bills, electric bills with the mindset that a woman in labor may need to call for help. Because there are so many things that a birthmom can ask for to care for her child this gets you into a Gray area. These can be legal adoptions though because you are not paying for the baby only for the welfare of the child while the child is in the womb. The final is a white adoption where only legal and sometimes medical expenses are paid. These are the most preferable but are quite expensive.  
 
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hurtbutadopted
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February 22, 2007, 2:57 pm PST

02/22 Adoptions Scams, Part 1

Quote From: cedartrees4

Dr. Phil should do a show on the most common type of adoption scams:   those where adopters promise an open adoption just so they can get the child, and then they close the adoption!   a HUGE number of open adoptions close because the adopters never intended them to remain open anyway!

 

Young vulnerable mothers are getting scammed out of their children all the time. 

 

On another topic, the type of scam on this show:  I feel sorry for these people that they lost their money, but they were engaging in coercion and baby-buying by giving money in expectation of a baby.  It is little more than attempting to buy a baby.   Plus, in other situations (not scams, obviously) where this occurs,  it is coercive: making the mother feel that she owes them her baby once she gives birth. Same thing with pre-birth relationships/contact between pregnant mother and PAPs.  The pregnancy hormones cause her to "fall in love" with them and feel obligated to give them her baby. 

 

NO mother can make a decision about adoption until after she has given birth and has recovered from the birth.  To contact or court a pregnant or newly-delivered mother to get her to consent to, or decide on, adoption is reprehensible.  She should have time to recover post-birth before she makes this decision.  If this was the law, as it is in Australia, no-one would get scammed by women such as the woman on this show!

 

Adoption should NEVER involve the exchange of money!

I disagree. As usual everyone looks out for the parental rights and not the child's welfare. An adoption can take months and many women who give up children are doing so because they can't afford to raise that child. Is it fair to the child or birthmom to force them to raise a child for months when they can't afford to and have chosen to give that child up? How about that child who is bonding with a woman that will not be raising him/her? That child is growing while all we make these decisions. These children need to be where they are wanted and loved as soon as possible.
 
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mandie_tinker
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February 22, 2007, 2:58 pm PST

02/22 Adoptions Scams, Part 1

Quote From: drnschelle

Sorry but as an adoptee I am tired of hearing people who try to buy children whine about being scammed. The telling quote was when the one "wanna be mother" said "my first reaction was that she got a better OFFER" OFFER? You're not negotiating a new buick lady! You shouldn't be able to buy a child. They should be ashamed. Stop whining, don't insist on an infant and go through an agency on the up and up like my parents did where you pay for medical bills and you won't be at risk for being scammed. Today's adoption law needs to be revised because people are going online, buying children and thinking because an attorney is involved it's ethical. Let's face it attorneys? Ethical? Where did lawyer jokes come from?

 

What this girl did was wrong. But what they did was wrong too.They were shopping and thought they were getting a good bargain. The smallest research if you are looking into adoption tells you infants are hard to get and most of all white infants. So if you're buying a baby you gotta know "if it sounds too good to be true it is too good to be true". There are plenty of children to adopt. They may not be a white baby which is worth a lot of money out there but there are plenty of just as many children who need to be loved more than anything in this world and they are available through state agencies.  If you truly want to be a parent - you can be one. Just like Rosie O'Donnel lsaid, you have to be open about who you are willing to adopt. So sorry I have little sympathy...if their motives are truly genuine their child is waiting and they won't be sneaking around trying to buy it online.

Ok, look...let me ask you this!! Most people that adopt, what process(es) do they have to go through? I'm not sure if you know, but babies aren't free! They don't just give them to you, you have to pay! And I was under the influence they these woment went through the same procedures that any other couple would have to go through to adopt. They just didn't end up with a happy ending!!

 

So, I don't believe that they are whining...I believe that they are just trying to let people know that there ARE cruel human beings out there that would do this sort of thing..obviously! And yes, this woman should be prosecuted & she should have to pay for the hurt she's put these families through!
 
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ruuwen
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February 22, 2007, 2:58 pm PST

There is no way in hell that Melissa is sorry

No way! I see no remorse, no real feeling in her eyes or in her mannerism. None. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she is doing this to someone else right now. I don't believe this is entirely about her needing attention either. She emailed Marie with a "Hahaha" message. Hello? Doesn't that ring some alarm bells with anyone else? She wanted to hurt Marie. She doesn't want to face her because she doesn't want Marie to tell her the things she really needs to hear. If she truely wanted to "heal" from this she would sit and face the things she should. I am sorry, but I feel no sympathy for Melissa. None. I just can't. My heart is with the women she hurt and I hope that thier shared burden is lighter.
 
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brown_eyes1974
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February 22, 2007, 3:07 pm PST

Melissa is a huge liar

 I think she's just a cruel woman..or Girl whatever she is...She's acting like she's the victim here! I noticed she told Dr.phil she thought she had done this to five families but when asked by chrissy she said it was her and a few more at the same time...Ok that was 4 years ago and she's still going strong...She don't feel she should tell the others she's sorry because they were upset and exposed her ..How arrogant can you be? I believe she needs help and has serious problems but I think she's evil ..I think she gets off on hurting people ...Maybe she was hurt but that gives her no reason to spread it around you know?
 
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aewoman
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February 22, 2007, 3:11 pm PST

Heart felt pain

I want the three women who were on your show today to know that they aren't alone out here.  I've been through 3 failed adoptions (1 private through attorneys and 2 open adoptions through attorneys).  I've also been through 6 egg donor IVF/PROST surgeries to have a child, which resulted in miscarriage each time I did get pregnant.  It's been five years since my last and final attempt to mother a child and it does get easier to move through the pain.  I've discovered that there are other ways to mother a child with volunteer work.  That's something I was unable to even fathom or think about in the first few years after being hurt so bad.  Just hang in there and know life does have a purpose for you....it's just not the picture you had in your head.  It's a different one.
 
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February 22, 2007, 3:12 pm PST

she should be jailed

I THINK THIS MILISSA SHOULD BE THROWN IN JAIL AND THROW THE KEY AWAY FOR WHAT SHE DID TO THESE THREE LADYS.I FEEL BAD FOR JEN,MARIE,AND CRISSY.MY GOD THIS MILISSA WAS PLAYING WITH THESE THREE LADY'S HEARTS AND ALL THEIR FAMILY.WHAT WAS SHE THINKING.HOW CAN ANYONE DO THIS TO ANYONE.MY GOD I THINK THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE TO PAY BIG TIME AND DO A LOT OF JAIL TIME.THATS WHERE MILISSA BELONGS.AND THATS TOO GOOD FOR HER.ID LIKE TO MEET UP WITH HER.HOW CAN SHE PLAY WITH PEOPLE,S FEELINGS LIKE THIS AND SIT THERE AND SAY OH I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID IT.MILISSA YOUR NOTHING BUT SCUM.AND THATS TOO GOOD OF A WORD FOR YOU.BUT I DONT THINK THEY WOULD LET ME PUT WHAT I REALLY THINK OF YOU ON HERE.I HOPE YOU WROT  IN JAIL FOR WHAT YOU DID TO THESE THREE LADYS.YOUR SCUM YOUR WORST THEN SCUM

 

                                KATHY
 
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lornalane44
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February 22, 2007, 3:14 pm PST

Melissa is a disgusting, despicable person.

No matter what way you cut it, Melissa is a low life, disgusting, immoral person. I hope she reads this. She deserves no compassion, no mercy... I could forgive her if she'd done it once, but her malicious intent and the fact that she has continued to perpetuate this scam has convinced me she has no remorse. I truly hope she is prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, and that lawmakers take notice to prevent this from happening ever again.

I also hope all the women who were scammed get closure and that they will be able to adopt soon, as they all seem like deserving women.

Melissa, karma is a bitch .... and surely what goes around, will come around. You have only created a life of misery and suffering for yourself.

 
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hmsmom
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February 22, 2007, 3:17 pm PST

I feel for these ladies

Quote From: drnschelle

Sorry but as an adoptee I am tired of hearing people who try to buy children whine about being scammed. The telling quote was when the one "wanna be mother" said "my first reaction was that she got a better OFFER" OFFER? You're not negotiating a new buick lady! You shouldn't be able to buy a child. They should be ashamed. Stop whining, don't insist on an infant and go through an agency on the up and up like my parents did where you pay for medical bills and you won't be at risk for being scammed. Today's adoption law needs to be revised because people are going online, buying children and thinking because an attorney is involved it's ethical. Let's face it attorneys? Ethical? Where did lawyer jokes come from?

 

What this girl did was wrong. But what they did was wrong too.They were shopping and thought they were getting a good bargain. The smallest research if you are looking into adoption tells you infants are hard to get and most of all white infants. So if you're buying a baby you gotta know "if it sounds too good to be true it is too good to be true". There are plenty of children to adopt. They may not be a white baby which is worth a lot of money out there but there are plenty of just as many children who need to be loved more than anything in this world and they are available through state agencies.  If you truly want to be a parent - you can be one. Just like Rosie O'Donnel lsaid, you have to be open about who you are willing to adopt. So sorry I have little sympathy...if their motives are truly genuine their child is waiting and they won't be sneaking around trying to buy it online.

I don't feel that these women were trying to buy a child. In fact I do not think that they all, if any, gave Melissa money.  You are right, it is hard to adopt a healthy white infant. That is why some couples turn to the internet. Just like in the internet, you can also lose your money going through an agency. Some couples feel they cannot handle raising a child who is bi racial, another race than they are or a child who has special needs, so sometimes the internet is all they feel they have or can turn to. I do not judge these women for anything they did.

I feel badly for these 3 ladies. I have been involved with a birth mother who changed her mind in the end. I was very hurt. With time that pain has subsided and I am now the proud mom of 5 wonderful children. 3 of my children are adopted and it has been a joyful and long journey. If there was more I could do for any of these ladies.. I sure would. From what I have seen, I feel they deserve to be moms.
 
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