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Topic : 08/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 5

Number of Replies: 185
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Created on : Friday, February 23, 2007, 02:08:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 06/26/07) Three couples trying to save their marriages continue their work at The Dr. Phil House. Throughout their relationship, Scott and Tara have had violent fights that have included slashed tires and police visits. Dr. Phil sits down with Scott to discuss how he can control his anger problem and set up personal boundaries that will put an end to the fighting with his wife. Afterward, Scott feels confident enough to vow to Tara that he is never going to yell at her again. Will he stick by his declaration? Then, Dr. Phil puts the group through some intense exercises, so they can learn their partner’s point of view. As each person stands before the group and explains what he or she really wants, raw emotions pour out, and the couples find themselves growing closer with compassionate support. Plus, Dr. Phil teaches them his rules for fighting (link to /articles/article/20 ) and his rules for children. After seeing a videotape of all their kids, the message is loud and clear. Will the couples apply what they’ve learned and change their families forever? Share your thoughts here.

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August 6, 2007, 1:00 pm CDT

I am curious.

Quote From: ruth1960

18 years old to 35 years old tops.  Then what?

 

I went to college, made a career for myself, did better for myself and family.  But, Stripping still haunts my endeavors everytime I go for a job interview.    Now, that I and my family would benefit from my working at a school as a secretary, my 3 - 25 year old misdomeanor convictions stop that in a heartbeat.  And, eventhough, I am the one who would help at the school as a volunteer they don't want my help.

 

I am not talking about the job as much as I am talking about the impact it has on a persons future.

 

Judgement does not come from me.  Only empathy.

Did your 3 misdemeanor convictions have anything to do with your job as a stripper?
 
August 6, 2007, 1:04 pm CDT

Ruth...

Quote From: ruth1960

I was a dancer when dancers got to go to jail for indecent exposure or inmate of a house of ill repute if nothing else.  When I was a dancer, I was married to a man who abused me and tied me up letting other men rape me.  He even broke my bones.  The police in uniform saw him abusing me and told him show her who is boss, when I reached out for help.  25 years later I still have to explain in job interviews why I was arrested and have 3 misdomeanor convictions.  3 of those men who raped me were police officers and they arrested me, but not my late husband. 

 

Where is the forgiveness?

 

Amanda, listen to me...  This will not go away even if you leave your job.  It will effect your ability to obtain gainfull employment.  It will effect your participation in your child's school activities.  But, most of all, it will effect how your child views and respects you as their parent. 

 

The past is the past -- we can't change it.  The future has not happened yet.  We only have today to do what is right.

 

With sincere hopes for a better future for you and your family.

 

Ruth 

Hi! I posted your a message with a question in it before I had read the above message. Sorry. I'm sorry too that you have had to go through these things. I hope your life is better these days.
 
August 6, 2007, 1:22 pm CDT

2days show!

 The LADIES STANDING UP 2DAY, is what got me the most!!!  They said EXACTLY what i've WANTED 2 say 4 years!!!  The last show brought tears 2 my eyes and made me nod my head up and down because i feel the very same way as they do! But, i dont have enough self-esteem 2  stand up for myself as  they do! !And im also afraid if i do!!! I applaud them with everything i got!!!
 
August 6, 2007, 2:13 pm CDT

There is hope

I go on here seeking relationship advice and it's really good to now that Dr. Phil can really help out people.  This past 4th of July, I saw Nick and Amanda, from the Man Camp show.  I'm dating one of their family members.  And I have never seen them so happy. Nick was a wonderful father, he played w/ the kids and was very happy to be with Amanda.  Amanda was smiling and so relaxed and just happy to be with her family.  The show really did alot for them and It feels good to see them happy.  They are two wonderful people who diserve the best.
 
August 6, 2007, 3:01 pm CDT

Watching Man Camp

was very theraputic (sp.) although it made my back hurt.   I wish I had a five minute tape of this series to watch when I feel like dating again.  It's very sobering.  I'm so glad I'm divorced.  Things do work out :)
 
August 6, 2007, 6:04 pm CDT

You are blessed

Quote From: dalitamc

My husband and I have been married 25 years this October.  I'm going to lay it right out, and some won't believe it or they'll think I'm telling stories, but here goes.  I can count on one hand how many times we have fought in our time together, and it was more disaggrements then fights, we don't yell at eachother because we respect eachother.  If my children acted they way these people are acting, I wouldn't care how old they are, I'd send them for time out. 

Kudos Dr.Phil for trying so had to them to see the light!  I hope you can get the door to open or the curtans to part so, they can see themselves.

 

God Bless

&

Good Luck

Dee

Some people choose a spouse for what seems like good reasons in the beginning. It is amazing how much a person will tolerate always remembering "the man you fell in love with". I have tried everything I can think of to express to my husband how disrespectful he is. I used to play the game and sad to say, sometimes still catch myself still doing it.  Ya know, passing blame, treating him the way he treats me, and so on. I work with my husband out of necessity. He can not run our business on his own, he certainly couldn't afford to pay someone the hours I work yet he absolutely minimizes everything I do.  He always is dissatisfied with the amount of things I accomplish in one day. I may have not made enough phone calls or bought the right supplies or cooked the right dinner. I have a teenage son from a previous marriage and two small boys with him. My days start at 6 am (really at 3 or 4 when one of the little one sneaks in the room) and it is rare that I fall asleep before 11 or 12 at night. Between working full time, shopping, banking, laundry, cooking, and the kids, I am totally under appreciated. Oh, and did I mention, my husband doesn't have a driver's license either. If he "hangs out" with his buddies he can manage to find a ride, or if he doesn't feel like taking me (ha!) to work that day he can manage to find a ride. Every other time it's on me to go get him, or take him somewhere. There  is NO evening life, we don't go on dates, we don't socialize with other people.  Well, I shouldn't say we don't . He has a tendency to invite friends over at 11 after  he's had a few drinks, a buddy can stay with us for a few days which always turns into more (the last one was 7 months!) but he has told my one girlfriend she needs to be out of our house by 5pm if she's visiting. If she is here later he goes in the house and pouts and brings it up in an arguement at a later date-----I can't win! I can't even rely on my spouse to go to the store and get milk , or take the kids  anywhere.  he comes home, lays down, eats dinner and is in bed by 7:30. The kids are up until 9. It's a lot for one person to deal with and not be respected. Thanks for letting me vent
 
August 6, 2007, 8:13 pm CDT

08/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 5

Quote From: flthomcat

Please! Give me a break! Even Dr. Phil acknowledged that the woman didn't dance naked to feed her children. There are other jobs out there that she could hold. She made the choice to place herself in a job that jeopardized her marriage.

 

We women have MANY choices these days. Our days of victimhood should be over....unless we make victims of ourselves, as Amanda did. There were better ways for her to earn money. There were ways for him to earn more money. They did the easy thing and it almost cost them their marriage.

 

HOPEFULLY, this couple will work TOGETHER to make their marriage work...and that means no more stripping. It would be sad for their child to answer the usual school question about what she wanted to be when she grew up....and she responded, "An exotic dancer!" We women need to aspire to be more than that!!!

Let me tell you about us women making ourselves victims by choice! If you haven't lived it,  you know nothing about it.  If you have never been a victim, you do not know what it's like.  i personally recent someone telling me I choose to be a "victim".  Let me tell you how a victim lives.  First, we have no life.  We're told what to think, when to think and what to think about.  We get no respect, no compassion and no consideration.  Trust me, after 35 years of marriage, I consider myself an expert "victim"!  I have no friends, no contact with "people".  I do get to bowl once a week in the winter.  I have not been shopping with a woman friend or by myself for years.  I am told what to do everyday.  Get out you say????  Yea, right!  I tried that a couple of times.  I was succered into coming back.

I realized a couple of years ago, this life style started when I was a little girl.  It's exactly how my mother treated me when I was growing up.  No friends, couldn't do anything, couldn't go anywhere, etc, etc, etc.

So unless you actually walked and lived in our shoes, try not to judge us "women" victims.  By the grace of God, we DO not choose to be victims! 

 
August 6, 2007, 10:43 pm CDT

everyone is soooo superior!!!

I have read someof these message boards about how "people" think they are sooo superior to the people on man camp. The truth is that most of the marrriages in the United States are the same if not worse than the situatons represented in man camp. All you people that think that your marriage and your "situation"  is superior and better than someone else's are kidding themselves. Your marriage and your " situation" can always be better  than it is!!!! I am so sick of people putting themselves above everyone else.  Ive yet to meet someone that was completely satisfied with "everything" in their life. Nobody is perfect! Nobody comes into a relationship knowing exactly what will be involved. Hold your judgemental tounge, and listen for a change! All you guys who are "appaulde"  by what is going on on your favorite TV show.  Yea you!!! You need to pay attention to your own lives and try to relate and gather advice from other people and their mistakes instead of judging them. Judging someone is appaulling and you!!! yea you!!! are the ones that need to learn to pay attention. These people are brave enough to go on NATIONAL TELIVISION and admit they have problems to deal with and you guys have the audacity to judge them when you dont have half the determination that they do!!!  If your "situation" was perfect then you would not feel the need to judge someone else.  LOOK at the divorce rate in our country, LOOK at the domestic violence cases!!! These people are trying to get help and all you guys can do is judge them. Let DR. PHIL  help them if he can. Wish them the best. Get OFF your High horse. Yea its good tv. but these are real people, real issues in peoples marriages across the country! Nobody is superior!!!
 
August 6, 2007, 11:34 pm CDT

Man Camp

I just don't get it. How can these women complain their husbands are controlling them? Someone can't control you unless you let them. You know that old saying "There are no victims only volunteers". I don't feel sorry for these women at all. If you don't like the way you are being treated then get out.
 
August 7, 2007, 2:28 am CDT

crystal47

 Hi,
        I just got my newsletter here in Australia.
These shows have not been on here yet, but I am in the same situation.

My husband and I are seperating now because of violence and things done in the past 6 years.

He has hit me, and pushed me around  - leaving bruises.
I sound like all those other women who say "I love him", but I do. he is very sorry for what he has done and did get anger management and counselling. unfortunatly, nothing seems to work for him - even medication doesn't help.

He has scared both our teenage children and once my 15 yr old daughter screamed to him, "Please don't hit me...please don't hit me". it was heartbreaking. he was screaming her in the face in the corner of her room and telling her she'd never amount to anything! funnily enough, my husbands Father is an alcoholic, and used to say the very same thing to him.

I think he still has anger for his Father that hasn't been dealt with, and also his Mother for alllowing him to treat her child that way.

He made promise after promise to stop, but his anger's kept erupting.

Now, it has gone too far, and we are trying speration to see if it will help, it's the only thing we haven't tried.

he doesn't seem to know who he is anymore or what he wants. athough I love him, I really want this seperation, as I think it will be good for both of us. I will be getting counselling, but my husband has not said anything about whether he us getting any other help or not????

My trust in him has totally gone, and it has for our children as well. he said SO many times that the fighting and shouting would stop, but he's just kept breaking all his promises.

He sounds like a monster, but I have been married to him for 21 years, and he has only gotten really bad in the past 6 years. I married him because we were both in love, I loved him, he has a great sense of humour( or used to), and was gentle and warm.

I don't know what has happened to him. he has wondered if it's 'Midlife crisis'?? anyhjow, we will see if this seperation does anything, and if my husband will realise what he has here at home. he seems to be trying to fill a void in his life by buying things all the time, and doesn't seem to 'get' that life is all about your family and cherishing every moment you have with each other.

 Funny, my 15 year old daughter gives thanks for such small things in life, just as my son and I do - the kids can be more mature than their Father!

Anyone else had a similar problem? how did it work out for you?
 
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