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Topic : 08/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 5

Number of Replies: 185
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, February 23, 2007, 02:08:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 06/26/07) Three couples trying to save their marriages continue their work at The Dr. Phil House. Throughout their relationship, Scott and Tara have had violent fights that have included slashed tires and police visits. Dr. Phil sits down with Scott to discuss how he can control his anger problem and set up personal boundaries that will put an end to the fighting with his wife. Afterward, Scott feels confident enough to vow to Tara that he is never going to yell at her again. Will he stick by his declaration? Then, Dr. Phil puts the group through some intense exercises, so they can learn their partner’s point of view. As each person stands before the group and explains what he or she really wants, raw emotions pour out, and the couples find themselves growing closer with compassionate support. Plus, Dr. Phil teaches them his rules for fighting (link to /articles/article/20 ) and his rules for children. After seeing a videotape of all their kids, the message is loud and clear. Will the couples apply what they’ve learned and change their families forever? Share your thoughts here.

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February 26, 2007, 2:23 pm CST

Earning Trust?

 
February 26, 2007, 2:30 pm CST

Earning Trust? Having to earn trust, as one lady told a guy on your show, is the same foolishness as having to earn one's love. Without forgiveness, trying to earn another's trust is futile. Loving one 's self is the same as trusting one's self.

 
February 26, 2007, 2:31 pm CST

Absolutely

Quote From: bactphd95

"..the victim as well has to...change her behaviors."   An excellent restatement of the Dr. Phil-ism "We teach people how to treat us." So victims (I prefer the term "targets," as they are targets of bullying behavior) need to re-learn both thought and behavior patterns to be able to truly break the cycle. Not only would it be easier to get out, it would be easier to stay out of abusive relationships. Unfortunately, very few victims/targets in abusive relationships realize this, so they wind up in the same behavior pattern again and again.

 

I would be surprised if the stats in the US were that different from those in Canada...In just about every town I lived, I knew of at least one abusive relationship in my circle of acquaintances. And, yes, for the most part, they were "professional" mid-to-upper income, relatively well-educated people...it's a total myth that abuse is confined to the lower socioeconomic ignoramuses of the world.

In my circle of friends there is a woman in an abusive relationship. I think the world of her and I wish she would leave him. (12 years) I wonder sometimes if "targets" perhaps don't want to be in the relationship,but on the other hand they don't want to be anywhere else. Or they don't know how to be any where else. It's really sad.
 
February 26, 2007, 2:32 pm CST

Sherry and Tara

Quote From: darkangel1980

I could not believe the gall of Sherry and Tara.  These two are the most judgmental people I've ever seen.  Their opinion of Amanda because of her job is snobby.  That conversation they had with Amanda's husband was over the line.  Amanda's marriage is none of their business.  I feel they were influencing a fight between Nick and Amanda.  These two need keep their comments to themselves.  They can't fix their own marriage and they're telling Nick what to do?  My advice to Sherry: Get your nose out of the air. You are not any better then anyone else.  My advice to Tara:  Keep your mouth shut.  You are no one to judge that girl. 

Amanda's choice of employment has nothing to do with Sherry and Tara's marriage's,  So WHY should their opinion matter.  They both need to take care of their own marital problems and not worry so much about Amanda.  From what I watched they both fell out of the fruit tree.

 
February 26, 2007, 2:37 pm CST

You're welcome.

Quote From: alfie316_2000

I would like to thank everyone for thier interest in my life.  I respect and appreciate all of the opinions, weather they se my side of it or not.  This is a free country and thank  God we have the right to believe and express outselves as we want.  I have been here devoted to the message board reading  what everyone has to say.  I appreciate how much everyone cares enough to spend so much time on my life.  I am glad to see that this has not just been motivating to myself, but others as well.  For all who have supported me and seen the true me, a Special THANKS!!!

 

Amanda from the show 

It took a lot of guts to go on the show.I wish you and your family many wonderful tomorrows!
 
February 26, 2007, 2:40 pm CST

Agree with rosie52

 

Hey rosie, I'm with you -- I was feeling good about the show and hopeful for all of the couples, then that mention about the updates that are forthcoming.  Sigh.

 

On a personal note,  I heard Dr. Phil say something today that really hit me hard.  It may have been a clip from a previous show, not sure, but the quote was "I'd rather be healthy alone than sick with you".   I'd never heard that, and I realized that is where I was 3 years ago. 

 

I hope all of the couples make it, they took such a HUGE positive step just by being on the show.

 
February 26, 2007, 2:50 pm CST

reply

Quote From: blueonblue9

Boy are you right, until you are right with yourself nothing works very well. obviously cherie has personal problems which is why she was attracted to this relationship in the first place. What do they say? you marry the parent you had the most problems with and try subconsciously to make it right? You usually never marry someone whose cup is not the same degree of full or empty as yours is. until you fix yourself there is not much chance for healing and i would hope therapy would work toward that. It is amazing that we don't learn some basic relationship skills in our schools. it would be much more important in everyday successful life than arithmetic. Think of the savings in emotional and physical well being. And maybe even some financial management instruction. Does no one get it about needing these things in our educational system? i do not have a psyche degree but it seems pretty obvious to me. or do we keep doing what we always did and getting what we always got. With a 50% divorce rate and huge credit card debt duh. maybe bill and melinda gates will see the need for this kind of education.   

The original message that I am replying to is the one previously to this one, however, to both gals, I do agree, that everyone needs to be happy with themself first to make other happy and a relationship work, however, with Cherie, without knowing the entire picture, she may have felt fine about herself until John started with the put downs and attack on her character and self worth.

After all the years they had been together, do we know when he started treating her this way?

Did she have the opportunity to leave?

Were the children involved before this started?

I too believe she is quite drama driven, but I also believe that once you are made to feel that you cannot leave, and you stay for the sake of the children, and keep taking the abuse, after a while it can make you a different person, I can honestly say lifes lessons in my own life have made me much different than I was before I was married. 

her personal problems may not have been an issue until there was John.

However, he is not all to blame but I would give him a 95% guilty on it and that she holds the 5%.

She looked much stronger leaving today and maybe that is a good start for them, and actually seeing the impact on their kids, maybe will wake them both up.  It would be terrific if JOHN really woke up on that area.  Men are NOT superior to women plain and simple.

Treat others as you want to be treated I guess would be the simplest fix.

 

 
February 26, 2007, 3:08 pm CST

wow, hot topic

Wow, this topic from todays show seems to really have everyone a buzz.

I am soooo glad I didnt miss todays show, looking forward to next week, I am not yet bored with Man Camp.....Bring it on Dr. Phil  :)

Great conversation Message Board

Keep it up :)

 

 

 
February 26, 2007, 3:58 pm CST

Scott

Wow-- Scott is a changed man; he even looks different.  It made me cry to see how his and his wife's anger and frustration have melted away.  Gives ya' a little hope for marriage in this day and age. 
 
February 26, 2007, 4:21 pm CST

There are a lot of myths concerning abuse...

Quote From: bactphd95

"..the victim as well has to...change her behaviors."   An excellent restatement of the Dr. Phil-ism "We teach people how to treat us." So victims (I prefer the term "targets," as they are targets of bullying behavior) need to re-learn both thought and behavior patterns to be able to truly break the cycle. Not only would it be easier to get out, it would be easier to stay out of abusive relationships. Unfortunately, very few victims/targets in abusive relationships realize this, so they wind up in the same behavior pattern again and again.

 

I would be surprised if the stats in the US were that different from those in Canada...In just about every town I lived, I knew of at least one abusive relationship in my circle of acquaintances. And, yes, for the most part, they were "professional" mid-to-upper income, relatively well-educated people...it's a total myth that abuse is confined to the lower socioeconomic ignoramuses of the world.

And it makes it very difficult for an abused woman to get out of the dark.  It's even worst if the victim is a man!  It is one of the most difficult parts of the situation to have to deal with other people's judgement!  It is hard enough to get out of an abusive relationship, change your behaviors and take control of your life back again without the judgements of other people...  Victims just need understanding and support!

 

I'm glad you're with me on this one!

 

"And, yes, for the most part, they were "professional" mid-to-upper income, relatively well-educated people...it's a total myth that abuse is confined to the lower socioeconomic ignoramuses of the world."

 

Thanks for your good words!

 

Ariane

 
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