Message Boards

Topic : 08/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 5

Number of Replies: 185
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, February 23, 2007, 02:08:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 06/26/07) Three couples trying to save their marriages continue their work at The Dr. Phil House. Throughout their relationship, Scott and Tara have had violent fights that have included slashed tires and police visits. Dr. Phil sits down with Scott to discuss how he can control his anger problem and set up personal boundaries that will put an end to the fighting with his wife. Afterward, Scott feels confident enough to vow to Tara that he is never going to yell at her again. Will he stick by his declaration? Then, Dr. Phil puts the group through some intense exercises, so they can learn their partner’s point of view. As each person stands before the group and explains what he or she really wants, raw emotions pour out, and the couples find themselves growing closer with compassionate support. Plus, Dr. Phil teaches them his rules for fighting (link to /articles/article/20 ) and his rules for children. After seeing a videotape of all their kids, the message is loud and clear. Will the couples apply what they’ve learned and change their families forever? Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More August 2007 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

February 27, 2007, 12:01 am CST

To darbyjody aka J. Blum

Quote From: darbyjody

First let me offer my condolences for your wife's passing. I hope you've found strength, peace and support in friends and loved ones. I wanted to say how much I agree with your statement on fidelity. I've been down the marriage isle twice and both times, I was cheated on. It is, as you say a "deal breaker".  That for me was something I could not get beyond. Some people do work past it and forgive, and stay together. For me personally, I could not forgive such a betrayal, nor the way it was rationalized by both my ex husbands. Now, here I am... with two kids in high school... 39 years old and single again. I don't know that I will ever get married again... but...if I am ever blessed to have the right man come into my life... I will be clear about my wants, needs and the "deal breakers" in my relationships. In closing, I will say that I am proud that I set the right example to my children. To my son, he is very attuned to how women should be treated and is very attentive and respectful of women and for my daughter, she has a clear understanding of how a woman should be treated and how to respect herself enough to know what she's worth as a partner. Good luck r. blum... Signed Jody D

Bless Your Heart. 

 

Unfortunately those 3 aren't "REAL MEN" like yourself and don't know what real love is.  2 of them have baby sitters(Cheri & Tara) so therefore they don't need to learn how to love and will continue their individual behaviors because it is going to be accepted over & over & OVER again.

 
February 27, 2007, 12:37 am CST

Parental rights -- It isn't always pro-Mom

Quote From: dw5406

You do a great job getting the couples to see the light yet  were they when their parents were teaching how to get along?  So many are getting married without thinking about how to communicate other than thinking once the ring is on I'm in charge mentality. Co-operation is a thing of the past. There is a greater than 50% failure rate with marriage today!

My marriage would not have worked no matter how hard I tried. Once I figured what she was after I left and never looked back. I know it was not fair on my daughter yet in those days DADDIES were expendable and were only allowed parental rights at a financial price.  The courts always looked toward the mother as the primary care giver unless it could be proved different.  Even your show is pro women.  I don't remember ever seeing a man helped to regain custody or visitation priviledges.

Today I miss not being in my daughters life yet my life was not very stable after my wive complained to my employer that I was abusive and as an adolescent counselor it would not look good if she went to the local news.

Learning how to "listen" is more important than learning how to "talk" and until both parties can learn this the brick wall of indifference will always be present. Thanks again, Don Williamson

I understand how much you miss not being in your daughter's life, but don't stop trying.    I lost custody of my daughters when they were only two and three years old, because I suffered from depression, caused in part by my upbringing, and primarily because of the isolation and control I experienced at the hands of my ex.    Instead of receiving help for my depression, the courts awarded sole custody  of my daughters (aged two & three)  to my ex husband, (which meant 100% control at the time), all property from the marriage, including house, vehicles, furnishings, cash (to which I had contributed in excess of 50%) -- all of it went to him.   It took two years of battling in the courts just to win the right to visit my daughters occasionally, and the conditions governing these occasional visits were highly restrictive -- taking the girls to the church of his choice each and every visitation period, no sports activities, no visiting grandparents -- the list was more than a page long.   I complied though, because I longed to see my girls, they needed to be with their mom, and to me, any price was worth paying.    Although I recovered from the depression within two or three years, it was another five years of kow-towing  and court battles before my daughters and I were finally able to live together again.   (He had never wanted them -- or me -- , but by withholding visitation and making life as difficult as possible for the three of us, he could successfully continue to punish me.     That was 25 years ago.   Today my daughters and I are very close to each other -- we share all of life's ups and downs.   They have both married well and have children of their own.   I never remarried and enjoy the life I now lead.   None of it would have happened if I had  accepted the original terms of  the custody arrangements.    I hope you will  maintain communication with your daughter by whatever means  possible.    Let her know how much she is loved and missed, and fight like crazy for visitation, nomatter what limitations are placed on you.   Every moment you spend with her is precious, and hopefully one day your efforts will be rewarded.    I missed eight years in my daughters' lives, but I haven't missed a single one since then.    I sincerely hope that the future will bring more sunshine into your life and that of your daughter.

 

mincan

 
February 27, 2007, 4:04 am CST

you have my support

Quote From: alfie316_2000

I would like to thank everyone for thier interest in my life.  I respect and appreciate all of the opinions, weather they se my side of it or not.  This is a free country and thank  God we have the right to believe and express outselves as we want.  I have been here devoted to the message board reading  what everyone has to say.  I appreciate how much everyone cares enough to spend so much time on my life.  I am glad to see that this has not just been motivating to myself, but others as well.  For all who have supported me and seen the true me, a Special THANKS!!!

 

Amanda from the show 

Amanda, in my opinion you are a strong , intelligent and very capable woman. First I want to encourage you to look for other work. Second your husband needs a job or 2 if that's what it takes to meet your family's financial needs. He needs to step up to the plate and accept responsibility for supporting  the family, instead of letting you do it all. Your relationship appears to be a parent/child type-he's the child and your the parent. If he isn't willing to step up to the plate and take responsibility, find someone who will. I wish you the best!  Nan
 
February 27, 2007, 4:18 am CST

02/26 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 5

Quote From: philfan66

That's the right way to put it:  isolation.  It was like being back in high school, they formed a clique!

 

Did you see there's a final episode next week, and these guys are already falling apart?  Oy.  I hate to see that, inasmuch as I found Tara and Cherie irritating, I was hoping the couples would work things out.  But then again, as I heard Dr. Phil say, some people cannot work together, they just bring out the worst in each other.

 

And what does Nic do for a living, that he can't put food on the table?  Just wondering if anyone caught that, since they spent so much time dissing Amanda for what she does.  She's obviously supporting that family.  Which is fine, but if she left the job, what's Nic doing for work?

yeah, I also caught the part where she was saying that there was no food in the house, and no money for diapers, and she was in school to better herself, but I guess now that also has to go to the wayside because she won't be able to afford it.

I was wondering what he did for a living myself, I mean I know my husband and I both work, he pays the rent, lights and oil I pay for groceries, gas for the vehicles ( trust me neither vehicle is a lexus, but they get us where we want to go), student fees for the kids, so maybe his job only covers the mortgage and lights ?

I think if everyone was so determined she quit her job, then maybe these other people should've looked at maybe the finacial situation first, or offered to pay their way for them, maybe he needs a second job.  Maybe the area they live in dosen't offer well paying jobs, or they are plain hard to come by, and for anyone who would say , "then move to another area ", I would ask, if they can't afford food, how do you suppose they can afford to just pack up everything and leave ?

As for the whole clique thing, c'mon ladies High School is over, aren't you a bit more mature than to isolate what you perceive as the weakest and go on the attack ?

I hate to see marriages fall apart, but in these cases, well I can't say I'm really surprised, I mean you can love people, but it dosen't mean you can live with them.

 
February 27, 2007, 4:21 am CST

Thank you, Rosie52

Quote From: rosie52

Lory, the way your first husband treated you probably had everything to do with your emotional state back then. I'm happy for you that your 2nd husband treats you better. I know from your diary that you suffer from chronic pain. Just hang in there and take it one day at a time. rosie52
Thank you for taking the time to give me some very kind encouragement.  I appreciate it very much and it makes one feel part of a global community that cares.  Bless you, rosie52 and take care yourself.  Lory(Maria3255)
 
February 27, 2007, 5:34 am CST

Quote from Rosie52

Quote From: rosie52

In my circle of friends there is a woman in an abusive relationship. I think the world of her and I wish she would leave him. (12 years) I wonder sometimes if "targets" perhaps don't want to be in the relationship,but on the other hand they don't want to be anywhere else. Or they don't know how to be any where else. It's really sad.
Dear Rosie,  hi it's Lory again here. I can relate with you entirely in what you said. I am thinking of my sister who is 5 years younger than me. I really believe that she's in the section where she doesn't know how to be anywhere else.  She really has had a terrible time from her spouse, my brother-in-law.  They are still together after 28 years of marriage. She's married to an egomaniac who always treats her like a slave, they have 5 children.  Thank God the youngest one, who is a girl, is nearly 22 this year, and she gets a hard time from her father. It's lucky that he takes it from her and she stands up to him.  He has treated my poor sister like she was and still is a piece of scum, from physical violent abuse and psychological mental abuse. She always has been somewhat frightened of him, as he has his gun under their bed.  He's also an alcoholic and used to bash their 4 boys, when they were in their younger years, something terrible. My two girls stayed over at their place one of those nights and were severely traumatised because he bashed his kids in front of them and Amy told me what happened the next day, as it troubled her so.  My sister told my girls not to tell me about what they saw that night.  My sister was embarrassed i guess and ashamed. They never stayed again after that. How he never killed her during their marriage i don't know.  The only thing i can believe is that God kept her and the kids from his evil ways. His boys now do not really spend any time with him and his daughter keeps clear of him. My sister puts up with him, and she will still defend him if anyone, including myself, say anything negative about him. Even when he critised our dead mother last Christmas day, she defended him and told me to stay away if I'm too upset over it. She feels sorry for him because "he was brought up that way".  It's funny though, his brother who is a tad bit older than him is normal and a gentleman to his wife and everyone. It's hard to understand isn't it?  It saddens me so Rosie.    Blessings, Lory(Maria3255)
 
February 27, 2007, 5:59 am CST

You Go Girl

Quote From: alfie316_2000

I would like to thank everyone for thier interest in my life.  I respect and appreciate all of the opinions, weather they se my side of it or not.  This is a free country and thank  God we have the right to believe and express outselves as we want.  I have been here devoted to the message board reading  what everyone has to say.  I appreciate how much everyone cares enough to spend so much time on my life.  I am glad to see that this has not just been motivating to myself, but others as well.  For all who have supported me and seen the true me, a Special THANKS!!!

 

Amanda from the show 

I agree with the poster who said you are an inspiration.

 

I noticed that you are from New Jersey. For anyone who doesn't understand the high cost of living on the east coast, a very modest 3 bedroom 1 bath home sells for 500k or more. 1 bedroom apartments rent for over 1500.00 a month. You do what you have to do to get by. I posted previously that regardless of what Amanda does for a living, she is at least contributing, rather than relying on others, including the taxpayers, to take care of her family.

 

I am old enough to be Amanda's mother and somewhat conservative, so I just don't understand the judgemental attitude. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. I would be proud to call Amanda my daughter or daughter in law. I can't help but think there is some jealousy towards Amanda.

 
February 27, 2007, 7:47 am CST

I am very proud

Quote From: alfie316_2000

I would like to thank everyone for thier interest in my life.  I respect and appreciate all of the opinions, weather they se my side of it or not.  This is a free country and thank  God we have the right to believe and express outselves as we want.  I have been here devoted to the message board reading  what everyone has to say.  I appreciate how much everyone cares enough to spend so much time on my life.  I am glad to see that this has not just been motivating to myself, but others as well.  For all who have supported me and seen the true me, a Special THANKS!!!

 

Amanda from the show 

Amanda,

I am so proud of you!  There isn't one ounce of me that isn't proud to say I am your mother!  You are truly amazing to me.  Your strength and courage and determination to just keep getting better and better every day amazes me.  Even the strength it took to put your marriage and life out there for everyone to judge is incredible.  I am also very proud to have Nic as my son-in-law.  He is such a good man and tries so incredibly hard. 

I wish them both the best!

 

 
February 27, 2007, 7:48 am CST

Sorry for you if you got fed up....

Quote From: ceildh1

I'm hoping that Monday is the last one, actually yes Monday is the last episode.

I got fed up the week before last, its very hard to listen to people when every second word has to be beeped out.

You know what it dosen't show a great deal of intelligence or creativity to use that language, or to yell and scream at each other, they all sound trashy. YUCK

by a lot of couple's everyday reality!  I see you live in Canada, well so do I.  I've been researching the subject of abuse for the past 2 months and, in Quebec, 1 in 8 couples are in an abusive relationship and the stats are even worst throughout Canada; it is 1 in 6 couples!  Also, 1 out of 2 women will be involved in an abusive relationship throughout her life.

 

I'm happy for you if you are in a great relationship but please do not minimise this problem in our society because you are fed up with the show!

 

I was in an abusive relationship and believe me in choosing between being in an abusive relationship and having to  "listen to people when every second word has to be beeped out", I would definitiveyt choose the second option.

 

I feel sorry for you because you don't seem to realise that this is everyday life for 1 in 6 couples and the only thing that is important for you about this show is that you are fed up with it!  To me, and a lot of other people I'm sure, it's like you are telling the viewers that you would prefer not to have seen the show because it troubles you.  Why does it trouble you?  Is it because you refuse to see that this is reality for so many people?  I know it is easier to think it is not happenning to someone close to you and deny the problem than facing it... 

 
February 27, 2007, 9:32 am CST

Why

Quote From: feathers54

How can these women, after being emotionally and physically abused, believe that their husbands actually care about them, let alone love them. Why would they want to even try to stay.

 

I was in an emotionally and physically abusive marriage for 14 years.  My light bulb finally went on when I was having trouble with our teenage daughter. I wanted to do counseling. My husbands response was "Do whatever you want".  The counselor wanted him to attend also. He wasn't interested. Then I realized "Maybe I don't deserve anything from him but our daughter definitely does. Oh, wait, maybe it's not me!"  So I decided to end the marriage.   I discussed with the therapist, "If I have to ask him to take the garbage out, and he grudgingly does it, well nobody likes to do that. But if I have to ask for attention,  emotional intimacy, how real is that? It's not." The counselor agreed. I ended the marriage.  Then he was willing to do counseling. Why then? Because he was afraid of being alone. He didn't care about me. 

 

So, why are these people doing this?  For the kids?  Because they are afraid of being alone ?

After reading your post, I have to wonder how much of this show you've seen.  If I believed these were three cases of abused wives, I would agree with you.  The truth is that there is a lot going on in these relationships.  The name calling etc. has been happening both ways.  These wives are not abused in the sense we usually think of and certainly not as you were.  These are three marriages in which communication is just not happening and the spouses in all three demonstrate a lack of empathy.  Husbands and wives have to improve what they are doing and saying.  These are not all situations in which walking away is the answer.  We will find out which couple(s) couldn't make it next week.
 
First | Prev | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Next | Last