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Topic : 08/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 5

Number of Replies: 185
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Created on : Friday, February 23, 2007, 02:08:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 06/26/07) Three couples trying to save their marriages continue their work at The Dr. Phil House. Throughout their relationship, Scott and Tara have had violent fights that have included slashed tires and police visits. Dr. Phil sits down with Scott to discuss how he can control his anger problem and set up personal boundaries that will put an end to the fighting with his wife. Afterward, Scott feels confident enough to vow to Tara that he is never going to yell at her again. Will he stick by his declaration? Then, Dr. Phil puts the group through some intense exercises, so they can learn their partner’s point of view. As each person stands before the group and explains what he or she really wants, raw emotions pour out, and the couples find themselves growing closer with compassionate support. Plus, Dr. Phil teaches them his rules for fighting (link to /articles/article/20 ) and his rules for children. After seeing a videotape of all their kids, the message is loud and clear. Will the couples apply what they’ve learned and change their families forever? Share your thoughts here.

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February 25, 2007, 6:18 pm CST

02/26 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 5

Quote From: momisme2

Im so glad Scott vowed to never yell at his wife anymore.  Thats great!    Do we get to hear John vow to never beat the crap outta Cherie again, too?  Oh boy!  Cant hardly wait for that!  Nothing as inspiring as a few well chosen words. 

I  AM wondering though... did you all trash the house again and tell Scott he needed to clean it up on his own?    No? 

Didnt think so.  Wouldnt want to have to watch him pitch another fit after his vows and everything.

hmmm, do I detect a note of sarcasm here ? hehe

Personally, I think these words are very well chosen, but who would get on national TV and tell the world, " uh , no I'm not changing a thing ",  and really there's no way any of us will know unless its either a) a success for the follow up or b) the cameras followed them home.  This knowing that yes it was done months before, they knew it would be aired so they aren't going to say anything negative.

 

 
February 26, 2007, 2:45 am CST

To dw 5406

Quote From: dw5406

You do a great job getting the couples to see the light yet  were they when their parents were teaching how to get along?  So many are getting married without thinking about how to communicate other than thinking once the ring is on I'm in charge mentality. Co-operation is a thing of the past. There is a greater than 50% failure rate with marriage today!

My marriage would not have worked no matter how hard I tried. Once I figured what she was after I left and never looked back. I know it was not fair on my daughter yet in those days DADDIES were expendable and were only allowed parental rights at a financial price.  The courts always looked toward the mother as the primary care giver unless it could be proved different.  Even your show is pro women.  I don't remember ever seeing a man helped to regain custody or visitation priviledges.

Today I miss not being in my daughters life yet my life was not very stable after my wive complained to my employer that I was abusive and as an adolescent counselor it would not look good if she went to the local news.

Learning how to "listen" is more important than learning how to "talk" and until both parties can learn this the brick wall of indifference will always be present. Thanks again, Don Williamson

Dear Don, I don't agree with you that the show is pro women.  From what i've seen on the shows men have always been treated fairly and respectfully by Dr.Phil and Robyn.  It's not Dr.Phil's job to regain custody or visitation priviledges for men or women, that's the job for the courts and justice system. Perhaps Don , you should employ a lawyer to help you do that.  I don't know your position but if you miss your daughter, why don't you try to see her.  I don't know how old she is now but surely somehow you could try to regain contact with her.  She would probably be missing you too.  Good luck and God Bless in your endeavours.    Loredana(Lory).
 
February 26, 2007, 4:56 am CST

A lot of people DO use such language.

Quote From: sharee1

As a person who has never used bad language (except for the occasional "damn") in my life, I was shocked to hear the kind of language the Man Camp participants have used towards each other.  To my thinking, decent people use decent language.  None of these couples would ever be found among my circle of friends.  They seem quite trashy to me.  Am I just being prudish, or do a lot of people outside of films, where bad language seems to be a requisite, use such language?  Why would women stay with men who call them such names, and vice versa?

 

Sharee

I'm not comfortable with it either. No, I don't think you're being prudish. I wasn't shocked to hear them talking to each other like that. Some people just get into the habit of cussin'. Add anger to the mix and it makes it worse. My parents both died last year and I really miss them. My dad always used that kind of language. When I was young and would try to talk to my dad about something, he would start spouting a bunch of filth and I would be embarrassed and drop the subject. So, maybe cussing is kind of like the "leveling" that DrPhil talks about. Suffice to say, I can get my point across without bad language. And you know, I guess some people just can't stop arguing. My mother's mother died in 1988 and my parents were still arguing over her till almost the end of their lives. My dad never liked her( I NEVER knew exactly why) He knew that my mother would get upset if he said something about my late grandmother.And of course she did. I would tell her to ignore it, but she just couldn't. Can you imagine that?
 
February 26, 2007, 5:31 am CST

Too much drama for me!

This series just has too much drama for me.  Tara is as bad as Scott and I don't think either is ready or willing to change.  Cherie is a drama queen and must really like her life or she wouldn't have stayed so long.  I just about threw up when she got down on her knees and begged John to stay!  Just confirms she is nuts and likes all the drama.  Amanda is the only woman on the show with any good sense.  I still think she and Nick are the only ones getting anything out of the show.  She is so much better than Tara or Cherie.  I don't agree with most everyone's insistence she quit her job.  Working in a strip club didn't cause her to cheat.  She would have cheated if she worked anywhere else.  Neither do I think she has more opportunities working in a strip club.  Women have opportunities everywhere in every job to cheat if they want to to cheat.  I think she was used by this man and allowed herself to be used for a while by him.

 

I haven't seen the last episode yet (it airs at 3 my time) but from the previews I know Amanda feels the other 2 women look down on her.  Like they have any room to look down on anyone.  Tara just acts like white trash and Cherie is just beyond belief.  If I were in Amanda's shoes during the group bashing I would not have even addressed the other 2 women.  They don't deserve an answer from her.

 
February 26, 2007, 6:37 am CST

My observations

First- I don't have any problem with XXXX being a stripper.  This is not a professin that is still hidden in the closet etc.  I feel really that the other women are insecure with her in the house because of her profession, I feel that they are insecure in the fact that maybe they feel that their husbands are looking at her etc.  I also feel that the women need to take responsibility for their parts in the relationships, the big focus seems to be on the men, which hence the name of the episode but, stop feeling like a marter and step up to the plate and be a women, independent, loving, a wife. 
 
February 26, 2007, 6:55 am CST

Learning how to "listen" IS more important.

Quote From: dw5406

You do a great job getting the couples to see the light yet  were they when their parents were teaching how to get along?  So many are getting married without thinking about how to communicate other than thinking once the ring is on I'm in charge mentality. Co-operation is a thing of the past. There is a greater than 50% failure rate with marriage today!

My marriage would not have worked no matter how hard I tried. Once I figured what she was after I left and never looked back. I know it was not fair on my daughter yet in those days DADDIES were expendable and were only allowed parental rights at a financial price.  The courts always looked toward the mother as the primary care giver unless it could be proved different.  Even your show is pro women.  I don't remember ever seeing a man helped to regain custody or visitation priviledges.

Today I miss not being in my daughters life yet my life was not very stable after my wive complained to my employer that I was abusive and as an adolescent counselor it would not look good if she went to the local news.

Learning how to "listen" is more important than learning how to "talk" and until both parties can learn this the brick wall of indifference will always be present. Thanks again, Don Williamson

You're so right about that. Not only listen but really hear what the other person is saying. I don't agree that DrPhil is pro women. It's up to the courts to decide those things. Don't give up on trying to be in your daughter's life. Make the 1st move and see what happens. As long as you are both alive, it's never too late. Good luck!
 
February 26, 2007, 7:05 am CST

Please don't blame yourself!

Quote From: maria3255

Dear Dee, you are very blessed that you and your husband of 25 years have a relationship of respect toward each other.  Unfortunately when I was married to my first husband, we were married for 22 years, ours was a parent-child relationship. He was the parent and I was the child, and he liked it that way because he had some control over me.  I was very naive and I often felt frightened of him because he set himself up as a higher authority.  We had two girls, they are now 25 and 26.  When I turned 40 my father died not long after my birthday. My mother had passed away some years earlier. I can't explain it properly but I felt as if i suddenly grew up. I came to see myself as a person, not a dependant. I realised that i was starved for adult communication and affection and deep down inside i felt terribly lonely and I also felt that my husband and I were 13,000.000 miles separated from each other.  It was a strange feeling and I knew my husband wouldn't understand. After much pain and drama we ended up separating and divorcing.  He is now re-married and much happier than he was with me. He treats his new wife like an equal and she's not dependant on him. She has a much stronger personality than I had and perhaps thats what he really wanted. I am re-married too and my husband of 7 years treats me like an equal and i have to depend on him now financially because i injured myself at work, and cannot work now. I do feel bad about not contributing to the family budget in a monetary way as working always made me feel a useful person to society, and got a lot of pleasure earning my weekly wage, which gave me also self-esteem. I can't help feeling that I had been a burden to my first husband as I also suffer from clinical depression and had 3 nervous breakdowns during our married life. My new husband does understand a lot more as he had suffered with depression too.  I feel more accepted. It was hard for the girls at the time, but they have adjusted after all this time. They have trouble communicating with their father too and he treats them as if they were still 10 years old, which annoys them because they cant share how they felt and feel now.  May God bless you all as a family, Lory.(Maria 3255)  
Lory, the way your first husband treated you probably had everything to do with your emotional state back then. I'm happy for you that your 2nd husband treats you better. I know from your diary that you suffer from chronic pain. Just hang in there and take it one day at a time. rosie52
 
February 26, 2007, 7:48 am CST

I save colorful language for those who deserve it

Quote From: sharee1

As a person who has never used bad language (except for the occasional "damn") in my life, I was shocked to hear the kind of language the Man Camp participants have used towards each other.  To my thinking, decent people use decent language.  None of these couples would ever be found among my circle of friends.  They seem quite trashy to me.  Am I just being prudish, or do a lot of people outside of films, where bad language seems to be a requisite, use such language?  Why would women stay with men who call them such names, and vice versa?

 

Sharee

 Well I curse like a sailor and I am an extremely decent person. I don't curse at my child or my husband. I don't direct it at my friends or at people I like. But if you anger me, you might just hear
a word you're not accustomed to. That doesn't make me any less a person than you. In fact, I would say it makes me a person more in touch with my true feelings. Whatever they are. And to answer your question, yes normal people curse. They are only words. If my husband ever dared call me a name like I heard on the show, he would have to sleep with one eye open for the rest of his days. And he knows it, therefore he doesn't dare.
 
February 26, 2007, 8:03 am CST

Good luck to the couples

I am so happy for the couples if they really mean what they say. I wish them the best of luck. I think the next step is to show their children what it means to love uncondictionally. These children need to know what it is like to love and express their self without the yelling, screaming, and fowl language.

 

I guess I am spoiled, my husband tells me all throughout the day he loves me, he constantly gives me hugs. These couples ned to get back to the way they were in the beginning.

 

Good luck to each and every couple.

 

Thanks, rebecca

 
February 26, 2007, 8:10 am CST

02/26 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 5

Quote From: ronsvulcan

I faithfully watch the Dr. Phil school pretty much daily and some of the people I see there really astound me. I can say that I've been married four times, all for the wrong reasons and none of them has worked out.   My latest wife passed away last year, but she was very very ill for the entire time we were married and our sexual contact was non-existent for 6 of the 7 yrs we were married.  Not only did I never do it, but I never ever considered being unfaithful to her just because I felt the need to satisfy my sexual urges.  In two of my previous relationships, my ex was more than unfaithful and more than just once.  That is the most hurtful thing in the world and as far as I am concerned unforgiveable. If the person, regardless of who it is, will do it once, they will certainly do it more than once because the 2nd time is always easier.   Not everyone agrees with my opinion, but it is what it is. Thanks for listening.

 

sincerely

r. blum

oh

First let me offer my condolences for your wife's passing. I hope you've found strength, peace and support in friends and loved ones. I wanted to say how much I agree with your statement on fidelity. I've been down the marriage isle twice and both times, I was cheated on. It is, as you say a "deal breaker".  That for me was something I could not get beyond. Some people do work past it and forgive, and stay together. For me personally, I could not forgive such a betrayal, nor the way it was rationalized by both my ex husbands. Now, here I am... with two kids in high school... 39 years old and single again. I don't know that I will ever get married again... but...if I am ever blessed to have the right man come into my life... I will be clear about my wants, needs and the "deal breakers" in my relationships. In closing, I will say that I am proud that I set the right example to my children. To my son, he is very attuned to how women should be treated and is very attentive and respectful of women and for my daughter, she has a clear understanding of how a woman should be treated and how to respect herself enough to know what she's worth as a partner. Good luck r. blum... Signed Jody D

 
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