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Topic : 08/06 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 5

Number of Replies: 185
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Created on : Friday, February 23, 2007, 02:08:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 06/26/07) Three couples trying to save their marriages continue their work at The Dr. Phil House. Throughout their relationship, Scott and Tara have had violent fights that have included slashed tires and police visits. Dr. Phil sits down with Scott to discuss how he can control his anger problem and set up personal boundaries that will put an end to the fighting with his wife. Afterward, Scott feels confident enough to vow to Tara that he is never going to yell at her again. Will he stick by his declaration? Then, Dr. Phil puts the group through some intense exercises, so they can learn their partner’s point of view. As each person stands before the group and explains what he or she really wants, raw emotions pour out, and the couples find themselves growing closer with compassionate support. Plus, Dr. Phil teaches them his rules for fighting (link to /articles/article/20 ) and his rules for children. After seeing a videotape of all their kids, the message is loud and clear. Will the couples apply what they’ve learned and change their families forever? Share your thoughts here.

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February 26, 2007, 8:23 am CST

Amanda absolutely should quit that job

Quote From: kphilips10

This series just has too much drama for me.  Tara is as bad as Scott and I don't think either is ready or willing to change.  Cherie is a drama queen and must really like her life or she wouldn't have stayed so long.  I just about threw up when she got down on her knees and begged John to stay!  Just confirms she is nuts and likes all the drama.  Amanda is the only woman on the show with any good sense.  I still think she and Nick are the only ones getting anything out of the show.  She is so much better than Tara or Cherie.  I don't agree with most everyone's insistence she quit her job.  Working in a strip club didn't cause her to cheat.  She would have cheated if she worked anywhere else.  Neither do I think she has more opportunities working in a strip club.  Women have opportunities everywhere in every job to cheat if they want to to cheat.  I think she was used by this man and allowed herself to be used for a while by him.

 

I haven't seen the last episode yet (it airs at 3 my time) but from the previews I know Amanda feels the other 2 women look down on her.  Like they have any room to look down on anyone.  Tara just acts like white trash and Cherie is just beyond belief.  If I were in Amanda's shoes during the group bashing I would not have even addressed the other 2 women.  They don't deserve an answer from her.

Amanda absolutely needs to quit that job if she's to have any chance at saving her marriage. By working as a stripper, she is being seen as a sexual object by the men who frequent the club in which she works and she is setting her self up, every time she goes to work, to be hit on, approached, etc by those who see her simply as a sexual object. That is the nature of the job. To say that women get hit on in all areas of profession is naive. Certainly, they do... but obviously, a woman who strips off her clothes for a living, and the very essence of her profession is sex... is going to get hit on much, much more often than the receptionist at the dentist's office... or the grocery clerk... Now, you take a woman, like Amanda who is already dissatisfied in her marriage, who is putting her self in a position to be hit on, day in and day out... someone, eventually will become appealing... the odds are all for it... I think her biggest problem is that her husband appears to be weak. I don't know that there is any counseling in the world that will make him a stronger man... and THAT may be what ultimately kills the marriage. Just my opinion...

 
February 26, 2007, 8:26 am CST

hang in there

 Hi everybody,

I really hope all three of these couples make it.  I've been with my husband since I was 17 (36 now).  We've been married for almost 11 of that.  We have been through so much together including alcoholism.  My husband finally ended up in the hospital for a week from this disease.  I really had lost all hope.  I was horribly angry.  My walls were cement and way up there!!  Through alot of hard work and talking with each other we have made it through.  I finally realized I can only change myself if need be, nobody else.  We just recently talked about it for the last time.  We got everything out and made a pact that it's done now, over, complete.  Now we move on, happily and stronger and more powerful than ever.  I never thought we could get here and we have.  So please, don't give up.  If you do everything you possibly can and then it doesn't work, then that's one thing but at least you tried it all first.  There is hope.  Best of luck!  Lisa (CT). 
 
February 26, 2007, 8:35 am CST

I basically agree w/kphillips10

Cherie is a drama queen, but as a speech therapist for the disabled and an Individual and Family support counselor,I see a lot of this behavior amongst people who tend to be crisis orientated. They create a crisis for attention and then after they have created havoc they look for a way to fix it that's most convienent for them. Cherie is very judgemental of others as well as being a crisis queen, if you will excuse the expression. The one common thread that people who are miserable and judgemental of others share is that they do not like or love themselves. In order for Cherie to change I believe she will have to learn to love herself first before she can truly learn to love anyone else unconditionally.
 
February 26, 2007, 8:36 am CST

WHEW!!

Please, someone tell me that MAN CAMP is almost over. I can't take it any more. The hollering, the cussing, the crying, the yelling and screaming. It all just makes me tired. I don't know if I can honestly say I am sure any of these couples will change and move on to a solid marriage...even though they went through the counseling and did some things to supposedly improve, I foresee some unfortunate backsliding when all this goes back home behind closed doors.

 

I know Dr. Phil has done the best he could, but he must be EXHAUSTED from dealing with all this constant drama!

 

Phil, take a vacation. By golly, you deserve it. Love ya!!

PS...I saw you on Jimmy Kimmel last night, and I LOVE it when you show your true humor. Life's too short to be so serious all the time, folks!

 

Hallie

 
February 26, 2007, 8:47 am CST

02/26 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 5

Quote From: ceildh1

I'm hoping that Monday is the last one, actually yes Monday is the last episode.

I got fed up the week before last, its very hard to listen to people when every second word has to be beeped out.

You know what it dosen't show a great deal of intelligence or creativity to use that language, or to yell and scream at each other, they all sound trashy. YUCK

    The words and the cursing are just a symptom of the pain in these relationships. Focusing on how they are expressing their pain seems to be missing the point. it seems to be all about self esteem of each of the people in every case. no matter who they marry they will probably continue to have problems until each person works on themselves. it is easy to blame the marriage and call it the problem when the problems would still be there no matter who they were married to. the answer for me would be to fix myself first and that is what i did in my marriage. My problems were a direct result of being in hate with myself and i had all sorts of ways of not facing that from fighting, blaming my mate, etc. i wonder if there are substance abuse problems in some of these couples. Sounds like a 12 step program could help each and every one of them. Just a thought.
 
February 26, 2007, 8:58 am CST

02/26 The Dr. Phil House: Man Camp, Part 5

Quote From: druggsisme

Cherie is a drama queen, but as a speech therapist for the disabled and an Individual and Family support counselor,I see a lot of this behavior amongst people who tend to be crisis orientated. They create a crisis for attention and then after they have created havoc they look for a way to fix it that's most convienent for them. Cherie is very judgemental of others as well as being a crisis queen, if you will excuse the expression. The one common thread that people who are miserable and judgemental of others share is that they do not like or love themselves. In order for Cherie to change I believe she will have to learn to love herself first before she can truly learn to love anyone else unconditionally.
Boy are you right, until you are right with yourself nothing works very well. obviously cherie has personal problems which is why she was attracted to this relationship in the first place. What do they say? you marry the parent you had the most problems with and try subconsciously to make it right? You usually never marry someone whose cup is not the same degree of full or empty as yours is. until you fix yourself there is not much chance for healing and i would hope therapy would work toward that. It is amazing that we don't learn some basic relationship skills in our schools. it would be much more important in everyday successful life than arithmetic. Think of the savings in emotional and physical well being. And maybe even some financial management instruction. Does no one get it about needing these things in our educational system? i do not have a psyche degree but it seems pretty obvious to me. or do we keep doing what we always did and getting what we always got. With a 50% divorce rate and huge credit card debt duh. maybe bill and melinda gates will see the need for this kind of education.   
 
February 26, 2007, 8:59 am CST

It is easier to judge than to look into ourselves...

Quote From: sharee1

As a person who has never used bad language (except for the occasional "damn") in my life, I was shocked to hear the kind of language the Man Camp participants have used towards each other.  To my thinking, decent people use decent language.  None of these couples would ever be found among my circle of friends.  They seem quite trashy to me.  Am I just being prudish, or do a lot of people outside of films, where bad language seems to be a requisite, use such language?  Why would women stay with men who call them such names, and vice versa?

 

Sharee

I was raised in a family where there was no bad language, no swearing (my mom used to be a nun).  But I still ended up with an abusive husband.  At one point, you start talking their language because you feel like they do not understand otherwise!

 

He was not abusive at all in the beginning.  Actually, he was a perfect gentleman, which is the case with most of the violent men.  From the outside, a violent man appears to be the greatest husband, the kindest one!  Once, you realize you are in an abusive relationship, it is often too late, too complicated to get out of it!  He became physically abusive about 2 1/2 years after the beginning of our relationship.  And, looking back now, I can tell you he became psychologically abusive about 8 months before, when I was about 5 months pregnant.  Pregnancy is often a trigger for violent men, who might not have been violent at all before, not even in another relationship.

 

A lot of people are being psychologically abused without knowing it; remarks on how you do things, on how you look, avoiding saying something to avoid confrontation, etc. 

 

I came to one conclusion throughout my thinking process.  Aside from specialized psychologists, no one can really understand what being in an abusive relationship is like.  However, people are easily judging; the abusive husband is not the only one with a problem to fix, the victim as well has to learn how to change her behaviors.  If the problem was only the abuser, as a lot of people think, it would be much more easier to get out of an abusive relationship, but it is unfortunately much more complex than that!  And also much more common in relationships than you can imagine...

 

"None of these couples would ever be found among my circle of friends"

 

You might not know it, but there is most likely one of the people you know that is in an abusive relationship.  In Canada, there is 1 in 6 couples that are involved in an abusive relationship and we are your northen neighbors, our countries are a lot alike...  And, believe me, if one of your friends is indeed in an abusive relationship, I can guarantee you that she won't come to you for help, knowing your views on the subject.  She won't request your help because she would feel judged and misunderstood.  What a victim needs is unconditionnal support and to be listened too without any judgement.  A battered woman goes through a lot of emotions from denial of being a victim to shame of being a victim to feeling unworthy of deserving a better life.

 

So, please be carefull on what you say in public about this subject because you might contribute to a woman's abusive relationship by telling her you don't understand why women stay in these kind of relationships and she won't go to you for help.  She will interiorate her feelings and stay in it!

 

Judgement from friends and family is often worse than the abuse itself!

 
February 26, 2007, 10:01 am CST

happily married

Quote From: dalitamc

My husband and I have been married 25 years this October.  I'm going to lay it right out, and some won't believe it or they'll think I'm telling stories, but here goes.  I can count on one hand how many times we have fought in our time together, and it was more disaggrements then fights, we don't yell at eachother because we respect eachother.  If my children acted they way these people are acting, I wouldn't care how old they are, I'd send them for time out. 

Kudos Dr.Phil for trying so had to them to see the light!  I hope you can get the door to open or the curtans to part so, they can see themselves.

 

God Bless

&

Good Luck

Dee

Dee, I am also in a very happy marriage and we never fight either.  We may disagree, but in 15 years we have never called each other names or any of the other crazy, childish behavior that seems to be the expected norm.  I have found over the years that when I say that we do not fight, most people don't believe it is possible.  I think it is sad that having respect and love in a marriage is so unelievable in our society. 

 

I wish these couples the best of luck and hope that they now have the desire to change the way they interact with the person in their lives they should be cherishing the most.

 

Cathy

 
February 26, 2007, 11:32 am CST

I so disagree...

Quote From: darbyjody

Amanda absolutely needs to quit that job if she's to have any chance at saving her marriage. By working as a stripper, she is being seen as a sexual object by the men who frequent the club in which she works and she is setting her self up, every time she goes to work, to be hit on, approached, etc by those who see her simply as a sexual object. That is the nature of the job. To say that women get hit on in all areas of profession is naive. Certainly, they do... but obviously, a woman who strips off her clothes for a living, and the very essence of her profession is sex... is going to get hit on much, much more often than the receptionist at the dentist's office... or the grocery clerk... Now, you take a woman, like Amanda who is already dissatisfied in her marriage, who is putting her self in a position to be hit on, day in and day out... someone, eventually will become appealing... the odds are all for it... I think her biggest problem is that her husband appears to be weak. I don't know that there is any counseling in the world that will make him a stronger man... and THAT may be what ultimately kills the marriage. Just my opinion...

...with your evaluation of a stripper.  You say "she is being seen".  That doesn't mean she is seeing herself as a sexual object.  And, let's face it, unless a man is gay, all women are viewed by some man as sexual objects.  I really think that for Amanda stripping is just a job.  I think she is a strong, determined woman.

 

I think you are right about Nick being weak.  I couldn't be married to a weak man.  I am too strong willed and would just walk all over him -- and then not respect him.

 

Amanda is definitely the best of the women.  I bet she could tame good ole boy Scott!  Now THAT would be worth watching!

 
February 26, 2007, 12:12 pm CST

Thank you everyone!

I would like to thank everyone for thier interest in my life.  I respect and appreciate all of the opinions, weather they se my side of it or not.  This is a free country and thank  God we have the right to believe and express outselves as we want.  I have been here devoted to the message board reading  what everyone has to say.  I appreciate how much everyone cares enough to spend so much time on my life.  I am glad to see that this has not just been motivating to myself, but others as well.  For all who have supported me and seen the true me, a Special THANKS!!!

 

Amanda from the show 

 
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