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Topic : 03/09 Dominating Spouses

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Created on : Friday, March 02, 2007, 12:04:18 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil’s guests are tired of being bullied and bossed around by their spouses. They say they are treated like personal assistants, and their lives have become an emotional roller coaster because of their partners' domineering ways. Jodi wants to confront her husband, Frank, who admits he’s a chauvinist. Frank says a woman’s role is to serve the husband, but Jodi says, “Not after today!” After 14 years of being at his beck and call, will Jodi be able to stand up to her husband and demand respect? Then, Ahnika wants her brother-in-law to get a backbone and finally stand up to her controlling sister! She says Sarissa walks all over her husband, Jason, and if she doesn’t change her domineering ways, he’s going to wise up and leave her. Sarissa says she’s forced to take control because her husband doesn’t know how to wear the pants in the family, but Jason says it’s easier to shut down than it is to fight. Can this couple find balance in their family roles? Tell us what you think!

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bactphd95

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chillin'

March 9, 2007, 12:11 pm PST

You're Welcome

Quote From: our4sons

Hello.

I too am familiar with this. It is an issue in my marriage now. We are working on it & have been through therapy for it & other issues.

It's ironic how some of the things you posted are words that have come out of my own mouth... such as, "if I made the decisions with little or no input from him (not for lack of asking for it, I must add), then he wasn't responsible if he was unhappy, I was (after all, I was the one who decided to [fill in the blank)."

I too am concerned for my boys, as is my husband.

Thank you :)

In one of your other posts, you mentioned the Pentecostal branch of Christianity. Funny thing...My 1st husb. was Pent. when we met (I was not; we married in a more "mainline" church), and carried around a lot of that mentality (still does as a Southern Baptist). BTW, are you still in the faith of your upbringing (just curious)? I stayed "mainline Protestant" after all was said and done during and after my 1st marriage.

Sadly, too many folks think their Christianity gives them license to treat their intimate partners like property. That really irks me!!!! The passage in 1st Corinthians works both ways, as at least one other poster has already pointed out.

Hope you can break the cycle. Good Luck :-)

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flrat69

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March 9, 2007, 12:13 pm PST

Aren't We Folksy?

Quote From: Pleasance

watch how you phrase things to folks....some folks who come here are from other countries....and THEY SPEAK ENGLISH, AS WELL AS OTHER LANGUAGES.

Are you bilingual?

This person obviously speaks more than one language....and writes in more than one language.

I admire those who speak several languages, understand several languages, and are able to write in several languages also.

It's we Americans who are lacking there. Well, most .

Let me try very hard to put this in simple terms. If a person lives in this country, and they wish to place a message on a board such as this, it is incumbent upon them to do so in English. If they have a problem with the language because they have not been here long enough, I am certain someone would be happy to assist them in expressing their thoughts. There was no tone of accusation in my message. I simply could not follow the post and was genuinely interested in what the person was trying to say. I fail to see why you think it your obligation to tell me how to speak to anyone. I certainly don't see it as your place. You have no credentials that carry that kind of weight. I am sure you believe you are championing the downtrodden masses, but, at least in this case, you are most assuredly not.

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penny_lady

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March 9, 2007, 12:18 pm PST

03/09 Dominating Spouses

Quote From: dll23112

i am married to a very manipulative and controlling husband too. or at least he tries to be controlling. when he is not trying to control me or my mind, then he goes after the kids i babysit, because he knows i'll step in then to protect them. he has been out of work since sept. 06, and i had an in-home daycare since 2002. that is until he went out on disability. then he started on them one by one. the anger, sudden outburst, criticisms, treatment and mental anguish the kids had to bear was more than i could bear. now i don't have any kids except my 3 month grandson.. i am depressed, dont want to leave my house, not even for the grocery store, spend most days not even getting dressed or showering, i am on lexapro, suicidal, angry, bitter , numb, and feel like a time bomb ready to blow at the slightest blink of an eye. i dont talk on the phone(my choice), hate life and wonder why i need to wake up tomorrow. and all i hear is " if you were a good christian wife then you would do the things that please me," or "why dont you go talk to he pastor or his wife to see how you should be." or the real biggie .." maybe you arent a christian anyway." i don't wont or feel capable(mentally) of working outside my house right now, dont want to lose my house, dont want to make friends cause he will just run them off anyway. i hate it that he tries to be such a goody2shoes in front of the church and dogs them when we are alone. theres no winning way out, now winning way in here, and no one to help. all in all, i say hes won. im not emotionally able to try any more. if you read this, thanks.

out of hope and dreams

just me

I'm glad that those kids aren't in your home anymore. I think it's a shame you let them stay around this man at all and I think it's a damn shame you let your infant grandson around this man too.

This man is obviously using religion to control you. You should ask yourself if that is what you think the point of Christianity really is.

There is a winning way out, but you'll have to get out of this rut that has become comfortable to you. You have to leave and deal with being uncomfortable. Is your "home" a home really? Is it worth abuse?

Just leave....you still have life in front of you and it can be different. But not one person on this planet can do a damn thing about it except for you.

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lancpa

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March 9, 2007, 12:32 pm PST

Books to Read

Three books address these issues to a "t".

1. Love and Respect - the love she most desires/the respect he desperately needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

2. For Women Only - what you need to know about the inner lives of men by Shaunti Feldhahn

3. For Men Only - a straight forward guide to the inner lives of women by Shaunti Feldhahn.

Saved my marriage.

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marissa_liz

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March 9, 2007, 12:40 pm PST

Equality is Biblical!

The subject of this show is sad and very depressing. The worst part for me is that these men (and sometimes women) believe that the Bible endorses this type of relationship. This is simply not true! The Bible support gender equality in marriage relationships and in society. The Bible contains many stories of women leaders, prophets, business women, teachers, and church leaders. For more information on the biblical basis for equality, please visit www.cbeinternational.org

And to all of the women out there--please know you are of great value and there is a purpose to your life!

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penny_lady

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March 9, 2007, 12:48 pm PST

03/09 Dominating Spouses

Quote From: Pleasance

watch how you phrase things to folks....some folks who come here are from other countries....and THEY SPEAK ENGLISH, AS WELL AS OTHER LANGUAGES.

Are you bilingual?

This person obviously speaks more than one language....and writes in more than one language.

I admire those who speak several languages, understand several languages, and are able to write in several languages also.

It's we Americans who are lacking there. Well, most .

He was perfectly kind about it. But he has a good point. That message was basically useless as I couldn't understand it either. What good is a second language if you can't communicate with it? That is the POINT of language.

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kdmask

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March 9, 2007, 12:52 pm PST

What I learned Today...

1. I'm so glad I'm a pagan/non-religious person. Makes life SO much easier. Phew.

2. Don't marry someone if a "preacher" tells you to...kid or no kid

3. If you're on TV screaming at your husband, you're definately in trouble.

4. There are a lot of big idiots in this world

5. I'm so glad I'm married and sane

6. Sometimes shutting up works.

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animal1229

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March 9, 2007, 12:53 pm PST

hes got it easy

this guys wife is submissive compared to mine for twenty two years its her way or the wrong way and if i stand my ground im abusive and controlling

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flrat69

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March 9, 2007, 12:57 pm PST

Thank You

Quote From: penny_lady

He was perfectly kind about it. But he has a good point. That message was basically useless as I couldn't understand it either. What good is a second language if you can't communicate with it? That is the POINT of language.

I have to thank you very much. I don't know why someone would insist on twisting my words, but I am very glad you saw through this. Have a wonderful weekend.

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afraid

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March 9, 2007, 12:58 pm PST

03/09 Dominating Spouses

Quote From: lyninsocal

Please explain why is it, then, that so many men typically feel they must be in control?

There are a lot of us 'poor dumb womenfolk' who are hanging on your reply

you know you may have a good point here, lots of men feel they must be in control, and i as a man my self cant see why!! hell i know all i can control is me and me alone, lol and some times i have a hard time doing that, but call you women poor dumb womenfolk, hmmm, never from my lips would words like that flow, i think of all you women as my equal and very intelligent as well, i know you wernt quoting me here but i had to get in on this lol.and as for all the house keeping you women do, i also give you credit that is a 24/7 job, i think all men should try it for a week or two before acting like its nothing to keep a house clean, damn what a job, this is one that should be split down the middle, after all women sure as hell dont make all the mess and its not fair to want them to clean it all alone!!! ladies my hats off to you all.

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