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Topic : 03/09 Dominating Spouses

Number of Replies: 258
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Created on : Friday, March 02, 2007, 12:04:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests are tired of being bullied and bossed around by their spouses. They say they are treated like personal assistants, and their lives have become an emotional roller coaster because of their partners' domineering ways. Jodi wants to confront her husband, Frank, who admits he’s a chauvinist. Frank says a woman’s role is to serve the husband, but Jodi says, “Not after today!” After 14 years of being at his beck and call, will Jodi be able to stand up to her husband and demand respect? Then, Ahnika wants her brother-in-law to get a backbone and finally stand up to her controlling sister! She says Sarissa walks all over her husband, Jason, and if she doesn’t change her domineering ways, he’s going to wise up and leave her. Sarissa says she’s forced to take control because her husband doesn’t know how to wear the pants in the family, but Jason says it’s easier to shut down than it is to fight. Can this couple find balance in their family roles? Tell us what you think!

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March 5, 2007, 8:51 am CST

Such a sad situation.

Quote From: dlynne14

Well, it finally happened.  After 3 years of controlling my daughter's every thought and move, my son in law finally showed the physical side of himself.  He pushed  my daughter and then pulled back his arm with a fist at the end ready to punch her. He was tackled by 2 other family members and beat up pretty badly.  My daughter, so under his control, tried to defend him.  We so hoped that she would have the mental clarity needed to leave such a man, but he convinced her to stay with his profession of love, and remorse, his promise to get counseling, etc..  She believes him, rather than all her family and friends.  How hard it is to see this beautiful young woman, such a great mother, hard worker, succumb to this person. 

We worry about her safety, we worry about our granddaughter.  Will he lash out at her again if she tries to stand up to him?

What to do, what to say?  We don't believe anything he says, and we don't believe anything she says.  We tip toe around the subject, and she puts on her best actress facade.  We are all afraid to say something to her, for fear it will only drive her farther away, and closer to him.

To all those women out there that think they need to settle for less than what they are worth I say to you, "Stand up, Stand up, Speak Up, Speak Up, the only man you will chase away is your EX husband!!"  Do not become a "jelly woman" for love. 

 

Hopefully your daughter will find the strength & self esteem to leave him, if he does threaten her again. Hopefully she will have the real support she will need if she ever chooses to leave.

 

Not all domineering people will turn to violence or even the threat of. It is sad that he did.

 
March 5, 2007, 8:52 am CST

03/09 Dominating Spouses

Quote From: busybowman

I can't wait for this show. The rest of the week's topics don't interest me much except for the Peterson jury. I am legally separating from my husband right now after almost 25 years of marriage. I have been controlled by bullying, verbally and emotionally. Our son was physically abused by him and our other children lived with the chaos. He threatened that if I left, I wouldn't get a dime, that he would never pay for a house he wasn't living in. He thought he could always keep me compliant. He thought wrong. I retained an attorney 5 months ago and did alot of homework and preparation behind the scenes. With my attorney's help, I am staying in the family home and he is having to leave and pay child and spousal support. He tries to make agreements with me that are in his best interest, but I am not falling for it. I am no longer under his control.

Don't you love these men who "THINK" they own everything?  Ha!  After 25 years did your ex really think he was going to get everything....and you wouldn't get a dime?  I'm giggling!  They don't have a grasp on reality do they?  What did he think you did for 25 years?  You wouldn't get a dime?  Yeah...that's right pal....you just keep on thinking that way!  What an idiot!  I guess if you were the compliant little woman he thought he made you....you would walk away without asking for anything, like a good little ex-wife should!  Good for you!  I'm proud of you!  Go get 'em!

 
March 5, 2007, 9:19 am CST

DOMINATION SPOUSE

Quote From: r0undman

I believe that Frank needs a 'little taste' of the Man Camp at home!  GOD created woman to be a help mate for him - NOT TO BE A DOMESTICATED SLAVE!!!  Frank's home environment when he was growing up did not have the appropriate parameters.  People still believe in the GOLDEN RULE - JESUS said:  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  There are people (male/female alike) in our society today who believe the opposite often due to their home environment as they were growing up.  I have faith that Dr. Phil will set Frank's mind-set on the right track.  All the BEST to you and yours Dr. Phil!!

I truly relate to this situation, and Ithink Frank definitely SHOULD be a partof a MANS' CAMP situation, along with myown husband. Men are not suppose to degrade their wives in any terms. The saying that Dr. Phil so often uses,""IT'S BETTER TO BE ALONE AND HEALTHY, RATHER THAN TOGETHER AND SICK"", is the truest thing that could be said, andothers should heed to it also. Men can be so perfect, while they are courting, and trying to WIN you over, in a mannerof speaking......; BUT it is also sotrue, "ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS"!I have always felt that those older thanmyself, have probably already walked thepath, and can tell me what I need to know, IF I will just 'LISTEN'-This Frankguy,just does not want to hear anythingthat is not in his own favor, and she would be better off without him......-BUT so many of US are so SCARED of the unknown!! and get use to the situation!PUT THIS FRANK PERSON, IN THE MAN CAMP--LETS' SEE IF HE IS A MAN!!
 
March 5, 2007, 9:26 am CST

03/09 Dominating Spouses

Quote From: nanc83

What is it with 'some' men?  The ones who live with they're heads in the 1950's?  I've come up with my own theory on men and the way their brains work.  I call it...SIMPLIFIED COMPLEXITY!!  Considering how complex the brain actually is...all it's functions, and we all know it controls every organ and function of the body....men have seemingly taken this "complex" body part, and simplified it down to the very basic!   I am guessing, (with some personal validity), that most of these men who act chauvinistic, and think that way...come from parents who didn't teach them how to treat a women properly, or haven't actually had the up-bringing or guidance early in life.  I'm sick of the "blame it on the parents for everything that's wrong in your life," but being married twice in my life...I can see similarity in both husbands, and neither have had mothers or fathers who were there to show them how to treat women when they were growing up!  I guess I choose the same man every time huh?  That would be a whole different topic for me!  Ha!  What's my problem?  Just a thought....

The major thing these two ex-husbands have in common is YOU.  Don't forget to take responsiblity for your role in the downfall of your marriages. 

 

Sometimes we seem to dwell on the negative aspects of people rather than the positive.  Good thing to do possibly before marriage but once they've met your approval to wed them, it can be really bad to just think of all the negative. 

 

Read Dr. Phil's book "LOVE SMART" before you go into the dating pool again.  Maybe you can find out what your "problem" is. 

 
March 5, 2007, 3:28 pm CST

Dominating Spouses

Dr. Phil:

 

My son Michael got married for the first time on October 21, 2005.  He is 37 and she is 31.  He was dating her for six years and the very first time I ever met her was at the actual wedding.  For some unknown reason since that first day she is very jealous of my love and affection for my own son.  She does not let him call me or see me.  I have not spoken on the phone to my son for almost a year, I will never call his house I'm afraid of the trouble I will make for him.  Except for me attending the wedding, prior to that date, I did not see my son for over six years, the exact time he has been going with her.  I don't know what I did to her that she hates me so much.  Even her mother at the wedding, treated me like a dog, an outcast and tried to humiliate me at the reception but, I mouthed back at her because I feel I did not deserve that kind of treatment considering I never met her either except for the first time at the wedding.  Dr. Phil, please help me figure out what happened here between me and my son; prior to him meeting her, we were very close, we only have eachother, my husband died, my parents died, and he was my only child.  I am going out of my mind trying to find a way to solve this matter but, I would never call his house, I'm afraid of her.  I need your input please.  Arlene in Orlando, Fl.

 
March 5, 2007, 4:00 pm CST

I would just love to see my daughter

       

Although I have not seen the show yet my daughter is married to a controller. Since she met this man she has not much to do with us as her parents.  She has not been home since October of 2002. She met this man at college. She seemed to have cut us off as soon as she met him. We have not seen her since last May when she graduated college. He always has to be in the room when we are around her. It's like she died when se met him. Before they were married her husband used to send us all kinds of nasty e-mails telling us we would have no part in their life after they were married. We were not part of their wedding. I did not get a chance to help her pick out her wedding dress and my husband didn’t get a chance to walk her down the aisle. We were there as though we were strangers. The father in law is a Pastor and married them even though he knew we did not think it was a good idea for them to get married so soon. He wanted to marry her after about 3 months. I have no idea if he abuses her but I think he talks down to her. She is a teacher now and sometimes she will talk to us like we are her students. Her husband is very sarcastic and controlling. We know one day she will be able to see what he is doing but right now they are getting their selves so far in debt with a new, a new townhouse. Plus all the student loans they have. We are very worried about her but we can’t say anything. When we talk to her it’s like walking on egg shells. It’s like they live in there own little world with his parents there too. All she has is his family. We gave her everything when she was home and then when she went off to college it’s like she became a different person. She has no ties in her hometown at all. She does not talk to her friends from High School. She will call her Grandma maybe once every 6 months but no other family members. We had some problems at our home but families aren’t all perfect. I made so many mistakes. We only had one child. We only had one chance to get it right. We feel we failed. Is there anyone else out there that feels like a failure everyday of their life? We pray for her daily. We have seen so much good come out of this. We have changed so much but she seems to think we haven’t. She is never around to see us. She won’t give us a chance. Everyone tell us this will change one day but I can tell you. The wait is so had and we do try and keep in touch with her. We try and keep the lines of communication open with her. I wish she knew how much we love and miss her but she just does not listen when we tell her. I see her picture and her things still in her room and sometimes just cry. Everyone says when she has kids then she will understand. She will need a Mom. She has his Mom right there in that town with her. I have to hang on to Romans 8:28…”All things work together for good to those who love God according to his purpose.”

 
March 5, 2007, 6:12 pm CST

03/09 Dominating Spouses

Quote From: amymarie2

The major thing these two ex-husbands have in common is YOU.  Don't forget to take responsiblity for your role in the downfall of your marriages. 

 

Sometimes we seem to dwell on the negative aspects of people rather than the positive.  Good thing to do possibly before marriage but once they've met your approval to wed them, it can be really bad to just think of all the negative. 

 

Read Dr. Phil's book "LOVE SMART" before you go into the dating pool again.  Maybe you can find out what your "problem" is. 

I guess I don't get why women marry men like this in the first place! Why are these men rewarded with wives and sex and partnership in the first place?
 
March 5, 2007, 7:41 pm CST

03/09 Dominating Spouses

Quote From: dlynne14

Well, it finally happened.  After 3 years of controlling my daughter's every thought and move, my son in law finally showed the physical side of himself.  He pushed  my daughter and then pulled back his arm with a fist at the end ready to punch her. He was tackled by 2 other family members and beat up pretty badly.  My daughter, so under his control, tried to defend him.  We so hoped that she would have the mental clarity needed to leave such a man, but he convinced her to stay with his profession of love, and remorse, his promise to get counseling, etc..  She believes him, rather than all her family and friends.  How hard it is to see this beautiful young woman, such a great mother, hard worker, succumb to this person. 

We worry about her safety, we worry about our granddaughter.  Will he lash out at her again if she tries to stand up to him?

What to do, what to say?  We don't believe anything he says, and we don't believe anything she says.  We tip toe around the subject, and she puts on her best actress facade.  We are all afraid to say something to her, for fear it will only drive her farther away, and closer to him.

To all those women out there that think they need to settle for less than what they are worth I say to you, "Stand up, Stand up, Speak Up, Speak Up, the only man you will chase away is your EX husband!!"  Do not become a "jelly woman" for love. 

 

I am currently married to a controlling man. We have split up several times. Everytime he swears that he has learned his lesson, and like a dummy, I keep taking him back, when he first comes back he treats me like an angel, then it starts again. But the bad thing is, I have medical conditions. This time, we have been back together for almost 6 months and he has told me so many times that he wants a divorce and I told him to go get one, I will sign for it, but he wants me to pay for it. I am currently not working. He calls me all kinds of names. When I ask him why he came back this time, he tells me stupidity. He tells me all the time that I fake my illness.  But yet my doctor is one of the top leading doctors for my illness in the world. I am in therapy for depression which is from my illness, but I also talk to my doctor about him. For any woman that goes through it, be smart get out while you can. Don't wait til it is too late. I have had broken bones. Now I have a broken spirit along with no self esteem. Along with disliking him, I hate myself for always taking him back, because I knew that he would not change but I always felt sorry for him because of his bad heart.
 
March 6, 2007, 6:18 am CST

Low Self Esteem?

Quote From: penny_lady

I guess I don't get why women marry men like this in the first place! Why are these men rewarded with wives and sex and partnership in the first place?

From my experience, I hooked up with a controlling loser because I was lacking the healthy esteem needed to make a good choice for myself.  I ignored the red flags that were so apparent to everyone around me who warned me against the man I married.  I listened to no one and married him anyway. 

 

He was charming in the beginning and I fell for it.  After he "had" me the real him came out but by then it was too late.  Deep in my heart I kept wishing that same guy I knew way back when would come back. 

 

But he never existed. 

 

I have learned that the best way to deal with a controller is to take control.  Get control back for yourself.  Stand on your own two feet.  Become responsible for yourself and your children and rely on nobody. 

 

For anyone who is in a controlling situation I say to you: for as weak as you think you are~ you are as strong as well on the other end of the spectrum.   As low as you have shrunken as a victim you can tower as a survivor! 

 

You have it in you!  The pendulum swings both ways.  XO

 
March 6, 2007, 6:43 am CST

why don't you invite them to visit?

Quote From: labella226

Dr. Phil:

 

My son Michael got married for the first time on October 21, 2005.  He is 37 and she is 31.  He was dating her for six years and the very first time I ever met her was at the actual wedding.  For some unknown reason since that first day she is very jealous of my love and affection for my own son.  She does not let him call me or see me.  I have not spoken on the phone to my son for almost a year, I will never call his house I'm afraid of the trouble I will make for him.  Except for me attending the wedding, prior to that date, I did not see my son for over six years, the exact time he has been going with her.  I don't know what I did to her that she hates me so much.  Even her mother at the wedding, treated me like a dog, an outcast and tried to humiliate me at the reception but, I mouthed back at her because I feel I did not deserve that kind of treatment considering I never met her either except for the first time at the wedding.  Dr. Phil, please help me figure out what happened here between me and my son; prior to him meeting her, we were very close, we only have eachother, my husband died, my parents died, and he was my only child.  I am going out of my mind trying to find a way to solve this matter but, I would never call his house, I'm afraid of her.  I need your input please.  Arlene in Orlando, Fl.

I have a suggestion.  Why don't you invite them both to come for a visit?  Everybody loves Disney.  Are you in good health?  Orlando residents get reduced rates into the parks.  Why don't you arrange a trip with HER for his birthday or something for next year?  This will bring you two closer and allow you to get to speak to her directly and get to know her better. 

 

Most people would love a chance to stay in Florida in winter.

 
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