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Topic : 03/09 Dominating Spouses

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Created on : Friday, March 02, 2007, 12:04:18 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil’s guests are tired of being bullied and bossed around by their spouses. They say they are treated like personal assistants, and their lives have become an emotional roller coaster because of their partners' domineering ways. Jodi wants to confront her husband, Frank, who admits he’s a chauvinist. Frank says a woman’s role is to serve the husband, but Jodi says, “Not after today!” After 14 years of being at his beck and call, will Jodi be able to stand up to her husband and demand respect? Then, Ahnika wants her brother-in-law to get a backbone and finally stand up to her controlling sister! She says Sarissa walks all over her husband, Jason, and if she doesn’t change her domineering ways, he’s going to wise up and leave her. Sarissa says she’s forced to take control because her husband doesn’t know how to wear the pants in the family, but Jason says it’s easier to shut down than it is to fight. Can this couple find balance in their family roles? Tell us what you think!

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March 7, 2007, 8:51 am CST

03/09 Dominating Spouses

Quote From: rebarip

I am the one that wrote the other one that I am currently married to a controlling man. I did not say that he and I was having sex. Because we aren't. We do nothing together.
But you did at one point right? What is the point of this relationship for either of you then?

You seem smart enough to know it's wrong.
 
March 7, 2007, 4:03 pm CST

03/09 Dominating Spouses

Quote From: ceildh1

This might be the only interesting topic this week, Anna Nicole and Brittany, more stage parents and I think Wednsday might be a repeat. Blahh, and why exactly is there a weight loss challenge going on on Monday's board ? Okay enough ranting.

I think we sometimes forget that there are men being victimized by their wives, but many of them would rather resist conflict, than risk being called a wimp, or people saying they're "whipped".  We still have a very sexist attitude toward men and how they are supposed to act in family situations, "wearing the pants " so to speak, to most men being viewed as a victim, is more humiliating to them and their peers, than it is to just sit back and take it.  Men and women both will laugh at the idea of men being abused, that has to stop.

To me, in a marriage or any relationship, there shouldn't be one in "charge", or control.  Ideally (yeah, and who lives in the Ideal world) both partners should be working as a team toward common goals, using their individual strengths eg.  One partner might be better at saving money, and paying bills so without hiding any of it from the other, maybe that partner should take care of finances while the other may be better at bargain hunting at the stores, so that partner does the shopping.

Relations have to be based on love, trust and MUTUAL respect, I personally think if any of the three is missing, there's not much chance.  I see female abusers the same way I see Male abusers, both need therapy and in some cases jail time.

Though the blurb didn't say anyhing about abuse happening, sounds like he's as beaten down as any woman that finds herself with a domineering partner.

I'm just glad the show's going to deal with the "abuse" coming from both sides. It isn't only domineering husbands. It's wives, too.

 
March 8, 2007, 4:16 am CST

Hit the nail on the head

Quote From: flthomcat

Man Camp should have been named COUPLES CAMP because the women were as messed up as the men!

 

And please add women to the mix of those who aren't supposed to degrade people. Men get a bad rap in our current society while we women skate by. There are just as many lousy women as there are lousy guys! I have no male duds in my large circle of friends and acquaintances. I suggest we women start acting smarter and picking wiser...unless we would rather play "victim" and enjoy complaining.

I think you hit the nail on the head.  Women and men make lousy choices - over and over.  I think some of them like playing "victim".  They must or they would not keep making the same bad choices or staying with the bad choice!

 

I know some women that are poster women for shrews and bitches.  I can't imagine staying with them.  Any man who does needs a backbone.  And I have known men who are just as bad but in a different way.  And if you listen to your inner voice - call it gut or instinct - you can usually tell if a guy isn't right for you.  Take away the money, clothes, car, and other trappings and look at the person.  I was single for many years between my 2 marriages and I could usually tell from the first date.  I was fooled a couple of times but never fooled long enough to make a big mistake!  I have been married the second time for 26 years and we have respect for each other and treat each other graciously.  We do have our moments but they never degrade to name calling or violence.

 

So, down-trodden men and women, get a backbone and stand up for yourselves!  Life is too short to be unhappy with a person.  You can be miserable alone just as easily and you only have yourself to blame.  This life is not a dress rehearsal.

 
March 8, 2007, 8:50 am CST

Women abused

I wonder why women get married to this men who abuse them. Women she not get into this relation. Women should know they stand; be ascertive at all times
 
March 9, 2007, 2:27 am CST

God bless you. Be pro-active!

Quote From: towangel

 My husband and I are raising our granddaughter and our daughter has yet again gotten into a very controlling abusinve relationship.  Now she is pregnant.   Her boyfriend has isolated her from her family and friends.   She doesn't believe he will turn physical with her because "He loves her."  She is mad at us for not letting him be apart of our family.  Our grandaughter was molested and exposed to crystal meth in the last relationship she had with our granddaughter's father.  My husband and I are so frustrated. angry, and sad that things have turned out this way for our daughter and now our adopted granddaughter/daughter.  Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

Towangel

Please, please, please do WHATEVER it takes to keep your precious grandchild out of your daughter's dysfunctional and dangerous world. If it means reporting your daughter's activity or her boyfriend's to the police and child authorites, than BY ALL MEANS do it! You owe it to your grandchild. Your grandchild's safety sould be TOP PRIORITY at all times.

 

Your daughter is an adult making foolish, sad, dangerous choices. You cannot help her by doing anything for her, but you can enable her. NEVER let her expose your granddaughter to her boyfriends, Keep those boyfriends far away from your home. File restraining orders against them, if you must.

 

I would not allow your daughter in your own home, if I were you. She will never get help for herself as long as you are giving her a roof over her head. You are coddling her and enabling her and NOT expecting anything from her. You accept her dangerous choices. You are, sadly, enabling her. She has no reason to change her life for the better.

 

Get your granddaughter in couseling. Get your daughter out of your home. Keep the boyfriends away. If you must take legal action to do all of this, do it.

 

Your situation is indeed sad, but PLEASE do not give up your control and power. For the sake of your innocent grandchild AND FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR DAUGHTER, do not play victim. Be assertive and in control at all times. Find whatever community and private and judicial resources you need to protect your grandchild (and that may mean protecting the child from your daughter).

 

God bless you. Stay strong so you can fight for that precious child who has no say in her mother's choices. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

 
March 9, 2007, 2:36 am CST

Domineering wives exist, too. You are so correct

Quote From: ramair

I'm just glad the show's going to deal with the "abuse" coming from both sides. It isn't only domineering husbands. It's wives, too.

You are SO correct.

 

A friend of my husband's was a MEAN thang! She used to tell him what to do, who he could hang with, she'd scream at him in public and she would ALWAYS be on the other line of the phone when anyone called him.

 

Funny, but SHE finally divorced him! Although she needed to be in control and belittling someone, she apparently got tired of how easy it was to push him around. He was no challenge to her (at least that's my take on things).

 

Now this man (who was so sad and upset when she left him) is remarried to a great, sweet woman and they have a super relationship. Not sure what happened to the male-basher of an ex-wife, but sadly she SPAWNED a child and that female child turned out much like her mother. Soon there will another man married to a nasty woman whose abusive!

 

Had to make myself shut my mouth when this little girl would be mean to her father and tell HIM what to do just like her mother did. So, yes, women can be the domineering, controling, mean ones as well. But most men wouldn't go on Dr. Phil to admit it!!!

 
March 9, 2007, 2:45 am CST

Doing nothing together should be unacceptable

Quote From: rebarip

I am the one that wrote the other one that I am currently married to a controlling man. I did not say that he and I was having sex. Because we aren't. We do nothing together.

This is SO sad. Why aren't you either BOTH in couseling or you ALONE in counseling? If you are both doing nothing, nothing will ever change for the better. You are accepting your circumstances and wearing the "victim" label too comfortably. That's no way to go thru life. It's unfair to you, to him and to any children you have.

 

As Dr. Phil says, "We teach people how to treat us." What messages are you sending? What are you allowing? Why do you tolerate it? What's the alternative? How is this affecting your children? Is it fair to your children, to you, to him?  Why aren't you willing to make postiive change in your relationship? Why do you feel you don't deserve more? These are ALL QUESTIONS a counselor could help you come to terms with.

 

My sister was married to a controlling man who belittled her. She finally had enough and moved out. She put herself in therapy. She told him she would not get back with him until he finally joined her in therapy. He eventually did, right after both his parents died, his son didn't speak to him and he had hit rock bottom ALONE.

 

That was 4 years ago. Since that time, my sister and her husband have a great relationship. If he starts to say something that is less than nice, she stops him in his tracks, reminding him that she will walk out that door (this time NEVER to return...and he knows she means it). She is happy, he is as happy as a man like he can be, his son (from a previous marriage decades ago) now speaks to him and "hangs" with him, and life is good for ALL of them.

 

My sister took the initiative and stopped being a helpless victim. YOU can, too. God bless you. I hope you will make the CHOICE to change your life for the better. Start with couseling, even if you have to go alone. You CAN do this; I have faith in you!

 
March 9, 2007, 2:52 am CST

Why wait for divorce???? FIX your situation!

Quote From: bgacioch

 

Currently in this situation. Divorce is in my future. Cannot wait for this show.

 

 

Stop "waiting,' please. Are you in counseling? Is he? Are both of you together?

 

Divorce is the last answer. Fixing the problems in you, him, both of you should be first priority.

 

Be pro-active. Don't sit around watching your relationship deteriorate. Get help for you! It takes two to tangle and how we ALLOW others to treat us is at the core of the problem.

 

He does what he is allowed to do. You (all of us) teach others how to treat us (what we will accept, etc). Nobody is going to repect you until you respect yourself. How you feel about you is at the root of this problem.

 

I have been married 18 years to a wonderful man who has never, ever called me a name or said anything bad about me. We are the best of friends. I CHOSE this type of man after living with an abusive father. My sister chose a man much like my father...emotionally abusive. However, after a decade of being a 'victim," my sister fought back by leaving, getting couseling, insisting HE get counseling and then moving back and NOT tolerating any more bad behavior. That was FOUR YEARS ago that she moved back in with her husband. They have a super relationship today. IT CAN BE DONE!!!

 

You sound defeated. You should sound MOTIVATED for change. You CAN do this!!! Get working on it NOW!!!

 
March 9, 2007, 4:06 am CST

The Meaning of a Husband's Love

 I hope Frank learns love in the context of how much Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for Her.  His attitude should be of respect and being humble to his wife, and loving her enough to die for her if he had to. That requires a great deal of extra spiritual love in his heart and i hope that Dr.Phil can lead him to that place and then of course allow God to take over. Jodi needs to ask for his respect as a woman, loved by God. I have watched my sister being ground down to hardly nothing, because her husband is such a bully and so violent and mean to her and their children. She has suffered so much at his hands and yet she thinks she has done the right thing by staying with him. All i see is an  insecure, scared, scrawny unkempt woman just turned 50 who is scared of him still after 27 years of marriage. She did leave him once, but he stalked her and the kids with his gun. She gave up and didn't want to risk the safety of the children. He is now a drunk with a bad heart and he's had a mild stroke a few years ago. I will be sad for his children when he goes, but i know my sister will be a lot happier and peaceful once she gets over his mourning.            Maria3255. 
 
March 9, 2007, 4:09 am CST

03/09 Dominating Spouses

you know Dr Phil its too bad we don't have a chamber we can walk in and see the future outcome of some one before we get married  lol, now that would be something well worth inventing i do think!!! but lawyers wouldn't like it  lol you know divorce cases would not exist hehehehehe,
 
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