Topic : 03/09 Dominating Spouses

My husband is a self-confessed control freak and proud of it. I am sick of it. The kids and I can do nothing to his standard. He always knows better than the experts on EVERYTHING. If he is proved wrong, he shrugs it off as a joke. His favorite phrases are: "Get over it" and "Nothing you can do about it now". The only way of thinking is his way. If I make a comment or suggestion, I had better be able to prove it through outside sources--prefferable male --before he will even consider it. He firmly believes that "you should not have to work at marriage" and "I don't believe in arguing". He thinks having a conversation on any topic is arguing. He sells heavy eqipment for a living, so I have used the "Maintainence" stance with him, but he still doesn't get it. We can converse on some topics (like schedules, weather), but it's just small talk. He wil walk out of the room midsentence even after he has asked me a question!  Does anyone have any suggestions on how to better deal with a person like this, or is it best to "talk" to an attorney?

I married one of those "king of the house" men.  His mother taught him how a man was to be treated.  He watched her fill his dads plate, jump at every grunt he mumbled, and always saw him content before she sit down to eat (she had four children). 

I was in her shoes, with two children, before I realized I was following in her footsteps. When our children grew up, I decided to leave the slave business.  That was when I found out I had a chronic, debilitating disease.  I can still cook a little, but have limited use of my arms, hands,  voice, and legs (wheel chair dependent).  The "king" doesn't like his new job; and  If I'm lucky he will leave.  I can't leave, a little, begrudged, grippe help is better than no help at all.

i am married to a very manipulative and controlling husband too.  or at least he tries to be controlling.  when he  is not trying to control me or my  mind, then he goes after the kids i babysit, because he knows i'll step in then to protect them.  he has been out of work since sept. 06, and i had an in-home daycare since 2002. that is until he went out on disability.  then he started on them one by one.  the anger, sudden outburst, criticisms, treatment and mental anguish the kids had to bear was more than i could bear.  now i don't have any kids except my 3 month grandson..  i am depressed, dont want to leave my house, not even for the grocery store, spend most days not even getting dressed or showering,  i am on lexapro, suicidal, angry, bitter , numb, and feel like a time bomb ready to blow at the slightest blink of an eye.  i dont talk on the phone(my choice), hate life and wonder why i need to wake up tomorrow.  and all i hear is " if you were  a good christian wife then you would do the things that please me,"  or "why dont you go talk to he pastor or his wife to see how you should be." or the real biggie .." maybe you arent a christian anyway."  i don't wont or feel capable(mentally) of working outside my house right now, dont want to lose my house, dont want to make friends cause he will just run them off anyway.  i hate it that he tries to be such a goody2shoes in front of the church and dogs them when we are alone. theres no winning way out, now winning way in here, and no one to help. all in all, i say hes won.  im not emotionally able to try any more. if you read this, thanks.

                        out of hope and dreams

                         just me

Most abusive and controlling men see their wives, lovers, girlfriends as PROPERTY, not as individuals and separate people, human beings.

Therein lies most of the problem.....their core belief system regarding women and most often their children, also.

He's abusing you emotionally, verbally.

He's negating your feelings, your opinions and your knowledge.

You go along to keep the peace and still have no peace.

He doesn't believe in working on anything .... well, liken it to a garden...as Dr. Phil has done in the past.....if you don't tend to the garden (as in anything) all you get is weeds.   He has it his way.    Weeds, but in his mind.....an abuser..............he has it !   Control.

Husband isn't going to be open to change....unless he wants it.

Do you think he does?

When I asked what else in the title of my post......I'm willing to bet there is more to this story of your husbands control....of you and the kids.