Topic : 03/09 Dominating Spouses

"Am I the only Christian out there who has major issues with Pauline theology, particularly when it's misapplied to today's existence??"

I know of one poster on these boards who is a Christian and VERY MUCH feels the same way you do. Her name is Marie and you can find her on the Faithful Friends board. :o) LOL

I could use some directions. First, Is "Marie" her username, and if not, what exactly is her username, so I know for whose posts I'm looking? Second, under what heading/subheading should I look for the "Faithful Friends" board (sometimes things aren't in the location you'd expect them to be)?

 

Thanks :-)

Click on the Message Boards icon above. Scroll down to where it reads "Beyond the Headlines" Click on "News and Current Events." When you get there, sort by popularity....Faithful Friends should be the first board.

 

I know I am not Penny, but I didn't think you would mind ;)

I have one of these too! I thought I had it bad, but I guess I have a bit more of a "backbone" than some of these poor ladies (and men). I've found that getting the backbone a little at a time is a bit less shocking to the bully. I still have a long way to go, but I'm hopeful that he will wake up and smell the coffee someday. He doesn't cheat, he doesn't beat, he's just a bully. He's a control freak. He likes to be the boss...orders everyone else around but doesn't help do the work. His belief is that he works 8 hours a day and brings home the paycheck, so that's all he should have to do. On occasion, he WILL do some dishes or something if it is absolutely necessary...but not without complaining that he shouldn't have to do it. Oh, and acts like he is the one who ALWAYS has to do it.

 

With my kids (we don't have any together) it's not so much WHAT he is trying to say, but HOW he's going about it that is the problem. He also has a tendancy to think that HIS opinion is the RIGHT way of thinking....LOL he's the dumbest smart guy I know! He has no interest in getting counselling, doesn't think we (or rather HE) needs it. He's still in the pre-marital mind-set of "yours and mine" rather than "ours". We've been married for 2 years, together for 6.5 years before we married.  He refuses to see that he should be fulfilling the role of the husband, but expects me to fulfill my role as a wife. I can't seem to get it through his head that women need to be treated well to respond. Treat me and my kids like crap, and I'm not to motivated to meet your wants and needs. Do I sound bitter? I'm turning into a Royal B****.

 

-Lisa G. :o)~

 I see the rest of the world likely sees me as controlling and that bothers me - a lot.  What the world sees is that my husband can come across as the most giving, patient, a "do anything for his wife" kind of guy.  I appear to be calling all the shots and giving him nothing but orders.

What the world doesn't see is that he is a compulsive procrastinator.  He rarely completes a task unless he is pushed to.  I resent this.  I do all of our finances - not by choice - when I gave the task of paying our household bills he waited until we received final notices to pay them and when there wasn't enough money in our bank account to cover them he went to the bank and took out a loan behind my back.  The only reason I discovered this was that the bank made an error and took the loan payment out of the wrong account.

I don't want to be controlling, I want a partnership.  I've gotten resentful and it is pulling us apart.  He says he is willing to contribute his share - if I make him detailed "to do" lists.  I resent that his share is only what I tell him to do.  If I give up control and leave him to sink or swim he nearly always sinks, taking his family down with him.

How am I supposed relinquish my control if he won't take any of it on himself?

You are assuming waaaaaay too much - and you have a good marriage - please don't preach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm in her same situation - married 28 long years - YES we tried couseling - many times - but he never realized until I filed for divorce that he was an abuser - but he isn't getting help!!

Dr. Phil says admitting the problem is the first step - but my husband hasn't taken the next and the next and the next step!!  He refers to our kids (to me) by vile names.  And asked how one of our sons learned to be an a-hole!!!  Gee, where do you thing he learned it?

By judging her and condemning her YOU are contributing to the abuse - women need to support each other - please think about this in the future!!

I seem to end up with the same guy everytime.  They start out loving and nice then turn into a real controlling man.  I want a man to treat me as an equal but it never ends up that way.  I am in a relationship with a man now that feels he works harder and i don't.  He is in construction and has no high school degree, me on the other hand have a college degree and teach.  The relationship started great but now i feel where is this going will he continue his ways when we marry.

he isn't gonna change unless you  stand up for yourself and  "teach him how to treat you" if you don't and you marry, chances are, it will get worse. Use your brain and  don't do anything thatyou have doubts about, don't settle for less then you deserve.........

i think he is tring to push me away because he does not know how to handle someone who loves him in return.  He is always telling me that he he had it rough growing up.  His ex-wife cheated on him as for my ex cheated on me.  I think he trully loves me but doesn't know what to do  With the things that have happened to me in the past I will definintly wait and make sure this is the right one

As I'm reading your post, all I san say is "can I have a marriage like yours?" In my marriage I take care of the finances (my husband does pay half the bills), I don't let my husband have the check book because he has out of control spending habbits, and he doesn't have a problem with that. He just says "one last thing I have to worry about". Yet I look at things around my house and something isn't right. I don't have nice things, I don't need nice things, but how come my husband's farm is worth more that my house and everything in it? When My washing machine quit, I was afraid to ask my husband to buy a new one, he didn't care, but I knew that it would be taking away from his want list.
I work part time plus I take care of the house, the only thing he does around the house is bring in firewood. Thats it! Yet he has the nerve to complain that I never help him around the farm, which is not true, I help him every day durning haying season. I just ask him which one he would prefer, my help with chores every night, in which he gets done around 8:00, or eat dinner out of a box. I can't help him and make a home cooked meal at the same time. Did I mention that he works full time and makes 3x as much money as I do.
My marriage is a dictatorship and I hate it! I have threatened to leave on more than one occasion because he acts like Hitler, his way or the highway. Yet this is not an everyday thing. What should I do? I love him, but I won't tollerate his crap.