Quote From: mistybug1Karen, thanks so much for your response. This is really a big step for me as I'm not really one to open up or talk about my problems, but I really don't know what to do...I'm so frustrated and have no idea where to start with making myself better...I feel like I have no control and don't know how to get motivated to make the changes I need to make. A little about me:
I'm 36, mother of 4 ages 19-9. I have fibro, IBS, chronic fatigue, Epstein-Barr, and arthritis; most of these beginning after an accident I was in 15 years ago. At this point I weigh about 340, though I'm not exactly sure because my Weight Watcher's scales just say ERROR....*snorting*. I can't say that I'm really depressed...I was in a very bad depressed state up to about 4 years ago and determined to never feel that way again, so I try to take things as they come, but I'm beginning to lose my mind, I think, and feeling very distressed over what the future holds for me.
My two major problems with attacking my weight problem are: my existing health conditions and lack of resources (money). I have no health insurance...my husband works at Wal-mart and I can't afford anything that might help me...no surgeries, books, doctor visits, medications, etc., etc. I feel like I really need something as drastic as gastric-bypass surgery, but of course that's out of the question. I did apply for SSI 8 years ago but was denied due to lack of documentation of my conditions (no insurance, no doctor visits), but I'm unable to work.
There are no solutions for most of my problems, I know that and that's one of the reasons things seem hopeless, but I do know that there are some parts of my life that I should be able to get control over. I'm a compulsive and stress eater and a compulsive smoker...I need to do something serious about both of those problems. I did buy an elliptical exercise machine several months ago but it seems impossible to get the motivation to get on the thing, especially since the 3 times I've been on it, I injured muscles and was in pain for several days.
I'm really hoping this board can help me with the things that the typical weight loss programs don't cover, such as exercising in my condition and getting motivated when you have chronic pain and fatigue (not to mention the way that any exertion makes you feel at 340 pounds). This summer has been the worst yet for pain when summer has always been my time of relief, I cringe to think what the coming winter will bring unless I take some steps to improve my condition. I know this became long, way longer than I intended and I apologize for that, but you ladies really sound like you know what you're talking about and I'm all eyes for any suggestions or helpful comments you might have for me. Hugs, Misty :)
Hi Misty. I'm glad you wrote back.
You sound like a very strong willed person - I'm impressed that you were able to make a decision to steer clear of a serious depression by handling your life in a way that kept you safe emotionally. Even if your way of coping was to turn to food that is NOT a bad thing. If you had a choice between mental stability or weighing less I think you made the right decision! So in your case food was working for you. In fact it may have been a life saver. And thank goodness for that! Now that you have that behind you it sounds like you are ready to find some other way to cope, and that is a courageous decision too. It may not be easy - and it certainly won't be a straight and narrow path, but it is doable.
You said you have no idea where to start to begin to make yourself feel better. So I was thinking that maybe it would be easiest to start with something not directly related with your health or weight. You have probably watched the Dr. Phil show enough to have heard his say that language is a very powerful force in the way we feel about ourself and our ability to deal with difficult situations. I really agree with that and have experienced the difference just changing my vocabulary can make on my life. Consequently, I grimaced when you wrote that "There are no solutions for most of my problems." There may not be a cure but there are solutions. So maybe the first step for you might be as simple as changing the way you verbally describe yourself and your conditions. It may sound silly, but our words are so powerful and can have a positive or an adverse effect on our outlook and our overall success in life.
Many years ago when I was a young mom I realized that I had difficulty using the word "woman" to describe myself. I could say I was a mom, a girl, or female; I could even uses words like failure, hopeless or other derogatory terms to describe myself. Once I realized that I had some kind of block about referring to myself as a woman I decided to do something about it (after many days of crying and self searching). I decided to look into a mirror and tell myself that I was a woman. Boy did I feel ridiculous. But the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. Finally I forced them out a couple of times. I looked at my reflection and said "Karen what are you doing - this is so fake." A few days later I tried it again. It was easier this time but I really didn't feel like my perception of myself had changed at all and I began to doubt that I would ever feel differently - but I was determined to finish the experiment. So every day for a week I did the exercise. Each time it felt easier and less fake. It wasn't until a few months later that I caught myself in a casual discussion with a friend that I realized that I had just verbally referred to myself as a woman and the words just flowed out of my mouth so naturally - it didn't feel fake at all. It was then that I realized that my words had changed my emotions - as well as my self worth.
Long story - sorry, I just wanted to let you know that my suggestion wasn't "just words."
There are and have been many people on the board who either didn't have medical insurance or who hadn't been to a Dr. in years who have made incredible changes in their weight and their life. One woman last year started out at a size 5x and could hardly stand for any length of time - and thought she couldn't exercise - who got down to a 1x in less than a rear. I'll tel you what I told her:
...Start slow so that you don't injure yourself. You don't have to be an athlete to exercise. If all you can do is to turn on some music and dance in your chair you will be making progress. Wave your arms, tap your feet, smile and have fun with it. Get your little ones to dance with you, they will think mom has caught a really fun flu bug or something. If you generally watch TV in the evenings, get up during at least one commercial break every 30 minutes and do something - make a cup of tea, put up some clothes, walk down the hall and back until the show starts again. You are the one who will determine how successful you will be at improving your health. And you can do it in spite of the circumstances you are in now - regardless of your finances or health difficulties. You can change your feelings of hopelessness and begin to see that you do indeed have a choice and the ability to begin a new healthier life.
The real magic happens when we realize that we are in control of our health and our weight; that change isn't something that someone else can do for us. We won't wake up one morning and suddenly "feel" like exercising or eating healthier - but we can make the choice to do it every day. I have a web site and on the bottom of every page I have the statement "Our tomorrow is determined by the choices we make today." I believe that completely.
We will have days when we say "forget it, today I choose to do nothing positive for myself." But that is really OK, as long as we have the attitude and the commitment that it will only be a 1 day reprieve.
You can do this! We can do this!
Karen 
