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Topic : 08/08 Weddings Gone Bad

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Created on : Friday, March 16, 2007, 10:15:51 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 03/19/07) Drunken fistfights, motorcycle accidents and police helicopters hovering above … not exactly the building blocks of an ideal wedding. Today’s guests say their perfect day was anything but! From nightmare weather to emergency room visits, these weddings went horribly wrong, and the newlyweds say their marriages are suffering because they can’t get past the painful memories. Nicole says she and her husband-to-be, T.J., promised each other to abstain from alcohol prior to their wedding ceremony, but T.J. broke that promise and got so drunk, he could barely recite his vows! Their special day went from bad to worse when T.J. turned violent, and the police were called. T.J. says he’s apologized enough, and it’s time for Nicole to forgive and forget. Then, Paul and Monica say many things went wrong on their wedding day, but the worst was when they rode off on a motorcycle, only to crash as they turned the corner. They’ve been married for five years and say their wedding calamity set off a curse, dooming them forever. What does Dr. Phil think? How can these couples say “I do” to a brighter future? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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maureenkj

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March 19, 2007, 2:17 pm PDT

Hurricane Isabel

On 9/18/2003 Hurrican Isabel came barreling thru Virginia on its way up the East Coast. My son and DIL's wedding was planned for 9/20/03. While the eye of the storm passed over our little town, Isabel left her destruction for 100's of miles. No electricity, no cell phone service, few roads to travel on because of the downed trees. And that was just the beginning. On Friday morning we discovered we had to move the wedding to my backyard because the original venue had no electricity or running water and a large fallen tree blocked the entrance. The caterer could not buy the proper food for the wedding because grocery delivery trucks concentrated on essentials right before and after the hurricane (as they should). In 24 hours we moved a wedding. Friends heard about it and came by to clean the house and yard for me. Weddings were being canceled all over so florists gave us the already-paid-for flowers for our wedding. The color scheme that the bride had planned went out the window, but we had tons of flowers! The caterer said she could be creative if the original menu was scrapped and she worked with whatever she could find. It was wonderful, whatever it was. My husband was the minister so we knew we had a lot of freedom, as long as we didn't need a building! There was no wedding rehearsal because we couldn't contact all the right parties to the changed venue for Friday night. We had a rehearsal dinner that was re-warmed by generator-run electricity and served by my moms friends.

The next morning, my house looked like a scene from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". I had running water and electricity - and it seemed everyone needed to get ready at my house: the bride, groom, all 14 attendants, all family members. All mirrors were being used, the hairdresser came to the house and set up in the LR - anybody who sat down got their hair cut or fixed. Then he attended the wedding afterward. The caterer was fixing food in the kitchen at the same time (I don't have a large house). The bridesmaids didn't know how to choreograph the approach to the wedding tent - I told them to make something up because no one would know the difference! The ushers were re-employed to park 70 cars on my front lawn. Guests came in shorts, party wear, anything they could manage without electricity.

In our wildest dreams we did not anticipate a hurricane, but my son and DIL just kept smiling as every one of their much-discussed plans was taken away from them and a new plan was hurriedly made. They knew they'd be married when all was said and done, everything else was just fluff. We laughed and cried our way thru that wedding. Ate wonderful food. Visited with relatives and friends, celebrated two young people starting their life together. Left town for 5 days the next morning.

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chequemate

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March 19, 2007, 2:22 pm PDT

Weddings Gone Bad

Quote From: nannie1948

beautiful touching story,you are blessed

On my wedding day one of my bridesmaids, who recently found out she was pregnant, fainted. When it came time to exchange the rings, my husband dropped them. Both he and the minister bent down to pick them up at the same time and smacked heads. Then, while the song I chose, "You Light Up My Life" was playing, the minister was standing too close to the candelabra. The baggy sleeve of his robe caught fire and he had to be snuffed out, and fortunately, was not hurt. What I remember most about my wedding day is my husband looking deeply into my eyes and declaring his love for me. The joy of that moment made all the other things that happened that day simply humorous stories to share with others. Since a perfect wedding day does not predict a perfect marriage, I believe it is more important to keep a sense of humour, an open mind, don't take yourself too seriously and focus on the things in life that really matter.

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kursic

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March 19, 2007, 2:23 pm PDT

Prepare for marriage before the wedding.

I agree with everything Dr. Phil said to all three couples on the show so far, but what I would also say to the first couple (the one with the drunken groom) is that there are certain things you need to discuss before the marriage, even before the engagement, and furthermore, think more about married life, not the wedding. You two made promises about what not to do on the wedding day, but did you, and do many other couples in the U.S., think about some form of counseling before marriage?

For instance, there are several civil and religious forms of pre-marital counseling available that are not for couples who are in trouble for any reason, but just for couples who want to talk things out and make sure they are on the same page in regard to values. In my case, I am a Protestant who married a Catholic, and the Catholic Church required us to go through a program called Engaged Encounter, and they stipulate that you do so no less than six months before marriage (if you can). This was a great program, because it forced us, way in advance of our wedding, to think about MARITAL issues like money, children, jobs, how to deal with in-laws, etc. We are a couple that has always communicated well, but we STILL did this program, and we're glad we did, as it emphasized that we should prepare for marriage, not the wedding day. There was always something an impartial counselor thought of that we didn't. I'm not saying programs like this prevent divorce and/or marital conflict, but I think they can help couples get a nuanced perspective on what they expect out of life, in particular married life, and each other.

Secondly, Nicole, how much did you involve your groom in the wedding planning? Did you do most or all of it yourself? If so, that is probably one major reason why your husband did not realize what this day meant to you, and what it should have meant to him (however, I am not faulting you for that, because I think the fault lies within our culture, which has it ingrained in so many people that the wedding day is about the bride. That's crap). Before I got married two years ago, I insisted that my husband remember that our wedding day was just as much his day as it was mine, and I insisted he was going to contribute 100% to every aspect of the planning stage. Of course, I also had (still have) enough faith in him to know that he could plan things well, and we had a very positive experience. Our wedding day did not go perfectly either: in the last couple days before we got married, first our original organist we had booked a year in advance cancelled, then our back-up organist cancelled, but thankfully the third guy we asked came through for us. In addition, the DJ messed up our song order (have you ever tried to slow dance to Kool and the Gang's "Ladies' Night?"), but we realized we were lucky and that the things that went wrong were minor, and we still laugh about them.

And what is with our society, thinking that it's necessary to have alcohol at a wedding to have fun?! I had alcohol at mine too, and luckily everyone behaved themselves, but you would not believe the people who gripe if they are invited to a "dry" wedding.

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penny_lady

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March 19, 2007, 2:28 pm PDT

03/19 Weddings Gone Bad

Not trying to be rude, but any person can take a five year period in their life and count up the bad things and decide they are "cursed"....I could do that easily myself! It's very easy to view things through that lens. If you have an idea in your head it's very easy to bias yourself.

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dast19582003

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March 19, 2007, 2:29 pm PDT

Can't think of a title.....

I always get so angry when I hear a bride say their day is ruined when something doesn't go just as they DREAMED. Like another poster stated, I, too say, get over it. My second marriage, I forgot all sorts of stuff to bring to the ceremony, we didn't have a lot of stuff for the reception, but we survived and no one was the wiser except the ones who knew. The important thing is getting married, not the ceremony. However, I would be angry about my husband getting so drunk that he ruined the wedding. Getting drunk or coming hung over to a wedding to me shows disrespect to the partner. He sounds like trailer trash getting that drunk and fighting everyone. I think I would of filed for an annulment. If he didn't think his wedding was that important and chose to get so drunk that the minister had to spoon feed him the vows, then he doesn't deserve to be married. That's unexcusable to me, and I know Dr. Phil always wants everyone to stay married, but I think Dr. Phil is wrong on this one. She ought to divorce his butt. What's going to happen if she has a baby, and goes into labor. What's he going to do, get drunk while she's in labor and come stumbling into the delievery room or birthing room, falling down and slobbering during the birth? LEAVE HIM before its too late. And I speak from experience.

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dast19582003

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March 19, 2007, 2:31 pm PDT

Oh, my, I'm so sorry

Quote From: whitewolf24

I feel for anyone having problems with that very important big day. But really, you are alive and married. Enjoy your lives while you have them. When I was putting on my wedding dress for my very special day, I got a phone call that my fiance had been killed in an accident on his way to me. Please don't waste your time on the screwed up stuff and enjoy the fact that you have eachother. Take care and God Bless

I am so sorry to hear about your fiance. Talk about horrible. I am so sorry, and I will say a prayer for you and your fiance. I couldn't imagine what that would of been like. You have my sympathy. Dorothy

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ferrarss

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March 19, 2007, 2:32 pm PDT

Get over it

Hello,

The problem in North America is that a lot of little girls dream about wedding day. A lot of people have a fairytale wedding and marriage from hell. The way I look at it, it is just a day and a big waste of money. What is important is what happens after the wedding. Seems as first couple is otherwise fine. So, the lady should just get over it and enjoy what she has, instead of being unhappy about the dream wedding that did not work out.

And ladies, it does not sound very intelligent when you say that ‘’wedding day is the most important day in my life’, ‘I dreamed about it and planned it since I was a little girl’. There are a lot more important things in life than wedding day

Be happy and enjoy each day!.

Ciao

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lesley9801

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March 19, 2007, 2:46 pm PDT

BAD WEDDINGS?

TODAYS SHOW MADE ME YELL AT THE TV!! SOME PEOPLE ARE SOOOO SHALLOW! THE GIRL THAT WAS EMBARRSSED B/C OF HER WEDDING SHOULD GET A LIFE!! I WISH THAT WAS THE ONLY THING IN LIFE THAT I HAD TO WHINE ABOUT! THE DAY BEFORE I GOT MARRIED MY HUSBAND TO BE TOTALED MY CAR BY FLIPPING IT OFF THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN IN HOT SPRINGS! THANK GOODNESS HE WAS OK BUT THEN 2 HOURS BEFORE I GOT MARRIED MY GRANDFATHER DIED FROM LUNG CANCER! EVERYONE CONVINCED ME TO GO ON WITH THE WEDDING AND IT WAS SOOOOOO HARD B/C EVERYONE WAS SO SAD. THE WEDDING PICS ARE AWFUL! THEY JUST REMIND ME OF THE DEATH OF MY GRANDFATHER. INSTEAD OF A HONEYMOON WE WENT TO A FUNNERAL! SO, TO THE PEOPLE ON THE SHOW I SAY COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!

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dast19582003

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March 19, 2007, 2:50 pm PDT

Makes you wonder...

Quote From: micher5070

When Dr. Phil told the couples that if this was the most "horrible' thing that happens to them, they are lucky - he was totally right! Having a great wedding day is nice - mine was ok, not how I dreamed of it being, but nice - however, when life has so many other things to throw in your path, why make one day the road map for the rest of your life? To give you examples, my husband had a heart attack in 1998, then another massive heart attack in 2005 when we almost lost him . We did lose the family home and had to go bankrupt. Just when we thought we were making headway, he was forced to retire because of his health. We thought it was his heart -- nope, leukemia. That was late November. After his first chemo treatment, he had another heart attack. He's been in and out of the hospital since with more heart trouble and chemo treatments. So...to make my point, be thankful for the wonderful spouse you married; don't sweet the small stuff; and live everyday to the fullest.

I think I have it bad. My husband is an alcoholic, has lost two jobs in one year because of it, promises to stop, but the next night, he's stinking drunk. Because he lost his lost job, he got another one, but isn't making the money he used to. I don't know what the percentage is, but when he worked for the other job, he was bringing on a good week $900, on a rare week, over $1000, but that was rare, on a bad week, $400-500. Now on his new job, he's working the same amount of time, but is bringing home less than $200. Our bills exceed 400 every week. We are slowly falling into debt oblivion. My husband is killing himself because its getting worse. I thought he was dead a couple of weeks ago. He fell on some steps on a cold night, and I heard him gagging. I don't know how long he had been out there, but his gagging woke me up. I found him in the garage, and he was an ugly shade, and I thought he was in the agonal (I think that's how you spell that) stages of death, and I ran to my son's room. He used to be a paramedic and I woke him up and told him that I think my husband was dying and we ran to the garage, and it turned out he just was passed out. I am always scared that this is what is going to happen. If he hadn't started gagging, he could of froze to death because I took a sleeping pill and I was pretty much out of it and I didn't even hear him fall and the garage is close to where I was sleeping. I am constantly asking God what I did to deserve this, but I think he guided me to your message post to show me that I have it bad, but not too bad. You have my sympathy and if there was anything I could do, I would. If I had money, I'd give it to you to help pay bills, but as it is, with as little as my husband brings, we can't even pay one bill. I am sorry for your plight. Also, I have no patience for brides who turn into Bridezillas. When I hear friends talking about how they expected perfection when they got married and they gave people holy hell about it when they didn't get it or hear future brides carrying on so, I just look at them in disgust, make some remark about how rude they were or are, and walk away. God bless you. I'll say a prayer for you.

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dast19582003

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March 19, 2007, 2:55 pm PDT

You have piqued my interest...

Quote From: ehpisme

I agree that these young women should stop whining. Just because it is your wedding day doesn't make you a princess. Sure, its great to feel beautiful and have everything special and romantic but that isn't what makes a marriage. If it were then my 25 year marraige would have failed before our 6 month anniversary. I could share a nightmare that began with a botched proposal concluding with a husband so sick on our honeymoon that he wouldn't even let me turn on the lights or sit on the bed. Without going into long detail I will tell you that things went wrong with the church organ, my dress, my hair, the flower girl, the cake, the minister,the rehersal dinner, the music at the reception and the wedding night. hotel room and dinner. It even came a flood as we were leaving the church. Have a sense of humor gals. If you don't you may end up with another wedding to go through. Considering my experience with the first one, NO THANKS!

I'd love to hear all the gory details. Your tone sounds comical. However, I'm being nosy. Forgive me. Your post tickled me, I hope your message was intended that way.

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