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Topic : 05/31 "I Hate This Marriage"

Number of Replies: 440
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Created on : Friday, March 16, 2007, 10:16:56 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 3/20/07) With a 50 percent divorce rate in America, do people getting married think that signing on the line will make their relationship better? Karrie's husband of 10 years, Ben, cheated on her with an ex-girlfriend and is so obsessed with strippers and pornography that he has lost jobs and dragged them into thousands of dollars of debt. Ben admits to being a sex addict, but says he doesn't know how to stop acting out. Is Ben the only one to blame for their crumbling marriage, or did Karrie set up their union for disaster? Then, Sean and Defina have only been married for two months, but she has already caught him cheating twice. She is now consumed with checking his cell phone, looking in his car and even smelling his pants to see if he's been with another woman. Is Sean ready to make a change, or should Defina get out now? Can these couples learn to love their spouses and be happy in their marriages? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.


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March 19, 2007, 12:37 pm CDT

I am finished

I have been married just under 12 years. During that time I am LUCKY if we get intimite 2 times a year. He says he loves me, but I just dont feel it. Over the weekend I hit the redial on our phone for I "thought" that I was the last one on the phone the night before, instead of getting my friend, I got a singles dating service. I woke him up and all he has been saying is that he did not dial it. We have no children nor any roommates. I guess a ghost did it. He says he doesn't lie to me, but I have caught him and even my friend has as well. As soon as I get my degree in about 8 weeks I am leaving his sorry ass here in Michigan.
 
March 19, 2007, 1:20 pm CDT

03/20 "I Hate This Marriage"

Quote From: ajsahma

  3rd email!!  I can't live this way anymore. Each day I find out more and more about my husband's time, money, activities and communications with these and now even more prostitutes.  I'm so fearful of the disease, the fact that he's taking online purchased viagra and sexual enhancement products, even though he has full body rheumatoid arthritis, 2 artificial hips, high blood pressure and cholesterol (plus a multitude of medications for these ailments). I've been with him 26 years and love him with all my heart but am finding out more and more.  I've been up all night reading reviews, details and critiques of him with some of these women.  There is no protection used and the sex includes, everything, including oral (him and them).  My marriage is precious to me and he claims he loves me and wants to stay together and says he wants to stop but this is not the 1st time and this time it's been going on for at least 2 years.  there have been dozens of different prostitutes and continuous calls and text messages, plus emails back and forth to them.  The only way I can imagine stopping this horror is by professional help but there is no way of finding REPUTABLE therapists and the wrong one could do more harm..if that's possible.  I'm so afraid of him having disease and dying or of my dying as a result.  I don't want to live anymore.  The hurt and fear is just too much for me to handle.  PLEASE OFFER US SOME ADVICE.  This is the 3rd time I've written regarding this but never hear anything back.  I have no one else to turn to!


What is it you love about him?
 
March 19, 2007, 3:48 pm CDT

3rd email

Quote From: ajsahma

  3rd email!!  I can't live this way anymore. Each day I find out more and more about my husband's time, money, activities and communications with these and now even more prostitutes.  I'm so fearful of the disease, the fact that he's taking online purchased viagra and sexual enhancement products, even though he has full body rheumatoid arthritis, 2 artificial hips, high blood pressure and cholesterol (plus a multitude of medications for these ailments). I've been with him 26 years and love him with all my heart but am finding out more and more.  I've been up all night reading reviews, details and critiques of him with some of these women.  There is no protection used and the sex includes, everything, including oral (him and them).  My marriage is precious to me and he claims he loves me and wants to stay together and says he wants to stop but this is not the 1st time and this time it's been going on for at least 2 years.  there have been dozens of different prostitutes and continuous calls and text messages, plus emails back and forth to them.  The only way I can imagine stopping this horror is by professional help but there is no way of finding REPUTABLE therapists and the wrong one could do more harm..if that's possible.  I'm so afraid of him having disease and dying or of my dying as a result.  I don't want to live anymore.  The hurt and fear is just too much for me to handle.  PLEASE OFFER US SOME ADVICE.  This is the 3rd time I've written regarding this but never hear anything back.  I have no one else to turn to!


Get out!  Every day he is robbing you of something precious... time and energy and self-respect.  Hate to say it but if I didn't know better I'd say you married my ex who turned into a blithering fool in his 50's... shaved his body, took viagra, had a vasectomy, dyed his hair, started wearing a  pimp ring, changed his complete dressing style...  He was shameful.  Twenty-five years down the tube... I cannot tell you how I regret the wasted time.

 

LEAVE as a favor to yourself and don't look back.

 
March 19, 2007, 4:50 pm CDT

cybersex

Quote From: canadianlady

Only God can heal this marriage. Humanly speaking a wife cannot ever trust a husband who has cheated on her. Having said that I do admire wives who stay with a cheating spouse but only on the condition that the husband shows her he is willing to win back her trust. As most of us are aware pornography is rampant on the internet. Another issue that needs to be dealt with are chat rooms where men con women who frequent those rooms. I am shocked at the behavior of somewomen in those chat rooms. As Dr. Phil says: 'You treat others how to treat you.' If you allow men in chat rooms to talk sexually to you and indulge in webcaming without your clothes on, in my mind, you are asking for trouble and heartache. I am appalled at women who believe what men tell them in private chats. In a chat conversation the words typed are simply words until you meet that person and find out if what was typed is true. I personally had a live in relationship with a man who indulged in masturbating with women in chat rooms.When I found out it made me feelused, degraded, my self-esteem went down at an all time low (first time I experienced this). I'm happy to say I found the courage to leave this relationship and swore to myself that I would never again even go out with a man who spent time in chat rooms or looked at pornography. I don't know what women are thinking.....most men hate talking on the phone yet they can spend hours on the internet either typing to other women or looking at pornography. Isn't this kind of behavior a red flag that something is not kosher??? I think most men who get caught at cheating in any form are just sorry because they got caught and will promise anything to have their cake and eat it too. The question I asked myself whenI found my live in boyfriend cybersexing with other women is the following: 'Am I willing to spend goodness knows how many years feeling all these different emotions and livingwith a man I am constantly suspicious of'. My answer was no because it was not worth it. To all men and even women out there cybersexing or looking at pornography is cheating if you're married or in a serious relationship.

i've tryed to deal with the smae problem i did'nt know anything about this i'm from the old school I suspect my husband was doing something unworthy the text message that which i don't think male do alot when i would walk up on him he would hide his phone until no.2006 i check his phone an i find a picture of his penis on his phone an a message from is friend saying thank you for kissing my p****69. it made me sick to my stomach that he would go out like that.an then istarted checking his phone log an that was when the truth came out he would call an text this person all day long from the time he get up until he go to bed at night.never would he come home to our son or his wife to spend time . on his day off from work he his away from home all day long never no time together.an on this past weekend icheck his phone again an there it was he call her antext her 190 times in the month of febraury an 6times to his wife an 5 times to his son. and what was so outrages i find three pictures that was sent from this same women of her naked boby legs spread open playing with her self one was inserting a toy in to her body an a message follow if your back is strong give me a call i need a good f***.i'm a good wife work all the times all ways home an with our fifteen year old son that he never have time to be with.i have find nearly a hundred porno movies that he had hid in our homes that i hide from him an our son.my husband is hook on this sick world i love my husband an i pray every nigt an day for my husband to change or get some help i don't want to start a new life with someone else an i don't want to cheat on him with someone else
 
March 19, 2007, 8:06 pm CDT

addiction

My husband has lied, about his pornography addiction for years, he begs and promises he will stop. Until the next time he is caught. I don't know what to say except sometimes it is not as easy as get up and leave when you have no family to turn too and three young children. I spend my days hoping a way out will so it's self to me so i can have peace, and my children will never find out what their father has been doing.
 
March 19, 2007, 8:10 pm CDT

it can work!

            

            you have to step back and review how you feel..sure it hurts it tears at your very being..first step is confronting the issue like two adults,no more lies..second is truely deciding how you feel about this person..do you love them with heart,mind and soul?or are you pissed and hurt that they cheated on you?and because of that''she isnt getting him either''! the latter dosent work! you must move on..if you truely love the person you must talk..remember all the hours on the phone when you dated?talk..its not your fault and chanches are youll get to whats wrong,sometimes it takes monthes,sometimes takes time..if you truely believe in someone and love them you gotta talk!

 
March 19, 2007, 11:50 pm CDT

I hate this marriage !

Quote From: ajsahma

  3rd email!!  I can't live this way anymore. Each day I find out more and more about my husband's time, money, activities and communications with these and now even more prostitutes.  I'm so fearful of the disease, the fact that he's taking online purchased viagra and sexual enhancement products, even though he has full body rheumatoid arthritis, 2 artificial hips, high blood pressure and cholesterol (plus a multitude of medications for these ailments). I've been with him 26 years and love him with all my heart but am finding out more and more.  I've been up all night reading reviews, details and critiques of him with some of these women.  There is no protection used and the sex includes, everything, including oral (him and them).  My marriage is precious to me and he claims he loves me and wants to stay together and says he wants to stop but this is not the 1st time and this time it's been going on for at least 2 years.  there have been dozens of different prostitutes and continuous calls and text messages, plus emails back and forth to them.  The only way I can imagine stopping this horror is by professional help but there is no way of finding REPUTABLE therapists and the wrong one could do more harm..if that's possible.  I'm so afraid of him having disease and dying or of my dying as a result.  I don't want to live anymore.  The hurt and fear is just too much for me to handle.  PLEASE OFFER US SOME ADVICE.  This is the 3rd time I've written regarding this but never hear anything back.  I have no one else to turn to!


Dear Lady,

I would advise you to quietly pack your bags, write a "Dear John" letter and leave it where he would see it.  He's had quite a long time for him to realise what his actions are doing to your emotional and mental health. I see him as a very selfish person and staying with him i believe will hurt you more and more, so dear lady, leave him now.  Contact someone who knows what is happening and is supportive of you, like your Pastor, family or best friend.  I don't know how much money you have, but i would see a Counsellor or Therapist, or your Psychiatrist  and see if they would mediate for you and your husband, as you will need to sort things out like possessions, house/s, car/s etc,  When you come to the final conclusion  that this man you married will not give up his adulterous lifestyle, then please see your lawyer to finalise your marital money affairs and get as far away from him as you can.

I wish you the very best,

Lory(Australia).

  

 
March 20, 2007, 4:47 am CDT

03/20 "I Hate This Marriage"

Quote From: ctielking

I have been married just under 12 years. During that time I am LUCKY if we get intimite 2 times a year. He says he loves me, but I just dont feel it. Over the weekend I hit the redial on our phone for I "thought" that I was the last one on the phone the night before, instead of getting my friend, I got a singles dating service. I woke him up and all he has been saying is that he did not dial it. We have no children nor any roommates. I guess a ghost did it. He says he doesn't lie to me, but I have caught him and even my friend has as well. As soon as I get my degree in about 8 weeks I am leaving his sorry ass here in Michigan.
I would be very angry too,  The quicker you can dump him the better it will be for you.  You can then go about making a decent life for yourself, maybe meet someone decent , trustworthy and loving.  Many blessings to you.
 
March 20, 2007, 5:27 am CDT

03/20 "I Hate This Marriage"

It is beyond my comprehension why any woman with an ounce of self-repect would stay in a marriage with a man who runs around on her.  Why should either of these guys change?  They obviously enjoy what they do, and their wives have made it perfectly clear that they're willing to put up with anything and everything, just to hang on to their man.

 

If a wife wants to put up with that sort of crap ("sexual addiction" PUH-LEEZE!!), I guess that's her right, but then why complain about it?  When you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

 

 

 
March 20, 2007, 5:41 am CDT

So Much Pain all round !

Quote From: julieeagan

I can only hope that  Dr Phil will touch on how to help the children of an addicted man. My ex went from one addiction to another. I was so proud of him when he just stopped drinking when I left him but later through the counselling I went thru, I found out that he can't do it on his own. That was so very true. He then turned to sex or maybe sex was there all along but I was blind to it. As I've been told by many " those who don't cheat don't suspect" and I didn't until my children found there father having cybersex with their aunt on the computer, the porn was unbelievable and to later find out just how many women was sickening.
BUT the escape for me was easier than it will ever be for my girls. I can divorce him and not be involved in his sickness( I tried everything to get him to get help first). How do my girls survive? How do they have healthy, loving, trusting marriages in their future? How do they ever respect their father again?
HE hasn't changed. The girls have been forced by the courts to visit with him. He has had over 10 public girlfriends the girls try to deal with in 2 years. He married about 6 months ago and she moved him out last month when she discovered his addiction herself. She treated my girls horribly just like the others, saying they are disrespectful to their dad. They can't believe that my 13yr. old calls her dad my his first name etc.....
My 13 yr. old daughter has been to counselling and all they could do was show her "HOW TO SURVIVE" living with an addict. This makes no sense to me. Please tell me my girls can do more than just survive. They are beginning yet another round with the women in his life and I want them to flourish, not survive. Help..
Dear Lady, sorry to hear of your terrible situation. I believe that unless your ex comes to the place of ownership of his addiction, with help, and becomes clean, your dear girls will have a rough ride with their father. I feel sorry for your 13 year old, as she's become a teenager and will need guidance and love and understanding herself, of which I'm sure you will provide her with. You don't mention the ages of your other girls but i'm sure they will have the same problem with their dad, of not coping too well with him and his girlfriends.  Sometimes it would have been better off if the courts didn't force the girls to see him, as it would have been a good time for him to do something good in his life, like sort himself out.  My heart goes out to you and your girls.  I hope that he will reach the place where he will feel so much shame, embarrassment  and guilt and a deep knowledge of what he has done wrong. Enough for him  to sit down with his girls and apologise to them  for the sickning episodes that they found him being involved in , especially with the girl's aunt. My God !   What was he thinking , and her too?   Cybersex on the net,  How revolting for young, impressionable girls to find out  about their father, who is supposed to be their role model. A father  who should be there  to  love them and cherish them.  Blessings to you all and good luck.(Lory)
 
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