Topic : 05/31 "I Hate This Marriage"

sooo true...

 I'm 21, and alot of my friends are starting to get older, and think about having families and children....Its really interesting when you notice that the least important part of those plans is always the partner.

I always hear..." Im ready to have kids, Ive got a good job....I can support myself, and I have a boyfriend..." But theres very little emphasis on picking the right partner...at least not as much as there should be.

They just want a willing partner.....or a good-looking one.....or one with money. definatly sad.

 I think his point wasnt that theres anything wrong with being a waitress....but when your young, and in school, and making plans for what you want to do for the rest of your life.

 lets  be honest.....nobody picks waitress. He was clearly appealing to what she could do to make her own life better.

you just ramble away.  writing things down some times can actually help clear the mind youknow maybe some journaling would help?  There's an awful lot of pain wrapped up in all this for you whether you stay or go & it must just be over whelming.  I know you've become attatched & love his family like they're yours & when we marry they ARE our family & it's exhrusiating to have to leave your in-laws & your step drt  behind, but maybe you'll be able to have some phone contact with your step dtr & assure her if she needs you you're just a call away.  I also know you're concerned about the reaction of your children & dealing with all that but you know it's going to be ok & your son will eventually understand.  There's been so much pain for you in the past few years that you really need to put your needs first right now.  You sound like your daughters would be jumping for joy & you're in a place where you're unable to handle that, but you know if there's room where they are come right out & tell them that, you need a place to get back on your feet but you're not able to handle a jovial atmosphere right now because there's just been too much loss for you.  Was it with one of your daughters you were already staying with or your son?  I thought you'd said you were staying with a grown child right?  Do go & seek out a job.  Not only will a job busy your mind & take your mind off your sorrow but it'll help pay the bills at the same time.  And please honey do something nice for yourself, pamper yourself a bit even if that's just with a soak in the tub & a nice smelling aromatherapy candle to help relax a bit.  Good luck & remember if you need to ramble by all means ramble.

I can relate to everything you are going though. I am 35 years old and twice I trusted, instead of  REALLY listening to my heart. I left the father of my first 2 children. I was 22 years old he was 35 years old. He lied to me age. I was mentally abused by him. He accused me of cheating on him. I never ever cheated he he would lock me in his house with a two way lock on his door and he would take his home phone with him. The day our daughter was born he took photos of our baby. He developed it with the 1 hour priority & he went over to this woman's place who was supposed to be my friend and they ended up having sex. 9 months later I was pregnant again. I was on birth control pills but he tampered with it ripping a few packages of my 12 month supply and filling my dial with SUGER PILL'S. This same woman who also had a baby 3 weeks before I had my first baby went to Las Vegas and Disneyland when I was expecting my 2 baby. I had 2 baby's in 19 months, with this man. I survived it. I left him when my baby was 2 month's old. 2 1/2 years later I had my life together on my own I was happy doing well. I met what I thought was the man of my dreams. He was my age, he told me he was single and living with his grandparent's to help them out. he had a well paying job. I was on cloud 9. I thought God blessed me with a man who accepted my package deal. He was a best friend, he was handsome, EVERYTHING I had long to have in a relationship. He was fun and adventurous but he also had another life I didn't know about. He told me his last relationship ended a year before and it was only a sex convenience. We had only been dating about 3 months, we were together a lot so I asked him to move in. I think back now that I was insecure, I didn't want to lose the best thing that ever happened to me. He moved in to my place but not out of his grandparent's home like he told me but from the mother of his unborn babies. When we met he was with another woman who was pregnant. I was not told of this. It was after he moved in to my home that I received a call from this woman who found my phone number in his wallet. She asked me if I knew he had kid's. The twin's weren't born yet. I was shocked. When I questioned him He told me she was crazy and that she was with a lot of other men. Well he convinced me because I wanted to believe him so bad. The day came that her twins were born and I found out he went to the hospital, from his boss who my boyfriend lied to saying his grandmother was rush in. I figure it out. I went to the hospital I saw him there, he didn't see me. My heart broke. I left after I saw the evidence of him there. When he came home a few hour's later I acting like I didn't know anything. I had hoped he would tell me on his own, he didn't. 2 day's later he told me that he heard they were born, he asked me to go with him to the hospital to see if they looked like him. That's when I met her. She had a bruise on her arm, I asked her what happened, she said he did it. out of anger. he defended it saying she was a liar. After their birth I caught him twice at her house. I then wrote him a letter to him saying that I felt he should go back to her to see if they could be a family and maybe his place is with her it broke my heart to say it. He refused saying he wanted a DNA TEST. He loved me not her. Well the test showed he was the father. I supported him in court to get joint custody and visitation. I support him and ended up marrying him. Some how we got through it. I was convinced his EX was CRAZY. As she tried to move down the street from us. She started harassing us. In the end he stopped having anything to do with his kid's to avoid her. He felt it was better to wait till they were older, Family services were involved with her, because they were concerned with her parenting.  3 years later he used against me he was too busy supporting my children to be with his. I ended up marrying this man and having my last child with him. I ended up with a man who had anger issues, a sex addiction I had him charged with SEXUAL ASSAULT WITH A WEAPON against me I had him forced into anger management and sexual offense counseling. A year later I discovered he would always throw out the garbage at night when I was sleeping. So one night after he threw it out and went to sleep I went and got it out of the bin, I ripped it open and found ripped up paper 's take out foodreciept's, bank statement's, phone number's etc. i dug in the garbage bin twice after this finding ripped up paper's again at the bottom of the bag. I confront him with this. His reason being IDENTITY THEFT.  Years later I still question why he didn't just leave when I told him to try being with her.