Topic : 05/31 "I Hate This Marriage"

I know all about the books and places you have talked about.....and they are a GREAT help!

Again Dr. Phil you have the POWER to make a difference to the WOMEN and MEN out there!

DO YOU HEAR OUR CRY FOR HELP! 

"Yes, those who suffer from any form of addiction are in serious inner pain. I can't believe you don't even attempt to understand."

I do understand - addiction is a real thing.  I just don't have much sympathy for someone who continues to deal with their inner pain in ways that are destructive, not only to themselves, but to their families, and especially their children. 

I reserve my sympathy for those who deserve it - the innocent children who lives are wrecked by their parents choices - these kids blame THEMSELVES when their parents do the wrong thing.  "If I was a better kid, my mom or dad would love me enough no to do this".   I also have great sympathy for people like search4truth - a faithful wife for 20 years, and her reward was a dose of herpes. 

If a person has a substance problem, whatever it is, it is their responsibility to DEAL with it, not continue to do it and then cry for sympathy because it's so hard to stop.  I have GREAT respect for anyone who has the courage to face their problems and do something about them.  I have NO respect for those who seem willing to move heaven and earth to find ways to continue down their destructive path, making excuses all the while about why they "can't" change.

Actually I'm single, and live alone so I dont have to worry about the shame affecting family, husband or children. I suppose that also makes it harder for me to seek out help. Because I keep telling myself that I am only hurting myself, and so many parts of society don't even see it as an issue. Its considered socially acceptable by most, at least to some degree, probably not to the extent I abuse it.

I acknowledge that I have chosen to do behaviors that are negativly affecting my daily mental wellbeing and my life. I know that at some point I need to make that choice to seek help, and be commited to overcoming these addictions. I'm just not at that point yet, I don't think. I can only pray about it, and wait until I am ready for help.

I am so sorry to hear about your and your husbands situation. At this point, you can only do one thing, get help for yourself. I think one of the other posters on here has written about al-anon or similar groups for those who live with addicts.

 I really think that just for your mental well being, you should see a counselor or a support group. Don't let what happened to those couples happen to you. You have a right to stand up and make a choice. And you have the right to seek help dealing with this until you make that choice. There are many support groups and books, that will help you be strong enough to make the right one for you and your twins. 

Aww, thanks! You boosted me when I could really use it!  :)

Its really hard to read all these stories on here, and know that aside from speaking from past experiences and urging others to get help, there isn't anything I can do to help them.

I'm not a trained pro, I'm just a jane doe, but occasionally I have good opinions and maybe good advice.

Thanks again, you brightened my day!  :) :)

Your message here is to oldironsides, but based on the previous posts from this user I would hazard a guess that he is the man from the first part of the show or someone posing as him?

I to have belonged to support groups for sex addicts. I'M in THE SAME BOAT AS YOU!!!!

HOW IS THAT ATTACKING YOU?????? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING????

I have plenty of business putting MY 2 cents in I LIVE IT EVERY DAY!

After a few months, I found out my boyfriend  liked porn. I had a hard time dealing with the fact that beside that issue, we had a great time together!

 I had to change how I felt about porn because I couldn't let one thing destroy the wonderful thing we had. Goodness knows I am a difficult person and he, unlike others, was willing to put up with my life challenges. So I had to with some of his.

7 years later, and married with a child, I I find that the only time I am bothered by him looking at porn is when I am hormonal and feeling insecure with myself (like after eating something bad and feeling bloated at night. etc.). But  when I have been taking care of myself, doing the best that I can,and walking around proud- that stuff doesn't bother me!!!

Thank goodness science has helped me understand the differences between men and women's brains. Guys are just wired that way and seek the pleasures of what dopamine delivers- and unfortunately I don't have enough novelty and energy to do so.

Somehow, I see it as being healthy for my man to do what he does (of course he isn't on it for hours on end, he doesn;t have us in debt over it, or chats to other women- he only sees clips and reads stories.

 i couldn't imagine him or any other man in that matter  trying to store up natural emotions/hormones, it;s like telling me to stop PMSing!!! Sorry, I have tried and tried and tried and nothing completely gets rid of the monthly roller coaster ride! 

It took a RADICAL but slow shift in my thinking to see that it actually makes my man healthier (I had to start thinking of it as a natural process as other primitive behaviors such as eating, sleeping, elliminating...) It took months for me to realize that I didn't have the desires like I once did and he did.WHy should he have to shift his level of desire just because I felt it's more important to get the chores done? That was the hardest thing- giving up control of everything around me. It's still one of my life challenges....

Painful at first, but tolerable now....

K